I treat you as a friend, but you stab me in the back

Some people say yes, so I have a good relationship with my colleagues.

Some people say no. Colleagues love each other on the surface and pat people behind their backs.

Will you become friends with your colleagues?

1

Two days ago, I told such a real case in my article "Dark Human Nature is Real Human Nature":

Then my visitors feel double hurt. On the one hand, she forced herself to speak ill of others, on the other hand, she was accused by a colleague who she usually thought was close to her boss.

"I think we usually have a good relationship. We often eat together and take the subway after work. Usually talk to her about unhappy things, and occasionally complain about the leadership. Unexpectedly, she told my leader all the things I usually complain to her. I also told the leader that I think I am a person with poor ability and love emotions. I am immature at work and the worst one. " She was so angry that she felt betrayed.

She usually doesn't want to believe in office politics, and she doesn't want to step on others' superiors, but she never imagined that she would meet them, be stepped on by others, and be stepped on by her "good sisters in the workplace".

This really made her a little disappointed in human nature-how can people do this?

2

One minute you are still in love with each other, and the next you are stabbing someone in the back with your back to your back. This is really not a new drama in the workplace.

Love each other and kill each other, as if it can be used to describe all relationships, including colleagues. But we will also see different situations-

At that moment, if it was the plot of a TV series, it was hard for us to believe that they had been at odds in the company before!

If you only rely on this small piece of performance, you will feel that the relationship has turned around, and it is too early for you to be happy. In fact, this situation that people of the same group suddenly become United and close when facing outsiders will not last long, and the sense of closeness is fleeting.

We will often see the next story:

After winning the Olympic bid, we will go back to have a celebration dinner. Everyone will start to divide the cake and then enter the state of tearing. Why should he be responsible for the main follow-up and let me cooperate? When he was preparing the tender, he didn't even understand the core demands of the object!

Minutes change from last-second intimacy to mutual attack!

This inevitably makes us sigh: alas, the relationship between colleagues is really the most interesting relationship in the world!

In fact, the truth is that as long as it is the relationship between people in this world, it is very difficult. )

three

Isn't there an example where colleagues love each other like a family? Of course there is.

There is no universal significance to study them as successful examples-both of them have been divorced from the lower level of wealth and career development, and there is no need to hurt each other's feelings for the benefit. A pair of good friends who have accumulated feelings for many years, and their emotional value is greater than their interest value, in fact, for most ordinary people, there is basically no reference significance in the workplace.

So are there any examples of loving each other in the workplace cases around us? Yes

In the team, you will have a better and more intimate relationship with some people, as if you can communicate smoothly when you meet anything. That feeling is that friends are easy to mess with. This kind of cooperative relationship is easier to help each other by shifting their positions and has a better relationship with each other.

Of course, it also implies that when we seek cooperation with each other, our workplace relationship is easier to get better; On the contrary, when our emotions and interests conflict, whether we will betray each other for the benefit or choose to stick to our emotions and give up our interests depends to a greater extent on how we view the relationship between friends and interests.

We are all ordinary people. We don't have as much money as Cai Kangyong, and we can't spend more money. We are too low in order of magnitude, and there are too many interests and resources to fight for in the workplace-a promotion opportunity, a big single success, a project that wants the support of big leaders, and so on. In the workplace, our main identity is workers, and we are here to gain benefits.

To put it bluntly, if I think our relationship is not good enough, why should I give up my interests for your relationship?

This sounds really unpleasant, but most colleagues in the workplace do.

four

Can't you be friends if you have interests? Are all relationships with interests fake?

Wei Xiaobao and Chen Jinnan used each other at first, and then their interests gradually developed feelings. When Chen Jinnan died, Wei Xiaobao cried as if his father had died. I believe this emotion is real.

There are many such examples in reality. Therefore, it is not that there is no real emotion in the end because of interests.

Sometimes it's because I like each other before I want to help them, and sometimes it's because they can help me and have a good relationship I want. There is no right or wrong between the two, just to see whether the two sides can accept it.

It's just that friends and interests are mixed together, the balance of interests is not good, and good friends are easy to turn against each other.

Therefore, the core issue here is how to treat colleagues and how to define friends.

In fact, before dealing with the relationship with colleagues, we might as well think about this question first:

What kind of people will you become colleagues with?

The "colleagues" I am talking about here today are non-leadership superiors and subordinates. I am talking about recent workplace relations, intensive work handover and peer relations.

It's certainly not much to ask. If you work in the same company or the same department, you are colleagues. To put it bluntly, I often meet at work, and there are many intersections in my work.

Then what will you be friends with? There are many reasons for this.

See the difference between colleagues and friends?

To a great extent, we choose our friends intentionally or unintentionally. There are some standards and indicators to achieve some psychological or practical goals.

Although our colleagues randomly choose when we choose a job or choose a company job, the degree of our active choice is much lower. Simply put, you basically have no choice. Before you worked in this company, you didn't know what your colleagues would be like most of the time, and you didn't know who and what kind of people your colleagues were.

Then, getting along with colleagues is not a simple question of whether you can be friends, but how do you get along with a group of people who randomly choose to appear around you? Moreover, these randomly selected people are likely to compete with you.

Just because you are colleagues, your relationship will show some simple pattern or performance: either friends, enemies or passers-by, not this simple form.

It is precisely because the previous screening criteria are too broad, and colleagues are random and have different personalities, which leads to various possibilities for the following relationship forms.

Therefore, there is no standard answer to the question of whether you can become friends with your colleagues.

five

I have a student who thinks that because she has to get along with her colleagues for more than 8 hours every day, she must get along with her colleagues as smoothly and comfortably as friends, otherwise she will have a miserable day!

This is the voice in her heart, and many people think it is right. Does it make sense?

However, when she came to consult, her distress was precisely here. His colleagues don't feel that they have to be friends. Work is work, and colleagues just need to do things together to complete the task. There is no need to think too much about personal feelings.

Look, this is the unclear definition of occupation and colleague relationship between two different people.

Can you tell who is right and who is wrong?

From the first student, we see the importance of a harmonious relationship to her, while from the second student, we see the importance of completing the work itself to him.

What I mean by this example is that you should know what you care about most, or maybe you care about the harmonious relationship between colleagues, and you want to make achievements in your work without offending people.

So, if you have to choose one, how do you choose?

Some people may ask, I can't have it both ways-friends are as good as friends, and I still have a chance for promotion. It seems unlikely, just like the example at the beginning of the article: will you become good friends with the person who stabbed you in the back? It's hard.

The person who stabbed you in the back may not regard you as a friend at first.

Obviously, you are wrong about him.

Frankly speaking, from the perspective of human nature, it is difficult to become really good friends with colleagues-because what most of us want is that I have resources and my colleagues love me.

Is this unscientific?