Humor and wisdom stories in life

There was a young man who went home for a reunion dinner during the Spring Festival. Because there is a grave on his way home, it is said that very secret things often happen, so his mother specially told him to go home early. However, on the way home by bus, there was another traffic jam, and the young man fell asleep in the car. When he woke up, it was past ten o'clock midnight. He saw no one in the car, the driver was not there, the car was moving slowly, and there was noise. He turned to look at the grave outside. He couldn't help but feel scared, at a loss and trembling all over, so he wanted to probe out and have a look, who knows ... haha! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! A farmer went to town for the first time to see a doctor. I went early and hung up on number one. The nurse shouted, "Yao Hao! Yao Hao! Yao Hao! " The farmer didn't know to call him, so he didn't agree. When the nurse saw that no one agreed, she called No.2 in. The farmer waited for a long time but didn't call him. He was in a hurry and went to the nurse. The nurse said, "What's your number?" The farmer said, "I am the first!" " "Why didn't you say something when I called you just now?" "When did you call me?" "The number one scholar is the number one scholar" Yao, Yao. Farmers understand. Just go in and see the doctor. The doctor asked, "What's the matter with you?" The farmer replied, "It hurts." The doctor didn't understand: "Does it hurt?" The farmer said, "It's just a backache." The doctor was angry: "Lumbago is lumbago, how is it painful?" The farmer said, "Your wet nurse said that one is a (waist) and the other is a (waist)." The doctor chuckled and wrote him a note, saying, "Go, have a stool test and a urine test." Ten minutes later, the farmer came back with shit in his mouth. "Doctor, I can barely swallow urine, but I can't swallow stool!" The doctor is in distress situation. Explain to farmers that it is "inspection" rather than "swallowing"! The farmer understood and went out with a urine bottle. I swallowed my urine just now, and I finally squeezed out half a bottle this time. Just out of the toilet door, I accidentally bumped into a pregnant woman and spilled my urine. The farmer was anxious and said, "What shall we do?" The pregnant woman said, "Don't panic, I have it here!" " I went to the toilet to pee a bottle myself and gave it to the farmer. The farmer took it for testing, and then took the test sheet to the doctor. Doctors are also careless people. He looked at the test sheet and said to the farmer, "Nothing, you are pregnant." After hearing this, the farmer went home with the test paper. When I got home, I slapped my wife twice and said angrily, "I said I was up there." You have to be on it. Look, you got me pregnant, didn't you? " I found a lot of lightning rods and babies for you. One day, American physicist Franklin invited people to visit his new invention. A rich woman asked, "But what's the use?" Franklin replied, "madam, what's the use of a newborn baby?" Edison has a summer house, and he likes to accompany tourists here. In one place, tourists have to go through a winding pole, and it takes a lot of effort to turn it around. A guest asked Edison why there was such a heavy winding rod here, because there were some new inventions around. Edison replied, "Oh, you see, everyone who goes around the pole pumps 8 gallons of water into the water tank on my roof." The phonograph and hearing aid Edison applied for 1093 invention patents all his life, among which the invention of the phonograph made him most proud. When someone asked him why he didn't invent hearing AIDS, he said, "How much of the sound you heard in the past 24 hours must be heard?" "He went on to say," If a person has to shout loudly, he will never tell a lie. "The success or failure of theory and nationality In the 1930s, Einstein said in a speech at the University of Paris," If my theory of relativity proves, Germany will declare me a German and France will call me a citizen of the world. However, if my theory is proved to be wrong, then France will emphasize that I am German and Germany will say that I am Jewish. "Please send me the box. 1895, the famous German physicist wilhelm konrad rontgen discovered a special kind of ray, named Roentgen ray, which is what we often call "X" ray, and caused a sensation throughout Germany. Soon, Roentgen received a letter and mailed it to him for an X-ray. Roentgen said humorously in his reply, "I don't have X-rays in stock at present, and mailing X-rays is a very troublesome thing, so I can't order them. So, please send me the box! "On the day Einstein was taken to the office of Princeton University, someone asked him what tools he needed." I see. A desk or table, a chair and some paper and pencils will do. Oh, yes, and a big wastebasket. "He said why big? ""so I can throw all my mistakes in. "The German physicist Kirchhoff once pointed out in a lecture that the black line seen from the solar spectrum proves the existence of gold on the sun. A banker who came to attend the class sneered at Kirchhoff and said, "What's the use of such gold if you can't get it from the sun! "Later, Kirchhoff won the gold medal for his discovery in spectral analysis. He showed the medal to the banker and said, "Look, I finally got gold from the sun. On one occasion, Queen Anna visited the famous Greenwich Observatory. When she learned that James Braldey, director of astronomy and astronomers, had a low salary, she said that she would raise his salary. However, Bradelet begged her not to do so. He said: "If this position can bring a lot of income, then it will not be an astronomer who will come to this position in the future. "At that time, it was too late to consider that Edison was still working in the laboratory at the age of 75. A reporter asked him, "Mr. Edison, when are you going to retire?" Edison pretended to be embarrassed and said, "Oh, no, I haven't had time to think about it until now!" " "The success or failure of theory and nationality In the 1930s, Einstein said in a speech at the University of Paris:" If my theory of relativity is confirmed, Germany will declare me a German and France will call me a citizen of the world. However, if my theory proves to be wrong, then France will emphasize that I am German and Germany will say that I am Jewish. " Clever metaphor One day, someone asked the British optical authority w·s· Franklin: "Why does an object look upside down on our visual film, but we don't feel that the object is upside down?" Franklin thought for a moment and replied, "When you hear a baby crying in both ears at the same time, why can you be sure at once that it's not twins crying?" Inertia example The physics teacher is talking about "inertia", and the next student is talking about it. The teacher gave him a hint, but he went his own way. Teacher: "What did I say just now?" Student: "inertia." Teacher: "Please give an example." Student: "I was talking below just now. In spite of your hints, I can't stop at once. This is inertia. " I was outside, and a farmer invited engineers, physicists and mathematicians to enclose the largest area with the least fences. The engineer fenced a circle and declared that it was the best design. The physicist stretched the fence into a long straight line and thought it was big enough to enclose half the earth. The mathematician gave them a big laugh. He surrounded himself with several fences and then said, "I'm outside now." Liar richard feynman is an American physicist and the winner of 1965 Nobel Prize in Physics. After the atomic bomb was developed, Feynman went to a university as a professor. He was still very young at that time. At a dance, he danced with a girl student. The girl asked him what grade he was in, and he said I was a professor. The girl said, professor? You also made an atomic bomb, right? Feynman said: Yes, I built an atomic bomb. The girl left a "liar" and tossed her head. Einstein and Chaplin's famous scientist Einstein spoke highly of Chaplin's films. On one occasion, he wrote in a letter to Chaplin: "Your film Modern Times can be understood by everyone in the world. You will be a great man. Einstein. " Chaplin wrote in his reply: "I admire you even more. No one in the world can understand your theory of relativity, but you have become a great man. Chaplin. " Roentgen ray wilhelm konrad rontgen (1845~ 1923), a famous German physicist, discovered a special kind of ray in 1895, which was called roentgen ray, also known as "X" ray, and caused a sensation throughout Germany. Soon, Roentgen received a letter and mailed it to him for an X-ray. Roentgen said humorously in his reply, "I don't have X-rays in stock at present, and mailing X-rays is a very troublesome thing, so I can't order them. So please send me the box! " Wave-particle duality reporter asked Professor Prague, a British physicist and Nobel Prize winner: Is light a wave or a particle? Prague replied: Monday, Wednesday and Friday are waves, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday are particles, and rest at home on Sunday. Boltzmann doesn't like to write on the blackboard in class, and then students often complain that they don't understand. One day, a student complained, "Teacher, it is too difficult to prove. Let's write it on the blackboard later.". Don't just say, we can't remember. " Boltzmann agreed. In the second class, he started talking again, from A to B and from B to C. . Finally, it is concluded that this thing is as simple as 1+ 1=2. Then he suddenly remembered his promise to the students, so he picked up a piece of chalk and wrote "1+ 1=2" on the blackboard. In order to verify the relationship between sound frequency and moving speed, due to the conditions at that time, it is impossible for Doppler students to record waveform files with computers like us and then compare the frequencies. what should he do ？ He invited a group of trumpeters to sit on the flatbed pulled by the train, and then invited a group of musicians who could hear the absolute pitch to sit by the tracks, so that they could record the sound of the train approaching and leaving with their ears. This is how the Doppler formula is verified.