Why do you say that most really good people are unsociable?

The most successful people are those who are good at independent thinking.

The word "independent thinking" is out of date. However, considering the sociality of human beings, our thinking is always disturbed by various factors. No matter how clever a person is, he dare not say how independent his thinking is.

But we know that if we can't think independently, it will reduce the quality of thinking and make us live under extreme depression and great pressure.

Don't be depressed, be happy; Don't be stressed, just take life easy.

You must master the basic skills of independent thinking.

"2. Seven factors that hinder thinking"

To learn to think independently, the first step is to find out what factors hinder our thinking.

First, the ubiquitous interpersonal control. There are always some people who want to expand their living space by controlling you.

Second, the natural control of the social environment. People are social people and are influenced by the surrounding environment. To realize that today is right and yesterday was not, is to discover your previous stupidity with the change of environment.

Third, the control of daily habits. Inherent habits make up our way of life, but it is this habit that makes our IQ shrink.

Fourth, natural emotional control. People are real people with natural feelings, likes and dislikes. But if we are too emotional, it will reduce our rationality and make us slaves to emotions.

Fifth, the inherent concept control. As people grow up, experience constitutes daily concepts and solidifies our brains. The higher the degree of solidification, the more rigid our thinking becomes.

Sixth, personality control. The higher the degree of socialization, the easier it is for people to adapt to the environment. But this adaptation has also impacted our personality, so human beings are born with the instinct to resist socialization.

Seventh, the control of congenital defects in the brain. We know a lot of things, but the brain doesn't work as you think. It always follows the inherent pattern.

Aware of these obstacles that hinder our independent thinking, regular scanning and retrieval will, over time, promote our own thinking and form the ability of independent thinking.

3. Interpersonal control

Feng Lun once gave an example. For example, if you drive carelessly and violate the rules, you will be fined 50 yuan. But the traffic police at the scene, your good friend, immediately waved: Your brother, I am here, let's go.

Wow, you are elated, whether you are your own brother or not, so you can save 50 yuan and have face! But this face needs to be paid.

Not long after, the traffic police buddy asked you: Hey, big brother, your sister-in-law is idle at home and has no job. Can your company arrange it?

Then arrange it, but pay an extra thousand yuan a month.

The wife of the traffic police brother, arranged to enter the company. But two months later, the traffic police called: hey, I said, buddy, what happened to your company? Why is the management so messy? Your sister-in-law is bullied in your company every day. Isn't her academic performance low? Low education is also a human being, and there are human rights!

Look at this ... you have no choice but to say gently on the phone: look, brother, shall we do this? Sister-in-law doesn't have to come to the company, but I give her a salary, 24 thousand a year!

Feng Lun said, "Look, as long as you are in 50 yuan, you can buy it. People are reluctant to open 24,000 caves every year. " .

Why is this happening? It is because of interpersonal control.

"4. How to deal with interpersonal control? 』

Some people control others through interpersonal communication. It's just that I helped you, and you have to help me emotionally. But it is easy for him to help you, even at the expense of the public, but if you help him, you will fall into a black hole of affairs, and often fail to meet the expectations of the other party.

Interpersonal control is everywhere. If you love face too much, want to win others' favor too much, are too eager for others' approval, are too worried about being despised by others, and are too indecisive to refuse everything, in short, you are too fragile and will inevitably become the prey of interpersonal control.

How to deal with it?

First of all, play down your anxiety, fear and guilt.

Secondly, we should accept the business rules of adults, don't disturb others easily, and refuse anyone's random requests. All your actions and abilities in this world are valuable, and so are others. Always respect the value of others, but also respect your own value. When this business rule constitutes your life principle, you will never encounter interpersonal control again.

5. Environmental control

Interpersonal control is easy to break, and environmental control is more difficult.

There is a video on the internet, and a group of people are waiting outside the clinic. At this moment, a lady came. She was very surprised to find that there was a bell outside the clinic that beeped regularly. Every time the bell rings, all the people waiting for treatment stand up and bow slightly-in fact, these people waiting for treatment are entrusted by the experimenter to confuse the only experimental lady.

At first, the lady refused to follow the crowd and sat alone. But the bell is getting more and more urgent, and people around you stand up regularly, becoming more and more nervous and serious. Finally, the lady couldn't hold on any longer and stood up and bowed.

In this way, the people who induced the experimenters left one by one, and new patients kept coming.

Soon, there will be real patients outside the clinic. All the patients, following the lady's movements, stood up and bowed when they heard the bell.

This is the so-called herding effect, also known as herding effect.

Since childhood, we have lived in a group environment. The teacher asked us to follow the crowd, have classes together in the classroom and do exercises together in the playground. The calf will be severely punished.

Over time, we have become accustomed to following others-but we know that those who achieve their careers are those who refuse to follow blindly and jump out of the herd effect.

How to jump out of the herd effect? It is nothing more than sorting out the difference between real social rules and imagination. The real rule is nothing more than the boundary of individual rights-interestingly, the person who has the strongest conformity effect is the one who has the least respect for the rights of others. They will think that power is infinite and individual rights are nothing. But in fact, as long as you realize that power is only exercised within the inherent scope, your mind will be clear.

"6. Habit control"

The third is to break through the control of inherent habits.

For example, we are used to saving money, preferring to live far away from the company, running around endlessly every day, tired like a dog and exhausted. It seems to save money, but because of fatigue, there is no spare capacity to learn and progress, but more and better opportunities are lost.

Challenge your most stubborn habit every month. Go to places you haven't been to and see the scenery you haven't seen. Read books I never thought I would read and meet unexpected people.

Habit is just an inherent way of life. When the lifestyle changes, the habits naturally change.

7. Emotional control

Fourth, we must know what we want and try to get rid of emotional control.

Cai Kangyong once wrote a passage for those who fell into strong emotions:

Did you refuse to study as a protest because the school was bad and the class was boring? Wrong direction. They failed in teaching because they screwed up their work. You are ruining your life by refusing to study and read. This is not a protest, this is self-mutilation. The object of your protest is insensitive, but you yourself suffer bitter consequences. It's like eating three disgusting restaurants in a row Are you going on a hunger strike?

I know all the reasons, but I can't. What should I do?

Easy to do, remember a rule: express your emotions, not express them.

For example, you can tell each other: What you do makes me very unhappy, you know?

Instead of shouting: What do you want? Believe it or not, I'll slap you again ... remember, let the other person know your mood, not provoke the other person's confrontation with extreme emotions.

"8. Inherent concept control"

Fifth, break through the inherent concept control.

For example, if you believe that the rich are heartless, you suddenly hear someone say, You know, billionaire Zuckerberg is shameless enough. He bought a piece of land and even went to court to sue for expelling the aborigines on the land.

As soon as you heard this, it exploded. I know Zuckerberg is not a good thing. He keeps welcoming refugees to this country, but he wants to drive the poor out of their homes. How hypocritical!

After hearing the news that is consistent with your own ideas, accept it immediately.

But the news is false.

Can't say it's fake. The fact is that Zuckerberg really sued, which is a fact. But in fact, there is only one resident on that website, and Zuckerberg is suing with this only neighbor.

So which one are they suing?

Zuckerberg's joint prosecution with his neighbors is just a means. The purpose is to find out the owners who may have property rights disputes on the land they buy. Because land property rights are extremely complicated, some people sell their land to you, claiming that they own all the property rights, but in fact their seven aunts and eight aunts who are far away from the ends of the earth may have some property rights. If we don't find these people, there may be trouble in the future.

But it is impossible to find these people. How do you know who they are and which country they are in? How much property right do you have in the land you bought?

If you can't find it, you can't find it, so it is common in the United States to sue and let the court help you find it. If you find someone, let's sit down and discuss it and see what to do.

What you believe or what you don't believe is just an inherent concept.

And your idea is just a habit of growing up this year, which is far from the real world.

"9. Conceptual control"

To break through the control of old ideas, we must maintain the spirit of doubt.

Once you believe it, you may be wrong.

"10. Personality control"

Sixth, we should break through the self-control of personality.

Man's growth is a process of accepting social concepts while facing them.

The most perfect life is to go through vicissitudes, but still keep the innocence of the soul. But sometimes, the growth of life is not so ideal, and it is often arduous, and it still has not changed the stupidity of the past.

To get through this, we must recognize human nature. Also known as empathy. Don't assume that everyone is like us. They have their own experiences and difficulties. When your mind can accommodate different modes of thinking, you pass this barrier.

"1 1. Control of brain defects"

The last step is to fight against brain defects.

The brain has its solidified neural operation mode. We met the sage Si Qi, but it was hard for the brain to change its mind. We vowed to let ourselves gain wisdom and freedom, but the operation of the brain is still spinning in several inherent ditches. So many people scold for a long time, and their brains don't cooperate at all.

It sounds difficult.

But this level is actually the easiest. As long as you remember the three infinite cycles when the brain is running, it is almost ok:

The first infinite loop: the brain is so obsessed with everything we have that it can't dial itself;

The second infinite cycle: the brain doesn't pay much attention to what we get, but it keeps circling the cycle we lose;

The third infinite cycle: the brain takes itself as the scale of everything, and everything is centered on itself.

Even the cleverest people revolve around these three traps every day. But a wise man, knowing that he is in a ditch, will smile and face his mistakes. It is difficult for people who are alienated from wisdom to realize that they are wrong.

12. Independent thinking is a process.

Repeat the previous content to gain independent thinking ability, roughly through seven levels:

The first is to break through interpersonal control,

The second is to break through environmental control;

The third is to break through habit control,

The fourth is to break through emotional control;

The fifth is to break through conceptual control.

Sixth, break through personality control,

Finally, it is a long-term confrontation with the congenital deficiency of the brain.

At this point, we can understand that the so-called independent thinking is not a solidified state, but a continuous process.

Even people with independent thinking ability will fall into the mire of interpersonal control or emotional control if they are not careful, and make less independent thinking.

What kind of state should we reach in order to get a glimpse of the state of independent thinking?

The answer is uncertain.

To be sure, the longer you think and the deeper you immerse yourself, the clearer your brain will become and the more agile your thinking will become. Your life and career will be easier and easier. On the contrary, on the contrary.

If you want to be a person with high emotional intelligence in interpersonal relationships, you need to learn to understand feelings and know how to communicate. In the final analysis, how to really do this is to understand these four key issues:

How to improve the sensitivity of emotional perception and truly understand each other's feelings?

How to grasp the communication scale of high emotional intelligence to make people feel appropriate and comfortable?

How to gain trust quickly and build a good relationship easily?

How to talk to anyone and become a popular person?