3-5 minutes of English jokes

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You are a good boy," mother said proudly. "Give you two cents. But why are you so interested in that old woman? "

"She is a candy seller."

Good boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.

"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he replied. "You are such a good boy," mother said proudly. "Give you two cents. But why are you so interested in that old lady? "

"She sells sweets."

Nest and hair

My sister is a primary school teacher. One of her students told her that a bird has built its nest in a tree outside the classroom.

"What bird?" My sister asked.

"I don't see any birds, madam, only a bird's nest," the child replied.

"Then, can you describe this bird's nest for us?" My sister encouraged her.

"Well, madam, it's like your hair."

Precautions:

(1) notify v.

(2) nest n. nest; nesting

3. Description

(4) Encourage

(5) reassemble v. similarity; similar

Bird nest and bird hair

My sister is a primary school teacher. Once, a student told her that a bird had built a nest in a tree outside the classroom.

"What kind of bird is it?" Sister asked her.

"Teacher, I don't see any birds, only a bird's nest." The child replied.

"So, can you describe this bird's nest for us?" My sister encouraged her.

"Oh, teacher, just like your hair."

I just bit my tongue.

"Are we poisonous?" The young snake asked his mother.

"Yes, dear," she answered. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I just bit my tongue!"

Precautions:

Poisonous

Because I just bit my tongue because I just bit my tongue. Cause in the sentence is the abbreviation of cause.

I just bit my tongue.

"Are we poisonous?" A young snake asked its mother.

"Yes, dear," she answered. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I just bit my tongue."

A woman who fell down

It was rush hour, and I rushed to a train at new york Central Station. As I approached the gate, a plump middle-aged woman rushed up from behind, lost her foothold on the smooth marble floor and slipped on her back. Her momentum brought her close to my shoes. However, before I could help her, she had climbed up. She calmed down, winked at me and said, "Do you always let beautiful women fall at your feet?"

A depraved woman

During the rush hour, I hurried to new york Luxury Center Station to catch the train. Near the door, a chubby middle-aged woman rushed from behind, only to find that she slipped on the smooth marble floor and slipped on her back. Her inertia brought her close to my feet. I was going to help her, but she stood up by herself. She calmed down, raised my eyebrows and said, "Do beautiful women always fall at your feet?"

English jokes (1)

Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?

A: Monkeys can have fleas, but fleas cannot have monkeys.

What's the difference between monkeys and fleas? You may directly think that they are a big one and a small one. But besides, monkeys can have fleas, but fleas can't have monkeys. Is this an interesting answer?

Q: How can you irritate a farmer best?

Step on his corn?

If you step on a farmer's corn or grain, he will definitely get angry; And if you step on the corns of farmers' feet, they will be more angry. Corn can refer to both "corn/grain" and "corn".

Q: What is the strongest creature in the world?

A: Snails. It carries the house on its back.

Because snails always carry a house on their backs, it is not surprising that snails are the strongest creatures in the world. What did you say?/Sorry?

Q: What do people do in watch factories?

They make faces all day.

When you see this sentence, don't think that people who work in a watch factory make faces all day! Because in addition to this meaning, it can be literally understood as making a clock face.

Q: How to stop sleepwalkers from walking in their sleep?

Keep him awake.

How can we stop sleepwalkers from walking in their sleep? The easiest way is not to let him sleep. Although this is not a treatment, if the sleepwalker is awake, he will not sleepwalk.

English jokes (2)

He is really a big shot.

-My uncle has 1000 people.

-He's really something. What does he do?

-The maintenance man in the cemetery.

He is really a big shot.

There are 1000 people under my uncle.

-He's really a big shot. What do you do?

Graveyard keeper.

English jokes (3)

Shortly after an old lady from China came back from visiting her daughter in the United States, she went to a city bank to deposit the dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk carefully checked every bill to see if it was true. This made the old lady impatient.

Finally, she couldn't hold on any longer and said. "Believe me, Sir, believe in money. They are real dollars. They are directly from the United States. "

They were brought directly from America.

An old lady from China came back from visiting her daughter in the United States and went to a city bank to deposit the dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the bank clerk carefully checked every banknote to see if it was fake.

This made the old woman very impatient. Finally, she couldn't help saying, "Trust me, sir, and please trust these bills, too. These are real dollars, and they are brought directly from the United States. "

English joke (4) My puppy can't read.

Mrs. Brown: Oh, dear, I have lost my beloved dog!

Mrs Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the newspaper!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use. My little dog can't read.

My dog can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh,

Honey, I lost my precious puppy!

Mrs Smith: But you should put an advertisement in the newspaper!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use. My puppy can't read. "

English jokes (5) bring me winners

Waiter, this lobster has only one paw.

-I'm sorry, sir. It must be fighting.

-Well, then bring me the winner.

Give me the winner.

Waiter,

This lobster has only one claw.

Sorry, sir, but this one must have been in a fight.

Oh, then give me the winner.

English joke (6) The party of mean men.

The notorious cheapskate finally decided to invite a guest. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Go up to 5 meters and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door opens, push it with your foot. "

"Why use my elbows and feet?"

"Oh, dear," he replied, "you won't come empty-handed, will you?"

The miser's treat.

A notorious miser finally decided to invite a guest. Explaining to a friend how to find his home, he said, "You go up to the fifth floor, find the middle door, and then ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door opens, push it open with your feet. "

"Why use my elbows and feet?"

"Your hand has been taken as a gift. God, you won't come empty-handed, will you? " The miser replied.

English Jokes (7) Advice for "Children"

Give some advice to people who are about to retire. If you are only 65 years old, never move to a retirement community. Everyone else is in their 70s, 80s or 90s. So, when something needs to be moved, lifted or loaded, they will shout, "Take the child away."

Advice for "young people"

Here I want to give some advice to those who are about to retire. If you are only 65 years old,

Never go to a retirement community. Because everyone there is seventy or eighty years old or eighty or ninety years old. Whenever they want to move, lift or load something, they shout, "Let the little one do it."

English joke (8) Which woman?

One night, I drove my husband's car to the shopping center.

When I came back, I noticed that his car was covered with dust, so I cleaned it up. When I finally entered the house, I called out. "The woman who loves you the most in the world just wiped your headlights and windshield."

The husband looked up and said, "Is mom here?"

Which woman?

One night, I drove my husband's car to go shopping. When I came back, I found the car was covered with dust, so I scrubbed it for a while. When I finally entered the room, I shouted, "The woman who loves you the most in the world just scrubbed your headlights and windshield."

The husband looked up and said, "Is mom here?"

The doctor lives downstairs.

"Doctor," she cried, skipping into the room, "I want you to tell me frankly what's wrong with me."

He looked at her from head to toe. "Madam," he said at last, "I have only three things to tell you. First, you need to lose nearly 50 pounds. Secondly, if you use one tenth of rouge and lipstick, your beauty will be improved. Third, I am an artist-the doctor lives downstairs. "

The doctor lives downstairs.

"Doctor," she shouted after rushing into the house.

"I want you to tell me frankly what happened to me."

He looked at her from head to toe, and then loudly said, "Madam, I have three things to tell you." First of all, you need to lose about 50 pounds; Secondly, if you use one tenth of rouge and lipstick, your beauty will change. Third, I am a painter-the doctor lives downstairs. "

English joke (10) There is one engine left

A 747 plane was on its way across the Atlantic when the captain's voice came from the loudspeaker: "Attention, passengers. We lost one engine, but we can definitely use the remaining three to get to London. Unfortunately, we will be one hour late. "

After a while, the passengers heard the captain's voice again. "Guess what, guys. We just lost the third engine, but please rest assured that we can fly with only one engine. We will arrive in London three hours late. "

At this point, a passenger became very angry. "For God's sake," he shouted, "if we lose another engine, we will stay here all night!"

There is only one engine left.

A 747 passenger plane was crossing the Atlantic when the captain's voice came from the loudspeaker: "Attention, passengers, one of our four engines is missing. But the remaining three engines will take us to London. It's just that we will be an hour late. " After a while, the passengers heard the captain's voice again: "Ladies and gentlemen, guess what? We just lost the third engine. But please believe me. We can fly with only one engine, but it will be three hours late. " Just then, a passenger said angrily, "For God's sake, if we lose another engine, we will stay in the sky all night."

Respondent: love my dream- senior manager level 7-5 10:08

The questioner's evaluation of the answer:

joke

The evaluation has been closed, and there are currently 8 evaluations.

okay

50% (4) is not good

50% (4)

Comments on the best answer

Very good!

Narrator: YABNV- magic apprentice 1 level

Other answers *** 2

logical inference

A fourth-grade teacher is giving her students a logic lesson.

"Here's the thing," she said. "A man was standing on a boat in the middle of the river fishing. He lost his balance, fell into the water and started splashing and shouting.

G for help. His wife heard the commotion and knew that he couldn't swim, so she ran to the shore. Why do you think she ran to the bank? "

A girl raised her hand and asked, "Do you want to withdraw all his savings?"

logical inference

The fourth grade teacher is giving a logic lesson to the students. She gave an example like this: "There was a case where a man was fishing on a boat in the middle of a river and suddenly lost his center of gravity and fell into the water. So he began to struggle and shouted for help. His wife heard his cry and knew that he couldn't swim, so she hurried to the river. Who can tell me why? " A girl raised her hand and answered, "Are you going to withdraw his deposit?"

[Note] In English, besides the familiar "bank", bank also means "river bank".

Have you stopped hitting your wife? Did you stop hitting your wife?

This story is about an aggressive lawyer who habitually tries to intimidate his opponent's witnesses.

A witness tends to give a lengthy explanation before answering.

"I want' yes' or' no'," thundered the lawyer. You don't need to argue about it! "

"But some questions can't be answered with' yes' or' no'," the witness replied gently.

"None!" The lawyer snapped.

"Oh," said the witness, "then answer this question:" Have you stopped hitting your wife? "

This story is about an aggressive defense lawyer who is used to trying to intimidate opposing witnesses.

A witness is a little inclined to give a lengthy explanation before answering questions.

"I want you to answer yes or no," the defense lawyer thundered. "You don't need to argue about this question."

"But some questions cannot be answered with' yes' or' no'." The witness responded to him gently.

"There is no such problem!" The lawyer snapped at him.

"Oh," said the witness, "then please answer this question:" Have you stopped hitting your wife? "

Two birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, and the other is a sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I can't point it out, but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow, and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

Two birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a sparrow. Who can point out which is the swallow and which is the sparrow?

Student: I can't point it out, but I know the answer

Teacher: Please talk about it.

Student: The sparrow is next to the swallow, and the swallow is next to the sparrow.

Are these all right