The gag of Journey to the West in Guo Degang’s cross talk

Guo Degang's stand-up comedy "Journey to the West"

The lines are as follows:

Today we are talking about the story of Journey to the West.

Four monks set out from Chang'an to the West to learn Buddhist scriptures. "Beep~~~~" After flying for a few minutes, the plane landed slowly: it ran out of fuel. Wukong was looking for it: "Quick, look where there is a gas station?"

Tang Monk was puzzled: "Why do you need to refuel right after flying?"

" The fuel tank is small, about the size of a soap dish. It costs five yuan to refill it at a time."

"How long will it take to refill it?"

I paid it off after refilling it more than 100,000 times. If we haven’t arrived yet, where is this Western Heaven? No, the master and the apprentice are four together, we have to ask for directions. As soon as the gate was pressed, "Squeak!~~~~" Wukong came down. One look, ho! What kind of place is this? Why is it so barren! I saw an old man hoeing the ground and hurried over.

Hi~ hello~ how are you? The old man turned around and said, "What are you doing?" Okay! A mouthful of stubble smell, Northeast!

"Uncle, how do we get to the West?"

"Just take a knife and swipe it on your neck and you'll be there."

"Then where is this place?"

"Tieling!"

Okay, we went the other way. Then go back. After refueling more than 100,000 times, we returned to Chang'an.

Bajie thought: "Master, this is not right. When can we go like this? The fuel tank is too small, we have to change it to a bigger one." The three people saw Zhu Bajie at once. Big lunch box. Zhu Bajie is not happy about it. I have no choice but to defeat these three people. Who asked you to use such a big lunch box? That’s it! This is the lunch box. It clicked and was installed. The fuel tank has become larger and can cost more than 20 yuan at a time. This isn't much bigger. have to! This is not easy.

"Beep~~~~" started again. After flying for more than half a year, I added more than 20,000 yuan of fuel. Today, we have arrived at the Flame Mountain. A big fire, hoo~! It’s 8848 meters, so you can’t fly there. Master and apprentice, can you let Princess Iron Fan give us a fan? Sun Wukong is the brother-in-law of Princess Iron Fan. He might be able to set porcelain sets. Well, maybe he can.

Princess Iron Fan was waiting to cook Tang Monk’s meat. When she saw Monkey Monkey coming, could she not start a fight? But she is no match for Sun Wukong. After more than a dozen rounds, if you are unable to defeat him and are defeated, then let the magic weapon serve you. He took out the banana fan and said, "Woo~~~~" The four masters and apprentices, together with the plane, luggage rolls, and lunch boxes, fanned themselves back to the Tang Dynasty.

The lesson is serious and the consequences are painful. After research by four people, they decided to take the Datang 6 super-fuel-tank spaceship, which is full of horsepower, and go around the Flaming Mountains until they reach the western sky to learn scriptures.

"Whoosh~~~~~~" This guy went to heaven. He didn't need to refuel for a whole day, which made four people happy. But when we arrived at the first realm, none of the four brothers knew each other. Tang Monk also asked, "Where is this?" Wukong scratched his head and said, "I don't know. It's all dirt, it's just pits. It shouldn't be the Western Heaven." Bajie took a big flag and said, "Eminent Monk of the Tang Dynasty, here we are. This trip." Snap! Just plug it into the ground.

Later, more than 1,300 years later, in 1969 AD, a spaceship came to this place again! A man came down from above, holding a small Stars and Stripes flag in his hand, and murmuring, "This is a small step for me, but a giant leap for mankind!" So, regarding the moon landing, in fact, China People are ancestors.

Back to the main story, the four masters and apprentices boarded the Datang 6 spaceship again and headed to the west. When returning to the atmosphere, Zhu Bajie stepped on the brakes. At that time, the gate line jumped and fell down with a bang. When the four masters and disciples looked at it like this, they saw a city gate in front of them. On the gate tower was written: "Western Paradise." The four of them cried, weeping with joy.

Go to Leiyin Temple to meet Tathagata. As soon as I arrived at the door, a group of people cheered and surrounded me. "Master, do you want a plate?" "Diamond Sutra, Lotus Sutra, Nine Yin Sutra, picture and text version, video version, photo version, high compression, high definition." "One piece is as good as the Tathagata's hundred."

Tang Monk said with a serious face: "Get out of here! What we are taking is the true scripture. We must fight against piracy resolutely. Alas! In this world, the Buddha cannot even collect the copyright fees. Disciples, hurry up. , go inside.

"

Tathagata was surprised when he saw the four people in ragged clothes: "Where did they come from begging for food?

The four people quickly explained: "We are monks who came from the Eastern Tang Dynasty to learn Buddhist scriptures." I'm so sorry, it's late. Because the fuel tank is too small. "

"What? Fuel tank too small? Before the four of them had finished speaking, Tathagata Buddha became unhappy and said, "Didn't it be passed on long ago?" The complete set of scriptures and the DV with illustrations and recordings of real people were passed on. Is your mailbox not big enough?

The four of them looked at each other, very confused. Tathagata pointed to the computer on the table, "Didn't all the scriptures be emailed with just one click?" Your Tang Dynasty has already used my scriptures. ”