Amazing English jokes

@ 丫丫丫丫丫丫丫: If you want to stay in a hotel for the first time, do you have to be a baby? I want to stay for another three days? I rushed up and said I wanted to live for three more days. The beauty at the front desk said, do you want to stay for three more nights? From then on, I understood that this is not life, this is staying, this is not day, this is night. People always ask how to learn English. Just learn a little.

I really want to live for another three or two days! !

To live three more days is to live three more days.

@ Wudaokou Osama: I went to Miami to play with my friends. My friends jumped out of the car and rushed to other people's shops and asked me if I could use your toilet. The shopkeeper was puzzled and asked, What are you going to do with my toilet?

Damn toilet maniac

Can I borrow your toilet? Can I borrow your toilet?

If you want to use the toilet, just say can I use your bathroom? Do it. Of course, people with neat grammar will use may I.

But neither Can I nor May I, toilet is not a toilet in American English, but a toilet.

@JEFFFF_C: Once my family asked me where I was, and I said I was in the toilet ... My family asked me what you were doing in the toilet. Swimming?

Trainspotting

Actually, what I want to say is taking a shower. In the toilet is to go into the toilet.

The toilet is actually a toilet. The common squatting toilet in China is called squatting toilet. An American friend once complained to me that when I first came to China, I was not used to squatting in the toilet and held it for several days.

@ Ya Ya: In college, students will make banners to welcome visiting foreign professors? Professor Cooper, you're welcome! ! ! ?

A professor with a knee injury

You're welcome. You're welcome. Welcome to our school. Welcome to our school!

Many people ask the professor if his name is Sheldon. ...

@ 囎囎囎: I was distracted in class and was called up by the teacher to answer questions. I vomited: What's your problem?

You come from the northeast.

What's your problem? It means: What's wrong with you? What the fuck do you want?

The next hand is Pinghai, the teacher who robbed bricks.

What's the problem? Or simply do it again?

Be polite and say you are sorry. /Please forgive me. /I didn't give up following you/I understood you/I heard what you just said. Can you repeat the question, xoxomemeda?

@Auxpow: A friend just arrived in America and asked for a straw at McDonald's, saying I wanted a lollipop!

Please give me a glass of beer.

Sucker means stupid and gullible.

For example, I can't believe I really bought that crap! I didn't expect those idiots to do this!

It can also be used as a mantra, similar to this force in the northern dialect. It means someone, but it has no practical meaning.

Like get that bastard here! Give me that!

Or something, equivalent to? This damn thing? .

For example, when President Bush visited a factory in 2008, he stood on their lawn mower and said, "Start this machine." Open this thing.

@ 么么么么么: I heard that I entered the clinic and said that I was angry.

My enthusiasm is like fire ~

I want to say it's a fever. I have a fever.

I am so eager for friends who can't sing.

There's a fire. Either it's a real fire, or you're as excited as a fire, in a high state and unstoppable.

For example, when playing basketball, the personality explodes, two points and three points are scored, and people are invincible in layups.

Everyone can say, dude, you're on fire!

@ 丫丫丫丫丫丫丫丫丫丫丫丫: At first I was getting dressed, I said I was getting dressed. My mother said, do you mean you want to change? I'll talk.

Carevo novo ruho

-I'm dressed!

-That's true. Aren't we all?

Wear is wear. The process of dressing is to put on/get dressed. Changing clothes means changing.

So when all kinds of awards ceremonies walk the red carpet, the host asks the stars who are you wearing? It's not whose clothes you wear, but whose clothes you wear.

Wearing can also refer to applying cosmetics and perfume. For example, Monroe's classic "I wear nothing but a few drops of chanel no.5 in bed".

@ 中中中中中中中中: I don't know how to recharge my mobile phone in NZ, which is relatively weak. Ask the clerk that I want to deposit money in this mobile phone.

@ nk _ Usually: Yes, I remember the first time I bought a mobile phone recharge card. I was embarrassed to tell the clerk that I would return the money to my mobile phone. People say, oh, you mean recharge your mobile phone.

How much is the charge? Full!

Recharge, renew, add minutes and add points can all be used to recharge the mobile phone.

@Fishlee9 19: I heard a very funny (three common ambiguities). I took a taxi and said, can you drop me off here? The driver was dumbfounded instantly.

Take it out!

Three common meanings of getting off the bus are to make people climax.

For example, Uncle Puma bluntly said kim kardashian:

Puma said that Kardashian's father defended Simpson, who was starting Kardashian's tradition of exonerating blacks! At first, their family helped black people? Take it out? Traditional). Getting off here is a pun. One is to let Simpson get away with it and get him out of trouble; The other is Kardashian who lets black people take it off.

@marshmallow_orion: I chatted with my classmates before class, and she said, Oh, I like your boots. I was so nervous that I was embarrassed to say, Oh, thank you ... They are natural ... Shit, I thought she said I like your breasts.

simply

Remember the literal question I mentioned in my previous tweet?

@ A Qiu A Qiu Smile: Speaking of which. The first time I wanted to eat steak outside, I grabbed my neck and asked others for beef. Beef? As a result, a large plate of boiled beef slices without salt was served. Later, I read the menu carefully and realized that I should order steak.

Jinlimen

I've seen one, right? Can I have some soup? (soup) say? Can I have some soap? (soap) Ki！ Love! Four! Shoot! Ah!

The most outrageous restaurant adventure is what a buddy wants to say? Could you bring me the menu? (Give me the menu). As a result, I made two big mistakes in Chinglish, that is, adding children's accent and mispronouncing stress, and calling it menu shit (bring me rice fields).