Personality is too soft, how to be reasonable without affecting the relationship between the two?

In social psychology, there is an important rule about interpersonal communication, which is called the "golden rule", that is, you should treat others as you want them to treat you. This article is easy to understand, and there is also an "anti-golden rule", that is, how you treat others, others should treat you. ? It is called the anti-golden rule because its essence is to impose one's will on others. If we follow this principle in social communication and overemphasize reward, it will make the giver fall into a depressed and unbalanced psychological state, making it difficult to continue the relationship.

The difference between sharing and trading is that the former emphasizes altruism and the latter emphasizes reciprocity, which is why sharing sounds more "noble" than trading. If the "anti-golden rule" is behind the sharing behavior, its nature will change, which will lead to the emergence of "why" psychological imbalance. "But I'm the kind of person who feels uncomfortable eating in front of her without sharing it with her. I will feel guilty. "

This is a typical self-moral kidnapping. The underlying logic is that I must be a noble person, and I must be a person willing to share. Pursuing noble morality is a beautiful quality, but if it is given some compulsion, it will lose its meaning and become a kind of kidnapping. Morality emphasizes altruism, while human instinct follows the principle of self-interest. They are in conflict to some extent, so it is a great wisdom to find a balance between them.

"And she knocked off my pen, but she didn't help me pick it up, because she thought it was because she accidentally dropped it while turning over the table, not because she knocked it off. Although I was reasonable, I didn't dare to force her to marry. Later, I married myself, but I was very angry and wronged. "

Everyone will experience many things in his life, ranging from big events such as weddings and funerals to small things such as eating and drinking Lazarus. Because our energy and time are limited, we usually spend different time and experience to make a value ranking according to the importance of things, and sometimes even selectively ignore some relatively unimportant things. If everything is taken seriously, it will inevitably lead to physical and mental exhaustion every day. If this state is substituted into daily interpersonal communication, it will give people the feeling of being too concerned.

"But I don't know how to make sense without affecting the relationship between the two. I really don't know anything about interpersonal communication. I always avoid communicating with people, and I'm really afraid of encountering contradictions. I can't handle it myself. " There are many types of interpersonal relationships, such as parent-child relationship, colleague relationship and friend relationship, which are different and cannot be generalized. But no matter what kind of interpersonal relationship, the golden rule can make you feel like a duck to water and benefit a lot. As for the fear of dealing with contradictions, it is often caused by unreasonable beliefs.

Unreasonable beliefs mainly include: absolute requirements, excessive generalization and extremely bad. For example, I can never have a conflict with a person. Any behavior that can cause the other person's emotional discomfort is classified as contradiction, and once I have a conflict with someone, it will have very bad and terrible consequences.

? The most common way to deal with and solve contradictions is communication. Improving your communication skills can solve most contradictions in daily life.