The most complete and funny collection of cold jokes in history

Xiaohua is the mediator in our boring life, and jokes can adjust the atmosphere in life and make people feel relaxed. The following is the most complete cold joke in history that I have compiled for you. Welcome to share!

The coldest joke in history

1. A male deer walked faster and faster, and finally became a road (deer)! ! ! !

Two tomatoes crossed the road and a car sped by. One of them couldn't hide and was squashed, and the other tomato pointed at the quilt.

Squeeze tomatoes and laugh: dig hahaha, ketchup?

3. the wolf said:? I will eat you! ! ! ? Guess what?

As a result, the wolf ate the lamb.

4. Stones fight with rice cakes, and stones fly up and kick rice cakes into the sea.

Once upon a time, there was a pair of lovers who secretly decided to live for life, but the boy needed military service, so he made an oath with the girl and gave her a diamond.

Stone ring, and promised to meet the girl three years later today. At that time, this ring will be used as a wedding ring. It's been three years.

Yes, the girl has been waiting for the boy, but she can't. Sad and desperate, she threw the diamond ring into the sea and ran away from home.

However, the boy has been waiting for the girl, but the girl misunderstood the date place and became an eternal legacy.

Regret. Are boys heartbroken? A few years later, the boy went fishing. Guess what he caught?

Rice cake! ! !

5. Is jiaozi a boy or a girl?

Answer the boy because jiaozi has a foreskin.

6. There is a duck named Xiao Huang. One day, he was hit by a car. He shouted, "Gung!" From then on, he became Xiao Huang.

Melon! !

7. The matchstick suddenly felt itchy, so I reached out and scratched it, and then I burned myself?

8. Once upon a time, there was a bird.

He passes through a cornfield every day.

But unfortunately,

One day, a fire broke out in the cornfield.

All the corn has turned into popcorn.

After the bird flew by?

Thought it was snowing, so it was freezing?

9. When will Taiwan Province Province be reunified?

When buying instant noodles

10. Asun and appa have nothing to talk about, and time waits for no one.

Song:? Recalling my childhood, I like Children's Day best. ?

Apa:? Youth Day is in ten years. ?

Song:? Father's Day is in ten years. ?

Apa:? In a few decades, it will be the festival for the elderly. ?

Song:? Decades later.

Apa:? Tomb-Sweeping Day. ?

1 1. soldier: thirsty? thirsty

Cao Cao:? Hold on a little longer, everyone! I have been to this place before, and I remember there is a Merlin nearby. Go for a while.

Maybe it's coming?

Soldier:? Oh! There are plums to eat! Oh!

In half an hour? Coss:? Master! The expedition found a lot of water! ?

Cao Cao:? Ha ha ha ha, did you hear that? Finally have water to drink?

Soldier:? Aren't you going? Be sure to find plums.

12. A girl is lovelorn. I advised her: two-legged toads are hard to find, and there are many men with three legs! ?

13. One day, Xiao Qiang asked his father: Dad, am I a stupid child? Dad said: silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?

14. A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak meet in the street. Why don't they say hello? (assuming they can talk)

Because? ..

because

Because they are all strangers ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

15. Question: How to make sparrows quiet?

Answer: Click.

Reason: Silence (silence).

16. A college student was unfortunately caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him: Say, where are you from? I'll electrocute you if you don't tell me! ! ! ? The avenger of college students was electrocuted?

He said:? I'm from TV University! ?

17. a:? I'll take you to a place where all girls don't wear bras. ?

b:？ Really? Where is it? Take me there quickly! ?

A:? In the kindergarten next door! ?

18. The host of Wang's Happy Dictionary asked in an interview with the audience. Who is your favorite hostess? The audience said:? It is you. ? Wang asked? Why do you say that? The audience said:? because

You look a bit like Yang Lan! ?

19. Do you know what color Spider-Man is?

Red, wrong!

It is white.

Look at Spider-Man's English: Spider-Man (a white man)

20. Why did Xiao Ming fall?

Please think twice? ..

Because the floor is slippery.

An interesting collection of cold jokes

1, q: Who lives in darkness all his life?

A: Tinker Bell.

Q: Why?

Because he can't see his fingers.

2. Q: Where do mobile phone users like to go most?

A: Tonghua, Jilin

Q: Why?

A:? Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is busy.

3. Q: Where do users like to turn off their phones?

Attendant: Ningbo

Q: Why?

A:? Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is power off. . . .

Seven years after graduation, I finally accepted a big project to build a 30-meter chimney. The construction period is two months, and the cost is 300,000, but it still needs funding. It was finally finished at the end of last year. Today, people went to check and accept, and they were scolded to death, and they still had no money. Shit! The drawings are upside down, and people are going to dig wells!

The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. The patient said, I felt sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole. A fucking asshole passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a stick and gave me two!

6. The tortoise is hurt. Let snails buy medicine. Two hours have passed and the snail hasn't come back yet. The tortoise was in a hurry to scold: if I don't fucking come back, I'll die! At this time, the snail's voice came from outside the door: you fucking said I wouldn't go!

7. Q: How many brothers does Aladdin have?

A: Three, Alajia, Alabing and Alab.

8. Q: Why do Mr. and Mrs. Bush always use a female boss when they do ML?

Because George W. Bush always screws up!

9. One day, eggplant was walking in the street and suddenly sneezed a lot. It wiped its nose and said angrily, it's a fucking photo again! ?

10, the old leader lamented,

How happy you are,

Missing is everywhere,

I was on a business trip then. Not only did I not miss,

When I came back, the family of seven people crowded together.

Want to make out?

Sprinkle some sugar outside the door,

Shout again:

? Children, I will hold down your mother to grab candy! ! ! ?

1 1. One day, the steamed stuffed bun was walking alone on the road, and suddenly he felt hungry and ate himself in one bite. . . .

12, q: one day coffee cups and glasses were walking on the road at the same time. Suddenly someone behind shouted:? Look out, there's a car! ? As a result, the glass was crushed . . Coffee cup is very good. Why?

Answer: Because coffee cups have ears, but glasses don't.

13, Q: What's your last name?

A: My surname is Wei.

Q: Wei what?

Why not? My father's surname is Wei, so my surname is Wei.

14, Patient: Doctor ~ Come and see me! I have amnesia!

Doctor: When did you discover that you had this disease?

Patient: What disease ...?

15, Q: How many letters are left after subtracting E and T from 26 letters?

A: Twenty-four.

Q: Wrong! ! !

A: Why?

Q: 2 1, because ET was taken away by UFO.

16, Q: A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak met without saying hello. Why?

A: Because they are all unfamiliar.

17, Q: Who did Phelps admire most from China before attending the Beijing Olympic Games?

A: Ba Jin

18, Grandpa said to his grandson: Do you know that the fourteen books written by Jin Yong can be connected into couplets? Flying snow shoots at the White Deer Plain, laughing at the man of God leaning on Bi Yuan 'an!

Sun Tzu said disdainfully, do you know that seven books written by JK Rowling can be connected into one sentence? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha?

19, q: do you know what the da Vinci code is?

A:?

Q: This is Ada Finch's account. Do you know what's under the da Vinci code?

A: It's the Da Vinci Verification Code.

20. Q: Who has the flattest chest in fairy tales?

Little red riding hood.

Because her grandmother was eaten by a wolf.

A hilarious joke

Xiao Bai looks like his brother. Do you know why?

Because: it's really like Dabai.

2. A polar bear stayed alone on the ice in a daze. When he was really bored, he began to pull out his hair. One? Two? Three? There was no last one left, and he suddenly shouted that it was so cold! ! ?

There is a man who looks like an onion, crying while walking.

On a hot summer day, two bananas were walking on the road.

The banana walking in front suddenly felt so hot. He said it was too hot. I want to take off my clothes.

As a result, he skinned it.

As a result, the banana in the back fell down.

There is a hide-and-seek club, and the person in charge hasn't been found yet.

6. Draw a V on two fingers. What is this? Yeah ~ ~ Hands shaking down, what is it? It's fallen leaves! Ha ha ha, laughing me to death.

7. Stretch out four fingers. What is it?

Four,

Bend four fingers. What is it?

Wonderful ~!

8. Once upon a time, there was a loaf of bread walking in the street. He felt hungry, so he ate himself.

9. Once upon a time, there was a marshmallow that went to play ball for a long time. He said, "I'm so tired that I feel soft."

10 Once upon a time, there was a lamb. One day, he went out to play and met a wolf.

The wolf said, I will eat you! ! ! ?

Guess what?

As a result, the wolf ate the lamb.

1 1, there is a generation gap and no cleavage-this kind of communication is very difficult.

12, who will definitely be eliminated from the game, wolf, tiger or lion? Wolf, because: Momotaro (eliminated wolf)

13. When will Chen Shui-bian be reunified? When buying instant noodles.

14. Why does the silkworm baby have money? Because ... silkworms can cocoon (frugal)

15, which is the most embarrassing historical figure? Su Wu, because: Su Wu herded sheep in Beihai (kicked by the sea).

16, Xiaoming got a new haircut and came to school the next day. The students all laughed when they saw his new hairstyle: Xiao Ming, your head looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged and ran outside to cry. . Cry, cry. . He flew. .

17. One day, three little pigs built three huts to avoid the wolf. Wolves easily destroyed straw houses, wooden houses and brick houses. Three little pigs ran as fast as they could, but the wolf caught up with them. The three little pigs said in despair, it's up to you. We gave up. Whatever. At this moment, the wolf grinned and drooled and said:

Then tell me where little red riding hood is.

18. Stones fight with rice cakes, and when they get angry, they kick the rice cakes into the sea. ...

20. The diver's movements are difficult. He turned three times, then somersaulted forward for three and a half times, and then somersaulted backward for a month.

22. An egg went to a teahouse to drink tea and turned into a tea egg; An egg went swimming in Songhua River, and it became a preserved egg. An egg went to Shandong and became a Lu (halogen) egg; An egg was homeless and turned into a wild egg; An egg accidentally fell on the road, fell to the ground and became a missile; An egg ran into someone's yard and became an atomic bomb; An egg ran to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau and became a hydrogen bomb. An egg got sick and became a bad guy. An egg got married and became an asshole; An egg swam in the river and became a nuclear bomb. An egg ran into the flowers and became a Hua Dan. There is an egg riding a horse with a knife. It turns out that he is a Beijing opera blues. An egg is female and ugly, and it turns into a dinosaur egg; An egg is a man, and his wife commits adultery with other eggs outside, and as a result, he becomes an illegitimate child; There is an egg. ......

23. Once upon a time, there was a man named Cai, and everyone called him.

And ... one day, he was taken away!

24. Once upon a time, there was a bird that passed through a cornfield every day, but unfortunately, one day there was a fire in that cornfield and all the corn turned into popcorn! ! !

After the bird flew over ... it thought it was snowing, so it was very cold. ...

25. Xiaoming: Have you ever seen a tortoise shake its head?

Kangkang shakes his head) No.

Xiaoming: Have you heard the story that an idiot said yes, an idiot said no, and a mentally retarded person didn't speak?

Kangkang: .............

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