Jokes about news broadcast

One day, the foreigner next door suddenly knocked on my door and said to me, no, my TV is poisoned.

I said: What's the matter?

He said: it's all the same if I change the TV.

I looked at the time, and it was exactly 7 pm.

I said, well, at this time every day, TV sets all over the country will be poisoned for half an hour.

1.×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

2.××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

3. Foreign Ministry spokesperson XXX issued a statement on XXX, expressing regret, protesting and continuing to pay attention to XXX;

4. During the Tenth Five-Year Plan period, XXX key projects in China broke through XXX projects, creating XXX benefits and realizing XXX profits and taxes;

5.XX Village, XX City, XX Province should strengthen the study of the important spirit of "Theory of Three Represents" and effectively solve practical problems for farmers;

6. ××× Customs stepped up efforts to crack down on smuggling, cracked a particularly serious smuggling case and seized ×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

7. Today is the anniversary of XXX. People and students from all over China took to the streets to publicize XXX knowledge and strengthen XXX education.

8. The cause of the ×××× incident has been ascertained, and the responsible person has been criminally detained;

9. Today is XXX's birthday. XXX held a forum to discuss XXX in depth and cherish the memory of this XXX family.

10. People in ××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

1 1.×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

12.×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

Today's news broadcast is over, audience friends, goodbye!

Wolf: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Tinker bell: Good evening!

Wolf: I'm a wolf.

Tinker Bell: I'm Tinker Bell.

Wolf: The main contents of this news broadcast are:

Tinker bell: joking about the bitterness of the life altar owner, and cordially receiving the visiting station acting altar owner Tiger Woods and his party;

Wolf: The moderator presided over the New Year's symposium of old comrades in the Laughter Forum and delivered an important speech;

Tinker bell: special report: a series of reports by advanced people who study spoony theory and "eight views" of bitterness. Today's content is: our good director is in the clouds;

Wolf: Joking Life 2003 has been released.

Tinker bell: In July, the Director General of the Foreign Affairs Department made a speech on "someone in the cat's ear rudely interfered in the internal affairs of the laughing world" and made solemn representations.

Wolf: the fifth interview with experts at the end of the year: "the irrigation situation of cat ear cans is remarkable";

Tinker Bell: Here are the details of this program.

Don't let the children watch too many news broadcasts or the composition will be written like this.

On the eve of June 1st, Liu Xiaohua, a student in Class One, Grade Five, asked for leave because of a cold. The class teacher instructed the class cadres to spontaneously organize a visit to Liu Xiaohua's home.

. The next day, the blackboard newspaper in the class published a class news, the full text is as follows:

Lesson News pp Yesterday morning, the sun was shining and flowers were in full bloom. Liu Xiaohua's home is full of laughter and crowds. Class 1, Grade 5

Accompanied by Ouyang, a member of the Sports Commission, and a member of the Recreation Committee, Zhang Liao Liao, the vice squad leader, went to a hospital not far away with a cold and a low fever.

Liu Xiaohua, a class member, is at home, bringing him holiday greetings and best wishes.

Monitor Zhao and Vice Monitor Zhang visited the small room with great interest and played four sets of "Contra" games with great interest.

Ordinary students are happy together. Then, the monitor and Liu Xiaohua's parents had a cordial conversation. Ye Zhao, the monitor, happily recalled what happened with Liu last year.

Xiaohua began to cheat together. During the conversation, monitor Zhao repeatedly stressed with concern: "If you are ill, don't do your homework. beautifully

Rest, health is the capital of revolution! "Liu Xiaohua said excitedly," thank you for your concern! I must overcome my illness and all the difficulties.

Difficult, early, back to the warm group, back to my dear teachers and classmates! "

Later, monitor Zhao and his party kicked shuttlecock in front of the door with great interest. The blue sky is like washing, and the birds are also warmed by this mass.

Infected, twittering and singing a good life.

At noon, Liu's father bought delicious visual beef jerky and cool and delicious freshly squeezed orange juice to entertain monitor Zhao and his party. At or during meals.

The host and the guest had an in-depth and pleasant bilateral talk on whether primary school students will feel queasy even if they eat two popsicles.

The following is a classic post.

1. The talks have been conducted in a cordial and friendly atmosphere-add a sentence to the landlord.

2. Students have reached a broad consensus on Liu Xiaohua's disease.

3. And admit that there is only one school in the world, and classes are an inseparable part of the school.

4. Liu Xiaohua said, we should arm ourselves with the great idea of "Three Major Standards" to resist diseases.

5. We should closely unite around the class group centered on the head teacher, concentrate on study and a certain development. ...

6. Liu Xiaohua fought the disease with meaningless heroism. At present, a staged victory has been achieved, and the health condition has further improved.

Develop in a good direction.

7. Accompanying the tour was Comrade Zhang Erdan, the representative of physics class and former deputy director of the Health Duty Committee.

8. In order to cooperate with this visit, the school leaders specially set up a hotline 168XXXXX at the Telecommunications Bureau to facilitate others who can't go spontaneously.

Some students expressed their sympathy for Liu Xiaohua, including how Xiaohua got sick, what disease he got and whether he could be cured. Answer correctly.

, reward little red flowers. ...

9. In principle, the "Consolation Minutes about Liu Xiaohua's illness" was adopted and distributed to teachers in all classes for careful study and discussion.

10. We should firmly grasp the fundamental point of taking medicine, so that Liu Xiaohua students can truly enjoy the fruits of sympathy from their classmates and teachers, and strive to realize the disease.

The continuous decline of bacteria. The outline of this semester's class grading plan proposes that students' academic performance will be improved by about 5% this semester. This is a

An extremely difficult task. To achieve this expected goal, we need not only to continue to work in a down-to-earth manner, but also to have new ideas and measures.

1 1. According to the news of XX School in XX City on May 25, when the students who participated in the condolence meeting of Class 1 in Grade 5 discussed the report of Comrade Zhao Banzhang in groups,

I believe that Comrade Zhao's exposition on the important strategic opportunity period in the first year of our class and concentrating on building an excellent class collective in an all-round way expressed the same feeling of the whole class.

* * * knowledge represents the wishes of the parents in the class, which further enhances our sense of historical mission and urgency. Combined with the actual work, the participants

He said that we must firmly grasp the important period of strategic opportunities in the first semester of this year, speed up the study of English learning and Chinese composition system, and accomplish the task well.

The department is the four main courses of the whole class (Chinese, Mathematics, English Politics), and strives to build an excellent class in the whole school.

12. The monitor immediately instructed the Health Committee to strictly control hygiene to prevent such accidents from happening again.

13. The Monitor said that this year marks the third anniversary of the establishment of diplomatic relations between Liu Xiaohua and China. Over the past three years, with the joint efforts of both sides, the friendship between the two countries has continued to develop. two

Family members have close contacts, and meetings and exchanges are increasingly active. The development of bilateral relations benefits from mutual respect, mutual trust and non-interference in personality.

Private affairs; Economically mutual benefit, complementary advantages and common development; In class affairs, they all follow the purpose of the school charter and the recognized classmate relationship.

The basic principle is to promote peace, stability and development of both sides and all classes.