What is the experience of falling in love with the love brain?

What is the experience of zero reading guidance and falling in love with the brain?

For example, there are 20 calls from TA. If you answer 19 and miss one, TA will wonder if there is a dog outside. Oh, no one, no love, no change of heart, no ~

The so-called "love brain" is actually a thinking mode of loving first and then loving. Those who put all their energy and thoughts on love and lovers as soon as they fall in love will be called "love brain".

As Stendhal, a French writer in the19th century, described in On Love, he was carried away by love: "Whenever I extend my arm to Leonor, I always feel that I am about to fall down. I have to think about how to go."

Shyness, expectation, fear of being abandoned, eager to respond, and strong motivation to win this person are the most irresistible things of "love brain hole".

People brainwashed by love, "toxic.

"Anxious attachment" is a very common attachment mode in the love brain.

Anxious individuals do not feel love and trust for their partners, but are "emotional hunger". They hope that the other party can save themselves or make them more "complete", such as:

Extremely eager for intimacy and companionship, I need to keep in touch with my lover at any time and report my whereabouts every day.

Will give up their own needs to keep in touch and please their partners.

Afraid of being abandoned, you will feel uncomfortable when you are alone, and you will feel abandoned when you are left out.

The more caring, the easier it is to be swayed by considerations of gain and loss, eager for intimacy and companionship, sensitive and suspicious, especially fond of testing each other in feelings, accustomed to self-sacrifice, and afraid of being abandoned when alone. Once they can connect with their loved ones, it's like grasping at straws.

Neuroscientists Andreas Bartels and Semir Zeki compared the brains of people who are enjoying love with those of addicts who have just injected cocaine or opium and are in a state of excitement, and found that there are many similar activities in their reward pathways.

After falling into invasive thinking, lovers will feel that the other person is encroaching on your brain all the time. When you are reading a book, you will wonder whether ta likes the book, whether the other person suffers from insomnia when you sleep, and whether the other person is awake at the first moment when you open your eyes in the morning. ...

After falling into invasive thinking, lovers will feel that the other person is encroaching on your brain all the time. When you are reading a book, you will wonder whether ta likes the book, whether the other person suffers from insomnia when you sleep, and whether the other person is awake at the first moment when you open your eyes in the morning. ...

When Adam and Eve met, Adam blurted out, "This is a bone in my bones! There is meat in the meat! It is my destiny, and it is the existence that will eventually merge into one. " Ah, this cup of love is really on the top.

"It doesn't matter if it's not perfect, I can imagine you perfectly" and continue to dig deep into the characteristics of "loving the brain".

Professor Tannoff asked 400 couples in university of bridgeport, Connecticut about their attitudes towards love and analyzed their diaries. Finally, he screened out the people he loved the most, and gave the ultimate love a name: Limerence (passionate courtship mentality, which is what we call loving the brain).

They have the following main features:

Give each other extraordinary meaning.

Give each other extraordinary meaning. Chaucer, a student, wrote in his diary: "My world was overturned because of Mary's arrival."

Lovers may be former acquaintances or complete strangers. But after falling in love, the other party broke away from the original identity and got the praise of the lover. But can they realize that their lover is not God?

In fact, these students can list the shortcomings of lovers, but they choose to refuse to accept these shortcomings and strive to build the perfect couple in their hearts. Those who love to the extreme, in their eyes, love has become an artistic career that needs daily care, just like a love novel modifying its random layout. ...

Chaucer said, "Love is blind." So he would rather put the shortcomings of his lover behind him and love the perfect lover in his heart.

After falling into invasive thinking, lovers will feel that the other person is encroaching on your brain all the time. When you are reading a book, you will wonder whether ta likes the book, whether the other person suffers from insomnia when you sleep, and whether the other person is awake at the first moment when you open your eyes in the morning. ...

After falling into invasive thinking, lovers will feel that the other person is encroaching on your brain all the time. When you are reading a book, you will wonder whether ta likes the book, whether the other person suffers from insomnia when you sleep, and whether the other person is awake at the first moment when you open your eyes in the morning. ...

Everyone has his own time and space, but all lovers want to be together all the time, just like conjoined twins. The data shows that they spend 85%- 100% of their time thinking about their lover, which seriously affects their daily life. They can't work and study well because they can't concentrate at all.

worry about personal gains and losses

Students show excessive gains and losses because of their lovers. They expect to be accepted, but they are afraid of being rejected. Subjects reported that they would be thirsty, blushing and stuttering when they met ... Some people even lost their normal basic skills and could not walk well.

When competitors appear around the object, they often show strong jealousy and behave like animals when they "guard their partners". Under these emotions, it is easier to be aroused by strong physiology.

Frustration attraction

These people who love too much have a "frustration attraction" phenomenon. For them, love is like a passionate monologue. The "frustration attraction" effect means that when love is hindered and frustrated, abandoned people are more likely to be attracted and dependent by their lovers, that is, they show the state of "loving deeper" and "unable to extricate themselves".

In Love, Simon, men fantasize about the true identity of mysterious netizens several times. The desire, hope and uncertainty brought by this self-torture swept through his heart like feathers, and this itching made people love the ta in their fantasy more.

Infatuated lovers magnify the details of love infinitely, savor these small details infinitely, ponder over them repeatedly, and stage a rich inner drama. After the inner drama ended, the obsession with lovers intensified again.

From 65438 to 0996, Helen Fisher scanned the brains of lovers who had been in love for an average of seven years with fMRI, and asked them to stare at the photos of lovers/strangers. The results show that the VTA (ventral tegmental area of midbrain) region of the brain is activated, which is responsible for controlling people's reward system.

At the same time, VTA area is similar to the control brain area of people's basic physiological needs, so love may easily be regarded by some people as a basic need for survival and a reward.

"I have been lovelorn for half a year, and my brain has not reacted yet." "Love is poisonous." Lucy Brown, a neurobiologist, said: "This is a kind of physical addiction and a variant of substance addiction."

Physiologically, the state of the brain after lovelorn is very similar to "withdrawal reaction" to some extent. (Withdrawal reaction refers to the physiological and psychological syndrome when people want to quit substances after substance addiction. They may cry, make a scene, be anxious, feel sick and vomit, lose control of their emotions, lose sleep and so on. )

Professor Tennov found 10 lovelorn women and 5 men. After scanning their brains with fMRI, he found some amazing things:

The experience of lovelorn actually changed their brains. VTA area, globus pallidus, anterior cingulate gyrus ... these areas in their brains present the same state as drug addicts.

(It turns out that love is really poisonous ...)

Just like He, a policeman in Chongqing Forest, who still remembers Mei after being lovelorn, calls her every day and runs around, using strong thoughts to dispel the feeling after being lovelorn.

This is because after breaking up, the brain is still secreting dopamine in love and needs self-imagination to comfort and adjust. They will try to save their ex's sincerity, and if they are rejected, they will enter the stage of self-comfort. After the failure of regulation, disordered hormones may stimulate them to have depression and have a tendency to depression.

An American study tracked 1 14 lovelorn men and women, and found that 40% of them were prone to depression after lovelorn: boredom, anxiety, nightmares, loss of appetite, mood swings ... and even fell into chronic loneliness.

Anger after a breakup, if not vented, may lead to depression, and when directed at the ex, may lead to aggressive behavior. Knowing that the breakup is irreversible, but it seems that I can't control myself, I still can't help but slander each other to protest my abandonment.

Accepting "breakup" is difficult for their nervous system, which is used to love, to turn around in a short time.

After "poisoning", you have to detoxify. It is risky to pin your life on love. As the saying goes, if you are not afraid of a bad marriage, you are afraid of being entrusted with something inhuman.

Talking to strangers made a topic about PUA. They say that the girl who is most vulnerable to PUA is the girl with the characteristics of "love brain"-

Because these girls are often insecure, it is very easy to fall in love for the love and recognition of others. They are low-key and used to please others. It is not only easy to meet professional PUA, but also love rat, and the possibility of being controlled by love rat will be greatly increased.

So in the face of love, you must also remember to remind yourself: Is this true love or deliberate manipulation?

Don't jump into the pit until you see it clearly.

And, on the other hand, can the love of the brain really prove their love for each other?

For a lover, a lover is often too important for himself to surpass even his own life. However, while ta can "give everything" for her lover, ta will only do one thing: consider the feelings of the other party, respect the boundaries of the other party, and trust the judgment of the other party.

In other words, the brain's love is probably just to meet its own needs. These behaviors often can't make your lover happy, in fact, they can't make yourself get a longer and more stable happiness.

Then, if you have a friend who loves brains around you, how can you help Ta "detoxify"?

First of all, let Ta realize her present state and that she is a "love brain". For the love brain, Ta often has some deeper psychological needs: it may not accept failure; Maybe I am too eager for a relationship; Maybe pinning an unfulfilled wish on the lover in front of you is an important step to change ... find the reason and realize what happened to you.

Second, help Ta find a sense of reality. Ta needs to listen to other people's voices more and grasp what is happening in reality. Only when Ta is aware of his own situation can he really pay attention to his feelings and give himself the ability to "love himself" again.

If it is really difficult for Ta to get out of the state of love brain, it may be necessary to consider receiving professional psychological help.

In the face of love, we often need reason. As Shakespeare said:

"Moderate love. Long-term love is like this.

Too fast and too slow, the result will not be happy. "

("Love should be moderate. Long-term love is like this.

Too fast and too slow can't make love last. ")