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Results

After the mid-term exam, the math teacher will publish the results. He said,

"More than 9 points and 8 points. There are as many people above 8 points as those above 7 points. "

As soon as the words are spoken, the whole class cheers. A classmate asked, "So ... how about the number of people who failed?"

The teacher answered easily: there are as many people who failed as the whole class.

In English class ...

: This is what my junior told me ...

: One day they were having an English class ...

: The teacher asked the students to list some common words. Nkyou.....

: Later, I called a classmate ...

: When he stood up, he said, shirt ...

It's shit! Shirt is a shirt ...

Smiling in Jiuquan

Once, in Chinese class, the teacher asked the overseas Chinese student some related idioms in order to know his Chinese level.

"Can you say an idiom to describe a person who is very happy?

The Chinese teacher gave a question and said, "However, it is better to have a number in this idiom,

for example, one, two, three, four ..."

The overseas Chinese student thought for a moment and said happily,

I see, "Nine Springs with a smile"!

ha! What a "smiling Jiuquan"! The whole class burst into laughter, and the old Chinese teacher, < P >, almost fainted.

Stand up

A monitor sleeps in class and asks his classmates to call him after class. The classmates play tricks.

A: Get up, class is over!

the monitor rubs his eyes: stand up!

At this time, only a dozen students stood up sleepily and said, Thank you, teacher!

Learning English

Once I was tutoring a junior high school child, I found the following horrible words in his English textbook:

Dad died (bus)

Grandpa died (yes)

Brother died (girls)

Sister died (Mis? )

...

Death ray (school)

Geography exam

In the geography exam, the teacher asked the students to briefly describe the following places:

Arabia, Singapore, the Cape of Good Hope, Rome, Nagoya and Macau.

Among them, Xiao Ming wrote: Once upon a time, there was an old man, who was called Arabia.

One day he went out to climb a mountain. When he climbed to Singapore,

he suddenly saw a Rome with a cape of good hope coming straight at him.

He was so scared that he ran into Nagoya and quickly closed Macao.

college meals

A freshman bought a scone, and was walking on the road when a big car came in front of him. In panic, the scone fell under the wheel. When the car passed by, the self-regretting freshman was surprised to find that the scone was embedded in the ground intact! In order not to waste, he decided to pick up the scones, but no matter how hard he tried to pry the spoon, it happened that a kind-hearted old man passed by. After knowing the situation, the old man immediately took out a fried dough stick from his schoolbag and saw that the scones should come out with his hand!

Euphemism

Professor is in an ethics class. He tells his classmates how to remind others of some embarrassing things.

"For example, if you see a girl with grass clippings on her ass, you should euphemistically

say,' Girl, there are grass clippings on your shoulders'. The girl looks over her shoulder and then looks down-she sees it."

At this moment, a female student. "

Girl

One night, I strolled on the platform of the Three Religions, but I couldn't help staring at a girl with long hair. As soon as she approached, the woman suddenly stopped and stared at me. Yu andao, "I am not very handsome"! But when I saw Yi's eyes wide open and her mouth twitched, I sighed, "Am I too ugly?"? But see Iraq eyes stare, the bigger the mouth also more Zhang Yue open. I'm afraid that I'm always a true gentleman, and I've never offended her, let alone met her. I tried to turn away, but suddenly I heard Iraq shouting ". . . . . . Ah. . Hitch! ! ！” . Yi rubbed his nose and drifted away. I'm already sweating.

twice

when I first entered the school, I took the student code, and everyone copied it in a daze. There are two of them:

: Those who cheated twice in college advised them to drop out.

: Married people advised them to drop out of college.

My eyes are not good, and I found that I copied it when I handed out the paper:

: Those who got married twice in college advised them to drop out of school.

African wild boar

The biology teacher was describing the appearance of African wild boar on the stage with great interest.

Occasionally, she glanced off the stage and found that most students were dozing off. So he was furious and shouted, "Look at me! Don't look at me, how do you know what

African wild boar looks like? "

jokes of middle school English teachers

When I was in high school, English teacher D had a high level of English, but her Chinese was not good.

One day in class, Teacher D explained the "independent structure", and gave a classic example:

"OuteacherComesintotheclassroom, book under arm."

Then translated it into Chinese: "The teacher came into the classroom with a book under his crotch."

I immediately burst into laughter in class.

Grading

This is a joke told by the class teacher.

Once upon a time, an old gentleman graded his students and gave them only three grades.

The best grade was bullshit.

The worst grade was fart dog.

Cockcrow at midnight.

In junior high school, there was a chapter in English class called "Cockcrow at midnight".

During the teacher's lecture, Shundai spoke a little about the etymology of English words:

Landlord, which is composed of land land and

lord owner-"land"

+"owner" means "landlord"

Then, the teacher asked everyone: What does motherland mean?

"landlady!" Everyone answered with one voice.

The professor said ...

One day, a professor suddenly stopped teaching, and

he told everyone earnestly:

If the students sitting in the middle can be as quiet as the students sitting in the back playing cards,

then the students sleeping in the front will not be disturbed.

Philosophy department

A gentleman is a minor in philosophy. One day,

a college classmate introduced him to work in Mucha Zoo, and he went happily. It turned out that there was a

tiger in the zoo who was temporarily ill and sent to the hospital. He was asked to put on tiger skin for a while. He thought that no one could tell it was him anyway, so Yu

agreed. After putting on the tiger skin and entering the cage, he walked around dutifully to install the tiger. Not long after the cage was opened, another tiger came in, and he was so scared that he kept retreating to the corner. And the tiger kept approaching him ...

... when he finally retreated to no way back, the tiger spoke ...

"Don't be afraid, man! I'm from the philosophy department of National Taiwan University! "

Descending from the earth

This is a true story that happened in a senior dormitory:

Fage made a new girlfriend, and everyone boasted about how beautiful his girlfriend looks ... One day,

Fage sat alone at his desk and looked at his girlfriend's photo with admiration, until he said, "It's really like a fairy descending from the earth ...

" His roommate was curious for a moment and couldn't help but want to borrow photos to see the fairy who came from the earth. As a result, after reading it, there was only one question: "When you came to earth as a fairy ... did you land with your face first?"

What's your name?

There is a shy little boy who likes a beautiful woman with elegant posture. Shy, he

secretly observes her ecology every day, and finally finds out a cycle-she must eat noodles at a certain noodle shop

every week.

He thinks the time is ripe, so he goes ahead one day.

The young lady opened her big eyes and said to him, My name is beef noodles.

Animals

Teacher: What are you wearing on your feet?

student: leather shoes

teacher: where did the leather come from?

Student: It's from a cow.

Teacher: So, what are the animals for your shoes and your meat?

Student: It's my dad.

Concise and to the point

My middle school deskmate is famous for being concise and to the point. One day, there was a group meeting in the class, which was unbearable.

finally, I asked everyone what their opinions were. When asked about him, he replied, "I have to pee." . ?

Fossils

A student of geology department was doing field practice, and a student happened to find a big fossil. Lecturer A said

this is a fossil tree, while Lecturer B insisted that it is a dinosaur leg bone. The two sides argued endlessly. Students

don't know who is right, but they know that both lecturers will grade their internship reports

, so a clever classmate wrote on the report and found the wooden legs of dinosaurs.

Couplets

Teacher Guo Wen explained couplets on the stage, for example: "In the past, a newspaper publicly asked for the next couplet of" Nantong

North Tongzhou, North Tongzhou, North Tongzhou, South Tongzhou, and North Tongzhou ",and as a result, many letters were submitted, and one sentence was very correct, that is," East pawnshop, west pawnshop, east pawnshop, and things pawnshop ". At this moment, a naughty student

suddenly cried, "Boys, girls, boys and girls have boys and girls.

polygraph

Dad has a polygraph. He asked Dehua, "How did you do in math today?"

Dehua replied: "A" polygraph rang!

Dehua said, "B" machine is ringing, too!

Dehua said again: "C" machine is ringing again!

my father shouted angrily, "I used to get an A!"

at this moment, the polygraph machine turned over!

Bird Test

It is said that the final exam of a certain subject in the Department of Zoology of a certain school (as to which subject it is, it is not important,

I don't ask). The old professor was carrying a birdcage covered with black cloth, and only two

bird legs were exposed. The exam topic was: Write down the species of the bird from the observed bird legs.

A student worked hard for the exam for several weeks, and everything turned out. ! The old professor was so angry that he asked the student to leave his name ...

The student only pulled trouser legs up, showing his hairy legs and said to the old professor, "Guess who I am!"! !

Checking calculation

An invigilator is staring at a student throwing dice in a puzzled way. Strangely ...

The student threw the same question several times ...

So he asked the student why?

The student replied helplessly: Is it too difficult to check?

Professor

"I brought a frog today," the professor of zoology said to the students. "I just caught it from a pond. In this class, we are going to dissect frogs. "

He took out a paper box and opened it carefully. There is a ham sandwich in the box.

"Strange," the professor was very surprised. "I clearly remember having lunch."

ridiculously clever

An agricultural college graduate came back to his hometown and saw the old gardener transplanting fruit trees. He said, "Your

transplantation method is very unscientific. According to your dry method, it's enough to surprise me that I can harvest seven apples from this tree. "

The old gardener looked at him and said slowly, "Not only you, but I am also surprised. Because this is a peach tree "

roll call

There was a newly graduated normal teacher who went to a primary school to teach freshmen.

The first thing she did was to ask the students to write their names in the exercise books.

After that, she took back the exercise books and sent them back one by one, so as to get to know the students.

But there was one, and she called it ten times, but no one came to get it ... Yellow belly! ..... What the hell, where did people go! !" .................

At last, after all the copies were handed out, there was still one left, so "Those who haven't got it, raise your hand! !"

At this moment, a little girl raised her hand and the teacher asked, "What's your name?"

"... Huang Yuepo, teacher ..."

Wang You's final exam results were not satisfactory. So he sent a telegram to his brother asking him to be mentally prepared.

Soon his brother called back: "My father is ready, please be mentally prepared now."

Lie down and talk

Someone. A gentleman woke up from a dream and said, "Stop talking, let's go to sleep!"

Cheating

"Polonius was fired for cheating."

"What's the matter? "

" In the physical health examination, he counted his ribs, and the result was found. "

Composition

When I was a child, my deskmate's Chinese was poor, and it was very difficult to write. Once the teacher asked us to write a composition called < < Look at the clouds > >

He is in pain. How can he write to pass?

the first sentence: today the weather is fine, the sun shines on the earth, and there are no clouds in Wan Li.

No words

Thinking. . . . .

The second sentence: There are white clouds floating in the sky of Weilan. . .

The professor is a kind and humorous old man, and there is a tall and strong sports student in his class. Every time the professor's voice rings < P > in class, PE students start to sleep until they wake up on time after class. One day, when the PE student arrived, the professor kindly said to him

, "JACK, please don't be late in the future, which will affect your normal sleep."

It is stipulated that

one day of math class, as usual, the students are listening carefully and taking notes. Talk about the important points.

The teacher suddenly said in an aggravated tone, "This is the rule!" Then the teacher said in a tone of inquiry and rhetorical question: "< P > What is a regulation?" Everyone was at a loss, and their eyes widened. The teacher said in an intriguing tone:

"A turtle is a tortoise's ass!" There was silence.

After a while, the teacher suddenly realized, "Sorry, wrong, wrong". An uproar.

Teacher Tsinghua

A young teacher in Tsinghua loves mahjong. Once, he played mahjong all night. He had a class at 7: 4 the next morning. At 7: 3, he got off the mahjong table and hurried to the Four Teachers' class. It happened that the student on duty didn't clean the blackboard.

His freshman called out, "Who is the farmer?" The student on duty was afraid to answer. ......

This is a Chinese class. When talking about new words, the teacher picked up a piece of chalk and wrote "China" on the blackboard.

Then he said, "Look at the whiteboard, students. There is a red Chinese on it."

A boar is needed

A student in a rural primary school was late. He explained to the teacher, "I'm going to send a pig to breed this morning."

The teacher asked, "Can't your father do this?"

"No, it must be public.