Who knows how to educate children with communication and interaction mode (cognitive mode)?

As the saying goes, a leopard cannot change his spots! If you love children, you must really know them! Parent-child interaction mode: Parent-child interaction mode is a benign interaction mode based on the communication characteristics of children when you communicate with them. In cognition, imitation, reverse thinking and openness. Cognitive type: As a cognitive child, first of all, they have the spirit of exploring the truth, that is, this type of child likes to ask questions. He is willing to ask anyone around him, regardless of whether the other person can give an answer or whether his question is logical. Secondly, cognitive children, as the name implies, have cognitive characteristics. When encountering problems, they like to explore and discover by themselves, rather than following other people's advice. This is not contradictory to the previous good question. The former is the attitude towards the problem, and the latter is the way to solve the problem. For example, as a parent, you cooked him a delicious hot soup and put it on the table, telling him not to drink it yet and to cool down. At this time, he may ask, "Why should I drink cold?" You replied, "Because hot soup will burn the baby's tongue." He then asked, "Why does it burn your tongue? Why can't I drink when I burn my tongue? " Hehe, this is a boring question. Maybe you won't talk to him. You can only tell him that it hurts to burn your tongue. So he nodded and even said, "I'll drink it later." You leave in peace. But things may not be that simple to solve. It is likely that he cried as soon as you turned around, because he went to have soup. Because cognitive children are often not satisfied with the answers you tell them, especially when your answers don't really convince them. Because he doubts other people's answers, he often decides to try it himself. Another feature of cognitive style is sticking to one's own opinions. For example, when you go shopping together, mom wants to buy this for you, and dad agrees to buy it, so you start to lobby him for this matter, but he is often unmoved and even makes representations to you angrily, either buying the one I like or buying nothing. This is a more obedient child. If he is more stubborn, he may cry and get angry. However, some imitative or other types of children are often not so stubborn, and it is not difficult to convince them compared with cognitive types. Generally speaking, the cognitive type is characterized by being inquisitive, understanding, independent, subjective, self-respecting, opinionated, a little vain, and having unique opinions from time to time, which makes communication slightly difficult. Suggested interactive methods: A. Inspired learning method: Cognitive children are suitable for American education methods and are suitable for inspiring and guiding communication. Instead of giving him the answer, tell him how to get it. For cognitive children, it is best to be soft, because they tend to eat soft, not hard. For soft, it depends on the object. For people who don't trust, it may be both hard and soft, because their thinking ability and discrimination ability are very strong. In childhood, we can say that they are sophistry and naughty. Being his friend is the best way to gain trust. But this friend is not so easy to make friends with. First of all, you need to be fair and equal to him, respect his opinions, and don't let him lose face or hurt his self-esteem. Of course, as parents, it is impossible to give up all their parental rights, but they should be good at using parental rights. If it is used too frequently and excessively, it will often become useless for cognitive children. So if you want to teach your child well, be his friend first. B, emotional reasoning method: being a friend of children does not mean giving up the discipline of children. We communicate with children in an equal way and respect their wishes in order to better educate and regulate them. However, the discipline method of rational method provides a suggestion for our discipline. The so-called "emotion" is a kind of appeal, that is, telling your children how you feel. The best way to educate a child is to change his role and make him become the subject of education from the receiver, so as to arouse the strong voice from the heart of the child and achieve the best educational effect. When you want to correct your child's bad behavior, you can directly tell him your bad feelings and tell him what kind of pain his behavior has brought you. If he doesn't pay attention, you can also use some bad behaviors to influence him, make him suffer, and then tell him that his feelings are what you feel about him. "Reason" is truth. After appealing to children, we need to tell them what good behavior is and how to deal with contradictions correctly. How to deal with similar situations, how to make up for the bad consequences caused by mistakes and so on. The purpose of our petition is to get children's voices, eliminate children's resistance and lay the foundation for our "theory". The so-called "law" is punishment, and punishment is often the favorite of many parents, neglected and improperly used. From the perspective of educational psychology, we do not advocate corporal punishment of children. We also do not advocate using punishment to make children fear and correct their bad behavior, because the result of this method is that children are not aware of their bad behavior, but restrain their behavior because of fear of punishment. Once the danger of punishment is lost, bad habits are likely to resurface. But this method is exactly what many parents are using at present. The punishment here is different from what parents are used to. The punishment we use has a principle: it is in line with the vital interests of children, but there are certain remedial measures. In the final analysis, our punishment is only to correct the child's bad behavior and let him develop good habits. When we achieve our goal, there is no need for our children to suffer some avoidable blows or losses. Suppose there is a group of families whose parents help their parents to complete certain housework every month through their children, and get spiritual and material rewards. And one day the kindergarten teacher called her mother and said that the child had a fight with another child in kindergarten because she was fighting with another child for toys. When she came home from school in the afternoon, her mother began to discipline her children. First of all, she began to complain (you'd better act sad when you pick him up). At first, she didn't mention the child's fight, but kept repeating to the child that "Mom is very sad today". "Mom is very sad today" or something like that. So the child began to ask, "Mom, why are you sad?" . My mother said mysteriously, "Nothing, nothing. At this time, if the child with higher consciousness is likely to know what is going on, he may take the initiative to explain. At this time, his mother began to reason with him logically. If the child doesn't take the initiative to admit it, his mother can explain the problem herself. Mom said, "Mom got a call from your teacher today. I heard that you were disobedient in kindergarten. Mom thinks it's strange. My children have always been good and behaved well. How can they do such a childish thing? "How can you do something that makes your mother and teacher sad? But the teacher won't lie to me, so my mother wants to ask you, are you still not sure about your discretion? Can you tell my mother what happened? " (Note: During the whole appeal stage, don't directly criticize the child's mistakes, because sometimes the child may have reasons for his immaturity, and we need to let him tell his reasons and then correct them. At the same time, our tone should be calm, as if we were discussing with him, and we should use sentences like "how-how" as little as possible and use more. what do you think? Do you have a better idea? Such a sentence. And do it first, and at the same time give him a step down (for example, were you too impulsive at that time, or were not sure at that time), and make the best use of the situation. Through this guidance process, giving the child a chance to make a statement is not only a respect for the child, but also a mobilization of the child's introspection, so that he can know his mistakes. Under the guidance of his mother, the child began to tell stories. It turns out that the child has been hogging toys and not letting others play with them. He hit him in a rage. In fact, sometimes children make mistakes for a reason. This reason may not be important to us, but it has a high position in children's minds, so we must give children a chance to state it. This is not only to gain children's trust, but also to teach children how to think mature. It is also an opportunity for children to vent their feelings. Through this kind of venting, on the one hand, it can reduce children's resistance, and on the other hand, it can make children think about their behavior for the second time and form self-regulation. The mother listened patiently to the child's statement and then began to express her opinions. "Mom thinks that the child's behavior is very wrong, but are you like him sometimes?" A good boy, an excellent boy, should learn to share and cooperate with others. "This is actually a kind of bedding. In order not to overstimulate children, we need curve education. Because in the case that children think that "resistance is reasonable", if they are reprimanded directly, they will often get resistance or even confrontation from children. Moreover, if the curve policy is adopted, it can often serve as a warning, killing two birds with one stone. At this time, the child may be very excited and will tell you how generous he is and how to share it with others. At this time, you can attack. Mom went on to say, "but then again, it's wrong for him to occupy the toy, but will you solve the problem by hitting him?" "Do you think you hit people right?" For children, especially cognitive children, it is much better to let them admit their mistakes than to tell them that they are wrong. Out of face, the biggest possibility for children at this time is silence. In fact, silence means that he knows he is wrong, but because he refuses to admit it, we don't need to delve into it. We can reason with him further. Tell him why hitting people is wrong and what the consequences are. In fact, you don't have to fight to solve the problem, how to solve it and so on. At this time, children generally don't resist you and reason with him. After talking about the truth, we can begin to discuss the punishment measures. At this time, my mother said, "Mom knows that you didn't really fight on purpose this time. You are an excellent child and have always been the pride of my mother. My mother also knows that everyone makes mistakes, even my mother makes mistakes. We should correct our mistakes as soon as we know them, strive to improve ourselves and not make mistakes again. Mom thought for a moment. You should apologize to that classmate tomorrow and tell him that you really want to play with him. If it happens again, you can tell the teacher, but you can't call again. In order to prove your manhood, my mother thinks that you need to be punished to a certain extent, because anyone who makes a mistake is responsible for himself, so my mother decided not to give you money this month, and you will do housework for my mother for free, but if you behave well next month, I will give you double rewards. what do you think? At this time, the proposed punishment measures must be able to involve the interests of children, and at the same time give some remedial measures. In this case, children generally have no room to refuse. Punishing the child is to enhance the child's sense of responsibility, and the other is to standardize the child's behavior and let him know that the consequences of making mistakes are not only to make parents unhappy and lose face, but also to harm their own interests. In this way, when dealing with problems, children will develop the habit of weighing. C. Incentive learning method: Because cognitive children have strong self-exploration ability, but limited by their own knowledge and way of thinking, they are often more likely to encounter difficulties and setbacks than other types, so it is very important to motivate their fighting spirit. While communicating at ordinary times, we should pay attention to teaching them the spirit of being more frustrated and brave. Whether it is successful or not, we should pay attention to encouragement. After encouragement, we should pay attention to standardizing him to avoid pride, and let him solve problems in his study and life under the benign mentality of constantly exploring gains, constantly encountering difficulties and constantly solving difficulties. Through the guidance of parents, let children develop the habit of "setting their own goals", and there will be rewards if they reach it. If they can't reach it, they can be encouraged and given some symbolic punishment. However, encouragement and punishment are based on the premise that children accept it independently through "reasoning" and "discussion", rather than using the prestige of parents to enforce it.