What if you don't love yourself?

Most of people's psychological problems come from not liking themselves. Every day I feel that two places are not good enough: this one is not good enough and that one is not good enough. Then I feel inferior and anxious, and try to correct it, hoping that I can become my ideal appearance.

I give students training, and sometimes I do an advantage exercise and invite members to tell me their three advantages. In this exercise, many people will be reluctant to speak first, and will try their best to squeeze out a sentence: I am kind. However, if they are allowed to talk about their shortcomings, they can talk endlessly, such as the water of the Yellow River.

Disliking yourself, when did it become so daily? I always feel that I didn't give up on myself today, as if I didn't eat today.

Why don't you ask yourself: What are your shortcomings? What are your strengths?

Try to write it on a piece of paper and feel whether you have the same emotional concentration for the two.

Chicken soup experts will teach people to like themselves, appreciate themselves, recognize themselves and love themselves.

When I was studying psychology, my blood boiled when I heard such remarks.

The secret of happiness is self-knowledge!

So I have to tell myself every day: you are already great. In order to make this feeling more real, I will look for evidence: you see, you are better than A, B, C and D, and you have achieved ABCD.

However, every time I look in the mirror, I begin to doubt life again: you are not handsome enough, rich enough, smart enough, hardworking enough, loving enough, and there are so many psychological problems. Life makes you so hard, how can you deceive yourself and say "I like myself"?

Then I began to dislike myself: why can't you appreciate yourself?

Appreciating your own way is really tiring and frustrating. This has to make me reflect. There must be something wrong. If psychology cannot be easily changed, it must be pseudo-psychology.

Self-knowledge is a particularly difficult thing. When you praise yourself, you ignore an important question: Does it matter whether others like you or not?

Put you on an island and live alone. Your only observers are pigs, tigers, deer and fish. You feel great every day, very, very great. Does such recognition make sense?

You like yourself very much and think you are great. However, you don't care if people around you don't think well of you. Is this really good?

Without observers, do people still need to know themselves? Whether people like themselves or not is not that important. What matters is whether others like you or not. People live in relationships, and we need to be liked by others.

It is our survival instinct to strive to win the likes of others. People's subconscious mind believes in the survival of the fittest, and we are afraid of being abandoned, so it takes a lot of time to improve ourselves and change ourselves in order to get more likes. This is the cleverness of people.

People don't like you, and you are still crazy about yourself. This is a typical narcissistic personality disorder. Without social function, it is impossible to live well in society.

I like the confirmation that I come from the environment. The power of environmental hypnosis is far greater than self-hypnosis.

When people around you begin to like you and find that you are actually very good, and you constantly confirm that you are very good from their eyes, you begin to believe that you are very good.

Even if you like yourself very much, when the surrounding environment constantly denies and criticizes your bad, and you can't live without this environment for a long time, you will gradually begin to doubt yourself.

This is herd mentality. To what extent can people doubt themselves in conformity psychological experiments? When six people began to say that a 20 cm line segment was as long as a 10 cm line segment, the seventh person began to doubt his own vision.

In addition, people are more vulnerable to "How am I?" The influence of this subjective idea

How can we recognize ourselves?

For a baby, his understanding of himself is blank. When he was growing up, if his parents repeatedly gave him the concept of "You are fine, we like you very much", the baby was confirmed by his parents' eyes and believed that he was fine. His self-cognition is relatively stable.

When he grows up, he can resist the negative environment for a while. When the negation of environment exceeds his self-stability, he will fall into self-doubt.

When the baby grows up, his parents always stare at his shortcomings and repeatedly input him the concept of "you are not good, we don't like you". The baby believes that he is not good. When I grow up, my tolerance for negative environment is relatively low. When others casually deny him, he falls into a comprehensive self-doubt.

At this time, the general recognition of the environment can't offset the self-awareness of "I am bad". He needs a lot of environmental cognition to revise this cognition again and establish the self-concept of "I'm fine".

Therefore, self-recognition actually comes from two aspects: when you were a child, your parents recognized or denied you, which made you establish your own cognition. When you grow up, people around you will approve or deny you and try to reshape your understanding of yourself. Both come from others, and we all know what we look like from others' eyes.

When I was a child, there was nothing I could do. The point is, when you grow up, how can you get to know yourself again?

The answer is to make others recognize you more!

You will find how smart people here are. People's subconscious has mastered this law, so people have to change themselves. Become better and get more recognition.

People who don't like themselves all have one thing in common: hard work. People who don't even recognize their own efforts will fall into anxiety. I feel lazy, I don't work hard, I don't have the strength, and I can't change if I want to, so I am very anxious.

In fact, anxiety is a sign of hard work. Although your body is not working hard enough, your heart is working hard enough.

People who try to change themselves are too anxious to stop and ask themselves this question: Do others really dislike me? Or do I think people won't like me so much?

In fact, there have always been many people who like you, and there are many places that like you. It's just that you have no time, no mind and no energy to find out. You are always anxious to change yourself in order to win the favor of others. But I didn't stop to find that you have been liked. In fact, the love of others does not come from your efforts to change yourself, but from discovery. Find out that others have always liked you!

Although there are always some people in this world who don't like you and some people don't like some aspects of you, it doesn't affect the other two things:

Someone likes you!

What you have is very likable!

What you don't know is that you have an advantage in the eyes of others than in your own eyes.