Classic joke

Classic jokes, in our life, there are many interesting things, people will sort out some interesting and funny things into some jokes and share them with everyone through friends. People will be happy to see it. The following are the classic jokes I compiled. Let's have a look!

Classic joke 1 1, you can't wake up a person who doesn't reply to the message, but a red envelope can.

2. When you meet a beloved girl and kiss her face directly, she will definitely say "shameless". At this time, you can kiss her.

3. Couples should be equal. Listen to your boyfriend when you agree, and listen to your girlfriend when you disagree.

I want to go to the movies with my friends on Tanabata. What good friends recommend?

5. As long as you are thin, everything is omnipotent. If you are fat, nothing is useful.

6, life is alive, born to live!

7. A girl stepped on my foot in the elevator and said she was sorry. I replied smoothly: you're welcome.

8. You must tell me what I said and did wrong, or I won't know how to be angry with you next time.

9. People who have girlfriends are called New Year's Eve, and you can endure it at most.

10, continue to the west, cross the terminator line, cross the Japanese border and return to the day when I first met you.

1 1, life is like a dream, and I always have insomnia; Life is like a play, I always wear help; Life is like a song, I always go out of tune; Life is like a battlefield, and I am always possessed.

12, the woman was dumped: looks. Dumped men: housing and cars. I was dumped: that man is out of his mind.

13, I envy those who can fall asleep as soon as they lie down. It takes me two hours to change 200 positions when I lie down.

14, I sold my dream and acted cool. I am a super invincible beautiful girl.

15, if you are not crazy, you will be old, and if you don't review the monthly exam, you will be finished.

16, the biggest sorrow in life is that youth is gone, but acne is still there.

17, staying up late is not good, which will lead to mental decline and ugliness, so, to be on the safe side, we'd better come all night.

18, what is more troublesome than meeting a bitch is ... meeting two people at the same time.

19, who doesn't have a musical instrument these days? I quit. I played well.

20. Principal, your son hasn't finished his homework yet. Can you postpone the start date?

2 1, I have always had the courage to admit my mistake and will never change it.

22. History is always strikingly similar: the year before last, you were single, and last year, this year, you are still single.

When you feel ugly, poor and useless, don't despair, because you still know yourself.

24, don't make excuses for yourself, don't blame constipation on gravity.

25. There is no distance between points in the world, only the distance between hearts.

26, two people's weight is not an order of magnitude, how can they be friends, and can't play on the seesaw.

27. We always think that the brain is the smartest organ in the human body, but think about it, this judgment is made by the brain.

28. When you get married in the future, and the marriage partner is not me, I will move to live next door to you and be a quiet old king!

29. The real girl with a low smile is that you smile at her for a few seconds and she begins to giggle at you.

Give me the bear in your arms. If you can't stand it, you can give it to me.

3 1. All along, the four spiritual pillars that support my life progress are: waiting for work, waiting for Friday, waiting for express delivery, and waiting for salary.

32. It's not that the road is rough, but that you can't.

33. Confessing or being confessed is not terrible. The terrible thing is that the ending is not a love affair, but a loss of a friend.

34. I hope that class will be over and school will be closed. My goal has always been persistent.

Don't complain why you can't find a suitable person among1400 million people. Only four multiple-choice questions can't find the correct answer.

Classic joke 2 1. If one day I change Weibo's real name and photo to myself, and my signature becomes positive, and I delete all the previous words, it's probably that I'm going to start a new life or my mother is paying attention to me.

After all, I can't outrun that BMW, so I can only watch it go away in the sunset. It's not that my engine is broken, but that my chain has fallen off.

3. Son: "Mom, why am I here?" Mom: "Your father planted a seed in my stomach, and then there was you." The son turned and left. After a while, he took a gourd seed and said, "Mom, eat it and give me a gourd baby."

4. African black girls travel to Shanghai and stay in hotels. Fire in the middle of the night. The African woman ran out quickly. A fireman was surprised to see it and said, my mother, it's all burnt and running so fast.

5. Walking down the street with my wife, holding a crumpled leaflet. After walking for a long time, I finally saw a trash can. I quickly threw it away. I didn't expect my wife to pull me from behind and say, honey, that must be terrible. Don't pick it up. I paused and found that there was half a watermelon on the top of the trash can.

6. Take my son out to play by bus. After getting on the bus, my son and I sat behind a girl in a halter top. Seen from the back, the girl's skin is white and tender. Suddenly, my son patted the girl and said to her, Aunt, you are so beautiful! The girl smiled sweetly and said to my son, little friend, your mother is the most beautiful! The son shook his head and said, no way. My father has never stared at my mother for so long.

7. I can't sleep at midnight. I got up and went to the living room for a cigarette. I found a cockroach and talked with it for a long time. I vented my views on life, my dissatisfaction with my boss, my pressure on life, and my squeeze on life. I ran out of cigarettes and trampled to death. There is no way, it knows too much.

8. "Dad, what happened to my boyfriend? Although he has no car or house now, he has an enterprising heart. As for appearance and height, they are all external, I don't care, I hope you ... ""Stop talking, son, and continue to eat!

9. One day, someone met three big men and wanted to hit him, so he fought with them. "I fried the cow when I came back:" I let them fight for two hours, but they didn't knock me down. "Someone asked what's going on? He said, "Tie a tree and hit it. "

10, "I always feel that I will cry when watching TV series, movies and cartoons, but if the same thing is staged in reality, I won't feel so much, or even be indifferent. What's wrong with me … "God replied: There is no background music in real life.

1 1. When the train passed through the countryside, the speed was unbearable and it kept stopping. When the train stopped at a small station again, a passenger jumped out and said to the conductor, can't you walk faster? Sure, but I can't leave the train.

12. wechat just shook it. A buddy added my best friend. I was shocked and thought I was gay. Then I asked him what it was. He said: women can't shake. She always shows it to you. If you add it, you won't shake it again.

13, shopping and seeing a lovely child. Then I looked at my husband and sighed. Say to your husband: if you give birth to a baby that looks like you in the future, it's over! My husband paused and gave me a hard look: if you don't look like me, you are finished! ! !

14. Girlfriend is a Korean drama fan, and husband is a fan. There was a ball game one night, and they fought over the TV remote control. She cried angrily to me, and I asked her, "Who finally owned the TV remote control?" She cried and said, "Lao Wang." I wondered, "Who is this Lao Wang? Never heard of it. " She cried even louder: "A TV repairman ..."

15. For me who is overweight, moderate exercise is still effective. The most obvious thing is that I can eat one or two more bowls after every exercise.