Joke Collection Website - Joke collection - Family Law (Part I)
Family Law (Part I)
Grandpa used French for the first time, and it was used on his fourth brother and my fourth grandfather.
In our countryside, there is an old saying that "at fifty-five, there is still a' root tiger'". Grandpa four was born at the age of fifty-five. Grandma squinted at the "rooted tiger" who had just become an outlaw and screamed like a cat. Maybe this is a mother-child induction. This "rooted tiger" who couldn't laugh at all actually took a sip of his powder mouth. Such a subconscious little gesture was firmly determined by grandma that it was her son smiling and greeting her mother, which actually moved her. From then on, grandma regarded grandpa four as the apple of her eye, with meticulous love and care. Until grandpa four was seven or eight years old, he often hung him on his shriveled and drooping breasts.
Grandpa four was punished by family law and lost his life. This is also asking for it.
Grandpa four was spoiled from childhood and gradually developed the habit of being lazy. Working in farmland, I am afraid of wind, rain and the sun. In order to avoid suffering in the farmland, I fiddled with some gadgets such as ceramic chickens, puppies, tigers and various birds to earn some change for the children. When I have a little savings, I will make some daily necessities, such as needles, threads, pots and pans. But after all, money comes slowly, so I have the idea of "eating a fat man in one bite". Relying on his mother's protection, he got up the courage to steal the only big cow with arable land in his family and sell it, and took the money to Qingdao to do business. I didn't expect the market to be sinister. I lost all my money and ran into a big disaster. Grandpa has long seen grandpa four's habit of being lazy and not doing farm work. He once said to his two younger brothers privately, "Just watch carefully, our family will be defeated by the black sheep of the fourth child sooner or later."
Grandpa wants to deal with grandpa four in a French way, and he asked grandma in advance. Grandma said, "Don't take it seriously, just scare me. If you really give me a good fight, I won't stop with you. "
At the scene of law enforcement, Grandpa's two younger brothers clearly saw their younger brothers winking at the law enforcers and making faces. Then, the sound of the board falling on grandpa four's flesh became louder and louder. At first, grandpa four made a series of purrs like pigs, and gradually, the purrs became weaker and weaker until there was no sound. Originally, grandpa four was once weak, and he died without getting twenty boards.
Grandpa's death was completely unexpected. Grandpa means to let him remember for a long time and take the right path in the future. I didn't expect this coward to be so resistant to beating. Grandpa went to grandpa four, bent down and reached out to try grandpa four's snorting. He only gently said three words-"finished calf", and found a white towel to gently cover grandpa four's face. Later, he asked his two younger brothers to quickly find a carpenter Li to make a thin coat (thin coffin), and then find a few people to carry Grandpa Four into a mass grave and bury him. After talking about this, grandpa's tears have flowed in a big mess.
The death of grandpa four dealt a fatal blow to his 70-year-old grandmother. Where can she stand being isolated from her heart, and how can she stand the pain of this white-haired man sending a black-haired man? For three days in a row, water and rice were not allowed in, and anyone's advice was of no help. They just cried in high and low voices: "My son is in bad karma … My son is in bad karma …". The sound faded away. Late at night on the third day, grandma tried her best to find a waist seal and tied it to the beam at random. Without any other love, she put her head in. In a short time, he broke away from the physical experience and drifted to find his sweetheart.
At dawn, a harem man entered the house and saw our ancestors hanging from the roof beam. They stumbled out with a "Oh" and screamed "All the old ancestors are gone", so they ran to a group of family members. A daring harem worker quickly put grandma down, cleaned her with warm water, put on the shroud that grandma had prepared before her death, and put it on the makeshift coffin bed.
At this time, outside the house, men and women, people come and go. Someone tore up all the colorful New Year pictures on the wall at home; Someone covered the gate and the couplets on the door with burning paper. The whole family, men and women, old and young, were all dressed in hemp Dai Xiao, and they were horribly pale inside and outside.
A spacious spiritual shed has already been set up in the yard, and the memorial tablet of "grandmother's spirit" stands squarely in the middle of the altar, which has been filled with offerings such as fish, meat, vegetables and fresh fruits. On both sides of the front end of the altar, the flames of two strong white candles flickered, like grandma's red eyes glaring at busy people, which looked eerie.
At this time, grandpa is leading a group of filial sons and grandchildren to kowtow to grandma in turn. Grandpa went to grandma's memorial tablet and burned three incense sticks. Then "jumped" and knelt down, crying with tears and runny nose. "Old Niang, I am your unfilial son, so you can take me away and treat me like a cow and a horse ...". The whole family was moved when they heard this. While crying with grandpa, they kowtowed to grandma in turn.
Grandpa has thought about how to deal with grandma's funeral. He said to his two younger brothers in an unquestionable tone: "sell land, sell ten acres of land!" " Make my funeral look decent. The ten acres of land will be borne by me. "
On the day of the funeral, the large threshing floor and half the street were filled with lifelike and colorful paper horses, including Jinshan Yinshan, golden couple, sedan chair bike, white horse and red bull, cash cow, cornucopia and so on. Men and women, old and young, who came from dozens of miles away to watch this unprecedented grand funeral in the local area, crowded into a sea of people, and at first glance it was dark. The invited four classes of trumpeters gave way to each other, competing for beauty, and played a series of classic songs, such as Great Mourning, A Thousand Pieces of Paper, Crying for Seven Levels, Sorrow for Love, and Ten Kneeling Parents' Grace, which was heartbreaking.
With the MC's resounding "Rising Spirit-". Eight big speakers, about five feet long, are bright and emit "woo-woo-woo" sounds into the air. In particular, the octave-high long note is even more thrilling and earth-shattering. Xiao's dutiful son and grandson, Bai Sensen knelt on the ground and cried loudly.
When the old basin above grandpa's head was smashed with a bang, the cries of the filial sons and grandchildren suddenly reached a climax, such as crashing on the shore and surging along the Yangtze River. Nearly noon, grandma was buried, and the crying gradually subsided.
Just after Grandma's May 7th, some daughters-in-law were "coaxed" into separation.
Grandpa is a wise man, so he called his two younger brothers to discuss the separation. Grandpa said, "Mom is alive, and our family is inseparable. My mother has passed away now, and it is reasonable to separate. " He added, "Our family is divided, and the little property left by our ancestors is lice on the bald man's head-this is obvious. I sold ten acres of land for my mother. I made a promise that I would undertake the ten acres of land. The remaining 3 1 mu and a half, you two brothers share it equally. There are seven houses, four old children and three old children. " Grandpa looked up and asked Lao San, "Lao San, is this ok?" The third son scrambled to say, "OK, OK, OK, the second brother is more devoted than me." Grandpa went on to say, "As for other miscellaneous household items, whoever needs them will take them away and be humble to each other. Otherwise, how can we call them brothers? " The two brothers quickly agreed, yes, yes, we all listen to our brother. "Grandpa also said:" The family is divided, and the heart is inseparable. Brothers are brothers wherever they go, taking care of each other. "
Grandpa paused, remembered another thing and said, "I have something to say." In the future, don't listen to your wife. Listen to what is right, don't listen to what is wrong, and don't prick up your ears. Dude, roll well, don't make a mistake and let outsiders laugh. "
Grandpa usually doesn't talk much, maybe it's a big deal, but today he talks a lot about brothers, sisters-in-law, how to get along with neighbors and so on. Hearing this, the brothers nodded frequently. With these words, grandpa stood up, patted the two brothers on the shoulder and said, "OK, let's go." The two brothers asked quickly, "What about you, brother?" Grandpa said, "Leave me alone. I want to take care of my children with my sister-in-law during the Spring Festival. I heard that as long as you have arms and legs, you will not be hungry if you are diligent. "
Listening to the eldest brother talking about the journey, the second grandfather and the third grandfather strongly opposed it. It is said that once the family encounters these major changes, it has not settled down. As the backbone of big brother, you can't just pat your ass and leave. Second, the anniversary of mother's death, as the eldest son can not be absent.
On the issue of property division, the second grandfather and the third grandfather said that the eldest brother had been worried since childhood, participated in it, insisted on letting the eldest brother get more points, and never let the eldest brother suffer. After many concessions, grandpa was helpless and finally agreed to five acres of land. Grandpa said, "There are many acres of land. I only think about myself, not my brothers. What's my name, big brother? " The two brothers listened, and their hearts were warm. Nuo Nuo retreated.
At this point, separation is clear. Our family has also changed from the richest man in the village with more than 40 acres of land to a family of three, and it is difficult to eat and wear.
However, the story is far from over. The wand of "family law" seems to be waved by an invisible giant hand, which makes the tragedy expand outward and makes some people who could not pull the eight poles die.
About the author: Yuan Haishan, net name: White-headed drunkard, native of Baishan, Jilin, retired worker of Songkuang, likes literature.
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