Novel: I like you, but I never said it.

I still remember two years ago, when I was holding my mobile phone in the school dormitory and listening to you say with a smile that you were about to enter the marriage hall, the whole person seemed to be deprived of my soul, and I felt that my five senses were deprived, but I just listened to you and asked me to be the best man. I just listened quietly, with mixed feelings in my heart. It was not until you found me silent and called my name twice that I reacted and pretended to be happy. Only then did I realize that this is the feeling of heartache. I always liked you, but I never told you.

she is my childhood friend, at least in my heart. As the parents of the old family, I am their treasure, but it also carries all their expectations. Maybe I am precocious, or maybe my family environment makes me a sensible child in the eyes of most parents in China. Most sensible children are not only sensible, but also want to cry for toys like other children. The price of being sensible is that grievances are all in their hearts. I studied hard in primary school and unconditionally carried out the requirements and orders of parents and teachers. I am undoubtedly the child of others in the hearts of Chinese peers.

There is nothing wrong with this kind of life for me, but now it seems that I didn't feel difficult at that time because I had her in my childhood. She has always been a naughty and lovely girl, and many things that I think are out of line are led by her. For example, if I don't go home after school and take me to "treasure hunt", I end up picking up a pile of garbage and secretly hiding it at home. She will also take me to other children's homes to play. In short, no matter what she does, she always likes to take me with her. From the beginning, she is unwilling to refuse her, and later she is used to being taken by her. Maybe our role-playing has always been opposite. Compared with me who is dull and conservative, she protects me more like a sister.

until the first day of junior high school, when I was twelve or thirteen years old, it was a ripe time for girls. We were assigned to a class as we wished, and as a good student, I chose her as my deskmate. I thought, then we can make progress with each other. Until one night in self-study, she suddenly said to me, put out your hand and I'll show you something good. I didn't think much, so I smiled and held out my hand and waited for something good. Suddenly, a warm and soft feeling appeared on my hand. I was caught off guard and suddenly she just held my hand. In an instant, my face burned red, but only 2 seconds later, I felt inappropriate, because in this small county, my thoughts were conservative, and the school always stressed that puppy love was not allowed. Such outrageous behavior was not good at that time. Then my face burned like a fucking child who made a mistake, and then my hand pulled out hard. She held on for two seconds and gave up. While I was relieved, I didn't notice the disappointment in the corner of her eye. Now that I think about it, I really want to slap myself at that time. What is a man doing? When I asked her later why she did this, she said that I just wanted to give you the first chance to hold hands in my life. I was silent and didn't speak. Although my emotional intelligence was low, I could still hear such an obvious confession. But at that time, I just wanted to be a good student and study hard, so I just stupidly didn't speak to deal with it.

After that, my feelings remained the same as if nothing had happened, but I obviously felt that something important to me was missing. In this way, until she is no longer my neighbor, we are lucky to be a school in high school, but she chose liberal arts, while I chose science. High school studies are heavy, especially for City No.1 Middle School, people are overwhelmed by the tense learning atmosphere, and we have little chance to meet each other, let alone talk about anything else. We are like two parallel lines running forward, but there will never be an intersection.

after I went to college, I also fell in love with the trend, but I always felt a little less excited. Later, this relationship ended in vain. It was not until the moment I received the phone call that I realized that she had always been a figure in the corner of my heart, occupying a position. My first love just ended before it started. That night, I was so worried that I said to my best friend, go and have a drink. He gave me a look, maybe he could see that I was in a bad mood, so he did a bottle of white with me without saying anything. Didn't explain at the dinner table, just a cup of drink, just want to get drunk, finally really drunk, two people stumbled back to the dormitory, wandering in bed, at that moment all the things about you flashed in front of my eyes like a movie fast forward, and finally fell asleep in a daze. In my dream, you and I are just like what Nalan Rong Ruo wrote. If life is just like the first time, what is the autumn wind sad to draw a fan?

I should have blessed you, but in the end, I made an excuse not to go. Forgive me for not being able to calmly watch you step into the marriage hall with another man holding hands. People often say that if you break up, don't meet again. I think it's not just because I'm afraid of the unpleasantness of breaking up, but also because I'm afraid of not letting go and heartache. On your wedding day, I will tell you silently here that I like you, but I have never said it.