How to set rules for men in feelings? Collect it!

What can I do to make rules for men?

First, make it clear that in this relationship, "what do you need most" and "what can't stand most"?

Secondly, is your demand reasonable? What you can't stand most is the other person's problem or your problem.

For example, in this relationship, your core need is the attention and concern of the other party, so we can concretize this need, such as "I hope that when I chat with you, you can listen carefully and respond to me seriously." I hope you can take the initiative to ask me what is going on when you find me unhappy.

At the same time, this demand contains unbearable parts: perfunctory and unresponsive when meeting the weather, and turning a blind eye to the negative emotions they show.

Then when this happens, we need to distinguish whether the other party is deliberately perfunctory and does not respond to you, or whether he is just busy with other things, too busy.

If it is the latter, we need to understand. If it is the former, both sides need to communicate their feelings well.

If the other party can't do it, then it is necessary to start the punishment mechanism.

Second, establish a reward and punishment mechanism.

Reward: What do you get if the other person meets your core needs? For example, if you want him to do housework together, and he does fulfill his housework obligations, then you can use emotional value as feedback.

Doing housework, an obligation that both parties need to fulfill, does not require any extra remuneration. It is enough to give him a sense of accomplishment with emotional value and make him feel needed in housework.

But if he meets your core needs from the beginning and he sacrifices some other love to fulfill you, then you need to meet him on the same core needs once.

For example, if your core need is companionship and his core need is career achievement, then when he gives up his job to accompany you, you need to satisfy him equally once. For example, the next time he needs to work overtime, you can't complain, but be willing to support him.

In feelings, women need companionship and attention, while men often need understanding and freedom. The needs of the two are often contradictory, and it is easy to produce misplaced needs, so we should communicate more and understand each other more.

Punishment: If the other party makes a promise, but fails to fulfill it, what kind of punishment will it face?

Punishment can neither be painless nor hurt feelings.

For example, if a man avoids talking to you, you quarrel with him. This is not punishment, but venting.

Of course, the purpose of establishing a punishment mechanism is not to vent unilaterally, but to restrain and deter both sides. If the relationship between husband and wife is destroyed, it is really a separation.

1, punish him for writing 100 times "Wife, I won't dare it next time" and then send it to a friend's garden, so that he can't block his friend;

2. Ask him to prepare a small surprise for you, such as preparing a candlelight dinner, traveling for two, buying a gift, etc., and then you will be the judge, giving comments and feedback. If you feel insincere, continue to punish;

Punish him for a week not to do what he usually likes to do, such as playing games and going out to drink.

4, punish him for doing housework for a week, the kind of all-inclusive;

5, punish him for taking care of the baby for one day, the kind of full responsibility.

Can be extended and adapted according to their actual situation.

Third, clear the bottom line and principles and resolutely implement them.

If you want to make the rules work best, you should do it in four words: keep your word.

In fact, not many people can do these simple four words. For example, many wives lose their temper with men at the last second, and all kinds of accusations make the relationship between the two people particularly stiff;

But the next second, I humbly asked him for money. It's all my fault. I am so angry. I will definitely change ... This behavior is constantly lowering your credit and your position in men's hearts.

Principles and bottom lines are used to protect themselves. Once you don't care about your principles, others don't need to worry about what will happen if you cross your bottom line. He just needs to rest assured, be bold and push his luck.

Setting rules is to teach men how to love you, and at the same time instill a sense in men that doing wrong will pay the price.

Through the process of establishing rules and resolutely implementing them to the end, one can train one's way of thinking and make him think consciously before doing something. Should I do this? What will happen if you do? Purpose.

Some men have poor self-control, weak sense of boundaries, and don't know how to love others. In addition, there is no cost and price for doing something wrong, and he is more likely to step on a minefield. This requires us to have a strong framework ourselves, to restrain him by making rules, and to make him consciously regulate his behavior.

Emphasize that once the rules are established, they must be implemented to the end, and repeatedly emphasize that men should get used to the existence of rules.