Born into a miserable family. Tell me about it.

Rong, a psychological counselor, said, "If childhood is happy, we are more likely to copy happiness, and if childhood is painful, we are more likely to copy pain." It can be seen that the growth of childhood can determine the happiness of a person's life.

With the growth of age, until adulthood, marriage, and having a small family of our own, the relationship model formed is largely a copy of the childhood relationship model, and the behavior produced is only practicing the influence of parents on us.

This situation is strange, but it is true.

0 1

At noon, Mads climbed into bed with Peggy's piggy bank in his arms, making Peggy face down, patting Peggy's ass and muttering, I'll spank you severely if you don't listen. ......

I was amused by what I saw. A child less than two years old really looks like an adult.

Come to think of it, this sentence is really familiar, not only I said it, but also my mother said it.

This sentence is not just talk, but when I was a child, I was really beaten, and my parents really beat my children, so a Japanese proverb was formed, if you don't listen to me, I will spank you.

Back when my mother was born, there was a dutiful son under the stick, and if she made a mistake, she would be beaten. This is the symbol of that era. So one is that she is influenced by the current environment, and the other is that hitting the child is the best way for her to vent her current anger.

And I also invisibly copied this set of behaviors into my concept of marriage and parenting.

When we get along with Mr. Jiang, we often take violent actions to attack him because we can't talk about a certain topic, or argue with him, or I will crush him in momentum by throwing things.

Throwing things is a complete imitation of my father. When he was young, he often threw things to vent his emotions.

After having children, I unconsciously put my methods of educating children on them.

Some time ago, my mother and I stayed with wheat for a while. She would throw all the hawthorn slices, eggs and fruits on the ground, which often made me want to hit her.

Sometimes my mother will agree that I will hit you if I throw your mother again, which will stimulate my impulsive behavior of hitting children.

Professor Li Meijin once said, don't hit a child when she is crying and disobedient, because you bully the small with the big, which is unfair. Every time I think of this sentence, I feel guilty for my impulsive behavior.

Perhaps this is the subtle influence of my family background on me. Some influences are good, some are bad, and they are stuck in my bones.

Wu Zhihong said that love is mainly learned from the relationship between childhood and parents.

So violence can also be learned through the relationship between parents.

02

Anyone who has seen everything well knows that Su Mingyu can't accept Su Mu's unfair treatment of his brother and chooses to draw a line with his family.

Since her sophomore year, she hasn't been home once, asked her parents for living expenses, or contacted anyone at home. Her later achievements also stem from her strong personality, and she can bravely and quickly draw a line with her family and escape.

Sue often calls her baiwenhang, and only she knows how difficult it is to grow up in this seemingly sound family environment with serious preference for sons.

She thought that as long as she didn't see Su Mu again and there was no intersection, she could get rid of Su Mu's fetters on her, but until the marriage between Su Daqiang and the little babysitter fell through, when she went to the police station, she angrily accused her father, which made Su Daqiang angry and collapsed, pointing to Su Mingyu and saying, "You, you are Zhao Meilan."

Su Mingyu found that no matter how far she went, how successful her career was, how many excellent people she knew, and how strong her ability was, she couldn't get rid of the influence of her family background, and she could never escape the thread in Su Mu's hands.

Su Mingyu's most helpless thing is that she has become the person she hates most. She seemed to see Mei looking at her savagely and telling her that Su Mingyu wouldn't try to escape as long as there was blood on her body.

Su Mingyu always wanted to get rid of the bondage of her family background, but later she found that the harder she struggled, the tighter the bondage would be. This TV play has a good ending. Su Mingyu finally reached a settlement with her family, which is a good direction. Sometimes we should learn to let go before we can meet a new self.

Some people spend their whole lives getting rid of the pain of their families.

03

The first time I read the old demon's article was on Douban. She has just been tutored by a psychological counselor and wrote about a lonely and helpless person walking in a big city in Nuoda, crying alone on the road.

I feel very distressed when I think of this picture. Later, through her words, I learned that after her father and grandmother died, her life with her mother was miserable.

Her mother often insults her with words and hits her:

The first time I hacked her mother, it was because she was in Beijing for 3500 yuan a month and had to pay three times the rent. She borrowed money from her mother, who refused, and forced her to buy a mobile phone for her boyfriend on Father's Day.

The second time I hacked my mother, it was the only room in her house. My mother was shaking with anger when she wanted to rent it out.

The third time, my brother's girlfriend was pregnant, and my mother asked her for 50 thousand yuan. Because she is a sister, she should be in charge. She felt unfair, but she still took out all her belongings and took out 30 thousand.

My mother never cares about her and keeps squeezing her. Besides the warmth of her family, she couldn't get over it well, which eventually led to her suffering from depression.

Over the years, she has been trying to get her mother's approval and hope to reach a settlement with her mother, but she found that her mother still doesn't care. She just needs to give her financial support to her brother and her brother's children.

Zeng Qifeng said that there are three kinds of parents: the first kind of parents criticize you no matter what you do; The second kind of parents are those who ignore you no matter what you do. The third kind of parents encourage you no matter what you do.

And the old demon happened to meet the first kind of parents.

04

There are many people in life who seem to have achieved something in their careers, but they are not healthy inside.

There are also many people who want to treat themselves through psychological books. Wu Zhihong, a psychological counselor, said that since people read his book, many people began to hate their parents and vent their anger on them.

In fact, if you really want to cure yourself by reading books, where is the root of your current psychological state? Understand whether parents' negative emotions or extreme behaviors originated from their family background, and then consider their situation at that time. Can you understand a little?

Blaming and hating parents blindly is not good for individuals themselves.

Wu Zhihong, a psychological counselor, said that childhood experiences can be attributed to the relationship between parents, but parents should not be blamed. Because, blame is an escape, and it puts the responsibility of a person's adult self-growth on his parents.

Try to stop complaining to your parents, accept you in family of origin, accept that your growing pains are real and will last, and adults can adjust, correct and cure them a little according to their own situation, hoping that those who suffer from family injuries will get out of the haze as soon as possible.