Tell me about the child who was bullied and fought back.

"The child was beaten in kindergarten. What would you do as a parent? " I once asked this question among parents, and their answers were varied.

Some people say that children should find the child who hit people the next day and fight back.

Some people say that the names of beating children are announced in the class group, so that parents can "die".

Some people say that they complain to the teacher and ask the parents who beat their children to apologize.

Other parents said that it is normal for children to fight, and it is good for children to stay away from hitting people in the future. There is no need to make the situation too stiff.

One of the fathers shared his son's experience of being beaten, and I think his handling method is very useful to parents.

The following is my father's self-report:

One day, my 5-year-old son was a little unhappy after school from kindergarten. I asked him what happened, and he immediately pursed his lips, lifted his sleeves and said indignantly, "Zhuangzhuang caught me in kindergarten today!" " "

When I saw it, there were two obvious red marks on my son's arm, which made me feel distressed. I quickly rummaged through the cupboard for medicine, but I couldn't help blaming him: "Why don't you run and resist and let him bully you?" My son was in a bad mood. When I criticized him, he felt even worse. He couldn't help crying with a "wow". I quickly comforted him and then coated him with medicine.

The more I think about it afterwards, the worse I feel. I feel that things can't just be forgotten, otherwise my son will be bullied in the future, but I can't think of a good solution at the moment.

Go directly to the teacher to complain, will the teacher think that I make a mountain out of a molehill and affect my son's impression in kindergarten?

Looking for strong parents, will the two families have grievances from now on, and the children will have no friends in the future?

Reasoning, I sent a message among parents:

Dear parents, my smelly boy came back from school today clamoring to practice "Nine Yin and White Bone Claw". When I asked the reason, it turned out that he was caught with two red marks on his arm by a classmate who had studied "Nine Yin and White Bone Claw" in kindergarten. He felt very unconvinced and said that he would go to the teacher to study. It was only after I said something bad that I dismissed his idea. Parents, what do you think?

Soon, a reasonable parent replied: "Children should get along well, can't fight, and Jiuyin Bones and Claws can't learn!" Some parents joked: "This son is ambitious and will definitely become a martial arts master."

It didn't take long for this message to pop up on the phone. This is a strong mother. She sent an apology message and made a video call asking Zhuang Zhuang to apologize to my son. At the end of the video, Zhuang Zhuang sincerely said "I'm sorry" and said that he would never bully his classmates again. The son also happily said "it doesn't matter" and told Zhuang Zhuang "don't do it again" like an adult.

At this point, things have come to an end. Later, I asked my son, and he said that Zhuangzhuang would never bully himself again, and they became good friends.

I appreciate this father's behavior because he didn't directly teach his children to fight back and didn't swallow it. Instead, he educated the children who beat people with high emotional intelligence, protected his son, and successfully solved the contradiction between children.

Parents are always nervous and contradictory when their children are bullied at school. They want their children to be brave and dare to "fight back", but they are also worried that their children will haggle over every ounce and affect their harmonious coexistence with their classmates.

I don't advocate that parents educate their children to fight back, resulting in both losses, nor do I suggest that parents keep silent and let their children be bullied.

Let's talk about the first method. On the surface, parents educate their children to resist, which is a sign of daring to resist, but in fact, it will only instill in their children a wrong concept that "as long as I use violence, others will not dare to bully me" and make them become bad children who advocate violence. Or lead to another ending, the more children resist, the more they are bullied. Resistance will give the perpetrators a sense of accomplishment and stimulate them to be more excited and angry. If the two sides are physically different or outnumbered, the child will be hurt more seriously.

Let's talk about the second method. Parents should let nature take its course, not pursue the responsibility of the hitter and let the children hide as much as possible. "I was bullied at school, but my parents didn't support me, but I swallowed it?" In the face of parents' indifferent attitude to calm the storm, children who regard their parents as safe havens will inevitably feel chilling and lose trust in their parents. It's hard to open your heart to your parents in the future.

Moreover, blind avoidance and tolerance will not stop the violence, but will make the violence worse and the perpetrators more unscrupulous, and eventually develop into campus bullying. It will also have a great influence on the child's personality. If you are often bullied, children will easily become weak and inferior, and become soft persimmons that anyone can hold.

Therefore, whether it is a tooth for a tooth or a swallow, it is not the best solution to deal with children being beaten.

The child was beaten at school. Besides "fighting back" and "keeping silent", is there a better solution? The answer is yes.

I remember Professor Li Meijin once said that not hurting others is an education, and not being hurt by others is an aura.

Children can't live under the wings of their parents forever. When they start socializing, they will meet all kinds of people and face all kinds of unexpected situations. At this time, what should parents do to protect their children from bullying?

1. Teach children to say "no" bravely

Cultivate children's awareness of self-protection and rights, and teach children to bravely say "no" in the face of violent acts such as hitting people and grabbing toys. When children are bullied, because they have no sense of rights, their first reaction is to tolerate, regress and give in to the perpetrators. In addition, when the children who hit people start to be violent, they are all tentative. If it is not stopped in time, or the bullied object does not dare to resist, the violence will be further strengthened. Therefore, when bullied, parents should teach their children to boldly defend their rights and point out the mistakes of the perpetrators: "It is wrong for you to hit people!" "This is my toy, you can't grab it!"

2. Teach children the skills of self-protection

Parents must be clear that it is wrong to educate their children to "fight back" when they are bullied, but they should also know that they can fight back if necessary for personal safety. In this process, parents should tell their children the skills of counterattack in detail, not too general, and even show them to strengthen their memory. For example, when being beaten, cover your head and face with your hands to protect important parts. Or find an opportunity to escape and ask an adult for help.

Write at the end:

When children are bullied, parents must be calm and don't be carried away by anger, run to school or call their children's home to make a scene. This will not only lose dignity, but also hurt harmony, which is not good for the growth of both children. You should first check whether the child is injured and whether the wound is serious. If it is only a minor scratch, you can gently inform the teacher or the parents of the other child and ask for an apology to protect the child's self-esteem. If the injury is serious, you should go through legal procedures and never tolerate it. The most important thing is to educate children not to make trouble, not to be afraid of things, to learn to respect others and to protect themselves.