How to be humorous

Study hard, imitate cats and draw tigers, bring innovation into play and succeed naturally. 1, rural teachers can read, let a peasant woman recognize the word quilt, but the peasant woman can't remember it. The teacher prompts, "What was it when you slept? The peasant woman said it was her husband." The teacher laughed and cried: "What about when my husband is away?" Peasant woman: "It's the village head." 2. I moved into a new home, bought a lot of things at one time, and met my neighbor at the door. He asked me sympathetically, how can I squeeze so many things back? I told him that I was driving by myself, and he sighed: Being a taxi driver is very hard and my waist is not good. I told him that I was not a taxi driver, and he suddenly realized, "Oh, you used to be a unit driver for the leader!" " "Too lazy to explain, let it go. But one day, he knocked on my door early in the morning and asked me to give him a ride. I want to forget it, because I was on the road, and he actually said, "It's public oil anyway. 3. A couple was having dinner in a restaurant when suddenly a charming beauty came forward and greeted her husband kindly. After the beauty left, the wife asked, "Who is that woman?" "If you must know? The husband replied, "She is my lover." ""Your lover? " The wife said angrily, "It's too much. Let's get a divorce!" " "Are you sure you want to give up the existing mansions, servants, Mercedes-Benz cars, jewels, mink coats and luxury villas in Hawaii?" The husband asked. The wife did not answer, and the two continued to eat silently. After a long time, the wife finally touched her husband with her hand. "Isn't that Mr Wang over there? The wife asked, "Who is the woman next to him?" ""It's his lover. "The husband replied." Oh? "The wife said casually while drinking," We are much more beautiful! ""4.8 soldiers took a day off to play in the city and didn't come back the next morning when they went out for exercises. The lieutenant was very annoyed. After 7: 0 1, the first soldier came. "Excuse me, sir." He explained to the lieutenant, "My watch is slow. I missed the train and rented a car to drive back, but the car broke down halfway and I had to buy a horse in the village. Who thought the horse was dead again? I ran 10 miles before I came back. " The lieutenant was very skeptical of his words. Then. Six soldiers came back one after another, all the same-missed the train, couldn't rent a car, couldn't buy a horse. The lieutenant was about to get angry when the last soldier arrived. "I missed the train, so I rented a car ..." "Shut up!" The lieutenant grabbed him and growled, "Don't you dare say that the car is broken again?" "no! Sir, "gasped the soldier," the car is not broken, but there are so many broken cars and horses on the road that the car can't pass! " There are four eggs in the refrigerator. The first egg said to the second egg, "Hey! Look at the fourth egg! Hairy! It's disgusting! " The second egg said to the third egg, "Hey! Look at the last egg! Hairy! It's disgusting! " Just then, just as the fourth egg heard it, he shouted, "get out!" " Lao zi is kiwi fruit! "6. A couple visited the farm, and the owner proudly introduced a champion stallion. The wife asked, "How many times does it mate a week?" The owner of the farm said, "Five or six times." The wife immediately said contemptuously to her husband, "You see people five or six times a week! "The owner of the farm quickly cleared the way for this gentleman:" Of course, we never let it always mate with the same cow. " 7. The manager is talking to a beautiful girl: "Sorry, swimming is forbidden here …" Then why didn't you tell me before I undressed? ""We don't have any clothes. " 8. A man has just finished his wedding night. I sighed when I came to class the next day. One of his colleagues came up to him and asked him with concern, "What's the matter with you?" A man replied helplessly, "I habitually gave my wife 100 yuan when I came here this morning." His colleague said, "That's not good." A man said, "To make matters worse, my wife habitually gave me money from 20 yuan." 9. When the train entered the tunnel, it was dark in the carriage, only a kiss was heard, followed by a loud slap in the face. After the train left the tunnel, the four strangers in the carriage said nothing, except the Japanese officer, whose eyes were blue. The old woman thought, "This girl is more beautiful in person and soul." The girl thought, "It's strange that I would rather kiss the old woman than me today." The Japanese thought, "China people are so cunning. He stole a kiss and I was beaten in the dark. " China people think, "I am the smartest. I kissed the back of my hand and slapped the Japanese. No one noticed. " 10, the baby asked his mother, "How to make sentences with ABCDEFG?" Mom: "A, this B child, from the C family?" Stand barefoot on D, EF doesn't wear it, GG! "Mom:" A, what a big B, do C! As long as you insert D, the flood will come out to E, which is really F for you, and G will continue to poke in! "mom:" a! Where's bitch B, and where's family C? D bra has TND exploding EF and licking big GG. "1 1. Father and son take a bath. When the son saw that his father's JJ was bigger than his own, his father said, "yours is a small tricycle and mine is a big Mercedes." "Hearing this, my mother said," I'm still running. I'll close it when I get on the road. " Father said, "it was on the old road, but it was amazing on the new road." "12, a few little boys scraped together a dozen quick dollars to buy toys, but they were worried:" What can a dozen dollars buy? " One of them suggested, "Go and buy sanitary napkins. "People don't understand, ask why? The boy said, "I'm not sure, but TV said that with it, you can climb mountains, water ski, play ball and skate, and you can be happy without any worries ..." 13, the young couple quarreled and threw pillows from upstairs, just as a beggar passed by happily. Soon another quilt flew down, and the beggar was ecstatic. Then he wiped his tears and shouted to the upstairs: "Big Brother, please throw that woman down!" " "14, eldest brother, don't touch! You touched the top and the bottom, and your hair fell out. Such tender skin, you have touched all the water! How do you want me to sell it later? These peaches are all fresh, don't buy them! 15, the female reporter asked the farmer about the origin of mad cow disease. The farmer says I have to milk ten times a day, but cows can only mate once a year. The reporter is puzzled; The host said loudly: "rub your ru room every day, once a year, can you not be crazy?" 16, the old farmer bought medicine X, and he was afraid that the medicine was not strong enough, so he fed it to the rooster at home first. After taking the medicine, the chicken killed all the hens in the village and flew to the tallest tree in the village. The old farmer asked the rooster what he wanted. The cock said, "Don't fucking bother me, I'm waiting to play with the eagle." 17. The tortoise has a high capacity for drinking and got drunk one day. The friend asked, "How can you still get drunk?" The tortoise replied, "Alas, the octopus's grandson wants to fight with me. Damn, he can't see with so many hands. What a terrible loss! " "18, two people have worked hard, the woman has been madly charming, and the neighbors knocked at the door to protest! The man said don't make any noise, and the woman said yes. Then the woman closed her eyes, gritted her teeth and trembled. What happened when the man panicked? Female answer: "nothing to do, I changed the vibration!" ""19. An old lady wiped her tears after watching the black 100-meter race and said, "How scary! Several coal diggers knelt in a row and were shot, but they fired without aiming. The children are scared to run away, and the rope can't stop them! " 20. I once went out for breakfast with my classmates. While eating, a dog ran to him and wagged its tail. He looked at the dog for a long time and said an explosive sentence: "Call Dad, I'll give it to you." On the first day of class, the classmate was caught whispering, and the teacher looked at him with a straight eyebrow: "You are the person I don't like the most in this class." After listening, the classmate replied slowly, "I am honored!" "