Children cry easily because of their poor psychological endurance.

Children cry easily because of their poor psychological endurance.

Children have poor psychological endurance and are prone to crying. Children's personality and thoughts are greatly influenced by their families. The pressure of children may come from the high demands of parents, and most of the reasons for children are caused by parents. Let me take a look at the child's psychological endurance, which makes him cry easily.

Children have poor psychological endurance and are prone to crying. 1 There is a little girl in the kindergarten class who loves to cry. From the small class, she cried for at least a month as soon as school started, and now she is in the big class. When I send my child to school every day, I see her crying for her mother while wiping her tears.

The little girl Jiao Jiao is weak and beautiful, but she just looks timid. Once, the school organized a spring sports meeting. Every two children stand on both sides with a basketball on their bellies, put the basketball from one side to the box on the other, and win. This sport aims to test children's cooperative ability.

It's the little girl's turn She is with a little boy. At first, the little girl cried with a "wow" and said, "I can't, I can't do it ..."

Some parents saw the little girl like this and whispered that the little girl was too delicate and psychologically fragile. However, the parents of the child are very calm, as if they have become accustomed to this state of the girl.

At this time, I saw the little boy in her group holding her hand as if to comfort her, and the teacher next to her also told her to concentrate on participation and so on. In this way, the little girl finished the sport with the little boy in tears.

When the little girl returned to her seat, her mother praised her happily: "Yiyi, you are great!" " "The little girl sniffed, and her tears were still wet, but she didn't cry in the next activity, so she actively participated and insisted on finishing.

In adults' minds, they love to cry and lose their temper, and they say no when they encounter something slightly difficult. This is a standard manifestation of lack of self-confidence, fragility and poor ability to resist setbacks. Is that really the case?

0 1. Do children lose their temper when they encounter setbacks? That's because the child's "psychological spring" is bent

There is a word in psychology called "Riehardson", which means "psychological resilience" when translated into Chinese. Baidu to search the word, the explanation is:

"The psychological and behavioral responses of the subjects to the changed environment. This state is a dynamic form and has its own expansion space. It changes with the change of the environment, and realizes the dynamic adjustment and adaptation to the environment in the change. "

What do you mean? To put it simply, the spring has a characteristic that it can bear heavy pressure, and then it bounces back to the state before bearing the pressure after the pressure is released. Applying this word to human beings means that our psychology is like a spring. In the face of pressure and setbacks, we judge whether this "spring" is healthy, not by whether it can remain "strong and unyielding", but by its "resilience".

For example, the little girl named Yiyi mentioned above seems unable to bear the pressure, but crying is actually just a way for her to express negative emotions. At this time, she is not weak in resisting setbacks, but her "psychological spring" is bent, which is a very normal reaction when people encounter difficulties and setbacks.

A child with really poor anti-frustration ability and no self-confidence may encounter the situation she encountered at that time and give up crying directly instead of crying. Although Yiyi felt that the current task was very arduous at that time, she quickly exerted the resilience of her "psychological spring", quickly adapted to the pressure and adversity, and persisted in completing the task.

02. How does the strength of "psychological resilience" affect children?

When I was at school, there was a girl in my class. She is very quiet, but she often thinks of the embarrassing things that happened to her before, and then sighs regretfully. For example, on a snowy day, she accidentally fell down, just as many classmates she knew passed by, and she felt that she had made a big mistake in front of everyone. Later, she often thought about it, and then repeatedly asked us, "You said that others must remember these jokes I made at that time, and you will definitely mention them again and laugh at me when you meet me." I feel so stupid when I think about it now. How could I have made such a low-level mistake? "

Obviously, she is a person with poor psychological resilience. She always feels that others will remember what happened to her, and she is trapped in a very anxious mood. She hasn't learned how to deal with these emotions effectively and healthily, but she is always stuck in an inflexible mode-constantly confirming with words and constantly seeking assurances from the outside world to eliminate temporary insecurity.

Contrary to her situation, if she is a nice person in psychological resilience and encounters something as embarrassing as her, she may feel ashamed at that time, but she will soon comfort herself: "Don't worry about jokes, anyway, things have passed, everyone is so busy, who will remember other people's things?" Besides, what can I do if I remember? Who can not be embarrassed? "

Think about the time when each of us seems to have a psychological spring bending, which is a normal reaction of people. Some people are resilient, will quickly adjust their mentality, recover from negative experiences, and have the ability to flexibly adapt to the changing external environment; And some people's "resilience" can't be shown immediately, and his recovery may take time.

For example, my second child, four years old, especially likes martial arts. A few days ago, he signed up for a martial arts class. The coach told him to practice more when he got home. He urged me to help him practice his basic skills when he came back. When practicing cartwheel, he was too impatient to grasp the main point. Sometimes he loses his temper in frustration and sits on the ground and says angrily, "Hum! I don't practice, I can't practice! " But after sitting for a while, I stood up and began to practice. In a few days, I mastered the essentials of cartwheel, from the initial action to one go.

Therefore, not children have blx, but parents have blx. When the child shows some frustration and sadness, parents think that the child's ability to resist frustration is poor and can't persist. Some parents who don't understand their children's emotions will label their children as "no" or "too fragile", giving them psychological hints, making them feel vulnerable, and even some parents who don't want to force their children simply advise them to give up.

Parents should never label their children negatively according to their temporary emotional reactions. We must give them more time to grow and adapt, and judge their behaviors and thoughts in multiple dimensions.

03. What are the characteristics of "psychological resilience" strong children?

Many institutions have learned that children with strong "psychological resilience" have the following characteristics by studying the sexual behavior of children who can succeed in adversity:

Optimism: Of course, it is not blind optimism, but when encountering setbacks, we firmly believe that difficulties are only temporary, regard this adversity as an opportunity for progress, and actively seek solutions to problems.

Mutual assistance: accepting others' help while helping others, thus forming a positive cycle. Don't get into problems, but know how to seek outside help.

Pay attention to your own advantages: when you encounter problems, you will always think in a positive direction and will not easily doubt your ability.

Goal setting: set an achievable goal for yourself and focus on the long-term goal, so as to ignore the immediate difficulties as much as possible, work hard towards the long-term goal and reduce your anxiety.

Set an example for yourself: set an example as the goal, demand yourself by the standard of becoming an example, and don't get lost in action.

04. How to teach children to exercise "psychological resilience"?

Psychological research shows that people's "psychological resilience" can be exercised just like muscles, so how to exercise their "psychological resilience"?

Psychological analysis of the "defense mechanism" to cultivate children's hearts shows that when people encounter difficulties and setbacks, they are born with the instinct of seeking advantages and avoiding disadvantages, and unconsciously have the way of self-protection to avoid being hurt by the outside world and feel emotional pain. This mechanism is called defense mechanism.

Every child has a rich inner world and needs careful care and patient listening from parents or caregivers at an early age. If a child is accepted and cared for, and his parents can handle their emotions well, then the child will subtly internalize the way parents adjust their bad emotions, learn to face all kinds of uncomfortable feelings independently and effectively, and consciously deal with the negative emotions such as anxiety and irritability they have experienced.

However, if his parents or caregivers are emotionally unstable and have many family conflicts, children who grow up in such an environment are easy to be ignored or denied, and are often more prone to emotional distress, because they have no reference and do not know how to deal with their emotions gently and effectively.

Parents should constantly improve their emotions, give their children a positive demonstration of emotional regulation, and gradually establish a strong inner defense mechanism.

L Parents avoid "emotional reflux". We often hear parents say to their children, "I have worked so hard for you." "How can you be worthy of my efforts for you if you don't study hard?" Parents try to use these words to remind their children of their efforts for their children, so that children can understand their hard work and study hard.

In these families, many children are not incompetent, but their parents' own anxiety is too heavy, which leads them to unconsciously pin their hopes of being rescued on their children or try to comfort them. In fact, it is precisely because parents can't control their emotions that the problem of "emotional reflux" will appear in the parent-child relationship.

Children who have been "emotionally refluxed" by their parents for a long time are prone to emotional tension due to excessive psychological pressure. Children's bodies and emotions are not well relaxed and cared for, and they cannot experience themselves well and share their emotions. Children who grow up in this environment can't have a good psychological resilience, and they are prone to anxiety when encountering problems, so they can't extricate themselves from negative emotions.

L help children break down difficulties and affirm their efforts in time. Children are too young to lose heart and retreat in the face of goals that are too difficult to achieve. As parents, to help children break down their goals, first set the current goals for their children, and then set higher-level goals after completing the current goals.

Just like learning to dance. If you don't break down the movements and practice them one by one, it's easy for people to think that the dance movements are too complicated and then give up. If you break down the movements, you can learn them quickly, so that you can have confidence in making coherent movements.

When the child completes the current goal, we will affirm the child in time and make a comeback with the child. This will make the child feel that the goal that was considered difficult before can actually be achieved as long as he works hard and persists, so that the child can feel his inner strength and have the confidence to face the difficulties in the future.

In fact, parents need to strengthen their children's psychological resilience more than their children's psychological resilience exercise. Only in this way can parents reduce their children's anxiety, stop thinking about the behavior behind their emotions, stop misjudging their emotions, help their children calmly analyze difficulties, and easily release pressure.

Children cry easily because of their poor psychological endurance. We all know that when children are unhappy, or when their wishes are not realized, they often express their feelings and needs by crying. It is no exaggeration to say that "crying" has become a "signal" for parent-child communication. As children grow up and understand, the frequency of crying will gradually decrease.

Generally, children around the age of three are very emotional, and usually express their thoughts with various emotions, such as happiness, anger and sadness. So most parents can see their children's inner thoughts more intuitively, but some children cry so much that many parents can't stand it or even collapse. But for children, because they are still young, their psychological endurance is not as mature as their parents think, so children still need their parents' care and care.

Every child's heart is actually very sensitive, but different children express themselves in different ways. We found that some children actually don't like to cry, but just because children don't cry doesn't mean they are strong inside. In fact, for children, proper crying still has many benefits, because proper crying can effectively help children solve nervous emotions and is of great benefit to their physical and mental health.

So, why should parents of crying children respond correctly?

Beat and scold the children constantly.

In the process of educating children, if the children are disobedient or make mistakes, and the children are still crying when the parents teach them lessons, then some parents will be impatient at this time and even take the means of beating and cursing their children. But don't forget, it is really not recommended to hit children for younger children, because it will cause very serious trauma to their young hearts. Over time, children will become more and more because they are always punished by their parents.

Some parents think that their children are too young to understand, so when they cry, they are always perfunctory. They simply comfort their children and will never care about them again. They think that the child will stop crying slowly, but this treatment often ignores the child's inner thoughts and feelings.

Solution: Children who pay attention to internal changes.

In fact, for most children, their hearts are very soft and sensitive. In most cases, children need the approval and encouragement of their parents. This kind of encouragement refers to any aspect, whether it is material or spiritual encouragement. Giving more encouragement to children can promote their character development and make their character more optimistic and cheerful. On the contrary, if parents always deny their children, then children who grow up in this environment must lack self-confidence because of their parents.

Cold violence against children

In addition to beating and scolding children, there is a more cruel way to deal with it, that is, cold violence: many parents always ignore their children when they are crying, let them cry and make a scene, and parents will be left behind. In the end, children will feel excluded. In fact, what you may not know is that for parents, children may be just a part of themselves, but for children, parents are all to them. If parents always neglect their children for a long time, children will feel rejected.

Solution: Give your child enough love and companionship.

Parents should treat their children with love. Parents should be full of love and never educate their children through "beating and cursing" or "cold violence", because this kind of education will change the parent-child relationship between you and your children. After a long time, children actually resist communicating with their parents.

Generally speaking, there are still many ways to educate children. Every parent should pay attention to the correct ways and methods of dealing with their children. Only in this way can children be more willing to communicate with their parents and have a good parent-child relationship.