Masters ask for answers.

Joke 1:

Sparrows and crows form a dragon gate formation together.

The sparrow said: What kind of bird are you?

The crow said: I am Phoenix!

Sparrow: How can there be such a dark phoenix as your turtle son?

Crow: You know what a shovel, I am a phoenix who burns boilers.

Joke 2:

One day, when we were discussing how tall Yao Ming was, the Sichuan PLMM who usually loved to argue next to me started arguing again: "Yao Ming is not tall, we are There is someone in his hometown who is much taller than him."

"Who?" we asked in unison.

"Leshan Giant Buddha" she said proudly.

Everyone was dizzy, and two glasses fell off...

One GG was unconvinced: "Isn't it just over seventy meters..."

But was interrupted by this Sichuan girl: "Is it only more than 70 meters?"

Another person said confidently: "It is 71 meters."

So "You people don't even understand some basic common sense," the MM said plausibly, "It's 71 meters when sitting, but what about standing up?" "

Everyone fell to the ground...

"You asked him to stand up! "This GG is still not convinced.

"Well, I have been sitting by the river for more than a thousand years, exposed to wind and rain, and I have already developed arthritis. If you have the ability, go and try it for a few years! "Everyone was completely speechless...

Joke 4:

A teacher assigned students an assignment to make sentences using "please" and "request".

After handing in the homework, one of them answered: Yesterday, my mother stewed a pot of pig's feet. My father ate a piece before it was cooked and said, "Please don't move." My mother said, "I want you to chew it!" "

Joke 5:

The plane shook violently. Stewardess: "Dear passengers, there is something wrong with the plane and two engines are broken. We may have to

Later. "Passenger: "What a waste of time when you carry your mother on your back. If all four engines fail, we won't have to spend the night in the sky.

Joke 6:

The plane was full of people, some were carrying snakeskin bags, some were carrying live chickens and ducks, and the security inspector was sweating profusely: "Back

Zun, I need to pay for it. You're overweight. "Why? I had to cut through two sacks of potatoes last time." Another passenger came over and said, "Come on, brother, have a smoke and look at these bags of live chickens." No matter what, if the cabin can’t accommodate enough space to be tied to the wings of the aircraft, they can still fly on their own without consuming the aircraft’s fuel..."

Joke 7:

Before the opening of the Olympic Games, two Sichuanese traveled to Beijing and looked at a map on the bus. A: "We will fight to Tiananmen first, and then to Zhongnanhai..." B: "If you want, we will press your button." He was killed all the way along the route. "Unfortunately, he was reported by fellow passengers. After getting off the bus, he was taken to the public security bureau and was released after explaining the situation for N hours. A and B came to Tiananmen Square and watched people coming and going. The two of them were speechless...A couldn't help but said: "You are so lazy that you don't speak a word?" B: "You don't even speak a word. (Gun) How dare you shoot me?" As soon as he finished speaking, he was taken to the police again. A week later, the two of them walked out of the gate of the detention center. You looked at me and I looked at you. A said: "Leha is at ease now. My bag is all packed. Where can I get some bullets?"... .The armed police at the door rushed up and pushed the two people to the ground.

The Central Committee of the Communist Party of China issued an emergency notice: Sichuan people are not allowed to participate in the Olympic Games. It is too scary. This is something to talk about later.

Joke 8:

CCTV reporter asked the survivors of the bus fire: Is there a hammer on the bus?

Survivor: There is a hammer!

Reporter: Got a hammer? Why don't you break the windows?

Survivor: Mode! A hammer with a hammer!

Reporter: What? And two hammers?

Survivor: Oops, there’s a shovel!

Reporter: Shovel? That can also be used to smash windows!

Survivor: Smash the window with a hammer!

Reporter: It was a window smash, not a hammer...

Survivor: Oh, let me tell you a hammer!

Reporter: I mean the window!

Survivor: Hammer!

Reporter: What’s in the car?

Survivor: There is a yarn!

Reporter: Oh, no wonder it burned so fast!

Summary: Be sure to bring a hammer with you when you go out. If you don’t have a hammer, keep it close to you. If you have a hammer, hold it tightly. If the hammer is with you, it will be there. If the hammer is gone, the hammer will be with you.

Joke 9:

That afternoon, when a classmate was working at Guaxixi Construction Bank, a sloppily dressed woman (a psychopath) came to his window and gave him He wrote a note asking for a withdrawal. The note clearly stated "I am sending Comrade XX to withdraw RMB from your bank." Then there were N zero yuan after the l. The signature is ***C.P Central Office***.

My classmate originally wanted to call the police, but seeing how serious the mentally ill woman was, I thought I’d better send him to the security guard (~I guess the security guard didn’t have much to do). Sure enough, the security guard He said to the woman: "If you want to withdraw money when you write a note, you must first go to the police station across the street and ask the station chief to stamp it. After he stamps the stamp, you can come back to withdraw money and it will be fine."

The woman didn't think much and went directly to the police station. (Well, the security guard is really extraordinary. I usually look down on him a little). About ten minutes later, when more and more people were queuing up to withdraw money, the crazy woman came back happily, holding up the note, and said: "Don't Everyone says that the office procedures are simplified and you can withdraw money directly without any approval from the director.”

My classmate couldn’t help but sigh when he heard this: ******. There are really smart people in the team, and they were sent back just by saying "high profile". My classmate and the security guard were a little reckless at that time. There were many people in the business hall, and they were afraid that her mental illness would affect the normal order, so they had to call the supervisor on duty. Supervisor and Nerve