Commemorative novel original

In memory of

Mo Bai

Living and not dead, I don't know anything.

Looking at the center of light, it was silent.

—— (British) T.S. Eliot (1): The Wasteland Funeral of the Dead

Mapo was sitting in a dark room, her eyes were a little stupid, and her thoughts were lost in thinking about an event. Her thin body is surrounded by blooming white, yellow and purple paper flowers. It's April 4th, 1995, and Tomb-Sweeping Day is coming. I'm sitting in a dim room in a small hotel in an ancient city in a foreign land, looking back on the past 5 years ago. My present situation is somewhat similar to that of Mapo fifty years ago: loneliness. When night came, I turned off the TV and walked out of the room into the street. At a crossroads, on the asphalt road blurred by lights, I saw the flames ignited by several piles of burning paper struggling in the wind. The heat wave of the flame rolled up the wreckage of the paper and danced in the air, flashing in the gray-red street lamp. This scene reminds me that Tomb-Sweeping Day has arrived. I don't know who the fashionable women who are squatting on the ground and turning over the scraps of paper with sticks are paying homage to, perhaps their parents or their peers. I don't know anything about their parents or their peers before and after their death. It's like a rain in a distant place. The rain has nothing to do with me, just like the dead they pay homage to now. Most of the dead bodies were cremated, and they had no graves, so these women could only pay homage to their dead relatives in this simple and special form, which reminded me of Mapo again.

fifty years ago, in Tomb-Sweeping Day, Mapo died in a big fire. This scene is equivalent to cremation now. Mapo left nothing behind, and her body was incinerated by a raging fire. The process of Mapo's death is recorded in a county chronicle. I have read the process of death in the past time and remembered it in my heart, so that I look a little trance now. I walked through the burning paper and the flowing crowd and lights, and chose a temporary snack bar on the roadside to sit down. While waiting for the mutton Huimian Noodles, my eyes were still attracted by the burning paper, and my mind showed an endless wilderness. In the green wheat field, I took a willow branch that just spit out new leaves in my hand and followed my father to the grave. My father's wide feet left deep footprints on the wet ridge. Dad came to the grave, took off his coat in the spring sunshine and added soil to one grave after another. Every time he added a father, he would say something to me.

dad said, this is your grandfather.

dad said, this is your milk.

dad said, this is your grandfather.

Dad stopped the shovel in his hand when he talked about the old man. Dad said that your old man was killed by the Japanese, and he was a famous papermaker in our town.

Dad paused and pointed to another grave and said, This grave belongs to your old lady. Alas, it's just an empty grave. Your old lady was burned to death by the fire, and even a bone could not be found.

Dad looked up, and I followed his eyes and saw a pink peach tree forest with some swallows flying in the green wheat field. However, I can't go back to my hometown this year. I can only recall the old days in a foreign land. Recalling the past of mankind makes me feel sad and empty. In the emptiness, I finished the tasteless bowl of Huimian Noodles and walked out of the shop. When I passed the intersection, I saw a woman selling toilet paper, and I walked towards her involuntarily. Hearing footsteps, she looked up at me and said, do you want it?

I nodded at her. I took two yuan out of my pocket and threw it on her stall, so she handed me several stacks of paper. Standing on the street in a foreign land with paper in hand, I suddenly felt a little at a loss. I didn't know where to take it to burn the paper in my hand. I didn't know where the burning flame would pay homage to the undead. I walked in the street for a while and then turned back to the intersection. I squatted down in front of a beautiful girl and burned the paper in my hand with the fire in her hand. In the firelight, I saw the girl's sad face, and my heart welled up a kind of sympathy.

I said, don't be too sad.

when she glanced at me, her eyes returned to her burning paper, which slowly burned out in her sight. Then she reached out her stick to my half-burned burning burning paper, and the flame jumped up again under her provocation until it burned out. Finally, she clapped her hands and stood up and said to me, let's go.

I said, let's go.

it seems that at this moment, we have ruled out the strangeness between us, and we seem to have known each other for a long time. We walked together in the shade of the forest by the roadside, and I heard her high heels banging on the concrete floor again and again. Who is she? A loner? A sex addict? No, no, I can't guess her like this. Is she a girl or a young woman? What made her feel trust in a strange man like me? Is that the stack of paper that has just been burned? Maybe so. Are those dead people connecting us? Is that really the case? I watched her while walking with her. Her long hair gave off a strange smell with the wind, but I couldn't remember what kind of smell it was anyway. I hesitated and looked at her walking posture. Her walking posture made me move in the mottled shadows of the trees. Her high heels knocked on the concrete floor again and again, but why didn't I hear her footsteps? The sound she made when she walked was so light that she was drowned in the noisy night without paying attention. Then she stopped suddenly. She turned around and looked at me and said, You look like him.

who? I looked at her and said, who do I look like?

she said, my boyfriend.

really? I shook my hands and said, if so, I am very happy.

it's a pity that he is dead. She looked at me, paused and said that she died so suddenly that she didn't even have time to prepare for me.

I gave a long sigh, but actually I was surprised and surprised. I looked at her painful face to comfort her and said, don't be sad. Many deaths are like this. Suddenly, human life is as fragile as an egg. If you accidentally drop it, it will break.

well, he was strong, but it's hard to accept that he died when he died.

how old is he?

not yet twenty-five.

is he sick? I felt that my question was a little abrupt, so I added, for example.

car accident. She said that he died in a car accident.

oh ... I really gave a long sigh this time. I said, did you burn paper for him just now?

yes. She paused and said, what about you? Who are you for?

I said, I have no idea.

you don't know? There was some surprise in her voice. You don't know why you burned paper? I don't know who to burn paper for

human beings. I muttered something like this.

humans?

maybe, for the dead human beings. When I saw many people burning paper at the intersection, I suddenly remembered my old lady, who died in a fire fifty years ago.

fifty years ago?

yes, I said, the Japanese had not surrendered at that time.

oh. She seems to be thinking about some questions. She said, are you burning paper for someone you have never met?

yes.

she said, where did you get your feelings for her?

her question suddenly interrupted my thinking, and my mind went blank. She looked at me and said for a moment, just because she is your old lady?

I said, maybe so, it's blood relationship. I thought, what about the other thousands of dead? They fall like leaves every year, and I never think about them. Thinking of this, I shook my head and said to her, it's not just that. After that, I stopped talking, and we walked silently again. At the gate of a park, she stopped. She said, shall we go in and sit down?

I said ok. Let's go to the park together. The park at night is still open to visitors, and even tickets are not charged. I followed her to the park. The tall tree crowns and the trees on the roadside in the park made the light very dark. Visitors were rarely seen on the narrow paths. I suddenly felt a little scared. Did she have any intentions? She wants to lead me out of the park and come out of the bushes. How many men with sharp knives? No, no, I quickly denied my idea. I don't have any money with me. What am I afraid of? This is an affair? No, no, why would I think that? She may be a lonely person like me, and she wants to find someone to spend this lonely time with her. Maybe she is sad and sad, and she wants to find someone to talk to. Well, I think. I followed her to a bench, and she said to me, why don't you sit down for a while?

I said ok, sit down for a while.

We sat down on the bench. The wind blew, and the trees behind us made a rustling sound. Some lights shone from distant buildings and landed in a small lake not far in front of us. The lake rippled in the spring breeze, so those lights jumped aimlessly on the water. She was sitting next to me, and I seemed to feel her breath. She suddenly turned to look at me and said, Listen to the accent, you are not from here.

yes, I'm not from here. I said, I'm here to proofread a manuscript.

I know that.

her words surprised me. I said, you know?

she said, why didn't I know? I typed your manuscript.

I was a little surprised. I said, did you call? What manuscript are you talking about?

she said, isn't your name Mobai?

yes, I said, my name is Mobai.

You wrote a book commemorating the 5th anniversary of War of Resistance against Japanese Aggression's victory, didn't you?

oh, I suddenly understand. I said, are you from the phototypesetting room of the printing house?

yes. She said, you don't know me? My name is Luo Yan.

Luo Yan? Never heard of a Luo Yan.

you don't know me, but I know you. I've seen you upstairs, and I've seen your picture. You look just like him.

like who? I understood what she meant after I asked.

Luo Yan said, my boyfriend.

my heart felt tense and my scalp was numb. I look like the dead man.

Luo Yan said, are you cold?

I'm not cold.

She gave me a hand and said, You are lying, and your hand is cold. Then she leaned over to my side, and she said, sit closer, so that we will all be warmer. Before I knew it, her body was leaning on me. Her arm was wrapped around my waist, and I was excited, so I grabbed her hand and held it. Her little hands are cold and soft, as if they have no bones.

Luo Yan said, is the woman who tied a wreath in your book your old lady?

I said, yes.

Luo Yan said that she was really raped by the Japanese?

yes. I said, my father is a famous painter in our Yinghe town. At the beginning of 1945, two Japanese devils stationed in our town were killed by guerrillas. The Japanese squad leader took my old man to tie a wreath for the two dead devils or something. My old man did not tie it, so he was killed by the Japanese. Later, the Japanese captain came to my grandfather's house and asked my old lady to tie it. In the evening, the Japanese captain raped my old lady, and my old lady killed the Japanese in a rage.

Luo Yan said, did she kill the Japanese when he raped her?

yes. I said, just then, my old lady touched a pair of scissors and stabbed it into the Japanese neck with a strong force.

Luo Yan said that she set the house on fire later?

it's on fire. At that time, my old lady's house was full of straw and various colors of toilet paper for binding paper goods, and the fire my old lady lit soon ignited.

she died in that fire, didn't she?

yes, I said. Luo Yan hugged my waist tightly, and I stroked her hair with my hand, again and again. We were all immersed in the gloomy light, and I suddenly found that we were actually sitting by that small lake. The night wind blew across the lake, hitting us and hitting the trees behind us, making a loud noise. I felt Luo Yan's body shaking in the rustling leaves. I said, are you cold?

Luo Yan said, I'm cold.

I reached out and held her in my lap and held her tightly in my arms.

Luo Yan said, have you seen the lake?

I said I saw it.

Luo Yan said, do you know where this lake used to be?

I said I don't know.

this used to be a mass grave.

mass graves?

Yes, the Japanese killed many people when they were here, and they all came here after killing them.

really? Then I hugged her tighter, and we sat there motionless, watching some fragmentary lights jumping on the lake. Those lights seemed to be the eyes of the dead many years ago.

Luo Yan said, Mo Bai, if a person dies, does he still have a soul?

I said I don't know.

Yes, Luo Yan said, people have souls when they die.

how do you know?

I know. Luo Yan said, if I am a soul now, do you believe it or not?

I smiled, and I said, you are really joking. Then I held her face in my hand and kissed her. She put her hand around my neck, and we started making love in the park with dark light and on the bench by the lake. The night wind blows the leaves behind us, as many hands are flapping. I thought, is this the sound made by some dead people for us living people? I didn't break up with Luo Yan until late that day. When I got back to the hostel, I fell asleep until I was awakened by a bell the next day.

then I thought of Luo Yan again. I thought, why don't I remember her at all? I get dressed quickly when I think of Luo Yan. I have to go to the phototypesetting room to see her. Luo Yan, I said in my heart, in a short time after we broke up, I had a desire to see her again.

I put on my clothes, washed my face and went to the yard of the printing house. Through the spring sunshine, I saw that the door of the phototypesetting room on the second floor was half open. Without thinking, I quickly crossed the small empty yard and went to the second floor of the printing office building. Walking in the corridor, I tried my best to recall Luo Yan's appearance, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remember Luo Yan's face. I stood at the door of the phototypesetting room and hesitated before pushing the door in. Four girls as beautiful as flowers and pure as jade in the phototypesetting room are banging on the keyboard in front of their computers. Their faces are familiar to me. They are all wearing white coats, but who is Luo Yan among them? I thought that one of them must be Luo Yan, so I tried to call out, Luo Yan.

The banging on the keyboard suddenly stopped, and the four girls stopped their work at the same time and turned to look at me with amazing eyes. One of the chubby girls asked, what did you say?

I said, Luo Yan.

Four girls stood up from their seats at the same time. Another girl said, Do you know Luo Yan?

I said, Luo Yan didn't come to work?

going to work? The fat girl said, what class? She died half a month ago.

my scalp exploded. I said, is she dead? How did you die?

The fat girl said that she drowned in the small lake in the park.

I looked at her with wide eyes. Why did she die?

another girl said that her boyfriend didn't want her, so she threw herself into the lake and died.

what about her boyfriend?

The fat girl said that she went to study in Japan.

my god, I feel dizzy after saying this. I don't know how I got out of that phototypesetting room, the spring sun.