Recall grandma's fleeting time.

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? one

? It's been almost three years since grandma died, but I'm still in a trance, as if grandma is still alive, sitting cross-legged on the heatable adobe sleeping platform in Westinghouse, doing all kinds of hand knitting.

? Grandma was always a hardworking old man when she was alive, and her hands were never idle, including when she was seriously ill, she was still sewing.

? Grandma was very aggressive and capable when she was young. In his early years, grandpa's family was honest and kind, and he was often bullied. However, since grandma went through the door, the powerful grandma has set up a family in grandpa's house, and those difficult owners in the village have finished fighting with grandma one by one. From then on, I never dared to provoke grandpa's family easily.

? According to my mother, although grandma has a big temper, she is reasonable in everything and will never mess around. Being reasonable will not forgive people, and being unreasonable will not account for three points. So after a long time, I left a good reputation in the village and made many good neighbors I didn't know.

? This was before the land reform. After the land was decentralized, grandma kept the house diligently and kept busy outside, making the family's life moist and moist.

? She raised three children and a daughter all her life, and then an uncle and an aunt died early, leaving her father and uncle behind. After that, I adopted my aunt now. Grandma is strong, violent and strict with her children. She has never had a good relationship with her foster mother. Before my aunt got married, she quarreled with her grandmother, ran back to her hometown several times and was finally sent back by her parents there. After many twists and turns, all the old people over there died young one after another. Without much thought, my aunt decided to live in her grandmother's house, but there was always a gap between her and her grandmother, because she remembered it when she arrived at her grandmother's house. Therefore, grandma has never enjoyed the intimacy and warmth of a close-fitting cotton-padded jacket in her life. This is what her old man used to say all his life, "I wish I had a relative", full of endless regrets.

? two

? Maybe it's because grandma has no daughter. Grandma loves me and dotes on me. In my impression, my grandmother's white wooden box is a magic box. When I was greedy, my grandmother would conjure cookies, bread, or all kinds of sweets for me to eat (at that time, there were few materials and delicious things). When I was young, my relatives always took me with them. Every time I go to school, I always secretly give me 350 pocket money behind my grandfather's back (grandpa's hard-earned money is hard-won, so his hands and feet are relatively small). During the winter and summer vacations, I read novels in grandma's room all day. Tired of reading, I talked and laughed with my grandmother. Married, every time I go home, my grandmother will squat in the oil pan and give me the most grand reception ... In short, the feelings between our grandparents and grandchildren are profound.

? Up to now, many women workers and housework I know are taught by my grandmother. Pancakes, dough, noodles ... sewing pants and buttons ... also taught me the same thing. I just sat by and watched and recited, never calling me clumsy, never blaming me for not doing well, only proudly saying, "My little girl just has materials."

? She also taught me a lot about being a man and doing things with her life experience and wisdom, which benefited me a lot.

? I remember that in the first grade, the teacher assigned an assignment to make sentences with "strange". Try to ask grandma if you can't think of anything. Grandma, who only attended literacy classes, said, "This thing is really strange." The next day, I handed it in according to grandma's answer, and the teacher actually got it right. From then on, I was deeply impressed with my grandmother and praised her greatness in front of the whole family. Of course, she is very happy, and she is even more proud that she can contribute to the education of her children and grandchildren.

? Now think about it, grandma is a wise person, life and books are interlinked, and her old man's life experience is a manifestation of great wisdom.

? I still remember that when I went home during the holiday, it was the wheat harvest season, Longkou grabbed the grain, and the adults harvested it before dawn. The night before, my mother told me to get up early to cook porridge, but at that time, I was sleepy and I was not worried about anything. My parents are going home for dinner soon, and I'm still sleeping. Perhaps the adults have expected that I am unreliable. Grandma went home early to prepare breakfast. As soon as she entered the yard, she shouted, "Little darling, I can't afford it. Mom and dad are going home for dinner and dare not sleep any more. " But the sleepy man succeeded, and I promised to have a good sleep. Grandma urged me several times and finally got up, but sat on the steps in front of the house for a while and didn't want to move. Grandma was anxious, stretched out her hand and pulled me, and I ran out again. Grandma ran after me with a broom. I laughed in front, but grandma couldn't catch up with me. Grandma couldn't help laughing and sighed helplessly. "This girl is heartless. When can she grow up?" Turn around and prepare meals, and don't forget to teach my aunt not to be lazy when she gets up early and gets up late.

? Probably in junior high school, my mother was ill, my father accompanied my mother to see a doctor in other places, and my brother and I stayed at home and were taken care of by my grandmother. What kind of good day should it be? Anyway, uncles, aunts, aunts, brothers and sisters have all gone back to their hometown to see grandma. Everyone was talking and laughing, and it was very lively. Perhaps it was a fragile and sensitive age at that time, and I was not very coquettish when I saw my brother and sister around my parents' knees. My parents are far away from home, and I don't know when they can come back. In addition, communication is inconvenient and it is difficult to find news. Not only did I feel sad, but I couldn't help crying. When my grandmother saw this scene, she held me tightly in her arms and kept comforting me with tears. "I miss my parents. I'm not afraid. I have a grandmother." Since then, because my mother has been in poor health, I have talked more with my grandmother and become closer to her.

? Later, I want to tell my grandmother all kinds of growing pains, secrets and worries. Although my grandmother has little education, she is not only open-minded, but also good at enlightening people. That truth is also a set of things. After talking to her, it seems that the things that were originally entangled and stagnant are not a thing.

? In short, in my grandmother's heart, I am a granddaughter and a daughter, while in my heart, my grandmother is a grandmother and a mother.

? three

? My grandmother always seemed to be in her fifties, and even I thought she was born in her fifties.

? She is very independent. According to my mother, when I first married my father, my grandmother's family was actually not very rich. There is no problem with food and clothing at home, but it is difficult to be a scholar. At that time, my uncle was still at school and got good grades, but the teaching quality of local junior high schools was similar. My grandmother had planned to go home to farm after my uncle graduated from junior high school and would not continue her studies. However, a woman who teaches in the city appreciates her uncle very much, and even went to her grandmother's house specially, saying that uncle's good training is still very promising. If possible, she can recommend her uncle to go to the city to study in junior high school. Hesitated, the grandmother who opened the door took over and sent her uncle to the school in the city. Children from poor families have been sensible for a long time, and their uncles suffered a lot during their school days. Once my grandfather went to the city to see my uncle. My uncle's thin grandfather didn't recognize him. When he came back, he told his grandmother to let him drop out of school. Grandma burst into tears and was distressed, but she decided not to agree after all. She believes that her uncle will go through a lot of hardships. Later, my uncle finally lived up to grandma's expectations. He was admitted to a normal college and became one of the few poor sons of yue longmen, a carp in the village. From then on, away from their families, several generations were born and raised in Sri Lanka and struggled on the yellow land. Uncle's promise once again confirmed grandma's rare vision as a rural woman.

? She is very enthusiastic. Very popular. I don't know where she learned the skill of eyebrow shaping. The beautiful little daughter-in-law in the village, the big girl who is about to get married, often comes to grandma to trim her eyebrows. Every time grandma is responsive, pulling posture, holding that guy's things with a sense of ceremony, giving them a refreshing look until they are satisfied.

? She is clean and skillful. I always like to wear a small cloth shirt, the collar is very tight, and the flower buttons are sewn by myself. All kinds of flowers are neat and dignified. There are many insoles with fine stitches, for grandpa, for dad and uncle, and for us. That needle increased her affection and concern for her family. Before she died, lying in the hospital bed, she also woven so many long cushions with instant noodle bags. When I went home to deal with my grandmother's funeral, I saw all kinds of cushions on the chairs and steps at home, and my mind immediately came up with the old appearance of her knitting cushions and the deformation of her hands by hard work, involuntarily.

? She is diligent and capable. She used to grow many crops and vegetables in the fields and mountains. She always sits on the edge of the kang in the south house or on the steps outside the Westinghouse, with a bowl in her hand, planning sowing and harvesting for her family. In the season of picking herbs and fungus, she always carries a basket on her back, or puts it in a woolen bag, and follows her grandfather into the mountains like a man. She never has the heart to miss the rare money for changing seasons. When her uncle was studying, she and her grandfather used it to earn his tuition every semester. The children got married one after another. She grows food, sells medicinal materials, and spends money and medicine from her and her grandfather's family, and rarely reaches out to her children for it.

? She is very strong. Grandparents' generation have been arguing all their lives. Grandma has always disdained grandpa's stubbornness and won't deal with people. Stubborn grandpa always likes to be deadlocked with grandma's different opinions, but after several rounds of contests with grandma, he finally gave in. Stalemate again and again, and compromise with grandma again and again. When I was a child, I always felt that my grandfather was pitiful and my grandmother was too overbearing. I didn't know until I grew up that grandpa would suffer a lot in front of outsiders without grandma's bullying.

? She is kind and strong. When she was sixty-five, my grandmother and I brought our three-day-old cousin back to our hometown to raise her. My cousin went to school at the age of five and left her hometown. In the past five years, how many times did grandma get up at night to feed her cousin with milk powder, how many times did she put her crying cousin to sleep, how many times did grandma cry and how many tears she shed? I can't count ... but she finally mentioned her cousin. Today, my cousin is a boy of 1.8 meters, healthy, intelligent and enterprising.

? In this way, grandma has experienced too many ups and downs in her life, but she has never been afraid. She has always been very thoughtful, supporting a family and taking care of the whole family with the bullying and toughness of the little old lady.

? four

? But I don't know when it started, and I feel grandma is old. Her legs and feet are no longer so flexible, her fingers are severely deformed, and the painkillers and plasters in the cupboard are no longer broken. She seldom goes up the mountain, stays at home to cook for grandpa, and starts calling grandpa old man, constantly persuading grandpa not to be so stubborn, impatient and eat so fast …

? She is anxious about my marriage, married and constantly worried about my married life. She is worried about her brother's ignorance. She always said that her father's mind was heavy and stressed, and it was distressing to see his thin back. She always buckles a bowl of fried rice or noodles for her father by the fire.

? She is deaf, so she can't whisper to her. She said loudly that it was hard for her to hear. Although I don't want grandma to be old, she is really old. Her eyes were blurred, and her eyes suffered from cataracts one after another, and she could see again after the operation. Her leg hurts badly and she feels sick all over. She has been hospitalized more often, but it seems that every time she checks, she can't find out the reason, which makes grandma feel very wronged. But I was sick, uncomfortable, and asked to be hospitalized.

? Thinking about hospitalization may not be grandma's idea, but as long as she is hospitalized, the care and visit of her children and grandchildren is what grandma expects. When I am old, I am sometimes afraid of loneliness, so I want some sense of existence willfully. Every time my grandmother is hospitalized, the first thing I do after work is to go shopping to buy all kinds of delicious food, or go home to cook good food for my grandmother. Every time I go, my grandmother blames me for spending too much money or not being tired, but I know she just loves me dearly and really wants me to go. She wants to see me.

? Later, after grandma fell, she refused to go to the hospital and resolutely refused treatment. No matter how her family advised her, she said that she was old and wanted to stay at home and not go anywhere.

? During that time, I just felt that my grandmother was getting old, but I never thought that she would abandon us one day. I'm always busy, so I don't often go back to see her. Even if I go back, I will come and go in a hurry and can't say a few words. I only heard from my father that grandma couldn't help crying night after night because of her physical pain at night. The next day, she felt better and sat on the bed doing needlework.

? That year, grandma was 77 years old, and the pain finally dried up her life. She was no longer willing to endure the pain and left us forever. I couldn't believe it when my father told me the bad news.

? Grandma has suffered all her life and never enjoyed much happiness. At the end of her life, she was still suffering from illness and torture. Now think about it, how did she endure those heartbreaking pains for so many days and nights? If she has been strong all her life, how can she cry? ...

? However, after my grandmother passed away, I deeply realized the regret that "children want to raise and don't stay close". Before that, it was just an offer.

? But everything is disconsolate.

? Later, I heard my mother and grandfather tell me about the scene before my grandmother died. Three days before grandma died, I asked my mother to wash her hair. On the night of death, she washed her face and drank two spoonfuls of rice. She told grandpa that she was leaving. She asked her grandpa to put on clean underwear and straighten her pants. She pays attention to a generation of cleanliness, and she has to go clean when she leaves. She has been clean all her life. She is tired of a miserable life and a helpless life. Near dawn, grandma left, so she left this world alone and quietly, and died in a person's loneliness without saying goodbye to anyone. ...

? At the memorial service, the neighbors were chanting that she was a good old lady and that 77 was a good age. But I always thought that it was not enough for grandma to live to 77, but she could live to be older. I always feel that grandma herself doesn't want to die at this age, because she never told me that she was leaving.

? The last thing she left me was to sit on the stove and eat noodles. Although she has been in bed for a long time, she is still refreshed, so that people can't see her illness.

? But the last time I didn't see my grandmother, it was destined to be my eternal regret in my life. On the day I died, I quietly took one last look at my grandmother. She seems to be asleep, with a calm face. After the funeral, I kept asking my parents and grandpa if grandma mentioned me and left me a message. Dad said grandma was confused in her later years and didn't talk much. But in my heart, my grandmother must have been thinking about me and looking forward to my return. My grandmother never gave birth to a daughter in her life. She regards me as her daughter, and I am not a qualified granddaughter.

? five

? six

? After grandma left, I always miss her and want to write something to her, but my handwriting is poor, which can't be as good as grandma's, and it can't be as good as grandma's.

? Just talking to comfort my lost heart. After that, I never saw my grandmother again. ...

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