Chinese character joke

When listening to other people's jokes, I feel funny and cold, but when I watch them, I laugh too hard. Have you ever had such an experience? The following is my collection for your reference, hoping to help friends in need.

Chinese character joke 1 1, American astronauts found two pictures and a line of Arabic numerals on a stone after landing on Mars, which they thought was the historical record of Martians reaching the earth.

The United States has called many scientists and mathematicians for analysis, but it has never been able to decipher the meaning of the number 1 1.

A scientist suspected that these two paintings were two Chinese characters, looked through the dictionary and said positively, "This must be Chinese characters, and the pronunciation of these two words is' authentication'!"

2. Chinese characters are really profound! !

Fu: I won!

Bai: Hey!

Male diaosi: slap!

Female diaosi: Hey!

Older female diaosi: Mao!

Just now, I arranged the location of the parent-teacher conference in the classroom. I asked the teacher, "Do you want to pin the banner?"

The teacher said, "No!"

Then I became a mess. ...

4. Hua said to Hua, "Showing off is wearing a straw hat?"

Fire said to disaster, "don't think that wearing a hat won't make people see that you made a mistake."

The wind said to the madman, "I said, why do you always feel that something is wrong these days?" So you are sick! " "

Head to head: "Brother, put on your helmet, it's much more reassuring!" " "

I forgot to say to death, "People should have a conscience. Without it, living is like dying. "

The joke of Chinese characters is 2. Tell me, what are you doing? If you have money, you can carry two bags around.

Ping said to Ping, Brother Man, use some good shampoo. Look at your dirty head, it is covered with grass.

The Japanese said, hey, I said friend, I haven't seen you for a few days. Why have you gained so much weight?

Zhuo said to the table, I met a big fool. Well, why did you show up?

The donkey said to the horse, Big Brother, it's no use running fast. Close your account quickly.

Bear can say, dude, you're pathetic. Did you sell all four claws?

The electric tow said, have a good rest. Aren't you tired?

Say goodbye, why, the official has a shelf, and the little hand is still on his back?

The soldier said to Qiu, Brother, you stepped on a mine. Why is your leg missing?

The king said to the emperor, buddy, what are the benefits of being an emperor? Look, your hair is all white.

The fruit said to the naked man, dude, you might as well be naked!

The towel said to the coin, if you put on the doctor's hat, you will be worth a hundred times.

I said to the giant, I have three rooms and two halls, the area is the same as yours.

Jing said to Pin: Didn't you decorate your house?

Say to yourself: has your company laid off employees?

Lu said to Chang 'e: Compared with you, my house has only four walls.

9 to 6: Why are you standing? Watch out for brain congestion!

You said to A: When did you learn to stand on your head? 」

My husband said to heaven: I finally look forward to that day.

Shit says to urine, "Dry and thin are just different."

Wood said to Liang, "Don't think I can't recognize you if I wear a vest! 」

C said to Er: When did you have another person in your family?

I want to say to leek, "Can we centipedes walk a tightrope?" 」

Dai said to Dan, "When did you learn to skateboard? 」

Big to cool said: just four questions, how did you do it all wrong?

Ping-pong said to Ping-pong, "You and I are all the same, a first-class disabled soldier.

The soldier said to Qiu, "Look how cruel this war is! Both legs are blown up!

Yi said to ge, "don't think I'm afraid of you because you have a sword." You fight one on one!

I often tell Zhang that you think you are Hou Yi. Why do you carry a bow all day when you have nothing to do?

"Tian" said to "Yue": Brother, it's time to lose weight.

"Zhan" said to "Dian": Dude, did you buy a car?

"Zi" said to "Mu": What's the matter, your company has laid off employees?

"Do" says to "Do": Brother, balance is the last word!

Jing said to Pin, Brother, isn't your home decorated?

Inch said to Guo, Grandpa, why did you buy a recliner?

"Dan" said to "Dan": coward, please hire a bodyguard!

"You" said to "A": Is it tiring to practice one finger meditation like this?

"Qian" said to "Sun": It's sunny, why not wear a straw hat?

"Da" said to "Tai": It's actually very simple to do hernia surgery.

"Bi" said to "Bei": Husband and wife have a fight, so why divorce!

Man said to Cong: Why haven't you had the separation operation yet?

Mu said to Shu: If you have a mole on your face, consider yourself a beautiful woman.

The minister said to the giant: the same area as you. I have three rooms and two halls.

The fork said to you: When did you get your face fixed? What is the mole on your face?

"Bing" said to "Qiu": You see how cruel the war is, and both legs are blown off!

The "ruler" said to "do": Sister, the results have come out. You are pregnant with twins.

"Towel" said to "coin": son. If you put on a doctor's hat, you will be worth a hundred times.

"Man" said to "Man": Unlike you young people, you can't walk without crutches.

"Earth" said to "Ugly": Don't think that wearing a shawl will look good, but it is still old-fashioned in the bones.

"Yue" said to "Japan": Hi, I said friend, how have you been? Why are you so thin?

Ping said to Ping, Dude, are you too lazy? Look at the grass growing on your forehead, don't pull it out!

"Busy" said to "forgotten": I'm just curious, as a cohabiting couple, why are you so big-minded?

China joke 3 1. In a small county, due to development problems, even the teacher's Mandarin is not standard. Go to physical education class one day. The PE teacher shouted, "It's all soybean oil. Pay attention to stew wonton neatly! . "(Attention, all teammates, line up.

2. In a busy market, a fish seller shouted, "Fresh fish!" At this moment, a bubble gum seller immediately shouted:

"bubble sugar! Hearing this, the fish seller said to the sugar seller, "Hey, why did you say my fish was ruined? "They are more noisy more fierce. Just then, a seller of bean sprouts shouted again: "bean sprouts!" " A security guard came up and asked, "Who else is quarreling with them?" It happened that an avocado seller shouted "avocado!" After listening to this, the security guard said, "All right, let's take you four with us! "

3. The coach said, "Class One kills chickens, Class Two steals eggs, and I'll cook porridge for you." One kind of shooting, the other kind of bombing. Let me show you. )

In ancient times, there was a newly appointed county magistrate who asked his housekeeper to buy a bamboo pole. Because the county magistrate is a foreigner and his accent is different from that of the locals, the housekeeper went to the market to buy pig liver as soon as he heard that the bamboo pole was pig liver, and blackmailed two pig ears into his pocket. After coming back, the county magistrate was furious and said, "Who told you to buy pig liver? Where are your ears? " ? ! "Hearing this, the housekeeper got a fright. She took two pig ears out of her pocket and said, "These are two ears. "

5. A foreign girl married to China. At breakfast, she was told, "Dip it."

She stood up at once and was told, "Take a dip!" Confused, she said indignantly, "Let me eat standing up. I have stood up. Where should I stand? "

China joke 4 1, ten bamboos and one leaf.

There was a poet named Wang in the Northern Song Dynasty. He was very arrogant when he was young. I'm a little ignorant. I always feel capable. One day, he went to a garden to play and saw a bamboo forest. Bamboo is green and looks good. Wang Qi saw it and immediately thought of a joint sentence. I began to write: Ye Feng has a thousand swords; I am so angry. Wang Qi compared drooping bamboo leaves to swords and straight bamboo poles to spears, which is an image. He showed this couplet to his friends, and everyone praised him for his good writing. Wang Qi happily posted couplets on the wall of the house. He also boasted: "If anyone can change a word, I will give him twelve taels of gold for free!" " "How crazy. A few days later, Su Dongpo, a college student, visited him and saw the couplets. He didn't say anything. Pretend to say to Sue, "I wrote these two sentences. Please give me your advice. Su Dongpo smiled and said to Wang Qi, "This couplet is good, but it takes ten bamboos to spell a Ye Er!" ! "Come to think of it, Wang Qi, yes! I wrote Chiba and Wan Gan. There are fewer bamboos in Ye Er, and an average of ten bamboos can grow a piece of Ye Er. What is this called bamboo? Wang Qi's face looks like a big red cloth. She thanked Su Dongpo assiduously and said, "Well said, well said. "From now on, Wang Qi is no longer crazy, she is learning honestly. Since then, he has become a poet with real talent and learning. According to Wei Songqing's Poet Jade Scrap, Volume 11.

2. People in Front is wonderful for Premier Kou.

Kou Zhun was a famous prime minister in the Northern Song Dynasty.

One day, he chatted with several senior officials and wrote a couplet for them to come: underwater day is the sky day; The sun in the water is just the shadow of the sun in the sky. Hearing this, these big officials stared at each other with small eyes, and no one could compare with them. It happened that day that Yang Danian came to see the Prime Minister Kou. Kou Zhun talked with Yang Danian about business and told him the first part just now. Yang Danian stared at Kou Zhun's eyes. After a little thinking, he immediately replied: the person in the eye is the person in front of him. Kou Zhun is talking about the shadow of the sun, and Yang Danian is talking about the figure. When I stand in front of your eyes, your eyes will definitely reflect my figure. This is called "the person in the eyes is the person in front of you". Readers, if you don't believe me, just stare into other people's eyes and try! According to Ouyang Xiu's Record of Returning to the Field, Song Zengmin published Du Xing Magazine.

Yang Danian correctly scolded the treacherous court official.

Yang Danian became an academician and an assistant minister of the Ministry of Industry in the imperial court.

Yang Danian looks very energetic, especially when his beard is thick and long, which is over his chest. It's really beautiful. It was early in the morning. Yang Danian came out of the palace and happened to meet Ding Weisong. Ding Wei looked at Yang Danian's long beard in the Song Dynasty and joked with him: the worship of Neihan must sweep the floor; Neihan is Hanlin. It means that when you, a bearded academician, kowtow to the emperor [Tiá o zhǒ u], your beard sweeps the floor like a broom. Who is this Ding Wei of the Song Dynasty? This is a big shot! Ding Wei and treacherous court official Wang Qinruo in Song Dynasty pushed out Kou Zhun, the prime minister of Northern Liao Dynasty, and finally he became prime minister and Jin Wengong. Ding Wei and Wang Qinruo in Song Dynasty, as well as three bad guys, were called "Five Ghosts of the Imperial Court". Yang Danian hated GREAT GHOST in Five Ghosts for a long time. Song took a look and replied coldly: "xianggong is sitting in the sky!" "xianggong" refers to Ding Wei, the prime minister of the Song Dynasty: the "curtain" is a big tent. Yang Danian is saying that you, the prime minister, crowd out good people and monopolize the court. You can really dominate the world! When Song Dynasty heard that Yang Danian turned to scold himself, he was very angry. But on second thought, I confessed it myself, and I couldn't be angry, so I had to laugh a few times. According to Song Ouyang Xiu's Return to the Field.

Chinese character joke article 5 Eat jiaozi.

One day I went to a restaurant to eat jiaozi with a foreign friend.

The beautiful service lady came to ask, my friend always missed any opportunity to practice Chinese and rushed to say, "How much is a sleep?" ?

The young lady was very embarrassed, so she was very angry. I quickly explained that he was asking jiaozi how much.

Jiaozi served it, and I asked him if he wanted mustard.

He invited another young lady. Is there a "program"?

The young lady said brightly, "Yes, what program do you want?"

"That's the yellow one!"

Eat standing up

A foreign girl married to China. When eating breakfast, I was pointed out that I can't eat fried dough sticks: "Dip it."

She stood up at once and was told, "Take a dip!"

Confused, she said indignantly, "Let me eat standing up. I have stood up. Where should I stand? "

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