A funny joke.

"Duanzi" is an artistic term in cross talk, which refers to a paragraph or an artistic content in cross talk works. However, with the frequent use of the word "Duan Zi", its connotation has quietly changed, and people unconsciously and subjectively integrated it into some unique connotations. Here are some interesting and selected humorous jokes I collected for you. Welcome to share.

Funny jokes 1 1. When the operating room door of the hospital was pushed open, the doctor came out and said to the patient's wife, "There is bad news and good news. Which do you want to listen to first? "

"all right."

"Your husband's success rate of this operation is as high as 99%!"

"What about the bad one?"

"It used to be higher."

2. Song Wu is sharp-eyed and sits in a chair. The golden lotus kneeling on one side kept trembling.

"Sister-in-law, let me ask you, what did my eldest brother say before he died?"

"no,no."

"no?" Song Wu thundered, reached a finger at the broken bowl on the ground and spilled some black juice on the ground.

The golden lotus is shaking even more, like a small flower swaying in the wind: "It seems to be saying medicine, medicine".

Song Wu grabbed Jinlian's chest and lifted it. He shouted, "Then why don't you say ChiKeKe? I can't wait to beat my big brother to death! "

Let a friend tell a joke and ask me how I feel. I said, "When I first heard this joke, the house price in Beijing was less than 1000 yuan."

The friend refused to accept it and said, "Then tell a joke of 30,000 square meters."

4. Woman: Husband, what's the matter with you, sighing all day?

M: I am worried about things at work.

W: As a PE teacher, what can you worry about?

M: Now many people are not good at math, and they all say that I taught them.

Funny joke 2 1. The prison guard had a heart attack, and the prisoner risked his escape to rescue him. The police said they were very moved and strengthened the gate.

2. Today, I tripped over the rail and almost died. I can't help thinking of my predecessor's last words before he died: I won't let you cheat.

3. I asked Lao Li, the driver of the company: I said that you are also an old driver with rich experience! What car are you most afraid of hitting?

I saw him take a deep breath of cigarettes and said slowly, I am most afraid of bumping into Wuling Hong Guang, because you never know how many people will bump into you from above!

According to the request of the superior, Director Zhao helped the poor uncle Zhang.

Director Zhao attached great importance to it and drafted a detailed assistance plan.

He presided over many meetings to study and revise the plan. It was not until everyone thought the plan was perfect that he called the village Committee and informed him to come to Uncle Zhang's house tomorrow.

The village chief paused and said, "Don't come, Uncle Zhang has been ill for two months."

An astronomer unfortunately fell into the hands of cannibals and was about to be cooked. Knowing that there was a total solar eclipse that afternoon, he said to the cannibal leader, "I am protected by God. If you want to eat me, God will take the sun away! "

The leader is noncommittal. The astronomer asked again, "When are you going to cook me?"

"At three o'clock in the afternoon, the total solar eclipse will be cooked as soon as it is over!" The leader answered coldly.

The third paragraph of funny humor 1, to die is to challenge the limit of life!

2. The consequences of drunk driving are very serious, and may even be mistaken for female drivers by other car owners.

Uncle Wang, who was hungry and cold, lit a firecracker and put it in a leather coat to keep warm.

4, suddenly rushed out of a person called me a pig, I was so angry that I couldn't speak.

5. Dude, what's up recently? You haven't laughed much since I was with your daughter-in-law and I met you.

6. It must be friends who borrow money these days. It is not a friend who pays back the money on time, but a benefactor!

7. I live by my face. 50 yuan for girls and 0/00 yuan for boys.

Funny and humorous paragraph 4 1, today a father and son came to the store to buy an iPhone. A son is just like a junior high school student. When paying the money, the son said that his father bought a smart phone with your IQ. Then his father said that we all laughed and told his son that you have a high IQ, but you can't afford it. ...

2. On the subway, a sister paper suddenly shouted, "What are you staring at my chest, rascal!" Then all the people looked over. One person, sweating and embarrassed, was taken away by his friend. Only heard his friend say, "Why are you staring at her? Not beautiful, not full! " The man said indignantly, it is rare to see someone wearing such a low chest without any gap, so I want to look carefully.

3. I was very nervous during the operation. The handsome doctor asked me, "Don't be nervous, why don't you play a song?" My heart is full of gratitude! Then I heard: "Friend, you are leaving today. Drink this glass of wine ..."

I always miss the unbroken love with my deskmate in high school. Now she is 40 years old and has never been in love. My parents arranged blind dates for me everywhere. One day, my mother called to say that she had arranged a blind date and went to see it. That girl was actually my high school deskmate! My excited head warmed up and I asked falteringly, "Are you all right?" She lowered her head and said, "Do you want to have a blind date with my daughter?

5. I got hemorrhoids when I was in college. Seriously, I often have blood on my underwear! I went to the playground that day and stole my girlfriend's sanitary napkin and put it in my underwear! I am an excellent player, and sometimes I get applause from my classmates who watch the game! Just after a beautiful layup, I felt something slip off my thigh. Looking back, it is a sanitary napkin with blood! That would be embarrassing, not picking it up, not picking it up! I really want to find a crack in the ground and become famous the next day.

6. I have a heavy workload recently, and I often feel hungry and don't want to eat snacks. I often go to the fruit stand near the construction site to buy fruit to eat. There are many people in the dormitory, so I always buy ten catties. I went to buy half a box of oranges this afternoon. At the checkout, the little sister selling fruit whispered to me, "I have a boyfriend."

7. My wife is pregnant. I asked, "Is it good to have boys and girls?"

Wife: "it's good to be yours." What do you choose? "

I was lost in thought. ...

8. During the Chinese New Year, an old classmate sent me a message of blessing. I thought his writing was good, so I changed my name and sent it to the group.

As a result, he replied to me: "Shit, I copied my homework when I was a child, and I have to copy text messages when I grow up. Can you be shameless! "

9. When a buddy got married, the host asked him to sing a song to express his love for his wife. This buddy sang: A gentle kiss touched my heart.

At this moment, I saw the bride slap her and say, Who is Qingqing?

10, M: Hi! Beauty, are you a sheep?

Woman: Wow! You are awesome! Can you tell all this?

Man: There! I smell it!

1 1. In the supermarket, a child took my hand and said, "Uncle, can you take me home? My mother and I are separated. "

I asked him, "Aren't you afraid that I will sell you?"

The child said, "My mother says ugly people are kind."

12, I went on a blind date two days ago, and both girls and I felt good! So I invited her to sing and invited some friends. One of them came late and came to me and said, you are so boring to call a young lady so ugly. ...

Funny humor paragraph 5 1, it takes thousands of years to change from a monkey to a human, and only one bottle of wine is needed to change from a human to a monkey.

2, heroes don't ask for a way out, hooligans don't look at age!

Sleeping is an art, and no one can stop me from pursuing it!

4. When you grow up, marry Tang Yan to be your husband, and you will play if you can, but you won't just eat him.

5. Doing well in the exam depends on sitting at the same table.

6, breaking up is boring, we have the ability to play divorce!

7. I am small-minded, but I am not lacking. I have a good temper, but I am not without it!

8. You also let me kneel on the washboard. Kneeling and heating really can't stand it!

9. Women like two kinds of flowers best in their life: one is to spend money, and the other is to spend as much as possible!

10, two birds share the same life, a pair of poor butterflies.

1 1, a star can become more famous by taking off a little, but I was arrested for taking off my clothes!

12. Ambiguous is that I asked you to borrow money, but you didn't say that you borrowed it, and you didn't say that you didn't borrow it, only that your husband was not at home. ...

13, as the saying goes: laugh and the whole world laughs with you; You cried. You are the only one crying in the world.

14, if I don't hit you, you won't know that I am both civil and military.

15, teachers should be careful when their moral standards are not awake when they are particularly sleepy.

16, stupid man+stupid woman = get married; Stupid man+smart woman = divorce; Smart man+stupid woman = extramarital affairs; Smart man+smart woman = romantic love.

17, God said there should be light, and I said I opposed it, so the world was dark.

18, I am a civilized person, and all swearing words have been disinfected with saliva.

19, the face is a thing outside the body. Whether it is necessary or not, money is a must.

20. The geography teacher asked: What are the four oceans? I replied: pleasant goat, beautiful goat, lazy goat, boiling goat.

2 1, so tired, I want to cut a knife on the back of my head, and then collapse to the ground and install a piggy bank.

22. When you see a beautiful woman, touch your pocket first to see if you have any money!

If I were a princess, I would save a frog, but all I met were toads.

There are two reasons why inviting girls out to play failed. One is that she is too lazy to wash her hair, and the other is that your invitation is not worth washing her hair.

25, poor Nike, Fuadi, rogue Armani.

When you put on the wedding dress of love, I also put on the monk's cassock. ...

I go to bed like a wild animal, especially like a koala. I slept 18 hours.

28. Mozzie, you have hands and feet. Why don't you get a job and live a good life?

29. I will be good friends with anyone who says I am white, thin and beautiful.

30. The teacher said that you can't eat snacks in class. Fortunately, I brought hot pot today.

3 1. If I don't love you, I won't be bored enough to care about you.

32, too late to say, has become a regret in our hearts.

33. Sometimes, things are simple, and the complicated thing is your own head.

34. I may not love you, because having is the beginning of losing.

35. Say to those women who love me: You can love me all your life if you have the ability.

36. You are my belief, which makes me firm and inseparable from you!

37, people can't take money into the grave. But money can take people to the grave.

38. It is better to forget you happily than to be in a world you don't want.

39. The first thing to wake up every day is to want to sleep.

40. It's not that I don't want to play computer in the morning, but it's already noon as soon as I get up.

4 1. People's eyes are black and their hearts are red. Once jealous, the heart is black.

42. The person I trust most taught me not to trust anyone easily.

You said you could dance with me even if there is a cliff ahead, but that's just talk.

44. Why is RMB so valuable? Because the image spokesperson is.

45. We are best friends. I'll give you a hand when you fall, but only after I finish laughing.

46. Without existence, who will witness your shameless happiness?

47, Beijing love story Lin Xia said to the madman: I love you has nothing to do with you.

48. The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I rolled my eyes with them.

49. Lies are sweet words when told, and disgusting when poked!

If you forget how to move forward, think about why you came here in the first place.

5 1, turn you into my bad habit, it is better to turn me into your good mood!

52. Since I was a child, I have a dream that everyone in China will give me a dollar!

53. Those who can board my number are either people I trust or people I love.

There is no moon in Mid-Autumn Festival. Is there a clear night sky like your heart?

55. There will always be a moment when you feel so strong that you don't need anything.

56. There is no distance between points in the world, only the distance between hearts.

57. Teacher, I wish you as many years as you give me.

58. Someone taught you how to love, but he doesn't love you anymore.

59. Our English teachers and math teachers can form an invincible alliance …

60. I can't rely on anything these days. I have to rely on myself. In short: I ... Shit!

6 1, people are divided into groups, which is why my list is so beautiful.

I have been single for a long time, let alone unscrewing the bottle cap. I can unscrew the fire hydrant.

63. Other girls can be gummy bears, angel babies and sweetheart babies. I can't. I want to be an aunt and a living ancestor.

Don't smile at me with your pirated Mona Lisa smile. My stomach is not as strong as you think.

65, a lot of things, between injustice and melodramatic.

66. The people I hate most are those who are good at flattery and proficient in rhetoric, because being with them will make me look like I don't know how to be a man.

67. When I came home from college holiday, my mother cooked me a good dish. My father: Eat freely and make yourself at home!

68. Two couples are chatting. The woman asked, honey, people say that women in love will become stupid. You think I'm stupid? Male affectionate style: fool, you are so stupid, how can I think you are stupid?

69. Don't mess around if you don't look good. Some people spend a lot of money to burn exquisite princess rolls, but they look like Newton instead of a princess.

70. When I have money, I will buy two lollipops, one for you to eat and the other for you to eat.

7 1. A few months ago, I found a place where my wife put her money. After that, I always reach out and touch one or two pieces of change every month. Until yesterday, I reached out and caught a cactus inside, and I knew it was time to stop.

72. The advantage of science lies in that you can't understand the answers, while the advantage of liberal arts lies in that you don't want to copy the answers after reading them.

I will give you a pair of scissors when your hair reaches your waist.

74. Eating food is like a train. To sum up: shopping, shopping, shopping.

75. Don't panic when life is not smooth. Looking at my wallet and savings, I cried.

If you can appreciate my strangeness, you will be as lovely as me.

77. I have returned all the heavy rains I missed in those years to you these days.

78. Smart girls are generally fatter, because the latest scientific research proves that women use adipose tissue to store their IQ. The thicker the fat layer, the higher the IQ.

79. Experts say, don't stare at your mobile phone for a long time, or it will be dead.

80. The first thing to wake up every day is to want to sleep.

Funny humor paragraph 6 1, young, but not light. The balance is not much, but I want to buy a lot.

2, I never doubt that you are a beauty, I just doubt my aesthetics.

Uncle policeman, I lost my bag. Don't worry, I'll take care of it. Then you can pay me back.

I said I like Li Bai's poems better. Lu You got angry, and then my family couldn't surf the Internet.

It's not like you to be so kind to you, because you may have been my pet pig in your last life.

6. It is said that this is the state when eating: enjoy in your mouth and want to be thin in your heart.

7. If you don't want to answer my phone, just say so. Don't always let China Mobile say sorry for you.

8. Quit smoking, if you smoke again, you will be walking on thin ice!

9. I advise you not to have plastic surgery, but to be reborn as soon as possible is more reliable!

10, in this fickle age, the best way to make others remember you is to owe money and not pay it back!

1 1. It turns out that you didn't have a good life without me these years, so I'm relieved.

Funny joke 7 1. I think the brightest smile in my life is probably dedicated to my mobile phone and computer screen.

Whether you are doing well or not is unknown to others, but everyone knows when you are fat.

I don't mind you lying to me. What I care about is that your lies can't fool me.

What do you mean, don't die? Is to be angry 10 thousand times a day, but still don't give up.

After being with you for so long, I finally found that you look like a person.

6. I am not a prince. Why do girls always think they should be princesses when they see me?

7. Some people are well-informed on the surface, but they have never even seen Peggy the pig behind them.

8. Those who look good and like to eat are called foodies, and those who look bad and like to eat are called gits!

9. I found a problem. I like to chat with good-looking people. No wonder I always talk to myself.

10, am I your favorite person? Why don't you talk?

1 1. Life is like breathing. Breathing is for breathing, and sucking is for breathing.

12, after the English listening test, I realized a truth: some words are only for people who understand.

13, if I hadn't hit you, I would have turned against you.

14. Life is sometimes like a computer. If it collapses, it collapses. It's not negotiable.

15, I really envy those who have stories. Unlike me, a word "handsome" can run through my life.

16, don't expect to lose weight, Bajie hasn't lost weight after walking hundreds of miles. Besides, he is a vegetarian.

17, thank you for your patronage every time you buy a drink. One day, I suddenly couldn't write Huizi in the exam, so I opened the drink next to me. At that time, I was crazy. Another bottle!

18, I envy those who can be with the people I like. Unlike me, I have long been surrounded by people who like me.

19, one day you will meet a good girl who doesn't want your house, your car, your diamonds, your money, and of course she doesn't want you!

20. Every girl has a dress in her closet called: I used to be poor and now I feel ugly.

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