The magical mirror neuron of parenting is a good method of scientific parenting.

I chatted with my friend yesterday, and he talked about the sudden emotional outburst of children at school.

In fact, he also knows that he needs to reflect, because he is often angry with him. I asked him if he had apologized to him. He said he didn't apologize, but he would analyze what happened with the child just now.

However, when the child was out of control, he completely forgot all the things before the resumption of the game and just said angrily, "You can lose your temper, why can't I?"

Here is a word "mirror neuron". What are mirror neurons?

Mirror neurons in the brain store codes of specific behavior patterns, which not only allow us to perform basic actions without thinking, but also allow us to do the same when we see others doing certain actions.

In the process of understanding others' feelings through mirror neurons, we have the same emotional state because of mirror mechanism. When we experience a certain emotion or see others show it, the mirror neurons in our insula will become active, making us experience the same neurophysiological response as others, thus starting a direct experiential understanding way.

So when we always use losing our temper to solve problems, children naturally learn such a solution. Moreover, the emotional brain of children's own emotions needs to be developed in their twenties, and we adults are inevitably angry, not to mention children who have not yet developed.

In fact, others know very well that they will make the same mistake on themselves. For example, at one time, we often yelled at our younger brother, and then the younger brother started yelling at his sister. Finally, my sister began to growl like my brother.

However, a small incident yesterday made me feel the man in the mirror brought by a good solution.

Yesterday, I accidentally knocked over the Lego granules that my brother had just installed and scattered them all over the floor. My brother collapsed when he saw it and was about to cry. I immediately said to him, "Mom knows you are sad. I broke it as soon as I cleaned it. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. Can you forgive me? "

The younger brother thought for a moment and then said, well, I asked again, "I'm going to take a shower now." Can you help me clean up? " He firmly refused, and I said, "Well, I'll come back from the shower later. Be careful not to step on it and get hurt. "

The whole process was peaceful, so although my brother was very excited, he didn't break out and gradually calmed down.

When I came back from the shower, my toys were all packed, and I said thank you to him. Remembering that there were snacks in the bag, I picked it up and blurted out, "Mom has something to reward you." When I found out that I was wrong, I immediately changed my mouth: "This is not a reward, it is a thank you. Thank you for helping me pack my toys just now. "

He ate happily and shared it with his sister. After a while, he suddenly ran over and hugged me: "Mom, thank you." Looking back, whenever the child's emotions were seen and understood, he would run to thank me.

Children over 7 years old, if you reason with him, he won't listen, but the way you do things and the attitude of dealing with problems can be seen and absorbed silently. So, if you expect to have a child with a good mood, try to be a parent with a good mood first.

So how do you manage your emotions? Sometimes it's really hard to hold back the fire.

Here are a few small methods. One is to warn children that they are a little angry and feel that their emotions are almost uncontrollable. I usually use this method. One is to remind myself to relieve myself, and the other is to let the children know how I feel now. Adults also have emotions, and it is normal to lose their temper.

The second is to take a few deep breaths before losing your temper and say to yourself, "I am a big tree, I am a big tree." One is that we can imagine a calm tree to cool the fire in our hearts, and the other is that we can calm down our emotions a little while talking, because if we really want to solve the problem, we can't solve it with emotions.

The last one is to leave. I had no choice but to go to another room to do something else. But I personally think this is the worst choice, because I will do it myself, but when I really use it, I think it is a cold and violent way. Although there is no final anger, in fact, there is a fire inside us, just suffocating, just having a feeling of suffocation, which can't solve the problem well.

Finally, even if we are really angry, it is normal. We don't have to be perfect parents, because we can't. As long as we are angry, we can talk to our children about the reasons for being angry, apologize too much, and let him feel our feelings. If he fails to do so, many problems will be solved.