Do you have to close your circle of friends to live a good life? -Analyze the four stages of using my circle of friends.

If the presence or absence of a circle of friends can't affect us, or we don't need to avoid it deliberately, it is naturally best to live a good life and enjoy the fun it brings. ? -inscription

Friends circle has been around for six years. But it has been deeply integrated into our lives. But it seems that people don't like their circle of friends except enjoying others' praise ... More and more people close their circle of friends, no longer want to see little red dot, and no longer care about what others have sent.

Criticism of the circle of friends begins with people discovering how it negatively affects our lives-paying too much attention to others makes us forget what we want to pursue; Seeing the beautiful life of others and looking back at my own mess, I feel depressed to the extreme; Brush constantly every day, except envy, waste time, and finally get nothing; I hate this, but I can't help watching it.

However, is the circle of friends really the original sin?

I'm a typical post-90s generation, and I've been using it since my circle of friends appeared. I've also been thinking about this for a long time. Until recently, I summed up my psychological changes in using my circle of friends and came to some opinions-maybe just closing my circle of friends can not solve our worries.

I explain it from the four stages of using the circle of friends:

A, ignorant stage-simply record the mood.

The circle of friends appeared in April of 20 12, when I was a sophomore. In fact, friends circle is nothing new. Before it appeared, I used QQ space, but the function was similar. I use this function the most. Often send some life feelings and daily moods. I keep a diary occasionally. I was still writing poetry at that time. In college, teenagers don't know what it's like to be upset, and there are always various moods to record. However, at that time, it seemed that more attention was paid to the expression of words, and fewer pictures were distributed. The emergence of a circle of friends is a bit like Instagram, which pays more attention to the instant sharing of photos, just like its English Moments, recording the moments of life. With the appearance of WeChat voice function and the simpler interface of WeChat, it seems that everyone is slowly moving from QQ to WeChat. What you usually share on QQ is also slowly transferred. So when I started using it, I just shared some little things in my life. At that time, not many people used it, and everyone had no consciousness. Praise and comment don't seem to be popular. So I used a circle of friends at that time, just to record my mood. That was the first time I sent a circle of friends. One weekend afternoon, my hair was itchy and there was no hot water to wash my hair in the school dormitory. I looked at the sky outside the door bored and took a picture of the sky from my bed. It's a record of boredom, without any comments or likes.

I stayed in this state until I graduated from college. Record the little things in life-when you are in a good mood, you will send them and take selfies. Occasionally, friends will join the discussion and like it. They are usually familiar classmates and friends. It is also good for everyone to talk about the recent situation in the comments.

Second, the anxiety stage-too much social comparison and life career.

Friends circle, the source of anxiety, has become the epitome of society.

With the continuous development of WeChat, it is no longer just the contact information of classmates and friends. /kloc-graduated in 0/4, and joined many colleagues after joining the work. Because colleagues are not as familiar as friends, friends are always afraid of being seen by colleagues or leaders and don't want them to know themselves too well. And many students no longer contact after graduation, but also become alive. Since then, the circle of friends has begun to form as a microcosm of society. Where there is society, there will be people, and there will be comparisons and comparisons. Everyone wants to be better than others. When there was no circle of friends before, people didn't often see each other's lives except those with good relationships. Relatives will compare themselves with their children during the Chinese New Year, and friends will get along better when classmates get together. Colleagues don't contact after work, and no one cares about your life.

However, the emergence of a circle of friends has concentrated our lives on this network platform. People can share their lives anytime and anywhere, and others can see yours anytime and anywhere. This brings the comparison in real life to the internet, and it is 24 hours a day.

So everyone tends to send only good things in the circle of friends. Fall in love, get married, have children, travel, have parties, all kinds of delicious and pleasant songs (although research proves that few people can listen to them), exercise, run records, finish reading a book, and so on. It seems that the circle of friends has become a life competition exhibition center. Holidays have become a landscape selfie contest, Valentine's Day has become a red envelope gift show and a love contest, and going to work is a big company activity contest and an overtime inspirational contest. ...

As a result, people seem to be trapped in a circle of friends, as if every beautiful aspect of life should be posted, and it seems that they have never done it; Traveling, not sending the place, it seems that I have never been here; Running and walking, not making friends, running in vain. And so on, so did I, and then I became more and more anxious, as if life itself was to make friends. I had an extreme experience. I plan to travel to Xiamen. Before I go, I am thinking about how to make friends. ...

The source of my anxiety is too much social comparison and recognition.

Social comparison includes comparing with people who are better than themselves and comparing with people who are "worse" than themselves. In the process of comparison, we hope to be recognized, live in a way that others like more and more, and forget what we really want. We hope to get more praise, as if only being praised can prove that we have done a good job.

Compared with people who are better than themselves, they will feel inferior or jealous. Why not say envy? I remember in Alain de Botton's Identity Anxiety, jealousy occurs between huge gaps, such as some stars and celebrities. We are envious but not jealous. Jealousy used to be a small gap between now and the past, but now the gap is big, usually people around you. When I see that people who used to be like myself have a better life than themselves, I always think, why can't I be like them?

In the past, I was most afraid to see my classmates and friends drying marriage certificates and wedding photos. Because I have talked with my boyfriend for several years, my family has been urging marriage. I will also be influenced by the ideas of older unmarried young women. It hurts every time I see it. The circle of friends also provides all kinds of life possibilities that we will see. While watching other people's lives, we will wonder why I can't do it. Is it possible for me to study abroad like her? Challenge bungee jumping like him? In this way, we will deny ourselves more and more and yearn for other people's lives in the process of being jealous of others.

Compared with people who are "worse" than themselves, it is a social comparison in the opposite direction. Others feel guilty when they think they are better than him. I wonder if I will hurt her. Why do you put quotation marks? Because I think difference is just a relative concept. Because everyone's life has bad parts, but some people will emphasize these in the circle of friends. I have a friend, 29 years old, who has talked with her boyfriend for many years. Her boyfriend seems unwilling to get married. She often sends some sad words in her circle of friends. Every time I see it, I can't seem to help her. So if she posts these contents, if I have anything happy to share (after marriage), she will be blocked. The so-called comparison with people who are "worse" than themselves is actually a kind of hope that others will feel that they are better off than them and that they are showing off. This feeling will make me feel contradictory when I send a circle of friends. No, I think I want some people to know that I am also fine; If you do, you are afraid of hurting others.

Then I made friends, colleagues, relatives, friends, big leaders and so on. Every time you send a circle of friends, you have to weigh who to show and who to block. After finishing, I have lost half my excitement and want to share it. We want to be understood by some people, but we don't want to be seen by others. I hope the people I like know more about myself, and I hope colleagues and leaders don't see through themselves.

When I am constantly entangled in other people's opinions, I gradually forget the original intention of sharing, thus becoming more and more impetuous.

The source of anxiety is that the time of friends circle is occupied.

The emergence of a circle of friends allows us to understand other people's lives and learn more about hot events. Everyone is curious, so brushing the screen has become an indispensable activity in our lives. Brush while eating, while waiting in line, before going to bed, when going to the toilet, when studying, and when going to work. Although it is all fragmentary time, it adds up to most of our lives. Affect work efficiency and the relationship with people around you. However, although I know it is not delicious, I still can't help but brush it, which makes people love and hate, and naturally they are anxious.

There's actually nothing to say about this part. This is a question of a circle of friends and all questions about smartphones. It's just that the circle of friends takes up more time for us to use our mobile phones. It is easy to distract us and delay time, but important things are delayed.

These anxieties have accompanied me for about three years after graduation, and working too hard is not what I really like. During this time, I have been in a state of anxiety. Although there are many things that can be done quietly, they are quickly dominated by others.

Third, the escape stage-after closing the circle of friends

These anxieties make me more and more afraid of using my circle of friends, which leads to instinctive rejection. It seems that as long as it always appears in my life, I am controlled, unable to really do my own thing, and always influenced by others. So from the second half of 17, I also began to close my circle of friends.

When I first closed my circle of friends, I really focused more on my life. More regular and planned, I can do it according to my own ideas every day. As the days slow down, you will enjoy the trip itself. Don't worry about how to make friends, enjoy the food itself, don't take pictures, and don't spend half a day. I spent two or three months like this.

However, there will be another feeling later. Because I closed my circle of friends, I hardly know what everyone shared. Some friends shared things, because I didn't watch them, and they talked enthusiastically. I don't know anything and I lack communication with them. During the holidays, because no one looks at the circle of friends, it seems that there is no festive atmosphere. I know what everyone said together.

What impressed me most was that everyone shared their photos of 18 years old. That time, I went to see a performance, second-hand roses, and they said on the stage that today everyone shamelessly shared their photos when they were young. Everyone is laughing at these stalks, but I don't know anything, and then I laugh silly, feeling that I missed something very interesting.

In addition, I began to worry that if you post some good articles and paragraphs, you will not miss them. There are also some current events in today's society. There was a time when playing with traveling frogs was very popular. Everyone is drying frog postcards in the circle of friends, but I don't know. After I knew it, I played for a while and shared with my friends where it went and what it brought us. Everyone will discuss it in a circle of friends. It's actually quite fun.

Although the circle of friends has many negatives, it does reflect what people care about in reality. And I am the kind of person who is curious about many things and wants to know more.

Then I began to close my circle of friends from Monday to Friday and find a time to screen my circle of friends on weekends. I think, in this way, I can not only prevent my circle of friends from influencing me too much, but also miss something. I can read my circle of friends like a book and observe what is happening around me like an outsider.

However, there is also a problem, that is, if a friend sends something on Monday, I will reply on the weekend, and I have missed the "best interaction time". In addition, I brushed a lot at the weekend and didn't have the patience to read it all.

So in the end, I feel that closing the circle of friends is not as good as I thought, and there will be another kind of anxiety, that is, I missed the interaction with friends and missed more opportunities to understand the present.

Fourth, let go of the stage-treat the circle of friends correctly

So later, I reopened my circle of friends. However, through these previous experiences, I know the positive and negative aspects of the circle of friends.

On the positive side, the original intention of the circle of friends is to let friends and relatives share their feelings with each other. Whether it is good or bad, friends can learn more about each other. Through interaction, feelings can be enhanced to some extent. In addition, by knowing what everyone in the circle of friends cares about, we can better understand the society and people's psychology, and also guide our life itself correctly.

As for the source of negativity and anxiety, as mentioned above, it is too much social comparison and time occupation. In this regard, there is no solution. I think the most important thing is to live a good life and know what you want. When we know our own direction, what others do belongs to others and cannot affect ourselves. If we have a plan for our daily life and follow our own steps, in fact, we have no time to pay too much attention to others. (I wrote an article earlier, "Living a planned life like Sheldon makes me less impetuous", and mentioned a similar plan. You can refer to it, ha)

It depends on the mood without sending a circle of friends. Send it if you like it, and don't send it if you don't like it, as long as it's not a screen. Regarding the screen, I think distance produces beauty, and people should keep a little mystery!

Another thing I worry about, guilt, is that sometimes I am afraid that making friends will hurt others. Later, I thought about it. In fact, I have to admit that I am an ordinary person. Even if I don't send something, others will. What I can do now is, if I see some friends in a bad mood, if I want to send something better, I will choose to block her. In addition, don't show off too deliberately in peacetime.

You can enjoy the happiness and avoid the anxiety without closing your circle of friends. I think this is how I use my circle of friends correctly.

Of course, I know that after I finish writing this article, the above anxiety and uneasiness will not disappear from now on, but after I understand the causes of anxiety, I will avoid it more skillfully when I meet again next time. For example, when you are in a bad mood, watch less friends, do more things that can make you happy, and avoid feeling unhappy when you see photos of others traveling. Or, when the screen is affected, turn off the phone, or throw it aside and focus on the present. I always turn off the data stream when I go to work, put my mobile phone in the drawer and take it out when I answer the phone, which can improve efficiency. And so on.

So I think if we can do it, even if we don't close our circle of friends, it won't affect our lives. This is the best.

Of course, if you think that closing your circle of friends will make you feel better and won't cause you any other anxiety and anxiety, then close it. After all, the most important thing is to be happy.