Essay on the portrait of the sky

The old man was lying in bed, listening nervously to his son slam the door and the security door at home, listening to the clanking of the keys when he locked the security door, listening to his son's footsteps fading away, until he heard the whine of the elevator running, the old man's tension was relieved, and then he was swallowed up by a worrying loneliness.

The old man felt that the room was so quiet that only his heartbeat was left. He felt that the room was suddenly cold without the heat of a living person, much like the empty and cold Dingling underground palace. The old man wrapped himself in a quilt.

Every Monday to Friday morning, the elderly have such a psychological process. Every time the old man came to the door with his daughter-in-law's grandson, Xiao Qiang, he was very anxious to say, Dad, I'm leaving, Xiao Qiang, say goodbye to grandpa quickly, and the old man's nervousness reached its peak until his son went out.

The old man lay in bed, looking at the empty ceiling for a while and the sky outside the window for a while. The old man feels as if he is thinking a lot of things, and he feels as if he is thinking nothing. The old man felt that he was just lying quietly, just trying to escape something by being lazy in this way.

When the electronic clock on the old man's bedside table gives a clear time of "it's nine o'clock in the morning", the old man feels that the principle of self-love in his life has started, and his body has been injected with the life motivation to get up at nine o'clock every day. The old man sat up unhurriedly, put on the gray sweater unhurriedly, unhurriedly took off the bedding stuffed in his abdomen, unhurriedly took off the sweater he had just put on ... unhurriedly turned around and got out of bed, unhurriedly put on the slippers that his daughter-in-law knitted for him with all plush thread, and walked to the toilet with unhurriedly kicking ... unhurriedly uncovered the lid of the rice cooker. Slowly bring out the steamed bread that his daughter-in-law prepares for him every day ... When the old man wipes the last drop of water splashed on the edge of the pool with a rag and feels that he really has nothing to do, the old man will still stand silently, watch and think for a while, until he is sure that he really has nothing to do, he will go to the window of his room and look out blankly. The old man felt as if he were close to his children and grandchildren, and felt that the deep loneliness in the house could flow out of the window. The old man is old, and he expects his children and grandchildren to be closer to him.

When the old man stands at the window, he often mumbles. The old man did not complain. The old man looks very peaceful. The old man's soliloquy is not so much what the old man wants to say, but rather what he wants to hear his own voice and the voice of people, so that the old man feels that he still lives in a world with voices.

A year ago, the old man didn't have to suffer like this at all. At that time, although the old man had retired, he had not moved to the high-rise where he lives now. The old man lived in the alley where he lived for nearly sixty years, and in the alley paved with pebbles, his life was full and happy. At that time, as long as the old man woke up, he would hear the cough and voice of his neighbors for decades. As long as he opens his door, someone will greet him with a smile, and someone will tell him this and that, which will make the old man feel lively and friendly and make him feel that he will always be a member of the crowd and have something to do. At that time, old people could sit at home and chat, play mahjong and chess, and go to the park with several old people. ...

A year and a half ago, when the old man learned from his son's smiling mouth that he was about to get a spacious new house, he didn't want to move, even though he felt that the house he had lived in for nearly 60 years was small and dark, like a pigeon cage.

Old people have old people's reasons: old people don't want to die where they don't live long. The old man is worried that after moving, his dead parents and wife may not find a new home, eat the food provided by the old man and receive the paper money burned by the old man. Besides, the old man has lived in this alley for a long time, and the concept of home is no longer his own narrow space in his heart, but has sublimated into a whole warm and cordial alley. So when the old man's son smiled and asked the old man if he agreed to move, the old man said nothing and walked away silently. When the old man's son asked the old man for advice again with a bitter face, the old man touched his grandson's head and pretended to be very happy, saying, of course, moving is ok, why not? Xiao Qiang has to live in a big house! After the old man finished, he put a passbook on the table and asked his son to decorate the house.

When the old man moved, he stood alone in the empty old house for a long time. He looked at the kitchen, living room, bathroom and bedroom that made him feel kind ... looking at the position where the portraits of his parents and wife were placed ... the tears of the old man kept flowing. Tears welled up in the old man's eyes when he saw the old neighbors standing at the door to see him off.

The old man's new home is on the 22nd floor of a tall building in the suburbs. When old people move into new houses, they also go downstairs. The old man hopes to solve his loneliness by contacting the crowd. But there are too few residents in the surrounding high-rise buildings and few shops nearby. The loneliness of the old man has not been eliminated, but also because of the piles of construction waste that can be seen everywhere and the high-rise buildings around him that block his sight, the old man feels more desolate, strange and narrow. Not only that, when the old man returns to his empty home again, he will feel lonely. The old man is too lazy to go downstairs again. Even when the old man occasionally walks through this residential area, he will feel a cold wind blowing in his empty heart.

Old people often want to go for a walk in the original alley. At this time, the old man's son and daughter-in-law will almost beg the old man not to go out alone, because there are many cars outside and the old man's legs and feet are not flexible. More importantly, they are worried about the memory of the elderly and are afraid that the elderly will get lost. The old man's memory is really poor. Five years ago, the old man forgot his way when he bought food in the vegetable market near his home. The old man tried to identify the direction and walked hard, but he couldn't find his home. With the help of the police, the old man went home. That day, the old man's son quarreled with his wife for the first time in despair, saying that if his wife got up early every day to buy food, then the old man wouldn't have to go out and certainly wouldn't get lost. The old man really never went out alone again, only walked into the alley at most. The old man doesn't want to add chaos to his family. Even after moving to a new home, when the old man goes downstairs for a walk, at most, he walks around the building where he lives, as his son said. Although the old man's son and daughter-in-law always said that they would go to the old alley with the old man during the break. But they seem to be just talking. The old man didn't mean to blame them. The old man looked at his son and daughter-in-law as busy as headless flies every day. He thought that there are so many laid-off workers now that it is not easy for them to find jobs. In order to make the elderly work less, he would rather drag Xiao Qiang to work, and his son and daughter-in-law are always filial. The old man can't bear to blame them. Fortunately, old neighbors often visit the old man, which more or less dilutes the old man's urgent desire to go to the old alley.

The old man looked out of the window for a long time and found an old man standing in a window in the opposite building. The old man guessed that the old man's situation was similar to his own, otherwise he wouldn't stand at the window all day like a wooden head. The old man felt in the same boat. The old man really wants to invite him over. But the old man felt abrupt. After discovering this old man, the old man has a feeling of finding a partner. The old man felt that this partner seemed far away, as far away as a previous life, and as close as if a lonely traveler in the vast desert had heard the crisp camel bell. But the old man still felt that his standing legs obviously increased his strength, as if he saw the language of communication floating silently in the empty sky. The old man thinks that the other person is very kind and wants to see the other person's face clearly, but even with reading glasses, he can only look vaguely. The old man felt as if he had seen the old man with two thick eyebrows and a square face. From time to time, the old man will sigh that his eyes are dim and he is really old. The old man is associated with the portrait from the image of the old man and the opposite window. The old man feels like a portrait hanging in the air.

One night, the old man vaguely heard a sad cry. The old man looked in the direction of his son's finger. This old man is Zheng. What the old man saw was the old man's window. The old man saw that only this window in the building had light. The old man looked doubtfully and silently estimated for a while with the feeling of looking at the window at ordinary times. The old man thinks it should be. The old man had an ominous premonition. The old man's heart tightened. The old man heard his son say that someone seemed to have died in that house. The old man was heartbroken and suddenly reprimanded his son with a sullen face. How did you know? Be a good mouth and don't talk nonsense. But the old man was silent when he defended his son that "there will be such a big cry when people don't die." The old man thought of a logic that the old man always dies first at home. He believes that the older a person is, the more sudden and simple the process of death becomes. The old man lost sleep that night. The old man has been trying to find the clear face of the old man. The old man thought about it, and all he could think about was the Chinese face and the two broad heavy eyebrows.

The next morning, the old man got up before the alarm clock in his son's daughter-in-law's room rang. The old man decided to go to the old alley alone today. When the old man told the daughter-in-law who got up, the daughter-in-law panicked and quickly told the old man's son. They begged the old man not to leave today and promised to accompany him to the old alley no matter what. Finally, the old man's son was so anxious that he said that if he wanted to leave today, he would take a day off. The old man's son knows that the old man is most afraid of asking for leave. But today, the old man's son was wrong Not only did the old man not mention his son's departure, but he also went to the old alley alone. The old man even said angrily to his son, what do I want you to accompany? Don't I know this city better than you? How many years have you lived? The old man said that and walked to the gate without looking back. The old man's son quickly held the old man. As soon as the word "dad" came out of his mouth, the old man stubbornly pushed it away. The old man said, what are you nervous about? It's not like I can't come back. The old man wants to say, I won't die. The old man changed his mind when he saw his daughter-in-law pleading.

The old man who just went downstairs feels that the air is particularly fresh today. He feels that all the bad feelings this community gives him seem to have nothing to do with himself. He feels like a singing bird. The old man walked briskly.

The old man was walking when his eyes suddenly lit up. The old man found that the old man who was doing morning exercises not far away actually looked like the old man in the window of the opposite building. The old man stood quietly, watching carefully and excitedly. The old man did see the two broad and thick eyebrows that he was no longer familiar with, and the square face with Chinese characters written on it. The old man is sure that he is not dreaming, and he firmly believes that this must be the old man in the window of the opposite building. The old man felt relieved. The old man's behavior attracted his attention. He looked at the old man and smiled very kindly.

The old man immediately sent an equally friendly smile. Just as the two old people were brought closer by such friendliness, the old man heard his son shouting behind him: Dad, Dad, what are you doing standing here? I'll go with you.

At the moment, the old man doesn't care about his son. The old man just wanted to ask him about last night. But the old man did not move. The old man thought it presumptuous to ask a stranger such unlucky things. The old man suddenly turned to his son and said that he would not go to the old alley today. The old man said, smiled at the old man and walked home just visible. The old man's son is very confused.

As soon as the old man entered the room, he stood in front of the window where he stood every day, staring at the window of the opposite building. The old man hasn't appeared yet. The old man is waiting.