Joke Collection Website - Talk about mood - A classic joke that can make people laugh to death
A classic joke that can make people laugh to death
Classic murder joke.
First, you must come when I lose weight, because seeing you will make me lose my appetite.
Second, it's not that I don't want to lose weight, but I'm afraid of rebounding.
Thirdly, we must look ahead. If we don't miss some bad dates, how can we know what is good?
Fourth, the schoolmasters wrote their homework in one night, and the dregs were done in one morning reading.
5. what CF, LOL, flying car, DNF, internet cafe, KTV. Nothing can compare with a lively daughter-in-law
6. "What's it like to have a math class?" "Do you know what it's like to watch Korean dramas without subtitles?" "……"
Seven, choose the meat that grows on the chest instead of the face is sensible meat!
Eight, "I feel particularly sleepy since the beginning of school, as if I were ill." "To what extent?" "As soon as the bell rings, I want to sleep."
Never underestimate the charm of a fat girl after losing weight!
The pen at the same table fell to my feet and said I couldn't reach it. Let me pick it up. I silently picked up the pen and threw it where he could get it.
Girl, when you have long hair to your waist, can you cut it off and sell it?
12. "Would you like to be my sun?" "Did I?" "Then please don't leave me, 7 kilometers." 39867.88868888666
13. Just because I don't want to be barbaric doesn't mean I don't have combat effectiveness.
I like my shadow in the sunset. It makes me tall and thin.
Fifteen, naturally suitable for alcohol and tobacco, suitable for plain life, naturally suitable for you.
I just want to be a quiet and beautiful girl, but my amazing looks really can't be quiet.
Seventeen, years have taught me that I don't have to wait for anyone except express delivery.
Eighteen, people who don't understand me, please don't communicate with me!
Nineteen, my coquetry is regarded as unreasonable, so can I throw away your pleading as garbage?
Twenty, I don't say what I said, I don't do what I did wrong, and the people I loved don't love.
I can regard you as a treasure or air.
Twenty-two, every girl who shouts to lose weight has a mouth that can't stop.
Twenty-three, other classes have good grades and good discipline. Teachers like our class, except for the high value.
Twenty-four, the woman said, elder sister is a brand you can't afford to wear. Brother sends you a word, Li Ning, anything is possible!
Twenty-five, "Why fish can't live without water", "Because of love", "Why can't live without him" and "He still owes me money"
26. Shortly after the start of school, a friend of the Foreign Languages Institute told me that there were many boys and girls in many majors, and their class was miserable, with only two boys. To make matters worse, the two boys fell in love. ...
27. Hide the gun in the windbreaker, or I will kill you if you don't go home.
Twenty-eight, eat, I want to be thin, I want to be thin. I can't have both, so I went there.
29. Weather forecast: Recently, an expert on picking up girls was born. Please pay attention to them.
Thirty, I learned the routine, and you are sincere.
Fortunately, I am a little fat, and I can feel my stomach when I am sad. 1. Give me my heart back and you can go!
I don't understand the world of local tyrants, but this doesn't prevent me from making friends with them.
Don't tempt me. I have a hundred ways to seduce you.
Thirty-four, the common fault of women, not changing seasons, absolutely no clothes, it seems that they have been streaking since last quarter.
35. Every time I go shopping, many people send me small advertisements and leaflets. Well, that's why I'm so beautiful.
Thirty-six, people should learn to be unfeeling and be an anodyne person.
A super boring joke can make people laugh to death.
1, one day at noon, Lao Liu happened to meet Lao Zhang on the road, immediately said hello and took out a dime from his pocket and gave it to Lao Zhang. Lao Liu said, Lao Zhang, I lent you a dime the day before yesterday and I didn't pay it back until today. Lao Zhang said: forget it, a dime, what else! Give it back! Give it back! Lao Liu just stuffed a dime into Lao Zhang's hand. Lao Zhang had to accept it and said, if you really want to pay it back, I'm welcome. I'll circle this account later!
2, hang a mosquito net to sleep in it, Doby mosquito, make it anxious.
When I have money, I will take the person I hate the most to the best mental hospital!
I remember when I was in college, I taught myself one night and wanted to make a fool of my deskmate monitor. I put a piece of paper behind him with a picture of a pig on it. She is a very fat girl sitting at the back table. The fat girl laughed wildly after seeing it, and the louder she laughed, the monitor asked her why she laughed. The fat girl smiled and pointed to the monitor and said, there is a pig behind you.
A gentleman often loses his wallet on the bus. One day, before getting on the bus, he folded a thick stack of paper and put it in an envelope. After getting off the bus, he found the envelope stolen. The next day, a gentleman just got on the bus and felt a hard object around his waist. He felt it and saw it. That was yesterday's envelope, which said: Please don't joke like this, it will affect his normal work. Thank you!
6. The newly established girlfriend is on a business trip. On the phone, she said she bought a pajamas, so sexy! My buddy immediately fantasized. I said, send me a photo! Miss you! Girlfriend: Should I wear my photo or take it off? I took off your photo when I overheard it! Then I received a photo of translucent sexy pajamas, NND! Hanging on a hanger
7. Today, the weather is particularly good. My colleagues and I are watching the scenery at the window. A large area of rape flowers was planted downstairs, and they were all in bloom. The golden yellow is so beautiful that I can't help being intoxicated. Colleague: What do you think? I said: Flowers bloom into the sea, and my thoughts are disastrous. What about you? Colleague replied: It's summer, so you can take off your long pants.
8. How to respond gracefully: Why aren't you in love? My mother told me not to hurt anyone.
9. Today, I met a woman on the road. Her face was expressionless. She just fell in love visually. She crossed the road without looking at the traffic lights and was almost hit by a car. The driver roared: Do you want to die? The woman shouted back: I know I still brake! Lz is extremely messy, look at its chic back.
10. The old couple watched TV and suddenly broadcast the beauty contest live. When the old man saw it, he blushed and turned into the room, saying funny words-funny words-funny words. The old lady smiled: the old man is quite feudal. After a while, the old man came back, sitting straight with a pair of reading glasses on his face.
1 1. A child asked a rich man: Sir, why are you so rich? The rich man said: I had nothing like you when I was a child. My father gave me an apple, so I sold it, bought two more apples with the money I earned, and then sold it to buy four more apples. The child said thoughtfully, sir, I seem to understand. Mr. millionaire said, you know your sister. Later, when my father died, I inherited all his inheritance.
12. I dreamed that my friend and I were kidnapped and were discussing how to escape. The alarm clock woke me up. Get up and get ready for school, suddenly think that it is not brave enough to escape like this, and then go back to bed.
13, the time is not getting up, but how long you can sleep. . .
14. When school starts, the teacher will tell you that school is your home. When you sleep in class, the teacher says you think school is your home. When cleaning, the teacher will tell you that school is your home. When you don't wear school uniform, the teacher says you think school is your home!
15, there is a kind of bitch, praise the scar and forget the pain. . .
16, I have been trying to copy every exam for more than ten years. Why? Is it for yourself? In order to improve the average score of the class, for the teacher's face, for the grade director's first evaluation, and for the face of the principal who went to the meeting of the Education Bureau, I was scared to sweat every time I copied it. Did I mention complaining? I'm so selfless. What else do you want from me?
17, what is a class teacher? It is a person who ruined your friendship, your love and your family!
18, don't play hard now, I'll play with you later.
Animal hilarious joke
1, demo, trying to rob me!
Ants don't want to divide books into animals recently.
Learn to be a robber,
I met an elephant the first time I came out to commit a crime.
Ant: I opened this road and planted this tree.
If you want to live from now on, stay and buy the passage.
Elephants inhale and exhale, only sneezing,
Ants have long since disappeared.
Elephant: demo, try to rob me!
See if I don't blow you off!
2. It's amazing to know some magic!
Gecko went to play in the forest and met a chameleon.
Chameleon: Son, this is not your place. Go where you came from!
Gecko: What do you look like! It's nice to grow up and know some magic!
Classic hilarious joke
1, different wording
Cardinal flies by car,
A policeman caught up with him on a motorcycle and stopped him.
The bishop asked, am I driving too fast?
Policeman: No, your eminence.
Your car didn't drive too fast,
But the flight is too slow.
2. Ride a bicycle and drift away.
Sitting idle on campus one day, a little brother (visually six or seven years old)
Riding a toy car, I thought of Doby, so I made a gun with my hands:
Bang ~ bang ~ two shots in a row! Who knows this big brother rolled over and got off the bus,
Take out a real thing (big toy gun) from the basket,
Shoot me like crazy, and when I fell to the ground,
With a look of disdain, I rode away! A deadly joke
The farmer drove the donkey into the city and met a rogue. Rogue: Did you eat? The farmer said, yes. Rogue: I asked the donkey. Hearing this, the farmer turned and slapped the donkey twice: Shit, there are relatives in the city who don't say a word.
I saw a MM in the Internet cafe, wow! Is a beautiful girl!
After a long hesitation, I finally got up the courage to go to her and whispered, can I talk to you?
MM actually cried loudly: no! I won't sleep with you!
The whole internet cafe is staring at us. Embarrassed, I blushed and went back to my seat without saying anything.
After a while, the MM came up to me and whispered, I'm sorry ... I just wanted to test people's reactions in extremely embarrassing situations. I shouted: What? You want three hundred dollars? It's too expensive!
Nine out of ten households in the community have installed security doors, but only one does not. One day, nine families were stolen together, and only the one who didn't break into the house escaped. The thief wrote on his door: "Don't worry about me, I will worry about you!" "
On the bus, the old lady is afraid to ask questions every time she stops. After the bus arrived at a station, she kept stabbing the driver with an umbrella: "Is this the convention center?" Driver: "No, it's ribs!" "
A young woman coaxed her child to sleep with your grandfather at night, and the child refused to leave. The young woman said, I can go without you. Grandpa said in a positive tone: educate children to be honest. You can't fool children and old people at the same time.
In the past, the exam teacher handed out papers, and the girls at the back took one more and shouted, "Teacher, I have it, I have it." As a result, the boy sitting next to me said, "It's mine, it's mine", and the whole class was shocked ~ ~ ~
When the mouse went to the toilet, he was too scared to say a word when he saw the bear. The bear looked at the mouse and said, can't you shed your hair? The mouse shivered and said nothing. The bear asked again, will you lose your hair? The mouse said, don't drop it! The bear grabbed the mouse and wiped his ass and left.
There is an auto parts factory that has been in disrepair for a long time; Piece: the word has been completed; Niuzi. An old man holding a cow said; Cars and cattle factories are equipped with cattle, and at worst there must be tractors! "
A person always farts in the office, and his colleagues can't help but say, can you be quiet? Then I saw him sitting there trembling and asked, why? Answer: I tuned it to vibrate.
Once in an English class, there was a sound of starting a motorcycle outside. The sound lasted for a long time.
After a long time, noisy people are unstable. At this time, the teacher found everyone upset and shook his head and said, "China.
Our motorcycle. Alas! "The class was over, and we discovered that it was the workers who were logging!
A couple was caught by a savage in the mountains and said that they would let you go if they ate each other's shit. They did it. On the way, the woman cried and the man asked her why. The woman said sadly, you don't love me, otherwise you wouldn't pull so much!
A woman was walking at night when she suddenly saw a man coming towards her with open arms and hugging her. The man fell to the ground crying and said, this is the third piece. It's hard for me to bring a piece of glass home.
The dog said to the bear, marry me and you will be happy. The bear said, I won't marry you. Marrying you will only give birth to a bear. I will marry a cat and have a panda. How noble!
The wife suddenly went home behind her husband's back. The adulterer jumped out of the window and fled into the morning running crowd. Some curious people asked why they didn't wear clothes, and replied: streaking, never seen it? Curiosity: I have seen streaking, but I have never seen streaking with a condom.
At the teacher's banquet, a classmate said to the teacher, "hello, teacher, I must propose a toast to you!" You are so kind to me. Every time you finish the problem, you are the first to ask me if I understand. " The teacher said, "Actually, I think if you understand, everyone will understand ..."
Cats are very delicate. In the afternoon at my friend's house, her cat slept behind my ass. I drank too much beer and accidentally farted on the cat's head. As a result, the cat stood up, shook its hand in front of its eyes a few times, fell backwards, fainted, and was stiff all over, which scared my dad to death. . . Friends quickly took him to the pet hospital. Later, my friend called and said that alcoholism had been diagnosed. He asked me to visit and apologize to the cat.
A buddy borrowed 500 yuan from me and didn't pay it back for a long time, so I was embarrassed to ask for it. So every time we go to KTV to sing, I always order "your backpack". At the end of the sentence, I will sing to him affectionately: "Why don't you return what you borrowed?" He also unconsciously applauded me: "It's really good." I am speechless. ...
Sitting in the last row of junior high school Chinese class, playing poker with a classmate, boring Jinhua. I took a handful and three Lao Wang said, run five laps. He said, follow, add ten laps. I gave him a look. Are you sure? He said, ok, plus breakfast tomorrow morning. I said, open it. You show your cards first. He pointed directly at JQK. I showed three old kings that you lost. He suddenly stood up, pointed at me and said, teacher, he plays poker in class.
An old woman who has smoked for most of her life said, "Granddaughter, don't marry someone who has given up smoking in the future." I was puzzled and asked her why. She said, "Men who quit smoking are cruel! Think about it, you can quit smoking, you can't do anything! " -Grandpa said to his grandson, "Never look for a thin woman! A woman can control her mouth, what else can she do? "
- Previous article:Russian love quotes
- Next article:Cherish the thin girls around you and have a good talk.
- Related articles
- The most delicious sad story
- How to write cqy just after playing online? Tell me about it.
- Let's talk about it Should I buy a white scarf or a red scarf? I have been struggling between white and red for a long time, and I have never made a decision ~
- Classic quotations from celebrities and geniuses about diligence
- Find me a madman to talk to.
- The husband didn't come home after working for three years, and his wife and children were kicked out of the house. What is the main loss?
- (Visiting Huqiu) Classical Chinese Answers
- I received good news and happy sentences. Suddenly received good news.
- "son! You pinched mom's hand purple! ! "
- A hundred little things between rural neighbors?