Urgent! Professional psychologist, please help me!

Psychotherapist of clinical psychology department of Beijing Tongren Hospital, Zhao Mei, participated in the Sino-German advanced psychotherapist training program, mainly used psychoanalytic therapy to treat various neurosis and interpersonal communication obstacles, and provided psychological counseling for marital and emotional problems for a long time. (Left)

Fang Xin, a psychotherapist in Peking University Psychological Counseling and Therapy Center, is a doctor jointly trained by Peking University and Heidelberg University. He went to Germany for training in hypnotherapy, behavioral therapy and cognitive therapy. (right)

Hello, audience friends! This is CCTV's live program "The Road to Health". Today we are going to talk about psychotherapy.

Moderator: Are psychotherapists the same as psychologists and psychological counseling?

Fang Xin: It's not the same thing. In fact, psychological help is an industry introduced from abroad. During this introduction, the term psychologist appeared. In fact, the official name should be psychological counselor and psychotherapist. There are also differences between psychological counselors and psychotherapists. Although they all provide psychological help to patients, they are different in the depth of psychological help, the time and times of visitors' visits. The number of visits of psychological counseling visitors is usually one or several times, while those of psychotherapy need to come for a long time. Psychological counseling is shallow psychological help, which only solves shallow psychological burden and troubles, while psychotherapy usually involves personality, and more complicated psychological obstacles can be solved through some personality changes. Psychological counselors and psychotherapists have different backgrounds, and psychological counselors generally do not need special professional background, but only need simple training to be competent. Psychotherapists usually have a medical or psychological background, and the training process is relatively long and complicated.

Moderator: I often criticize myself, and I am also very concerned about others' evaluation of myself. Is this a good attitude?

Zhao Mei: In the psychological analysis of some people who often suffer from depression, fear and other mental states, it is found that they feel small because they have no self-evaluation ability and care too much about others' evaluation.

Moderator: "Is your behavior often influenced by outside comments?"

Zhao Mei: It is impossible for people not to care about other people's comments, but they should not care too much, so they will always be in a state of tension, fear and inferiority.

Fang Xin: Actually, these people want to care about other people's comments themselves, but the problem is that they can't do it themselves. The lack of this ability is usually related to their childhood growth experience. If you are not used to making your own decisions when you are young, it will be difficult to make your own judgments about things around you when you grow up.

Moderator: "Have you been criticizing yourself?"

Fang Xin: Progress is not the only purpose of survival, and happiness of life is also the purpose of life. Those who always criticize themselves can be called perfectionists in a sense. Perfectionism means that they always set some extremely high standards for themselves. From the external performance, they may have great achievements, but this kind of person is very painful inside, because every time he completes a goal, he may not feel happy, or he may be replaced by a higher goal immediately after being only temporarily happy. Such people are always criticizing themselves. He always feels that he has done something imperfect, then puts it off again and again, hesitates, and it is difficult to make a decision by himself. Through the research on the parenting style of perfectionist parents, it is found that 60% parents usually praise their children only when they are perfect, but ignore the affirmation of their children's achievements. There are also 30% people who praise their children freely, making them feel that they are the best in their hearts. If they can't do their best, they will be miserable. These two extreme educational methods are inappropriate, so we should grasp the scale of criticism and praise.

Moderator: "Do you ignore your own needs and blindly meet the needs of others?"

Zhao Mei: Selflessness is a good performance, but psychologists' research shows that if a person loves others selflessly instead of himself, he will often give others a sense of guilt and eventually feel very painful.

Fang Xin: Selflessness is a virtue, but some will bring bad results. For example, some families with broken feelings often make do with their children, but children are not fools. They can feel that their parents are unhappy and their lives are unhappy. This living environment is not good for their psychological growth.

Moderator: Do you pay too much attention to the needs of society and ignore the need to enjoy life?

Zhao Mei: Clinically, some people who are very successful in their work often feel exhausted, because such people often ignore their other needs. We should learn to coordinate the relationship between our own needs and social needs.

Fang Xin: Loving work is an advantage, but if a person only gets happiness from work, but not from other aspects, then such a person has psychological defects. For example, he may neglect his concern for his family, and he will not feel happy at home, without friends, friendship and affection. This kind of person really can't do well, because he is in a state of ignoring human nature.

Moderator: How should these unhealthy mental states be adjusted?

Zhao Mei: First of all, we should know ourselves and know what we really need. At the same time, learn to accept all of yourself, because you are a unique and valuable person.

Fang Xin: Foreign studies show that human needs are divided into five levels: first, the needs of food and sex, that is, the most basic physiological needs; Second, the need for safety is manifested in having a stable occupation and a stable residence in society; Third, the need for love and belonging; Fourth, respect and be respected; Five, self-realization, that is, have a good sense of professionalism and self-worth.

Zhao Mei: Then I appreciate myself while satisfying myself. A person who truly loves himself will love others, show his value while respecting and believing in himself, and then have a sense of accomplishment in his heart.

Moderator: How should parents cultivate their children's ability to appreciate themselves?

Zhao Mei: First of all, children should know that they are a good boy. Parents' criticism is only directed at your mistakes. Parents love you forever. Then this kind of love will be rooted in children's hearts, and it will also cultivate children's ability to love themselves and others.

Fang Xin: When a child makes a mistake, it is not because he wants to make a mistake, but because he doesn't know what to do. Parents should tell their children the correct way, and never criticize them blindly.

Moderator: Children are naturally fond of playing, but parents can't let their children play without studying. How to solve this contradiction?

Fang Xin: This is not contradictory. A child knows the world in his own way while playing. Adults should not look at children with adult eyes. Children will naturally develop their abilities in the process of playing. This ability is a very important foundation for future study. Parents should exercise their children's basic ability to understand the world. Many children who were considered naughty when they were young made great contributions when they grew up, while some children who were considered excellent when they were young did nothing when they grew up. Therefore, parents should pay attention to cultivating their children's all-round life ability, rather than blindly learning.

Moderator: Mr. Wu's mother in Beijing is 58 years old and retired at home. Her mood is very unstable. She often talks about how much she has done for this family. What should we do in this situation?

Zhao Mei: It's because many of my mother's own needs have not been met. As children, we should understand our mother, help her explore her own needs, ask her what she really needs, and give her emotional help.

Moderator: Teacher Xue from Henan. My son is a sophomore this year. My academic performance has always been good, but recently I always say that I feel desperate and can't study, and I am always thinking about some problems that have nothing to do with my study. Is this a psychological problem or a mental problem? What should I do?

Zhao Mei: High school students are adults, so it is normal to think about so-called problems that have nothing to do with study. However, if you have emotional distress, it is recommended to go to the local psychological clinic for treatment.

Fang Xin: At the same time, we should also remind our educators that we should think more about how to make children interested in learning, rather than simply putting pressure on them, rather than ignoring their nature.

Compere: In Zhao Nvshi, Hunan Province, there is an inexplicable sense of emptiness every morning, which leads to a tired life and a sense of unfulfilled work. I feel very tired. How can I improve this idea?

Zhao Min: First of all, you should ask yourself if there are any specific problems in your life that you can't solve.

Fang Xin: We should exercise the ability of self-analysis of emotions, that is, introspection. Ask yourself why you are unhappy. If you can't solve the problem, you should accept the reality or improve your ability to adapt and understand the problem.

Moderator: Ms. Guo from Hunan often feels inferior. She feels inferior and acts according to others' faces. She is afraid to express her opinions and can't make a decision by herself. Is this a psychological problem?

Fang Xin: This is a psychological problem. This kind of person belongs to dependent personality, which is usually related to his childhood growth experience and the parenting style of his parents. As parents, we should exercise our children's decision-making ability from small things, and don't always worry that their children will make wrong decisions. Trial and error can cultivate children's self-correction and decision-making ability, and parents must not do everything.