Urgent for 20 12 CCTV Spring Festival Evening sketch "Today's Happiness" lines!

Allen plays Deng Xiaoliang Shen Teng, Hao Jian Huang Yang and Deng Xiaoliang's wife Allen: (Hao Jian hides behind Deng Xiaoliang) Dajian, Dajian, what are you doing? (Later I found Hao Jian) I'll step on you again! Shen Teng: Where's your wife? Allen: I went out (looking out the window). Shen Teng: Let me tell you something, Deng Xiaoliang. Do you think you are a tiger? You said it was not good for you to let me play your son for you, but you have to let me play your son for you. Can your daughter-in-law trust you with this stupid trick? Unless she's a tiger. Allen: My wife must believe it (she seems determined to win)! Shen Teng: God, you two are as close as wings. Allen: Isn't he suffering from prenatal syndrome? He always said that when he thought of one thing after another, he was unhappy. He has a big temper and gets angry easily. Shen Teng: Aren't you going to light her up? Allen: Hao Jian! Shen Teng: Hey! Don't worry, my name is Hao Jian. You can call me Xiao Hao or Da Jian, so don't call me. Hao Jian and Hao Jian revealed my character! No way! I really can't help you. I'm leaving. (Speaking of walking out the door) Allen: (Holding out his arm and pointing to Hao Jian who is about to walk out the door) Hey! No, you go! (Hao Jian turns around) I'll call your daughter-in-law now and say that you go to the bath center every day, and then you don't take a bath. Shen Teng: (defending) I got another job of cleaning people's baths! I don't give people a bath for my wife! Allen: Hey ~ I can't imagine what your daughter-in-law is eating. Hao Jian! Just watch me play with my brother and help me. (Pulls out a dozen dollars from his pocket) Shen Teng: What do you mean? Huh? Insult me with 200 yuan? I owe you those two dollars? (I also took out a dozen dollars from my pocket and put them on Deng Xiaoliang's banknotes. ) Just got paid. You are deliberately alienating our brothers. I took all the money from Deng Xiaoliang and put it away. ) That's not what you did. Boxwood: I saw you play once! Allen: I'm back! Id card? Shen Teng: Yes (I showed my ID card and put it back)! Allen: As planned! Hide in the refrigerator! Shen Teng: Hidden in the refrigerator. I'll pay you back! Huang Yang: Don't let me see you again (turning around while arguing)! Allen: What is it, daughter-in-law? Had a fight with someone? Boxwood: No! Allen: Ah. Boxwood: Follow the dog! Allen: (surprised) Can you argue with a dog? Huang Yang: I'm chatting with the children. I said baby, it's not easy for your mother to conceive you. Don't forget your mother when you grow up. It barked at me! Allen: You didn't bite it, did you? Boxwood: It didn't bite me. Can I bite him first? Then I'm not being unreasonable! Allen: Atmosphere! (thumbs up) Be kind to the dog! Huang Yang: Husband. (Deng Xiaoliang's wife is sitting on the sofa and Deng Xiaoliang is massaging her legs) Allen: Huh? Huang Yang: You said that if one day we left, how lonely the child would be! Allen: (Stop the massage and comfort his wife) Don't cry, don't cry, no, when we leave, we will take the children with us. Huang Yang: (pushes Deng Xiaoliang away) You are a fool! Ah! (getting up) Look at people praising their husbands! It is said that your husband is really capable, your husband is really promising, your husband is really talented, praise me, your husband is really tall! Allen: (Very proud) Right? Euonymus japonicus: Take off your apron for me. (Deng Xiaoliang takes off her apron and puts it on the sofa. ) No adults walk around the kitchen table all day. Allen: (pulls the apron below) It's a little short. Huang Yang: You should pack your things and go back to your mother's house. Allen: Huh? Wife? Boxwood and Allen: I ... (Just then, the phone rings) Allen: It's for me. (Sitting on the sofa and turning on the phone, his wife is also sitting on the sofa and very sad) Hey! Shen Teng: Hello? Is it dad? Allen: Who is so polite? Shen Teng: I am your future child. I'm going to visit your parents in 2042 through time and space. Huang Yang: (Angry, he picks up the phone and shouts at it) Liar! You can starve yourself to death by cheating like this. (Deng Xiaoliang also pretends to feel ridiculous) Shen Teng: (opens the TV prop screen on the TV cabinet to show his head) Dad! Allen: (plops down in front of Hao Jian and pretends to beg) No! Ancestors! You can take anything valuable at home except my daughter-in-law! Huang Yang: (frozen, on the phone all the time) Especially after you don't take the TV away, I dare not watch it! Shen Teng: (from the TV prop screen) Is this my home thirty years ago? How sweet! Boxwood: Ah (fainting on the sofa)! Allen: Ah! (shaking his wife) wife! Wife! (Running to Hao Jian and questioning Hao Jian) I told you to hide in the refrigerator! Shen Teng: Hide the refrigerator. Didn't I catch a cold? Allen: (anxious) Then you can't get out of the TV either. Look, you're scared by my wife. Shen Teng: Isn't it more meaningful to get out of the TV? Allen: (Unhappily, he walks to Hao Jian) Are you pretending to be May 4th here? Shen Teng: Then Emperor Ama hid in the refrigerator. He was cold! Allen: What happened to my TV? Shen Teng: No, I changed it for you when I stepped on it this morning. Huang Yang: (wakes up) Husband! Allen: Wife (talking and running to his wife, who gets up from the sofa). Shen Teng: (kneeling in front of Deng Xiaoliang's wife) Mom! Don't be afraid! I am a child in your belly. Huang Yang: (also kneeling in front of Hao Jian) I believe it! (Pointing at the TV prop) Put it back first. Shen Teng: (kneeling in front of Deng Xiaoliang's wife) No, Mom! I managed to get through it. Allen: (The wife fainted again, and Deng Xiaoliang beckoned her to come over, holding her back with her arm, and Hao Jian knelt down again) Wife! Don't faint until you hear him out. (Woke up again, sitting on the sofa, clutching Deng Xiaoliang's clothes with both hands, with his upper teeth against his lower lip) Shen Teng: Mom! (Turning to the audience) For thirty years, I have been looking for the starting point of my life. The purpose of my visit is to see what kind of great woman (wife who turned to Deng Xiaoliang) can give birth to me. Boxwood: (somewhat frightened) Unexpected pregnancy! Allen: Well, you said you were my son. What's your name? Shen Teng: Dad, get up now. You can call me anything you want. Allen: Eyeballs! Shen Teng: Dad! Look before you leap. Every hasty decision you make concerns my future. Give me a personal name! Allen: Only eyeballs (pointing to Hao Jian)! Shen Teng: Mom, my ID card! (Handing the ID card to Deng Xiaoliang's wife, Deng Xiaoliang takes her arm back) Huang Yang: (Looking at the ID card, I read it carefully with my eyes wide open, and Deng Xiaoliang is also looking at the ID card) Deng Yan Zhuzi! Allen: (opens his mouth in surprise, then covers his mouth with his hand and releases it) It's my son! No (patting his wife's belly with his hand) Shen Teng: Ah! Pretending to be in pain, she covers her stomach with her hand, Deng Xiaoliang's wife slaps her stomach, and Hao Jian covers her face again! Mom! (Looking back and taking out a lipstick from his coat pocket) Stop fighting. My mother and I are really (I drew a line on the left corner of my mouth with lipstick, and it seems that the corner of my mouth is bleeding) ... bone-flesh-phase-even! Huang Yang: (Deng Xiaoliang gives a thumbs-up behind his wife happily) Deng Xiaoliang (glancing back at Deng Xiaoliang, Deng Xiaoliang immediately recovers and quarrels with his wife), you have gone too far! Allen: Wife, (thinking that the wife caught the scam and grabbed her arm to explain) Let me explain it to you! Huang Yang: (pointing to Deng Xiaoliang) Don't pass on all your good points (dodging Deng Xiaoliang and Deng Xiaoliang) to your son! Allen: Blame me me, blame me! (Covering her face with her hand) Huang Yang: Baby! Shen Teng: Mom (croaking, Deng Xiaoliang has goose bumps all over)! Huang Yang: (sadly) Mom has been imagining what you will be when you grow up. Mom overestimated you (stroking Hao Jian's cheek). Shen Teng: Hey ... Mommy! (Hao Jian hugs Deng Xiaoliang's wife) Allen: Alas, alas, alas, apart (pushing away Hao Jian and his wife), you will crush your childhood again (pointing to his wife's stomach). Shen Teng: I don't want to (hug Deng Xiaoliang's wife again). I want my mother to hold me like this and never part. Allen: Break up! (Pulling Hao Jian's hair by hand and pulling Hao Jian away) Boxwood: You separate! (Holding Deng Xiaoliang's hair by hand and pulling Deng Xiaoliang away) Baby, tell mom what our home will be like in the future. Shen Teng: My future father is amazing. He is a great entrepreneur! Huang Yang: Really (a little surprised)? Shen Teng: He is on the American clothing list. Allen: Forbes! Shen Teng: Yes ... Forbes did it later, so how can he do it for my dad? My dad's burly Mao kicked him away again! Huang Yang: Honey, you really didn't let me down. Allen: Hey. I have repeatedly stressed that how can a woman win the world if she doesn't keep her word (pulling her collar three times by hand)! Huang Yang: What do you do now, son? Shen Teng: (frozen, silent for a moment) Huh? (Looking back at Deng Xiaoliang again, whispering) Dad, we haven't discussed this before (wiping face)? Allen: (whispering awkwardly) Just say what you want to discuss. Your mother doesn't know anyway. Shen Teng: I'm rubbing ... (Hao Jiangang wanted to finish, but I saw Deng Xiaoliang pushing Hao Jian) Mud ... (Deng Xiaoliang pushed Hao Jian) Ash ... (Deng Xiaoliang pushed Hao Jian) Pile up the ash ... (Deng Xiaoliang pushed Hao Jian) I-I'm engaged in the study of human epidermis. Euonymus japonicus: (Clap your hands, suddenly realize) Ouch (pointing to Deng Xiaoliang), a medical student. Shen Teng: Human skin dirt! Huang Yang: Oh, mom listened to so much prenatal music for nothing (a little disappointed)! Shen Teng: I didn't listen for nothing. Every time I clean someone's dirty things, I always give him a set of drum sets (I said, I imitate the action of patting people on the back in the bathhouse and then point at them). Come on, big brother, look at the hand (Deng Xiaoliang pushes Hao Jian to the ground and Hao Jian raises his head)! Well, first of all ... Ka, I'm the number one in the band. Allen: Ha ha ha ha! (Hao Jian sits back on the sofa) Huang Yang: Oh, my God, you startled me. I thought he was taking a bath. Hahaha! Allen: My son is both civil and military. Follow me (very proud)! Huang Yang: Honey, you are great! Shen Teng: He is great mainly because he has a good buddy. Buxus macrophylla: Good friends are so important. Your father is not in the mood now. He was dragged down by his good companions, especially that Hao Jian. Shen Teng: (surprised) Who? Boxwood: Hao Jian! Shen Teng: (stands up from the sofa) Isn't Uncle Hao Jian my father's best friend (confused)? Huang Yang: Hey ... Allen: Wife, I won't allow you to sow discord between me and my buddies! Boxwood: Didn't you say it yourself? He said that he felt sick at the sight of Hao Jian (Hao Jian looked very angry at this time, covering his chest with his hand). He also said that Hao Jian looks like a person, but he has never worked in the personnel department. Your father also said ... Allen: Wife (Hao Jian continues to cover her chest with her hand when she is sitting on the sofa)! Euonymus japonicus: Say ... Allen: Go ahead, there's still half a cucumber in the fridge. Boxwood: Yes. Allen: Stir-fry four dishes for children. Huang Yang: Oh (walks into the kitchen). Shen Teng: Your family treats guests extravagantly! Allen: Give me a hand (Hao Jian and Deng Xiaoliang moved away and hid fake TV props, and moved the real TV back to the TV cabinet. The remote control was accidentally knocked off, and Hao Jian picked it up and put it back in the TV cabinet. You're done! Let's leave now. Shen Teng: (angrily) Wait a minute, what did you just say about me? Say I look like a person, but I never do anything. Let me ask you something! Why do I look like a person? Ah, no (bow your head and cover your face with your hands, think about it and raise your head again), what makes you say that I look like a person (point to Deng Xiaoliang, bow your head and cover your face with your hands)? I'm angry! Allen: If you coax my daughter-in-law, will you take it to heart? (takes out a hundred dollars from his pocket) Here, give you a hundred dollars, compensation for mental damage! Shen Teng: What kind of mental illness is valued with 100 yuan? Allen: No, are you finished? You hurry (trying to push Hao Jian out, but accidentally pushing Hao Jian down) Shen Teng: Oh, dear! You gave me a big fall! (Shouting to the kitchen) Mom! Mom! Allen: Hey, hey, hey! What are you doing? Huh? No ... (anxious) Boxwood: (coming out of the kitchen with a bottle of white wine in his hand) What's the matter? What happened? (Surprised, he walks quickly to Hao Jian and asks) What's the matter, baby? Oh, this, this, this, this ... Allen: What are you doing, son? How cold it is on the ground! Get up quickly (pretending to be innocent and confused, and holding Hao Jian in his arms) Shen Teng: Dad! (Hugging Deng Xiaoliang) I came here (very sad, crying) just to see you again (patting Deng Xiaoliang three times with my hand). Huang Yang: What happened to your father? Shen Teng: My future father, (grabbed a hundred dollars from Deng Xiaoliang and said at a glance), had a heart attack because of this (put the money in his pocket, Deng Xiaoliang watched Hao Jian put it in his pocket, Hao Jian looked at Deng Xiaoliang's wife and said). Heart, a bridge (waving), the doctor was surprised when he finished filming (pretending to hold the film, Deng Xiaoliang and his wife said when they looked at the nonexistent film). Isn't this the famous Xizhimen overpass? Boxwood: Ah (surprised, cover your mouth with your hand)! Shen Teng: (Hao Jian picks up Deng Xiaoliang's apron from the sofa and Deng Xiaoliang tries to stop Hao Jian) Don't stop me. Mom, in the long corridor of the hospital, your echo floats in the middle of the night every day. (Glancing at Deng Xiaoliang's apron) You just hang around with my dad's apron, husband, husband, father-in-law! Open your eyes, open, open, open, open! Allen (shaking Deng Xiaoliang's apron a few times as he talks): You ... (walking up to Hao Jian and touching Hao Jian with his finger a few times) Boxwood: Husband (walking up to his wife and patting her back to comfort her), (sad and crying) I can't enjoy the happiness you brought me with your health, but I still like you (crying with my face on Deng Xiaoliang's chest)! Allen: Hey? Hehe, hehe, hehe (very happy)! Shen Teng: It doesn't matter if you are both wrong. Ok, I'm leaving (Deng Xiaoliang's wife stands up and says she's going out)! Allen: Wait a minute (shouts, Hao Jian stops and looks back at Deng Xiaoliang)! (Hands in pockets, cruel) Just you-look at your mother, can you come empty-handed? Shen Teng: (stuttering, worried) You know, I'm in a hurry. Allen: So you can't go in a hurry? Have you forgotten? You said it was in your pocket (pointing to the left pocket of Hao Jian's pants). Shen Teng: (takes out 100 yuan from his left pocket) This is mental damage compensation in my pocket! Allen: That pocket (pointing to the right pocket of Hao Jian's pants)! Shen Teng: (takes out his salary and Deng Xiaoliang's money from the right pocket) This pocket is my own salary! (Pointing money at Deng Xiaoliang's wife) Besides, if I gave it to my mother, she wouldn't have it! Huang Yang: My son's filial mother must accept it (taking money from Hao Jian while talking). Shen Teng: (anxiously) Mom ... you ... Allen: Come on, son, go home this time! (Shake hands to signal Hao Jian to leave) Shen Teng: (Very angry, staring at Deng Xiaoliang) Who is it? Me? I'll just, I'll just, I'll go back (hands out of my left and right pockets), ah! Dad? Huang Yang: (staring at the money, Deng Xiaoliang is very happy) Come and see your mother, son. (Pull Hao Jian to the front of the TV cabinet, while Hao Jian and Deng Xiaoliang keep looking at each other. ) Give her the money back. It's bad for her not to take it. (Deng Xiaoliang's wife took Hao Jian to Deng Xiaoliang, and we left. Hao Jian hit Deng Xiaoliang with his hand, Deng Xiaoliang blocked it with his arm for a while, and then he tried to hit Hao Jian. Come on, son! Put it back! Shen Teng: (Staring at TV with Deng Xiaoliang, making excuses to avoid "crossing") No, Mom, (looking at his watch) It's too crowded to go back to work! Huang Yang: It's time for you to go back and take care of your father. Shen Teng: Dad (Hao Jian looks back at Deng Xiaoliang), do you need to take care of it (his lower lip flicks in the direction of the TV)? Allen: Ah ... (also looking for an excuse for Hao Jian to avoid "crossing") Do you want to let him watch him bask in the sun inside, and put the TV back directly after he basks in the sun (while talking, he hugs Hao Jian and walks outside with Hao Jian). Huang Yang: No, (he said, rushing to Hao Jian and grabbing Hao Jian's arm) There is no TV in his hometown! Allen: Ah ... (suddenly enlighted) So that's it! Shen Teng: (looking at Deng Xiaoliang) Didn't you just give up on me? Huang Yang: Son, (goes to the TV cabinet, picks up the TV remote control with his hand and asks Hao Jian) Which TV station are you wearing? Local TV station or CCTV? Shen Teng: Ah! Dad! (Looking at Deng Xiaoliang) You choose a channel! Allen: (helplessly, put it on! Shen Teng: (horrified) What about raw clothes? Allen: I have no choice (very helpless)! Shen Teng: You mean to let me die with your TV? Allen: You put it on first, and then I'll figure something out! Shen Teng: What else are you going to do? Why don't you take it out after I put it on? Boxwood: Oh, yes! Son (running to the table and handing Hao Jian the wine just taken out of the kitchen), take this wine with you and hit the road! Shen Teng: Anything else to drink on the way? I'll drink it now, so that it won't hurt in the future (unscrew the bottle cap and look up for a few sips)! Euonymus japonicus: Son, (Hao Jian screws the bottle cap on the bottle and puts the bottle back on the table), come here this time, and let your mother know completely that happiness is actually very simple (take a look at Hao Jian). (Glancing at Deng Xiaoliang again) Don't always think that you have nothing. (Hold hands tightly and look back at Hao Jian) Think more about what you have! Shen Teng: Mom, if you really want to understand, just think about what was in your pocket when your son came. (Patting his pants pocket and holding out his hands) What's missing now? Allen: (pushing Hao Jian away with one hand) You two are talking about two different things! Huang Yang: Put it on, son! (Waving to Hao Jian, Deng Xiaoliang hangs his head) Shen Teng: (Looking back at the TV with a sad face, he says to Deng Xiaoliang's wife) Nobody told me to run back and forth when I came! (Kneeling beside Deng Xiaoliang's wife, hugging Deng Xiaoliang's wife's leg with both hands, sadly saying) Mom, I can't bear to part with you! Huang Yang: (sobbing) Mom can't bear to part with you! Shen Teng: (sadly) I can't part with myself! Allen: (sadly) I can't part with TV either! Huang Yang: Honey, if you really can't stand it, wear it with your son! Allen: OK! (Nodding) Huh? Huang Yang: Son, take your father with you. (Pushing Deng Xiaoliang to Hao Jian) Show your mother's eyes! Shen Teng: You opened your eyes (watching TV). Let's go (see Deng Xiaoliang's wife)! Dad! Allen: Hmm (looking at Hao Jian)? Shen Teng: (pointing to the TV) The elders wear it first! Allen: (Deng Xiaoliang's wife throws a hand and sits on the sofa, patting the sofa with one hand, crossing her legs, pouting, and the sad expression on her face is gone! What else are you wearing (sorry)? Look at your mother, what a fool (Hao Jian and Deng Xiaoliang hang their heads in shame and cover their faces with their hands)! Huang Yang: Performance, you can't have a beginning and an end. Right? Hao Jian! Shen Teng: Mom (gasps)! Allen: Hao Jian (puts his left hand on Hao Jian's shoulder, takes it away after a while, and admits his mistake to his wife)! Honey, I was wrong. I shouldn't have lied to you (bow)! Huang Yang: I have prenatal syndrome, but I'm not stupid. (A little sad) I can tell what is cheating and what is love! Allen: Wife! (walks up to his wife and hugs her) Huang Yang: Husband! Shen Teng: Mm-hmm (squatting on the sofa, putting his arm on the edge of the sofa, burying his face in tears, Mr. and Mrs. Deng Xiaoliang looked at Hao Jian, looked at each other and hugged again, and Hao Jian got up from the sofa and walked beside Mr. and Mrs. Deng Xiaoliang)! How's it going? (Deng Xiaoliang wipes the tears from his wife's face, and they look at Hao Jian) May I invite you both to take a bath? Huang Yang: Hehe, Hao Jian, I also want to thank you (taking out Hao Jian's money from maternity clothes pocket, Hao Jiangang wants to collect money). I still have to pay this money ... ah! Er ~ (Deng Xiaoliang's wife suddenly feels very uncomfortable) Allen: Hey! What happened to my wife? Shen Teng: Coming! Allen: What should we do? Shen Teng: Go to the hospital (waving). Allen: Hmm (picks up his wife and runs out the door)! Huang Yang: Hao Jian, er, this money, (hands out his hand to Hao Jian) er, money, money ... Shen Teng: Money is nothing, just give it to the children as a gift! (talking and running to the door.