About WeChat circle of friends?

With the frequent use of the word "Duan Zi", its connotation has also changed quietly, and people unconsciously incorporated it into some unique connotations. Now this word is not only the original meaning, but also the common name of vocal music programs or literary works. The following is what I carefully arranged for you, hoping to help you!

1. There is a MM with a particularly flat chest, and I am afraid that my boyfriend will know that I dislike myself, so I will keep it from my boyfriend. Finally, they went to bed for the first time, turned off the lights and got into bed ... When her boyfriend touched MM's chest, she said, "Honey, don't sleep on your stomach!" " "

The young couple share a bed with their son. In the middle of the night, the couple secretly made out and suddenly found that their son was gone! After searching for a long time, it turned out that my son was hiding behind the door with his knees. The husband and wife shouted: "Come back quickly, it's windy behind the door!" "The son said angrily," Don't lie, it's windy in bed! " !"

3. The wife asked her husband, "If I am crazy, will you still love me?" The husband said firmly, "Love!" The wife pondered for a while and said sadly, "You really love my appearance!" " "

Before the wedding, the groom asked the host, "How much is it to host a wedding?" The host said, "The more beautiful the bride is, the more expensive it is!" The groom is embarrassed to give his master a dollar. The host paused, looked back at the bride, and then got back fifty cents.

5. The Academy of Fine Arts is taking a human body class. A girl was drawing when she suddenly dropped her pen on the ground! The girl yelled at the male model: "I will get older and older, but I am still TM!" "

6. That man is chatting up beautiful women in the bar. The man asked, "I wonder what kind of man a beautiful woman is interested in?" The beauty was silent for a while and said in a low-key way, "Big price, rough equipment."

7. One day, a school was having a tense exam! The exam topic is "Similarities between Bad-hearted Radish and Pregnant Women"! Only three students passed! The answer of these three students is: "It's all caused by bugs." Only one student got full marks! The answer is: "It's too late!"

8. It is your duty to sleep with your wife; Sleep comfortably and happily with mistresses; Sleeping with classmates is an old love; Sleeping with rich women is to get more money; Sleeping with a young lady is a contribution to foreign aid; Sleeping with widows is the contemporary Lei Feng spirit!

9. The wife asked her husband, "Do you like my tenderness or are you infatuated with my sexy figure?" The husband was embarrassed for a while and replied, "I like your sense of humor!" " ! "

10. Miss was taken away by the criminal police for questioning. Miss sophistry: "I just sold two yuan condoms to two hundred yuan!" " "Criminal police asked him angrily," how dare you chicanery! What happened afterwards? The young lady explained, "What happened later?" ... and later taught him how to use it, which belongs to after-sales service. "

1 1. After the tsunami, there was a rotting male corpse floating in the village, and only the lower body could argue! A village woman looked at it and said, "This is not my man, nor the village head, nor the accountant." The village girl looked at it and said, "This is not my brother-in-law, nor is it my brother-in-law!" At this time, a widow came over and touched it and said, "Go home, it's not from our village."

12. The wife and husband were shopping when the wife's skirt was suddenly blown up by the strong wind! The wife pressed her skirt in panic and shouted, "Oh, my God! Spring leak! " The husband gave her a white look and said, "Please! It's really a dirty laundry! "

13. A: "Dude, why do you look so sad?" B: "I accidentally posted my wife's * * * on the Internet!" A: "Then it's too early for you to be sad now. If that post sinks, you will be sad again! " "* * * think about it, and you will understand * * *

Humorous jokes about WeChat friends circle

1. The farmer slept naked in the orchard and was awakened by laughter. The result was ... a monkey stood in front of him and laughed wildly. The farmer asked inexplicably, "What are you laughing at?" The monkey said, "I have eaten fruits all my life, and I saw bananas and lychees grow together for the first time."

2. brag about whose wife is the thinnest than three people. A Dai: "My wife's scarf can be worn as clothes." Agua refused to accept: "My wife can fall into the sewer if she takes a shower carelessly." Xiao Ming said slowly, "My wife swallowed an almond and everyone thought she was pregnant."

3. Have you slept? Pigs go to bed so early! Haven't slept yet? Dogs are always so energetic! Want to curse? Monkeys are always less patient than people! Want to hit me? Bears are always so violent! Just ignore me? That's turtle style!

4. Strange, strange, strange, strange. Seven turtles are dancing, six lions are playing chess, five monkeys are eating pears, four donkeys are chasing Shu Kei, three mice are patting level three, two crabs are playing Tai Chi, and a little pig is reading information!

You know our friendship means a lot to me. I cry when you cry, and I laugh when you laugh. When you jump off a tall building, I will stick my head out without hesitation: "Wow! Strangely, not dead! "

6. An African underage lion was sad and depressed, and his mother asked what was wrong. The little lion replied, "I just ate someone, probably from China." The lioness was anxious: "Eat people without looking at their passports! I told you before that their chemical elements exceeded the standard. Can we live with our bones? " The lion's father comforted him: "Don't be afraid. China people who can hunt in Africa eat and drink. This person should be green food. "

7. Men are not drunk, women have no tips, and women are not drunk and men have no chance. People are divided into two categories: one is frugal as if to live forever; The other is as extravagant as if he is going to die tomorrow.

8. Biologists put a naked beauty and a camera in front of a very clever orangutan, and it chose the latter. The biologist asked the orangutan why he chose this one, and the orangutan replied, "I heard that this camera will automatically zoom."

9. A Dai went to his girlfriend's house and saw no one in the living room. He shouted, "Where are you?" Girlfriend: "I'm washing dates, there's no one at home, come and help me!" " "A Dai is shy and silent. The girlfriend is impatient: "Come on! What are you doing? A Dai: "I'm taking off my clothes." ..."

10. When the husband came home, his wife did a routine check-up and suddenly pointed to his shirt and shouted, "Whose lipstick print is this?" While trying to remember, he muttered, "Remember when I took off my shirt!"

1 1. The couple went out for an outing by bike. After they climbed a big slope with difficulty, the husband panted, "This, this slope is really steep, it's really difficult to climb, and I'm exhausted!" " My wife echoed, "Yes, if I hadn't stepped on the brakes tightly, we would have slipped down." "

12. The husband happily said to his wife, "You have devoted yourself to your family for so many years, and I'm going to give you a promotion next week!" Wife: "What promotion?" "I marry a little wife and let you be a big wife."

Funny jokes of WeChat friends circle

1. A recruit always lags behind when he gets up, so he buys dyes and paints his body in camouflage uniforms. He was the first to rush out of the barracks when the bugle sounded in the middle of the night. The officer praised: "Very good! But next time, pay attention to the Grenade hanging behind. "

2. A man accosted a sister paper on the bus. The man said to the woman, "You really look like my ex-girlfriend." The woman bowed her head in shame and asked, "So … why did you break up with her?" Man: "I think she is ugly."

In high school, the penultimate in the class never came to school and spent all day in Internet cafes. But the strange thing is that he comes to every exam and is never absent. Later, we found that the penultimate member of the class would go to the Internet cafe to give it to the penultimate member 10 yuan before each exam, begging him to take the exam. ...

4. Chasing a girl recently failed ... Call my mother at night and tell her not to chase girls. Too much trouble. I'll wait for the girls to chase me later. On the other end of the phone, my mother said coldly, "People should learn to recognize themselves ... recognize themselves ..."

My best friend and I went to the hospital for examination and found that we were pregnant for two months. I wanted to give my husband good news, but my mobile phone was dead, so I had to borrow my best friend's mobile phone and send him a short message: I am pregnant. After the transmission was successful, I remembered that there was no signature. I just want to resend it. Husband has replied: honey, really? Where are you now? I'll pick you up! I seem to understand something. ...

I saw a beautiful little girl on my way to work today, so I followed her. She seemed to find me following her, so she ran a short distance. I think, if I don't grasp this fate, I may regret it all my life, so I chased it up and said, "Beauty, can you give me your phone number?" She ran away in panic with trembling hands and a mobile phone in her hand. ...

7. I went to buy steamed buns today and said to the boss who sells steamed buns, "Boss, what flavor of steamed buns is the best?" The boss said, "Meat buns are delicious." I replied, "Give me a white sugar one."

8. When I was in college, I heard a roommate say that one of his friends expressed his feelings: "My brother is getting married." A message: "Your boy won't get on the boat first and then make up the ticket, will he?" Congratulations! " Later reply: "Not me, but my brother ..."

9. Chatting with a sister, the sister said, "I like watching movies very much, and you like playing games." I said, "Watching movies is boring. Hands are always idle and unhappy. " My sister suddenly said, "You won't find a movie that can be used ~" You know how to use your hands ... your hands? !

10. Do you know that I met a mentally retarded person yesterday? I've never seen such a stupid person? As for how stupid? Let me tell you this, he may have a lower IQ than you!

1 1. A lady went to the public security expert bureau to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked, "When did he disappear?" "Two weeks ago." "Then why did you report the case today?" "I just remembered today, because today is his pay day."

12. I'm a little handsome. One day, I sat in a board game bar in a daze. Suddenly, three sisters invited me to play games with them. One of the girls is very good at boasting about how rich her family is. She owns this board game bar ... but how can I remember that I am the boss? When did she become mine?