Why do you say that friends, parents and close relatives who have good relations are hospitalized, and visiting them specially may leave hidden dangers?

A colleague called me two days ago to discuss Deng Jie's mother. She usually has a good relationship and was hospitalized with a heart attack. She asked me if I would like to visit together. I've been thinking about this for a long time, so I'd better forget it. Let's not make a special trip to visit

Am I just worried about money? Although it is also a consideration, it is not entirely true. Visiting the elderly and spending a few hundred dollars can further bring our relationship closer, but I have other concerns.

Sister Zhu in our unit is the youngest daughter of Sister Deng. Last year, her father was hospitalized with cerebral thrombosis, and the unit leader took several people to visit the hospital. Deng Jie followed, because they were close, and she secretly gave the old man 1000 yuan. Sister Zhu also expressed her gratitude afterwards.

However, a few months later, Deng Jie's father was also ill and hospitalized. Deng Jie herself was hiding something, and she said it at work, but Zhu Jie only asked about her illness and didn't go to the hospital to visit. Because this Deng Jie once gently mentioned a word to me, I heard her dissatisfaction with Zhu Jie's lack of "reciprocity."

In fact, middle-aged people in their forties all have parents in their seventies and eighties. They are plagued by chronic diseases and senile diseases, so hospitalization is common, and even hospitalization several times a year is nothing new. If everyone "walks around" for this, it will be a burden for everyone. Come and go. Is there a boss? [Laughing and crying] If the horse slips somewhere and misses the ceremony, it will cause trouble for both sides.

My mother was hospitalized for a few days because of varicose veins the other day. Sister Zhang, the unit cleaner, heard about it and called the hospital. I said that the hospital refused to let her visit because of the epidemic. In the end, I accompanied her to work. Xiao Zhang still bought nutrition and insisted that I bring it to the elderly. I think it's not good to shirk it any more, so I can only accept it. When we were "whispering" at the corner of the corridor, my colleague Li Jiedong. [Cover your face]

Sometimes it is not appropriate to "favor one over the other" in the unit. Colleagues are United and friendly, but they don't have to be too close, otherwise they will cause small misunderstandings and people who are worried will talk about it.

I once made a special trip to visit my old classmate's lover when he was in hospital and left a message. After half a year, at the end of the senior high school entrance examination, my classmate specially gave him a gift for further study and invited us to dinner. Hey! I feel that she has a feeling of "seizing" the opportunity to return [covering her face].

As ordinary people, we often bear the eyes of others, but we can't bear the goodwill of others, fearing that we have failed others' feelings. Therefore, unless absolutely necessary, we don't want to disturb or trouble others, nor do we want others to spend material and financial resources for us. This is a debt of gratitude, and we should remember the return.

Therefore, the relationship between people should be measured, not cold without temperature, nor hot enough to burn each other [laughs]. Just right is the best-when you need me, I lend a helping hand, live in peace and ensure enough distance. Giving charcoal in the snow is to help people in need, and it is usually polite or even icing on the cake. Forget it, put yourself in the other's shoes. People may really not like you like this.

Don't bring psychological burden to others because of your kindness. This is also a kind of satisfaction and a kind of kindness that makes people feel comfortable and relaxed [laugh and cry]

This problem is common and almost inevitable for everyone, because we live in human society and pay attention to reciprocity.

If Zhang San's mother is ill in hospital, Zhang San's good friend Li Si knows that she will definitely want to visit. Li Si repeatedly thought that if he didn't visit, he would be embarrassed to talk after seeing Zhang San, let alone be brothers. After careful consideration, Li Si decided to visit his friend's mother, and took out 1000 yuan from his meager salary to show his sincerity. Zhang San was very happy with the arrival of Li See IV, and saw that Li Si gave himself 1000 yuan. This was true kindness, but I had to accept it. Zhang San's idea is that if he doesn't accept it, his good friend Li Si will lose face, so he has to accept it temporarily and find another opportunity to return it later. After Zhang San's mother was discharged from the hospital, as a thank you, Zhang San specially invited Li Si to eat a banquet, which cost four or five hundred yuan. Through this incident, Zhang San and Li Si went one step further and talked about everything. A year later, Li Si's father suddenly fell ill and was hospitalized. Li Si didn't want anyone to know about the visit, but Zhang San, a good friend, soon found out and visited his friend's father, bringing 1000 yuan and other gifts. Later, Li Si also hosted a banquet for Zhang Sanyi.

This kind of worldly wisdom is too numerous to mention, which adds a heavy ideological burden, especially the economic burden, to the parties. In this case, even if it is very close, you should keep a certain sense of distance and reserve enough private space. Don't icing on the cake. If friends and relatives encounter unavoidable difficulties caused by natural and man-made disasters, they should lend a helping hand and give timely assistance. The advantage of this is that you and others no longer have to worry about debt of gratitude.

Part one: A cat steps on a cat's head. Part two: Invite friends to join us.

I especially like the spell "You help me, I help you" written in the 14th year of Chenghua.

Therefore, if people, parents and close relatives who know you well at home are hospitalized, they are likely to show it mentally or materially. Of course, if the relationship is average, when someone informs him that he needs to pay attention, he will pay attention to one generously; If they are told to visit together, Lilisoso will go with them. If no one tells you, pretend you don't know, so as not to embarrass the other party.

More importantly, they are close friends.

However, going to the hospital specially may really leave hidden dangers if it is not handled properly. So, I usually do this:

If the relationship is good, as soon as I know that the next of kin of the other parent is in hospital, whether this friend told me personally or someone else told me, I will contact this friend immediately, ask about the situation, find out what I can do, and then make an appointment for visiting time (whether the patient is convenient for outsiders to visit and when can I visit). Because:

1, which is necessary to respect the privacy of friends and patients. For one reason or another, friends and their families sometimes don't want outsiders to know about their illness.

2, this is must respect the relevant provisions of the hospital. The hospital has clear regulations on whether and when patients can receive visits. It may affect the doctor's treatment of the patient and the patient's rest, or it may not be possible to visit.

This is necessary to avoid visiting and buying the wrong gift. After knowing the situation, we can decide how many gifts to send and what kind of gifts to buy according to our illness. Otherwise, it is best not to send fruit and milk to diabetic water.

4. others. There are differences between men and women, and some diseases are really not suitable for the opposite sex to visit.

Of course, as a good friend, if the other party refuses to visit, you should also show your mind, explain it when you have time, be on call when necessary, and give the other party a red envelope at the same time. If a friend's parents are in the hospital, ask about the friend from time to time. Of course, if you are a friend's wife (husband), as the opposite sex, you can skip this operation directly. Otherwise, it is really possible to bury hidden dangers.

Personal experience is for reference only.

Maybe I was born cool. From the perspective of human nature, I think it does leave a hidden danger.

For example, if your friend's father is ill and you visit, will you visit your friend's mother? If you don't go, will your friend think, hey, last time my father was ill, he came, and this time he didn't come because he had thoughts about me? For another example, in society, people can't have only one good friend, but there may be many, so the problem comes. If other friends' parents are ill, will you visit them? If there is nothing wrong with going, if you can't go because of something, will this friend have an idea in his heart? You see, other friends' parents were ill, so he went to visit them. Why didn't he come when my parents were ill? Is there something wrong with me or is there something hidden in his heart?

Besides, you went to see your friend's parents. So, if your parents are ill one day, will you expect them to visit you? Even if you don't expect them, you can understand each other, but will there be a whisper in your heart? In addition, will it be a burden on the other person's heart, because you have visited his parents, so that they will also visit your parents?

In fact, I may think too much, but if something happens to me, I don't want to visit each other. It seems really meaningless. You can call to say hello. Don't laugh at me, my eq is really, really low [I want to be quiet]

I am also quite naive, and I don't understand what hidden dangers will be left behind. Now there are many only children. If you don't have a few intimate friends, do you expect others to help you when your elderly relatives are sick? I think people who have this idea are generally not rich or have many brothers and sisters at home. Everyone has his own way of doing things, so don't make wild comments. I won't have any ideas.

To deal with this kind of thing, just follow your feelings completely, don't think too complicated. Being a perfect person is not only too tired, but also may not have friends who really respect you in the end.

If you have a good relationship with your friends, you should visit them. Human nature also! If one day your parents' relatives are ill in hospital and friends come to visit, are you also very touched? Mind your own heart, too! !

Nowadays, the relationship between people in society is really complicated. Even colleagues and friends who have a good relationship should "reciprocate" in human feelings. A little carelessness will cause mutual harm.

There were three friends who broke up because of this ambiguous human relationship.

A's father is ill in hospital, and B and C discuss visiting him. B wants to get money, and C wants to buy some gifts, so he has to go his own way without discussion. B took 1000 yuan, and C only bought a gift of 100 yuan. A thinks C is a little stingy, and there is a little crack in their relationship.

Soon, B's mother was also ill and hospitalized. C treated B the same as A, and only bought a gift of 100 yuan. But A and B are a bit awkward, because A and B are in the same unit, A is a small leader, and I feel that B is taken care of in the unit. A father is in hospital, and B takes 1000 yuan for granted. B is it necessary to return it when mom is hospitalized? So A only bought 300 yuan's gift and didn't take the money.

Afterwards, Party B expressed his dissatisfaction with Party A in front of Party C, and leaked Party A's stingy words to Party C. The bad blood between the three people is getting bigger and bigger, and now it is worse than passers-by.

So, if you ask me, it is appropriate for my close relatives, friends, relatives and parents to be in hospital and make a special trip to visit. But it is possible that improper disposal will leave hidden dangers.

My husband had this experience. The mother of one of his comrades-in-arms was ill, and he specifically told me.

At that time, this person in my family worked in the provincial capital city. He and his comrades-in-arms are recruits and fellow villagers. They usually have a good relationship, but they don't share gifts. I was specially informed that I must go and see for myself. In order to make the best of the friendship of the landlord, I specially invited the buddy to eat a meal, bought some gifts and went to the hospital to visit.

Who knows that the money is spent, but the relationship between the two people is getting worse and worse. That guy seems to have a lot of complaints. This kind of thing is hard to ask. My husband discussed it with me privately, probably because his comrades-in-arms said that it was too stingy for my husband to go to the hospital without giving money. Otherwise, there is really no other reason.

My husband doesn't care about the behavior of his comrades-in-arms. He says he can do whatever he wants. If you think so, you won't spend a penny next time! Because I spent the money, I didn't expect the other party to go back on our word. I spent a lot of money on my own trips, dinners and gifts. Should I set a certain amount for others?

These days, all relationships are linked to interests, and economic interaction is needed to promote emotional integration, especially good friends.

Some people, especially men, like to make a fuss about their behavior in order to show their intimacy. For example, my friend's parents are having surgery in a hospital hundreds of miles away. In order to save face for friends, some people show their attention to each other and drive back and forth to send big packages.

I don't approve of this kind of behavior, because I think the pressure is too great to bear. Imagine that others have made such a big sacrifice, and you must need something else in return. If someone else's parents are sick, you will need the same feedback even if you are busy and tired at work and can't spare the time. If there are too many such situations in life, it is equivalent to putting a heavy shackle on yourself and trapping yourself.

Then the consequence is that you always want to find opportunities to repay, you have to meet each other's unreasonable demands, and some even break through their own principles and bottom line. If you don't do it, you feel indebted to others and do it against your own heart. If this kind of emotion accumulates more, there will be resentment in your heart. If you hate each other for a long time, the relationship will be estranged and then you will break up.

The so-called unprofitable can't afford to get up early! In life, we must be alert to irrational behavior. It is good to keep a faint communication between people, without causing trouble to others or increasing the burden on yourself.

The ancients said that a friend of a gentleman is as light as water, which is really a wise saying. Thanks for your support.

It is necessary for close friends to care for each other, but don't visit their parents or close relatives when they are in hospital.

I thought the other party didn't want to owe too many friends, so I stopped by. It makes people feel too enthusiastic and uncomfortable to visit. I thought the same thing.

Some people don't like being disturbed and don't want others to know what's wrong with them. This is one aspect.

On the other hand, if the parents of a close relative or friend have visited in the hospital, people will think you are very caring. If she is very ill, for example, she wants to borrow money from you, will you lend it? Some people, if you go to him, will always borrow money from you in the future.

My eldest sister-in-law is like this. When his daughter was ill, one of his comrades went to Hangzhou to help a lot. As a result, he has been borrowing money from his brother-in-law since he came home. Sister-in-law feels embarrassed not to lend it to him, and the amount is relatively large and the number of times is also high. They are also embarrassed.

Question: Why do you say that the parents of close friends are hospitalized, and visiting them specially may leave hidden dangers?

I don't think friends are necessary. I have to go to the hospital to see my friend's next of kin or parents. And it's a special trip to visit, so don't bother others, don't go to see it, there will be a lot of trouble.