Please provide some super humorous classmate records! Don't come if you're not humorous ~ ~ ~

A young officer wanted to make a phone call, but he had no change. So he stopped a passing veteran: "Do you have any change on hand? Staff sergeant. "

"I'll look for it for you." The veteran reached for his wallet.

"Is this your answer to the second lieutenant? Do it again. Do you have any change on hand? Staff sergeant! "

"No, sir!" The veteran replied decisively.

Sailor's cabin

The navy commander inspected a newly-built ship. When he went to the sailor's cabin, the captain told him that it was a cabin for 5 sailors!

the navy commander was surprised; "Do 5 people live in such a small place?"

The captain explained, "Not 5 people, but 5 sailors."

Occupational disease

When the company commander was reviewing the recruits, he had doubts about the arrangement of the ranks and asked a platoon leader, "Why do you put the tall men in the first row, the middle men in the second row and the short men in the last row?"

"report to the company commander!" The platoon leader stood at attention and reported, "Because I was a fruit stand before I joined the army"

My father was a general

A newly promoted colonel went to the front to inspect the troops he was going to take over; He stopped when he came to a somewhat shy soldier in the queue and said; "Young man, hold your head up, even in front of big shots. Let's shake hands. You can write home and tell them that you shook hands with the colonel, and they will be proud of it. Young man, who is your father? "

"Sir, my father is a general.

"Bravery" and "Decisiveness"

The officer asked, "Who can tell you the difference between bravery and decisiveness?"

Soldier: "Leaving the barracks without permission is brave."

"what about the decision?"

"Never go back to the barracks."

accident

Judge: "Private Lube, why did you shoot the colonel?"

Lu Bei: "Mr. Judge, that was a very accidental event o"

"What accidental event?"

"It was an accident. I didn't intend to shoot Mr. Colonel, but Mr. Captain behind him. O "

I couldn't pass

One day, the commander called the roll before the morning exercise and found that nine soldiers had not returned to the barracks to terminate their leave, making a great deal of Lei Huo. It was not until 6 pm that the first soldier swaggered back to the barracks.

"I'm sorry, sir," explained the soldier. "I was delayed by an appointment. I missed the ride when I came back, but I made up my mind to come back, so I rented a carriage. Who knows that the horse died suddenly on the way, but I still walked more than 1 miles to get back. "

The officer listened with suspicion, but he forgave him. However, after following him, seven soldiers who came back in succession all said so.

When the last soldier came back, the officer couldn't bear it anymore, and shouted with his hands akimbo, "What happened to you again?"

When the soldier was about to report, the officer roared with rage, "That's enough. Don't tell me that the horse is dead."

"No, sir," the soldier said plausibly, "The horse is not dead. The trouble is that there are eight dead horses lying on the road, and my carriage managed to get through."

counterattack

A soldier fighting in the front line received a dear John letter from his girlfriend in his hometown, saying that she was going to marry a businessman, and asked the soldier to send back the photos she had sent him before.

After thinking about it, the soldier borrowed twenty or thirty photos of women from his comrades-in-arms, packed them in a wooden box with photos of his girlfriend, and sent them to the ungrateful girlfriend.

After receiving the wooden box, my girlfriend found a note in the box, which said, "Please pick out your photos. Because I can't remember which one you are, the rest must be sent back! "

Breakfast

The general went to the company to inspect the soldiers' food. He asked the soldiers how they were eating. The soldiers all said vaguely, "All right" and "Not bad". Only one soldier said stupidly, "ghosts don't eat, sir."

The general walked up to him and asked him, "What did you have for breakfast today?"

"A bowl of porridge, half of watermelon with honey, three hot cakes, two eggs, a plate of bacon, two meat loafs and a cup of coffee, sir. O" The soldier followed his fingers and counted.

"son," said the general, "it's almost time for the king's breakfast!"

"Report, Nagaya!" The soldier said, "This is what I ate in the snack bar of the Army Consumer Service Department at the expense of 4 yuan."

Scar

The ancient Romans were a martial people, and the soldiers were proud of being injured in the past and ashamed of being injured in the back. Once a soldier showed off the scars on his face in front of the emperor. The emperor said to him, "I see, you must have looked back when you ran for your life."

Worries of Soldiers

General Critz went to the front line to inspect. As soon as he arrived at the front line, the bullets fired by enemy snipers knocked out a button on his uniform. The general was frightened to disgrace and fell to the ground. The officers and men who followed were indifferent. The general was angry. He shouted to the nearest soldier, "Why do you

imagine to destroy this damn sniper?"

"Report to General Critz," the soldier stood up, "because I'm worried that the enemy will be replaced by a sniper with a more accurate marksmanship."

Play effect

People who are exposed on the ground like to walk on the grass, and the notice "Don't trample on the grass" on the grass is useless at all, so the base headquarters erected a new signboard, which immediately worked.

The original sign said: "The grass has been mined o"

Military exercise

Miss Dani goes to the city from her villa in the country every day. On this day, she saw many soldiers and tanks, cannons and cars on the road. She didn't know that the army was practicing.

She drove to a bridge, and an officer saluted her in a proper manner: "Miss, you can't go through here"

Why? Miss Dani looked at the intact bridge and asked o

"It was blown up two hours ago o"

"So when can I cross?"

"I'm sorry, miss!" The officer replied seriously, "I can't tell you that I was killed three hours ago."

The shoes don't match

"Excuse me, sergeant," a soldier complained in the clothing distribution room, "The shoes you sent me don't match."

"joke," said the sergeant puzzled. "You are the second person to say such a thing today."

Alert

The sergeant shouted the password: "Look to the right."

The soldiers all carried out their orders, only Brown looked to the left.

"Why didn't you carry out the order?" The sergeant asked.

"I'm afraid the enemy will attack us from the left."

Habit

In the conscription office, the person in charge asked De Jean:

"Which arms do you want to serve in?"

"I want to be a sailor in the navy"

"Good, how about we put you on a submarine?"

"that won't do! Sir. "

"why!"

"Because I usually have a habit of sleeping with the window open.

Interview

Officer: "One dark night, you were out on a mission, and someone suddenly hugged your arms tightly. What did you say?"

Interviewee: "Honey, let me go."

the dog on the bridge

the commander asked the scouts to find out if there was a bridge for the troops to cross ahead.

The scouts found out the situation and came back to report: "There is a bridge for tanks and artillery, but not for infantry."

The commander got angry: "Nonsense?"

scout: "absolutely! Because there is a big dog lying on the bridge! "

Wrong perception

A soldier got drunk and went back to the barracks. The lieutenant on duty called him to talk. The lieutenant recounted to him the dangers of drinking. o

"If you didn't drink, you might be a sergeant now. Don't you like promotion?"

The soldier replied, "To tell you the truth, after I drank a glass of wine, I felt that I had become a captain."

I'm afraid you're afraid

Locke, a retired veteran, likes to tell his past war experiences to his younger generation.

"I remember that once I was on a mission alone and met an enemy company. I fought alone, and as a result, I destroyed them all. "

The grandson asked, "When you told this story last year, you only said that one platoon was eliminated. How did it become a company this year?"

"Silly, you were young last year, and I was afraid you were afraid of O."

Who was drunk

The soldier reported that when he was driving, he suddenly smelled a car driven by a drunk in front of him, so the two cars collided violently. At this time, the commander asked the soldier, "How do you know that the other person is drunk?"

"Because I saw him driving a tree forward." The soldier replied.

After drinking all the whisky

In the hot summer, the sergeant led a group of recruits in assassination training. The soldiers are all listless.

The sergeant had to order a time-out and lecture the soldiers:

"Listen, these scarecrows are your real enemies. They burned down your house, killed your parents, robbed your sisters, stole your money and drank all the whisky in your house!"

As soon as the sergeant finished speaking, a soldier with a rifle and red eyes shouted at the sergeant:

. "Sergeant, please tell me, who drank all our whisky?"

Terrible barrier

An advertisement for volunteers in a western country reads: "Join the paratroopers, jumping off the plane is not as dangerous as crossing the road."

someone wrote under the advertisement: "I'd like to attend, but the recruitment office is across the road."

Get drunk

Sir, please allow me to report that our monitor is drunk again. "

" How do you know? "

"He is scraping the mirror with a blade."

Put out the fire completely

A ship caught fire at sea. The port fire brigade rushed to put out the fire. In his subsequent report to his boss, the fire chief smugly claimed credit and said,

"I ordered the boat to sink and put out the fire at once."

Extraordinary endurance

Admiral asked the young sailor, "Young man, how long have you been in the navy?"

"a month," the sailor asked, "so how long have you been in the navy?"

although the general thought his question was abrupt, he patiently replied, "Thirty years."

The sailor said sympathetically, "It's hard, isn't it?"

The privilege of calling

A group of service sergeants are waiting in line on the playground for the formidable officer to come and check. The officer has an excitable puppy, who often follows.

The dog barked at the officer as he strode forward with his head straight. The sergeants heard him order the dog in a firm tone: "Shut up! I have the right to call them, but you don't! "

It's not too late

The combat commander announced to his subordinates:

"Tomorrow's assault is the hardest battle. The enemy has known our intention and will send tanks and paratroopers to reinforce it. There is a great disparity between the enemy and ourselves. According to my estimation, each of us has to fight against 2 enemies.

"The plane carrying us didn't have enough fuel to return. It is announced that we will start at seven o'clock sharp tomorrow, and those who are late will not wait for o "

only dictate

that a general will attend a meeting. The chairman of the meeting asked him, "What's your full name, General?"

"Cadvalled Ingram Ding Hamesou, sir.

"Please sign your name!"

"how to sign?"

"write down your name."

"Sir," the general was angry, "I have never written my name. My orders and signatures are dictated."

No mistake

A veteran told people in his hometown about his battlefield experience:

"I was seriously injured once and was unconscious. The platoon leader carried me to the ammunition car. "

"ammunition truck?" The villagers were very surprised. "You probably said ambulance, right?"

"No mistake, it's an ammunition truck. The platoon leader said that I had so many bullets on me that I should send them to the ammunition truck. "

extremely cold

troops are stationed in the Arctic Circle o

"It's not cold at all," said a veteran. "I have been in Alaska, and that place is cold! Even the fire in the stove is frozen, so you can't blow it out. "

"what is this!" Another veteran was unconvinced. "In a place where I have been, when I was talking, the words were frozen! In this way, we have to melt the frozen words in boiling water to understand the command! "

Madam boarded the ship

A woman boarded the warship to see the captain. The duty palace asked the second lieutenant to go down and pass o

"Is she beautiful?" Asked the captain.

"it's beautiful!" The second lieutenant answered.

After the visitor left, the captain said, "Lieutenant, you really have a special eye for women."

The second lieutenant replied, "Sir, I thought that was your wife".

The ship sighed and said, "Exactly."