After my cousin comes back

When my cousin sent me a WeChat message to tell me that she was coming back, I was watching TV in the dormitory and eating melon seeds. This message really came unexpectedly. Although she had posted "Home is the warmest place" on WeChat Moments several times, people who knew the truth understood why she ran away - she couldn't bear the dilapidation and poverty of her family, and she couldn't stand it anymore. I couldn't bear the scolding from my family.

I thought that if I wanted to see her, I would have to go find her. I would have to have a stable job, some decent savings, and take advantage of a short holiday to go to Shanghai to meet her. Then At that time, I made her feel at ease.

Maybe it was because I left her the words "May she run away for half her life and come back as a young girl" in the middle of the night. She only told me the news of "return" and repeatedly told me not to tell her. Family members.

Then I said, I’ll pick you up. It just so happened that the night you came back was Friday.

She said, OK, by the way, I came back with my boyfriend.

I have always been taciturn and introverted. After I was almost driven crazy by depression, I was even worse at communicating. The closer I got to people, the less I had anything to say. So the conversational language that foreshadowed the reunion was dry. Many words ran through my mind, but half of them were "oh oh" and "um huh".

In fact, I envy my cousin in a way that I dare not say out loud. I envy her courage to leave as soon as she says it. I also envy her unrestrained wandering. Compared with studying hard all the way, I finally got into a university with a promising future. I only dare to relax a little after 211. Her life can be considered colorful. Similarly, when I was twenty years old and had not even had a little ambiguity, I was curious and afraid of such a creature as a "boyfriend". In this way, I am considered a weirdo.

Admittedly, I just want to be a girl like my cousin from time to time. It is said that what you think about every day is what you dream about at night, so I had a dream at night. In the dream, I was my cousin who had not left for Shanghai alone - she had a round face, small eyes, a flat nose, and an average-sized nose. The mouth is definitely not a good-looking appearance, but my cousin has a naive temperament. Of course, now it is cute. I was opened the door early in the morning before I could see clearly whether my cousin was wearing an orange or orange down jacket. Awakened by the sound.

I know she has a boyfriend. He is of Han nationality and seems to be from Henan or Jiangsu. Of course, this is my subjective assumption based on the accent.

This is a troublesome thing. Even if my cousin says that if the person is not her boyfriend, she will never get married again; even if the boy is willing to follow the Hui clan for my cousin, it is like a mystery for them to get married. Zang had to go through ninety-nine and eighty-one difficulties to learn the scriptures.

After all, my cousin is divorced and is still a Hui girl.

I always feel that the "Hui" are a magical nation - children are born with beliefs, and are taught "things that must not be done" from the time they are sensible, but few people tell their children Why can't, and few people clearly tell their children what faith is.

As a result, our beliefs are getting weaker with each generation, and most people even begin to resent their "difference" in their teens. We have been shackled since childhood, but this matter will have to wait until the machete falls. Only then will we know.

My cousin dropped out of school early and got married early. She got married, had children, divorced and ran away at the age of twenty. I am five or six years younger than her. I only did schooling and growing up. Two things. But we clearly recognize the shackles on our bodies and the machete above our heads.

So she said she was coming back and I couldn't wait to see what she looked like.

Friday came quickly, and when we successfully connected, I clutched the grilled squid and mace potatoes I bought for them. It has to be said that even though my cousin has been away in Shanghai for two years, she is still not that beautiful. The photos posted on social media and in the circle of friends may not be available if they are not repaired for half an hour.

Later I learned that although my cousin was originally focused on making money and spending money, the effect on improving me was really minimal.

The place where I live is a hotel that is hard to find. It’s hard for my cousin Meituan to find such a decent hotel. It doesn’t require me to pay for everything. After all, I am still a big talker and ask for money. students.

When I went back, I bought some Malatang and sat chatting together. The moment she lowered her eyes, I said, "Your eyes..." Before I could finish her words, I just felt a little inconsistent, and I always felt that something was wrong. Big pair. My cousin smiled and said she had her eyelids cut. He blinked and tilted his head and asked me, does it look good?

I nodded and said it looked good. Otherwise, what if her eyelids are a little swollen and the effect of double eyelids is not obvious?

I have almost forgotten what we talked about that night. I only remember briefly talking about each other’s feelings and blessings, and looking forward to a bright future. The next day we said goodbye and went back to our respective places. They went home to work hard for happiness, and I went back to school to study hard.

However, I received another WeChat message in two or three days, saying that if I had time tomorrow, I would come out and meet.

After chatting intermittently, the information I got was that the uncle, my cousin’s father, wanted them to spend 80,000 yuan to buy a house in the county, and then the marriage could be settled.

The cousin said that the two of them ran out in a hurry when no one was at home.

They also said that they were thinking of selling their kidneys.

I felt that this was not an easy matter, so I went to the appointment. It was still a small hotel that was hard to find. The two of them were lying on the bed in the standard room. My cousin said, you are a college student and you have been smart since you were a child. Please help us think of a solution.

I'm a little confused. If I have any way to make money to live, to be honest, I won't wait until it's time to give advice to others. I will act early and sit at home counting money and spending it. But it was rare that my cousin asked and came up with a few ideas.

I am a student, and I rely on my father for food, drink, housing, and occasional part-time jobs. I can only earn pocket money. My cousin, including her boyfriend, has worked hard in Shanghai for two years, so I thought it would be better.

But the truth is, maybe they haven't worried about me yet. Because they don't have any savings. So after the uncle asked to buy a house and get married, he found a good opportunity to run away and planned to sell his kidney.

I tried my best to swallow the "psychosis" that came to my lips, and told them not to get married yet, to complete the initial accumulation of capital, and then find a serious business to make some money.

I had to go to the hospital to visit patients that day. I leaned on the foot of the bed and broke into a few small-cost businesses. After I finished speaking, I looked at my cousin’s confused face and couldn’t say the next words. So I said it would be better to get a job first, save some money, and it would be better to take my time.

My cousin is still very sad, and I suddenly feel that she has only developed a temper in the years since she ran away.

My cousin said that my dad just doesn’t like him (she turned to her boyfriend) and doesn’t want us to get married.

I don’t think so.

The uncle doesn’t necessarily need them to spend much money. He makes this request because he sees no hope of living in them. So I say, if you show your skills and sincerity, your uncle will help you.

My cousin sneered, come on!

My cousins ??and siblings don’t believe in their father because his uncle has a gambling habit. They don't believe that their father, who was always a prodigal in their childhood when they needed him most, will repent and strive for improvement in middle age.

She said she envied me very much because I did not drop out of school and had a down-to-earth father. My son and daughter were both college students. So I didn't say that I also envied her for being able to do what she wanted to do instead of living a life where she could see from one end to the other. I should say, I envied her.

The uncle is actually very good, with a gentle temper, good handwriting, and strong abilities, but he can’t save money, and he has a wife who can’t stand coaxing, so neither of them can save money. The aunt lived a hard life growing up, and the mother was absent since she was a child. She was very unfamiliar with raising children. The two stumbled and dragged the three older children, which made the children "miserable", so the three children asked to drop out of school and start their own business.

My cousin never thinks that it is wrong for her to have no savings, but she thinks that her uncle is too much and her aunt is really pitiful. The relationship between father and daughter is very bad, and even a few words of advice from others have turned into the uncle's lobbyist.

I originally thought that they should find a job and fight for the future.

As a result, I received a message a few days ago. My cousin said, congratulations to me, we broke up.

I was stunned for a moment before asking what happened? She said she didn’t know, but her boyfriend said not to contact her again.

I won’t comfort people, I can only tell her that it will get better and better. Her boyfriend, I don’t even remember his name. Because I can't see hope in them. They are all about twenty-five years old, but they don't see the vitality of young people.

It has been nearly three months since my cousin "ran away from home" again, but this time it was reported and she found a job. When I mentioned this matter while chatting with my brother, he asked my cousin what kind of job she wanted to find.

I shrugged and said catering, waiters and the like.

It can only be like this. My cousin dropped out of junior high school and is considered a "semi-illiterate". She has no skills and can only do this kind of work. But it is obvious that many people work their way up from waiters step by step, but why? My cousin couldn't bear the slightest grievance and often resigned. So year after year, the money in the card did not increase, but the P-picture technology could be seen to have improved.

After a while of silence, the elder brother suddenly said that he actually hated this kind of photo.

My brother suddenly became obsessed with photography around the time he graduated. He just found a job as a wedding photographer. He persisted for half a year and was recalled by his parents, but his love for photography only increased. I was stunned, not daring to comment easily. From the corner of my eye, I saw my brother checking Moments, and I got it.

——My cousin is not good-looking now, she is generally pretty, but the photos in her circle of friends are really beautiful!

So I said I didn’t like it either. I knew what I looked like. I couldn’t say I was ugly but I definitely couldn’t say I was beautiful. So I never liked taking pictures. Even if various beauty cameras appeared later, I still wouldn’t. I always think that taking selfies is an act that deceives oneself. If a person cannot accept his true self, how can he become a better version of himself? Of course, what follows is a detour.

My cousin’s photos are still commonly used in chats and updates. Occasionally I will like them, and occasionally I will silently cancel the likes I have clicked.

I am recognized as the well-behaved representative in my family, while my cousin is a very rebellious child. Except for my uncle’s two children in kindergarten, we are the only two girls in this generation, born into two extremes.

At that time, I saw my cousin as someone who dared to act, love and hate, but later I realized that that was escape. Comforting myself with "I don't want to" completely ignores my "can't".

But what I originally thought was a life of "seeing from one end to the other" is full of surprises and dangers. There is a difference between a prodigal son and a down-and-out son. One takes the initiative to pursue his dream and grows all the way, while the other is forced to run away and wander all the way. In other words, I am rebellious - willing to use the resources around me to change the environment to the maximum extent, and then achieve my goals bit by bit.

Later I thought about it. At that time, I couldn’t wait to see my cousin return from running away. Was there any expectation in my heart?

Yes. But I can't tell whether I want to see her live a good life or a bad life - a good life makes me feel boring after going to school for more than ten years, but her poor life makes me uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable for a young person. The woman's love affair makes me uncomfortable because the life I want to live is not easy to achieve.

My cousin’s circle of friends is still updated with the same old taste, non-mainstream chicken soup and sadness. When I am in my hometown, I want to go out, and when I am outside, I want to go home. Coupled with carefully selected selfie pictures, it can also be regarded as a beautiful scenery in the circle of friends. At that time, I silently walked through my cousin's circle of friends. Now, I occasionally look at my brother helplessly and give him a like.

She has never clarified her poems and her distant future, she just wants to escape from the present. So I don't understand that without a firm goal to guide me, I will just be in a haze wherever I go.

I am different. I am ambitious, want money, fame, and freedom.