Adult Jokes Hilarious Text Messages

1. There was a Mr. Banana who went shopping with his girlfriend

Mr. Banana suddenly felt so hot that he took off his clothes

………… .........Then his girlfriend slipped and fell...

2. Grandpa said that Jay Chou must be a good monk if he becomes a monk. The sutras he recited are so good~

3. Why do pangolins dig in the ground every day?

……………………Because he is looking for pangolin…

4. The earthworm family was very bored today, so the little earthworm cut himself into two pieces to play badminton. After we went, Mother Earthworm thought this method was good, so she cut herself into four pieces to play mahjong. Father Earthworm thought about it and cut himself into minced meat. The mother earthworm cried and said: "Why are you so stupid? If you cut it into pieces like this, you will die!" The father earthworm said weakly: "...Suddenly I want to play football."

5. One day, the pig said to the bear : "Guess how many pieces of candy I have in my pocket?" The bear said, "If you guessed it right, will you give it to me?" The pig nodded: "Yes, if you guessed it right, I'll give you two pieces." The bear said, "Five pieces. "(What a realistic bear!!)

6. There is a very devout Jew who really wants to win the lottery prize.

Every time he will pray: "Oh God. , I have been such a devout believer all my life. Just let me win the lottery once

Day after day, year after year, he devoutly prayed to God to win the lottery, but he never won.< /p>

Finally there was a time when he couldn't stand it anymore. He looked up to the sky and sighed, "Oh God, I have been a loyal believer all my life. What on earth is going to happen for me to win a prize?!"

Suddenly The sky opened, and God said angrily: "I beg you, go buy a lottery ticket first."

7. The polar bear went to play with the penguin, and walked and walked, and walked for twenty In 2017, I suddenly remembered that I had forgotten to bring the Arctic Angel thermal underwear as a gift to the penguin, so he walked and walked again. After walking for twenty years, he returned home and got the gift. Then he continued to walk and walk for forty years. , arrived at the door of Penguin’s house, and said to Penguin who was going out: “Let’s play together. The penguin said happily: "Okay, let's go to your house to play!" "(Desolate!)

8. How come Xiao Ming didn't die after jumping from the 12th floor...

……………………Because...Xiao Ming is a plastic bag... …

9. There were 5 eggs in the refrigerator. The first one said to the second one: Look at the fifth egg. It’s so disgusting. It’s covered in hair.

The second one said. One said to the third one: . . . Look, the fifth egg is so disgusting.

The third one said to the fourth one: The fifth egg is so disgusting. , all over...

The fifth one heard it and shouted: I am a kiwi~

10. An Asian doctor came to work in a certain tribe in Africa. . One day, the local chief came to him angrily and said, "Why did one of my wives give birth to a child with yellow skin! The doctor was very panicked. He thought for a moment and said, "Have you seen that sheep outside? The other sheep are all white, but it is black." . . "

The chief pointed a gun at the doctor and said: "As long as you don't tell anyone, forget about your wife and me.

”

11. Why does an ant pass through a desert and leave only a trace?

……………………Because this ant rides a bicycle~= =

12. Apple A: "Hey~~" Apple B doesn't answer...

Apple A: "Hey~~" Apple B doesn't answer...

Apple A: “Hey~~” Apple B: “We are Apples, don’t talk! ”

13. The match caught my head while scratching my head, and after I went to the hospital, it turned into a cotton swab.

14. A group of birds stopped in the cornfield and happily ate the corn. They were happy. Singing, dancing and playing~~~

Suddenly the cornfield caught fire

Then the birds died

Why?

... …………Because the corn turned into popcorn

The bird thought it was snowing

It was so cold!

20 , One day Xiaoqiang asked his father: "Dad, am I a stupid boy? Dad said: "Silly boy, how can you be a stupid boy?" ”

21. Four people were playing mahjong in the house. When the police came, why did they take away the five people?

……………………The one who beat him Called Mahjong

22. It is said that there is a little white rabbit running

It takes two steps and then turns its head to the right

It takes two steps and then turns to the right Head

Take another two steps and turn to the right

Why?

Because it likes...

23. Three vampires Go to the bar to relax.

The first vampire asked the waiter for a glass of hot blood.

The second one asked for a glass of iced blood.

The third one said, Give me a glass of warm water.

The first two vampires were puzzled and asked him, "We all drink blood, why do you want water?" "

The third child smiled slightly, took out a used sanitary napkin from his arms and said, "Today I will drink a bag of catechu instead. ” (So disgusting!!!)

24. Two mentally ill patients climbed up the ladder to the roof one day.

One of them rolled down the ladder and the other was still there. On the roof

A doctor happened to walk by and asked the patient why he rolled down instead of climbing down

The patient said I was an apple

The doctor thought this It’s hopeless. Is the guy up there normal? So I asked him why he didn’t come down.

The guy above said he was crazy and we haven’t gotten to know him yet

25. Why do ants There are no footprints when walking with giraffes in the desert?

Because ants ride bicycles with giraffes.

26. Why did Xiao Ming find that the delicious food in his refrigerator was eaten by ants and giraffes? ?

Because the ant and the giraffe's bicycles were parked next to the refrigerator

27. One morning, when a man got up, he found that his big toe turned purple.

p>

So he hurried to the hospital. When he arrived at the hospital, he met an intern. He asked the intern what was going on. The intern thought for a long time and said, "Well~~~~According to my experience, This is cancer~~~~"

The man asked, what should I do? The intern doctor said that there was no other way but to remove it. So, the man had all his big toes cut off.

Then, another morning, he woke up to find that all four of his other toes were green!

So he rushed to the hospital. Meeting the intern again, he asked the intern what was going on. The intern thought for a long time and then said: "Well~~~~According to my experience, this is cancer~~~~!"

The man asked, what should I do? The intern doctor said that there was no other way but to remove it. So, the man cut off the other four toes.

Then, another morning, when he got up, he found that his entire feet had turned blue!

He rushed to the hospital again, but this time he did not meet the intern doctor. He met a very experienced old doctor. He asked the doctor, what was going on?

The old doctor looked at it and said: "Well~~~~According to my experience, this is..."

What is this?

……………………………… The socks are faded…

28.

Question 1! A rice cake and a piece of carbon were fighting on the beach. When they hit each other, the carbon knocked the rice cake into the sea. As a result, the rice cake disappeared.

Question 2! A pair of very loving lovers have been in love for many years. . But at this time, the boys were going to study abroad. The day before leaving, the boy bought a pair of couple rings. He gave one to the girl and put on the other one. He said to the girl: "My dear, we are going to be separated for a while, and we will meet again at this place in 3 years..." Then they separated. .

Three years later, the girl was waiting for the boy in the same place. But after waiting for a few days, he still didn't see the boy, so he angrily threw the ring on his hand into the sea. . . A month later, the boy discovered that he had been waiting for the girl in the wrong place. . . He felt like a failure and threw the ring on his hand into the sea. . . Then, the boy walked along the beach in despair, and saw an old man fishing. . . Guess what the old uncle caught?

Answer: rice cake! ! ! !

29. A group of electrical appliances compete together to determine who is the king of electrical appliances. But since there was no standard for comparison, everyone decided that each electrical appliance would tell a joke. Which joke could make all the other electrical appliances laugh, and he would be the king of electrical appliances. So, the TV set came on first and told a joke. Everyone laughed, except the rice cooker. She said, what's so funny about this? It's awesome. The TV set had no choice but to go on in despair. The computer came up second. The computer told a funnier joke. All the electrical appliances laughed, but the rice cooker still didn't laugh. The third person who came up was the air conditioner. The air conditioner told an unprecedented joke. All the electrical appliances present were laughing so hard. At this time, the rice cooker couldn't bear it anymore. He slapped the table and stood up. He turned around and said to the refrigerator behind him: "What the fuck, can you stop opening your mouth so wide when you laugh? It's very cold."

30. There is a colleague in the unit who is a Mongolian and a god-level figure who often wanders around the world. I went home for a year's vacation and still didn't come back after several days of vacation. My boss called me. Ya said on the phone: Boss, I'm still riding a horse on the Hulunbuir grassland to find my home. My family is a nomadic people. I don't know where to move now. Where is it~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~&