Monologues of full-time nannies

Tell me about the monologue in my heart! Yes, I'm also trying to find an outlet to relieve the invisible pressure.

Is it not good to take care of the baby at home? I'm asking myself, I don't need to get up early and get greedy for the dark, I don't need to cater to anyone, I don't need to follow the rules, I enjoy absolute freedom in time, and I can do whatever I want without any constraints, but it is this too comfortable life that gives me too much time to think and makes me feel confused about the future.

I used to have a fixed salary every month, but now I have to live on the meager salary of my father. Although he always gives the living expenses on his own initiative, I always feel subconsciously that he wants money by himself. Anyway, I didn't earn it myself. In addition, small families usually spend a lot of money, and there is basically no balance every month. Sometimes, I spend my old money, so I don't have much savings. If this goes on, my heart will be even more panicked and I will not dare to borrow money.

Living a leisurely life, I always feel that I am a cripple and my self-worth is not affirmed. They always say that taking care of the baby is an easy job, and they are not tired of trying to make money outside. What should I say? I'm not tired? Three meals a day, washing and cooking, turning around every day like a top, yes, these are my natural duties.

It's not that I don't pursue it, but that I don't want to make trouble for myself. I always tell myself that taking care of children is the most important thing. One day, there will be bread and milk, but for the future, I am confused and anxious at this time, and I am no longer full of joy.

I want to say to myself: "You are great, and the future can be expected."