Life perception story: growth is a process of constant loss.

Life perception story: growth is a process of constant loss.

Growth is a happy and painful process, and only by constantly feeling can it grow.

We always think that this life is still long, and there will be time to finish what we want to say and express in the future, because we all think that we can live to be at least 70 years old. So we're in love now. However, when we are young, we have time to wait for our great ambitions, but what about our parents? Do they have time to wait? Even if we wait for success, they may not have time to share the joy of success with us.

65438+1October 65438+March 3, my stepfather had another operation for physical reasons. Sitting in the hospital ward on the day of the operation, waiting for the end of the operation, I had mixed feelings, including regret, guilt, fear, sadness and helplessness. During this period, I thought a lot of questions, thinking that when my father was seriously ill in the hospital when I was a child, I was accompanied by my mother. Now the stepfather is undergoing surgery and his children are in the hospital. Suddenly I feel at home, which makes me feel the strength of family companionship and makes me believe that everything will get better gradually.

After the operation, the doctor talked to his family alone. The doctor said that his illness might recur in the future. If conditions permit, it is best to go to a good hospital in a big city for surgery. After listening to the doctor's speech, my heart was stabbed, and I felt that what I had finally got was in danger of being taken away at any time. I blame myself for being weak and unable to take good care of my beloved things and let them stay with me forever.

When I went to the hospital to bring him food a few days ago, I kept reminding him to go downstairs to bask in the sun when the sun came out, take medicine on time and have more rest. After leaving the hospital, we went to the supermarket to buy new year's goods, and I bought a camera to take you out for a spring outing. When I said this, he smiled and said, Oh, I am old, and I don't know if I can go. I also know what it is. If I really die, so be it. There is nothing to be afraid of. I've seen two operations so close to death, and there's nothing to be afraid of. When my mother saw her stepfather finish, she patted the dust on his collar and nagged him that if she wanted to die, she would live to be 70 years old. In fact, we all know that this disease may not be cured. We also know that you may leave us at any time.

Before my stepfather was hospitalized at the beginning of this year, I already had feelings of fear, sadness and self-blame, especially fear, which swept over me like a huge wave and fascinated me like smoke. These bad feelings run away in the body unscrupulously and do whatever they want. It is also like a vine, entangled in the body, and gradually grows strong. I know what caused my fear, because I was afraid that if my stepfather really left, I would have dinner with my mother, return to the same dishes and soup, and even often eat leftovers.

I'm afraid I'm less nagging and more lonely at home alone. I'm afraid my mother always goes out to buy food alone, with no one to accompany her. I'm afraid no one will talk to her. I'm afraid that when I want to share the joy of success, only my mother will smile, and the person I most desire to stay with to see my success has left.

I am a boy who is particularly afraid of losing, but I grew up like a boy who constantly accepted loss and learned to accept all kinds of pains and hardships in life. My uncle died when I was born. When I began to remember something, my grandfather died, and then my father died. Then I experienced the pain of a car accident, being beaten, laughed at and looked down upon. I think it must be because of these reasons that many fruits appear on me now.

Many people in life, I haven't had time to sit next to you and tell me about the world of mortals, the ups and downs of life. When you taught me the truth of life such as love and hate, you suddenly disappeared.

I feel insecure. I am not strong enough. When sleeping, I like to curl my body into a ball, cover my face with a quilt and leave a small hole for air. Crying in the middle of the night, sometimes because of a scene in a TV series or hearing a song on the road. But these things that a boy shouldn't have often happen to me. No one has ever taught me to be brave and strong. I resist many things by myself, but how can my weak body resist them?

For more than ten years, I never dreamed of my father. For more than ten years, what impressed me the most was what you said to me when you were seriously ill: take good care of my mother, protect her, and don't let her see my vulnerability. I tried my best to do everything you said, but for some reasons you didn't teach me, so I had to grope my way forward.

When I watched "I am a singer" and heard Ku Kuiji cover "Father", my eyes were red. Because my stepfather is ill in hospital, I always feel a lot of fear for no reason. I'm afraid that if he really doesn't go to a good hospital in a big city for a comprehensive examination and then have an operation, maybe he really can't afford to wait. I saw the singer Bella die of illness the other day, and I like her cover of Dear Friends very much. Every time I listen to it, I feel a lot in my heart. Today, her voice has proved that we miss it.

Because I have lost too much, and now I am really afraid of losing it. But another sign of maturity may be to learn to accept the loss and know how to swallow the past instead of always facing it. I think my words at the moment are not only a memorial, but also a proof of looking back many years later, telling me that I have no responsibility and responsibility to protect my family, and I have not wasted my happy time now.

When I was cleaning at home the other day, I found many photos of my parents before their death. At that time, you had a handsome smile, deep eyebrows, a black trench coat and her hands rested on her hips. Looking at it, my eyes turn red. Later, when I picked up your black and white portrait to wipe the dust, I cried unwillingly.

I cried for a long time holding your portrait alone. I muttered to myself, complaining about all the results that have appeared to me now. If you were still here, I might not be like this. If you are still here, even if I am ordinary, even if I don't write, as long as I can live like a family of three, I will be satisfied. I really want to have a father like others. Even if this father is dignified and fierce, it is good to feel the process of growing up with me once. But I have been looking forward to this idea until now, and I have never looked forward to it.

I never hide my weakness and cowardice. I know I'm not a brave man, so I don't want to hide it. Although I am a boy, I am really not as brave as you think. I won't tell myself that the suffering in my life makes me a better person. I think it has nothing to do with suffering. Suffering just reminds me that if I don't climb up, I will always be stuck in a deep well and can't get out. The suffering I encountered also made me understand that the power of this society is far stronger than I thought. I can only run, so that I can be less of a stepping stone to others.

I read Jane's Who is Waiting for You in a Silver Place these days, which is a book with the theme of old age and loneliness. When I was translating, I saw a sentence that made me cry: we fell into grief, but we didn't lose the ability to struggle. We became orphans when we were very young, but that doesn't mean we won't grow up. People who have eyes higher than mine are even more mistaken when they look at us. They think we are doomed to be trapped in the dark, but they don't know that we don't intend to stay in the dark for long. ? I know I'm happy now. Although I lost too much in the process of growing up sensible, I have been working hard for my life dream and writing, and I have a person I like to share with me.

Once, I thought my parents could wait for me, thinking it was not too late, so I would always take it lightly and ignore your old age. It was not until the reality slapped me hard again that I suddenly realized that cherishing the present is not just talk.