Husband especially dotes on children and gives them whatever they want. Is this doting? Will you raise a bully?

It's not easy for me to judge whether I spoil or not. I want to tell you my opinion and some cases I have experienced.

The husband dotes on the children, perhaps because he is busy with his work, has little contact with the children, and has a debt in his heart. Let him make up for it psychologically and materially. Perhaps, dad himself is very fond of children, after all, his own cubs certainly have to feel bad for themselves.

First of all, I think that doting is not infinite material satisfaction, but conniving at children's improper behavior. For example, parents have to defend their children instead of disciplining their own children when they call names and hit people. I don't think there is any problem if it is only material satisfaction without conniving at children's misconduct. Every family's economic situation is different. If conditions permit, there is nothing wrong with satisfying children more!

next, I want to tell you about a real case I met, which may help you.

"The father of the child took the child to eat hot pot some time ago, and the second child said that he wanted to eat ice cream. It cost him 24 yuan to go out and buy ice cream. The eldest daughter was under great pressure before the exam, and her father took the child directly to the bath for a full-body massage and a pedicure. Last year, we agreed to go to the park to play. After passing a railway bridge, the second child said that he had never been on a train, so his father went directly to the railway station to buy tickets and went to Tianjin for two days. Teacher, do you think he is so fond of children? Is this a doting? "

"So does Dad often do this?" I continued to ask questions and collect information.

"No, he's busy at work, so it's good to go home for dinner two days a week!" " Mom answered my question.

"Do you think this behavior of dad has brought any bad influence to the children?" I shifted my mother's complaint to the essence of the problem.

"I don't think so." I can see that my mother is trying to remember the impact of these events on her children.

"then what are you worried about?" I deliberately asked this question, hoping that my mother could clarify her own concerns.

"Are your two children very confident and willing to help others?"

"well, yes! Here's the thing! They all like to help others, and I find that the children around them like to listen to them. "

"how nice! Children who are favored know how to love better! " I responded to my mother with a smile.

"The interaction between father and daughter will be" spoiled "and" spoiled "in the eyes of many people, but I think it's really great that he looks like a daughter slave! I want to tell you my opinion, can I? " I asked my mother politely.

"teacher, you say".

first, it doesn't matter how much money you spend on children, but it is important to match your family income. If a family with a monthly income of 6K buys more than 1 brand-name shoes for their children, I think it is a bit too much; But for a family with a monthly income of 2w, this is nothing. Do what you can, live within your means, is the standard of judgment, not across the board.

Second, to spoil children is to spoil them and to indulge them in bad habits. Habits need time and repeated behaviors before they can be cultivated. Dad, because of his work, only pampers his children occasionally, and doesn't do it frequently for a long time.

Third, only the favored children know how to love and feel supported. For children, they depend on adults to live. Whether my requirements can be reasonably met will determine how they construct their self-awareness, that is, what kind of person am I? Is it popular or annoying? Material satisfaction is only superficial satisfaction, and psychological satisfaction is deep satisfaction. In other words, dad's buying behavior makes children feel supported and satisfied.

when they think they are popular, they will not only think they are popular with their parents, but also with the whole world. This belief will make them confident. At the same time, they will also construct the concept of "beautiful world", so they are not only confident but also willing to help others. Therefore, self-confidence and altruistic behavior will naturally become leaders of their peers.

Fourth, the daughter learns how to get along with the opposite sex from getting along with her father, and also constructs the acceptance of the opposite sex group in getting along with her father. If my daughter thinks that she is welcomed by her father and I am loved, then she will also think that she is worthy of the other party's pay in the future intimate relationship, instead of thinking that I won the other party's love because I have some advantages, and if he sees my shortcomings, he will abandon me. For girls, dad's opinion represents the attitude of the whole opposite sex group.

fifth, it is too hot to eat hot pot in summer, and I want to eat ice cream; Children want to take the train. These two things are also the normal needs of children, and they are not excessive demands. It's just that dad gave the children some unexpected surprises. The pressure before the exam may be just the children's complaints and complaints, but dad heard the heart and took the initiative to take the children to relax. These are not caring for children, but giving them emotional support. That is, when I feel uncomfortable and need it, you can immediately stand up and meet my needs, and the children will feel supported.

It's like lovers in love. It's the same reason that they need surprises. When getting along with children, parents should bear the responsibility of raising and educating, and the responsibility of guardianship and discipline, and they also need a sense of ceremony and small surprises.

"You have a good husband and the children have a good father! When busy with work, assume the role of family economic supporter and provide better material living conditions for family members as much as possible; Be a good father at home and have a good interaction with children. I hope you will always be happy! "

I ended the conversation with a blessing, and my mother narrowed her eyes and smiled and said goodbye to me.

Conclusion: Home is a place to provide emotional support, not a place to reason. It is a matter for parents to let their children feel supported, recognized, accepted and listened to.