Classic funny sentences

1. When I have money, I will buy a bus, take the bus lane and stop at the bus stop. When someone wants to get on the bus, I will say, sorry, this is a private car.

2. Guest, are you staying in a hotel or a hotel?

I shit.

I was very young. What about you? Are you old?

A gentleman is just a patient wolf.

5. It is not necessarily a good thing for everyone to stand on one side, such as standing on the side of the ship.

6. relax, I'm not a good person ...

7. You said ... you like me? Actually ... first of all ... actually, I also ... well, to be honest, I actually like myself.

As a typical loser, you are really successful.

9. I just learned to ride a bike when I was a child. Before I knew it, I ran into the street. When I saw an old man walking in front of me, I felt I was going to hit it. I said, don't move, don't move. The old man stood there for a while without moving, so I turned around and hit him. The old man stood up and said, did you aim?

10, if there is 300W, do you want to buy Mercedes or Ferrari?

It's best to buy 300 second-hand Otto cars and hire 300 drivers to drive behind you, one in an S shape and the other in a B shape.

1 1, smile more, and beware of catching a cold on cloudy days!

12, I laughed at the sky from the horizontal knife and went to bed after laughing!

13, Lu Yao knows that the horsepower is insufficient, and people will watch for a long time.

14, my father expressed his views on my obesity: Han Hong's life was not lost, but Han Hong's disease was also found.

15, I never hold a grudge, but I usually report it on the spot.

16, don't cry at my grave. Dirty my path of reincarnation.

17, that's right, Mr. Zhang. You can't press CTRL+C on your home computer and then CTRL+V on your company computer. Not even the same article. No, no, it's not even an expensive computer.

18, I thought you were just a number between 1 and 3, but I didn't expect you to be a combination of 1 and 3.

20. A cannibal went to work, and the manager repeatedly told him not to eat his colleagues and agreed. I couldn't help eating a detergent in a few days.

People were discovered immediately. The sentiment is: never eat people who really do things.

2 1. Now you scold me because you don't know me yet. When you get to know me later, you will definitely hit me.

22. People never know who inadvertently said goodbye to you and then really disappeared.

23. The road to success is always under construction.

24, I don't go to hell, who loves who.

25. Guess an English sentence: "ababbaaaaaaaaaabbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

26, think of your eyebrows, think of ambiguity. I suddenly feel that most of my thoughts are like this, and they are getting weaker and weaker (I vaguely remember that this is the lyrics of Faye Wong's "I don't want this either", don't you know? )

27. Years later, I lamented those two teenagers: one was amazing and the other was gentle.

28. If she (he) says to you, "Forget me." You tell each other, "I never remember."

29. You are very kind to us. I will always remember that I will never let you go if I am a ghost.

Dear female colleagues, please don't be angry with me. My wife has a caller ID.

3 1, smile, wave, goodbye, over.

I remember I decided to be an interesting person.

33. Think about the salary ratio, forget it, and don't want to live.

34. Well, give me an affordable grave.

35. I have lived for more than 20 years and have done nothing for the motherland and the people. Every time I think about it, my heart aches.

36. Do all the bad things you can while you are young. It's only been a few years

37. Earn money to sell cabbage and white powder.

38. A seven-year-old boy is the most terrible creature on earth. They are curious, active, destructive and have the law on the protection of minors.

39. A man keeps his word-I won't pay back the money if I say no!

40. Laozi said: Sleep can sleep, very sleep.

4 1. Although I believe in vows of eternal love, I may not believe you.

42. God said: Don't forget to take an umbrella when you go out. I will water the flowers later.

43. Special people never say they are special, such as me.

44. My answer was good, but Tai said he couldn't come.

45. I know all banquets must come to an end, but at least I want to eat well at the banquet!

46. I will take my sunshine road and you will cross your Naihe Bridge.

47. The world belongs to us and our children, but ultimately to our children and grandchildren!

48. Whenever I encounter difficulties, I will read Tibetan scriptures: "Oh, moo, coax", which translates into English: all the money goes to my house!

49, the simplest secret of longevity-keep breathing, don't die.

50. Confucius said: Sleepless at noon, collapse at noon. Mencius said: Confucius is right!

5 1, kindness means that bia ji doesn't eat meat when others are hungry.

52, the long road of life, there will always be a few wrong steps.

53. I never bully the weak ~ ~ ~ I didn't know he was weaker than me before I bullied him …

54. You take your overpass and I'll take my underground passage.

55. My hobbies can be divided into static and dynamic, static is sleeping, and dynamic is turning over …

56, where you fall, you get up from there ... always fall there, I suspect there is a pit!

57, alas ~ this person is not straight, even the headache is partial.

58. I don't know much about music, so sometimes it's unreliable and sometimes it's out of tune.

59. When people do good deeds, they always want ghosts and gods to know. They have done bad things and always think that ghosts and gods don't know. We embarrassed ghosts and gods.

60. Ask who is the most enlightened person in the world, and I will do my part.

6 1. If you can't tolerate me, it means that either your mind is too narrow or my personality is too great.

62. I will go on until the river stops my thirst; Then sit and watch the rising clouds, dizzy.

63. I want to learn from the phoenix nirvana, but I accidentally ... cooked it!

Anyway, my life is always different from their calculations. I don't know whether they are wrong or I am wrong.

65. You have a 30-degree smile at the corner of your mouth, which Baidu can't find.

66. Of course God will forgive me, because that's his profession.

When you hold your hand, you will know that your child is ugly and your face is covered with tears. If you don't go, I will.

68. Does handsome have a P? Probably eaten by a pawn!

69. Don't tell me to bring it on-I have two generations of feelings!

70. If you bother me again, I'll tie you to a straw boat and borrow an arrow!

7 1, if people don't attack me, I won't attack; If people offend me, comity three points; If people force me again, I'll give you an injection; People still attack me and kill the grass.

72. I am not RMB. How can I make everyone like me? !

73. It's not difficult to be single, but it's difficult to deal with people who try their best to get you to end it.

74. If you have time to learn Feng Shui, you can make up for the regret that you can't afford a good house before you die.

75. At one time, we all thought we could die for love. In fact, love can't kill people. It will only stick a needle in the most painful place, and then we want to cry. We tossed and turned, and after a long illness, we became a doctor. You are not the wind, and I am not the sand. No matter how lingering, you can't reach the end of the world. Dry your tears. Tomorrow morning, we will all go to work.

76. The world is a giant doll machine. I just want to see you through the window.

If you go first, don't blame me for turning my back on you.

78. A person has only one heart, but two atria. A happy life; A person lives in sadness. Don't laugh too loudly, or you will wake up the sadness next to you.

79. Be good to yourself, because life is not long; Be kind to people around you, because you may not meet them in the next life.

Some people say that the merry-go-round is the cruelest game, but there is an eternal distance between chasing each other.

8 1. If there is an afterlife, be a tree and stand forever, without the gesture of sadness and joy. Half is peaceful in the dust, half is flying in the wind, half is cool, and half is bathed in the sun. Very silent and proud, never relying on and never looking for!

82. Picking up people should also pay attention to technology, and find the right person at the right time and place. For example, I am online at the moment.

83. I think when I love you, I am too low in the dust, but I don't bloom. Later, there was more and more dust, and finally we were buried alive. It turns out that love really can't be too humble. There can be no dust without nutrients.

84. I feel unhappy because I am not pursuing "happiness" but "being happier than others".

My 85-year-old and 5-year-old daughters ask her father to do something for her.

Dad: "Dad is very tired. Give me a compliment, and I will be refreshed again. "

Daughter: "Lao Zheng!"

Dad: "Hey!"

Daughter: "Your Niu Niu is really beautiful."