Psychology says true love only happens once (why pure love only happens once in a lifetime)

The movie "The Beautiful Legend of Sicily" tells the story of a 13-year-old boy's ignorant and innocent first love. To be precise, it is called secret love. In this story, Renaldo, a boy in the budding stage of adolescence, falls in love with the most beautiful woman in town, Malena. Malena is so beautiful that she is full of sexiness and charm, making all the men in the town flock to her. Women are jealous.

The story takes place during World War II. Beauties in war usually have to endure more hardships and torture than ordinary people. Malena is no exception. Her husband went on an expedition and his whereabouts are unknown. Her father died unexpectedly and her family's wealth was depleted. She had to engage in prostitution to make a living. With the occupation of Germany, Malena became the lover of a German officer. After the war, she became a She became a tool for all the women in the town to vent their anger, and was beaten and ravaged mercilessly in the street, while the men who once coveted her stood by and watched.

Later, Malena's husband returned to the town. In order to prove Malena's innocence, Renaldo wrote a letter to his husband, telling him all the truth and hoping that he would not listen to the rumors. , to believe Malena, so finally there was a heartwarming scene of Malena and her husband, whose arm was broken due to the war, returning hand in hand.

In the young man’s heart, no matter what Malena has experienced, she will always be the holy white lotus in his heart, extremely pure and beautiful! It's a pity that she can't wait for him to grow up, or for him to have the strength to love her and protect her. This misplaced love made Reinado feel deeply regretful and helpless. In the end, he could only turn it into a silent blessing, wishing that she and her husband could live happily together without any more hardships!

This movie has a point worth thinking about: What is true love?

The charming Marlena has countless admirers around her, but why doesn’t anyone come out to help her out of trouble at the critical moment? What do they love? Maybe those men only love her beautiful appearance and their own sexual desires, and have nothing to do with love itself! They were both Renaldos once. What made them become numb to love?

Although this 13-year-old boy covets Marlena just like other men, this love is a different kind of love. He cares about her feelings and loves her. After all the hard work, I am willing to fulfill her happiness!

I think, true love is just like this! But in reality, how many people really know how to be kind to the people they love?

Among my many visitors, many said frankly that I fell in love with someone so much that I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t bear to lose them and really wanted to be with them forever, but when I thought about them and other people When I am with someone, I feel psychological pain and anxiety. If I see them having a happy life after leaving me, I will be very unhappy, lose my psychological balance, feel that they are heartless, and even want to punish them. I am not happy and I don’t want anyone else. Think better of it!

Still on Weibo, I was surprised to see a love quote that many people liked: When I see you unhappy, I will be unhappy, and when I see you happy, I Will be even more unhappy!

I just want to say that many times, we all misunderstand the meaning of love!

True love is not possession, control, or conquest, but the belief and position of "I will do well when I see you doing well"! Just like Renaldo, although he loves Malena very much, what makes him different from other men in the town who admire her is that his love is pure, sincere, and selfless!

There is a saying that is often circulated on the Internet: After a person is tempted once, he will not be tempted again. Is it true? In fact, what really matters is not the matter itself, but what we choose to believe. First, let’s talk about first love!

First love is a hurdle that everyone cannot overcome

In the hearts of many people, first love is a sacred existence. No matter how many people pass by your life or how many people have made your heart beat, Only the person you love for the first time is an eternal and indelible presence in your memory, just like Malena for Renaldo.

Although many people's first love happened in the budding years of youth, and the love for each other has just begun and has ended in a hurry, but the initial heartbeat in the memory is still churning in the heart with the blood from time to time.

Why is first love so unforgettable?

① First love is the key to opening our emotional door. The feeling of tasting love for the first time is like the taste of eating cake for the first time as a child, which is deeply imprinted in the depths of the brain. Strong and graceful mental stimulation will make people's neural circuits quickly build up the recognition and connection of emotions. All love experienced in the future is just a trip back to this old road. Therefore, in people's emotional experience, first love is emotional. The source is naturally difficult to erase.

② First love is often stuck in the most beautiful stage. Because you can’t get it, you will miss it deeply. First love happened at an ignorant age. I just had the feeling of love, but due to many practical factors, it had to be terminated, which became an eternal regret in my heart.

From the perspective of psychological counseling and Gestalt therapy, any primitive emotion needs a Gestalt process, just like when we eat a raisin, it is assumed that there is no mutual interaction through the tip of the tongue, molars, incisors, etc. With the cooperation of twisting and digesting, I swallowed it into my stomach without hesitation. There was always a stuck feeling in my throat that couldn't get through.

The emotional experience is exactly like this. If the first emotional experience is stuck in the most beautiful stage and cannot be passed, then there will always be an unfinished matter in a person's heart, this "unfinished" matter. The feeling will make people miss you forever, and for the rest of their lives, the most beautiful feeling will overflow with the stimulation of a certain trigger, maybe a piece of familiar music, a scene from the past, or an old object, making people The reverie is endless, and in the middle of the night, all the memories will become vivid, making people full of emotions.

③ First love is the epitaph of youth. First love usually occurs in adolescence, when people are full of strong curiosity and desire to explore the world. Things that happen during this special period will evoke nostalgia and memories of youth.

When falling in love with someone for the first time, drinking for the first time, staying up late partying for the first time, going against the grain for the first time, etc., all these actions that symbolize the move into the adult world come together, People will have a feeling of "becoming an independent person". In the process of becoming a person, they will fully satisfy their sense of existence, and their initial self-worth and charm can be recognized and seen. Therefore, The other person's existence becomes sacred in the course of one's own life.

The older people grow up, the more lonely they become, due to excessive self-protection

When you fall in love with someone for the first time, you are often desperate for your own safety. You can go through fire and water for the love of your heart, but in this In the process, people's free will often crashes in the face of reality. In this thrilling collision, people not only experience unforgettable love, but also experience heart-rending pain.

It is precisely because this deep love brings a deep sense of pain that it will remind us of the fact in our hearts: love is dangerous, don’t fall in love with someone easily, don’t love too much! Otherwise, the end will be tragic! Therefore, in future emotional experiences, under this subconscious reminder, people become cautious, close their hearts, and no longer open themselves completely to someone at will!

After being hurt, a person's self-protection mechanism begins to take effect to prevent himself from falling into the emotional whirlpool again. Although doing this will largely prevent ourselves from being hurt too much, the disadvantage is that we will be isolated from our true feelings and will no longer be able to feel the deep love for someone. It brings spiritual satisfaction.

Love and pain are both precious experiences in life

Zhang Ailing once said: People always feel happier when they are close to happiness, but when happiness is in progress, they worry about gains and losses! This sentence fully explains the psychological state of people in love.

After many people have experienced emotional pain, they dare not let go and love again, for fear of losing again!

This involves a philosophical proposition: What kind of life is a life worth living, or a beautiful life? In "Becoming a Person", the famous psychologist Rogers discovered a very valuable experience through observing a large number of his clients. That is, when a person slowly breaks away from the state of self-defense until he runs towards The moment when you experience the real thing in your heart, you can be yourself!

A truly beautiful life is not a state of eternal happiness, but a process of constant change! There is no need to deliberately pursue the feeling of eternal happiness, just let all the inner feelings freely shuttle through the body unimpeded, no matter good or bad, they are part of our inner experience, just accept it!

In layman's terms, it means to dare to love, dare to hate, dare to be happy, dare to be sad, love boldly and thoroughly, even if it is painful, even if your body is bruised, it is better than closing your own feelings, so , people will live more transparent and open-minded!

We always try to love at an age when we haven’t learned how to love, and get hurt. Then we block our inner true need for love, and no longer accept love easily, nor express love easily, nor do we easily express love. It is not easy to truly open up to love, and in the end we are gradually isolated from love. It is difficult for anyone to land on the island in our hearts, and we live numbly. What is terrible is that we think this is the real life!

Truly brave people dare to accept all their emotions, good or bad. In their view, they are an indispensable part of life experience. It is precisely because of these complete and complex emotions. Only through emotional experience can a person truly become a person!