Begging for pig series hilarious jokes!

The pig asked God for reincarnation.

God asked: Do you want to be a worker? A: Too tired!

God asked: Do you want to be a farmer? A: It's too bitter!

God asked: Do you want to do business? A: It's too difficult!

God asked: What exactly do you want to do? A: You can eat, drink and gamble!

God is furious: * * *, unexpectedly want to be a national cadre!

Two pigs

A young lawyer appeared in court for his first case. His client's 24 pigs were run over by a train and killed. In order to emphasize the huge loss, he said excitedly, "gentlemen, think about it, 24 pigs!" " 24 heads! Twice as many as our jury.

3. roast suckling pig

A gentleman was late for dinner. After sitting down in a hurry, I saw the roast suckling pig in front of me, so I was happy to say; "Not bad, I sat next to the suckling pig."

When the words came out, I found a fat lady glaring at each other. He hurriedly said with a smiling face. "I'm sorry, I mean the one that's done well."

four

A man kept a pig. He was annoyed with it and wanted to throw it away, but the pig knew the way home and threw it many times without success.

One day, the man abandoned the pig by car.

I called his wife that night and asked, "Is the pig back?"

His wife said, "I'm back."

The man was very angry and shouted, "put it on the phone quickly, I'm lost."

five

There is a farmer's armor and a sow on the top of the mountain.

Farmer B at the foot of the mountain has a wild boar.

The Quaker's name for Sunday

Farmer A calls farmer B: Dude, my sow is in heat, so I'll lend it to your boar. I'll give you two as a reward after giving birth to piglets.

So farmer b pushed the wild boar to the top of the mountain with a trolley. ....

the next day

Farmer a called out again: buddy, the pig can be born without insurance once. How about adding another dose today? So it happened again.

the third day

When farmer B got up and opened the door, he saw the boar sitting on the cart with a smile on his face.

six

A toad pursued a swan, and the swan disdainfully said, If I grew up like you, I would have died! Toad refused to accept, and said why the pig was still alive!

The pig feels very wronged. I was just reading the post. Who did I piss off?

seven

A little boy went to the country to spend his holiday with his relatives. His relatives live on a farm, and the children have a good time and see many things they have never seen in the park. When he got home,

He told his mother everything. He said that what impressed him was a sow with a piglet. "What do sows do?" "Hey, the pig is chasing it," said the child. "They let it go.

Turn it over and start tearing the buttons on its belly. "

eight

One day, a man walked into a bar, followed by a pig. The pig lost all four legs and replaced them with four wooden sticks as artificial limbs.

The bartender in the shop asked the man, your pig is really strange. Why does it have no feet?

The man replied, my pig is very powerful. I thought our family was still poor and lived in a hut. As a result, pigs sniffed around in the backyard and found oil, which made me rich, built a house and built it again.

Swimming pool.

The bartender was too surprised to speak. After a while, he asked again, by the way, what happened to his foot?

The man said: You know, my pig is very powerful. One day, my five-year-old child drowned alone in the swimming pool. As a result, he jumped into the swimming pool, took my son out and helped him cook.

Mouth to mouth resuscitation!

The bartender was even more surprised and asked, "What about his feet?" ...？

The man began to get a little impatient: I told you, this is a very powerful pig. One midnight, our kitchen caught fire. It woke up the whole family and put out the fire alone! !

Bartender: Sir! I mean, why doesn't your pig have feet?

The man replied with an unhappy face: if you have such a powerful pig ... Will you eat it all at once?

nine

The biology teacher is describing the appearance of African wild boar on the stage with great interest. Occasionally, when she scanned the stage, she found that most students were dozing off. So he was furious and shouted, "Look at me!

How can I know what African wild boar looks like without looking at me? "

10

Husband and wife had a quarrel, and when they got home, their wife was livid. The husband went to tease the cat. The wife roared, "What are you doing with that pig?" The husband said in surprise, "This is a cat.

Not a pig. "The wife took it again:" What do I want you to say when I talk to the cat? "

1 1

On the busy Shanghai-Nanjing Expressway, a policeman stopped a van because he found a pet pig sitting next to the driver.

"How can you let the pig sit in this position?" The policeman asked in surprise.

"No?" The driver seems to be confused about this problem.

"impossible." The police solemnly declared: "If you do this, you will be fined."

"But I don't know!" The driver argued.

"Where are you going?" The policeman asked again.

"Go to Shanghai."

"Well, I won't punish you this time." This policeman is really accommodating. "However, when you arrive in Shanghai, you must take the pig to the zoo at once."

"Yes, officer!" The driver is also relieved. He knows that if he is fined on the highway, the number must be very large.

However, less than two weeks later, the same policeman stopped the same driver because the same pig was still sitting next to him.

"Didn't I tell you to take him to the zoo when you got to Shanghai?"

"Yes, we had a good time, so this time I'm going to take it to Suzhou Amusement Park!"

12

A farmer in a county was fined 1 10,000 yuan by the Animal Protection Association for feeding pig swill every day.

For cruelty to animals. Later, the farmer changed to feed snow lotus to pigs, and the result was "animals"

The Conservation Association was fined10,000 yuan for wasting food. ? One day, the leader came to inspect again.

Ask farmers what to feed pigs. The farmer said, "I don't know what to feed." Now. "

I give it 100 yuan every day and let it go out to eat by itself. "

13

A group of animals crossed the river until the boat in the middle of the river began to enter the water, and some of them had to go into the water.

The clever monkey came up with an idea for everyone to tell a joke. If the joke doesn't make everyone laugh, he must throw the speaker into the water.

So we began to draw lots, and the result was that the cat was the first, followed by the monkey and the chicken. . .

The cat tried to tell a joke, and everyone laughed except the pig. But the animals had to throw the cat into the water.

The monkey's jokes make people laugh their heads off, but the pig still doesn't laugh, and the monkey has to feed the fish.

Chickens are afraid, even the cleverest monkeys can't escape this fate. . .

Unexpectedly, the pig smiled at this time, and all the animals said strangely, why did you laugh before the chicken spoke?

The pig said, the cat joke is really funny. . .

14

It is said that once the animals in the forest held a party. By monkeys, pigs, kittens, * *, lambs, deer and other animal organizations to participate. Everyone finally agreed to cross the river. So everyone found a boat and rowed to the other side. When the boat rowed to the middle of the river, a strong wind suddenly blew on the river and the boat staggered and capsized. At this time, the monkey thought, if the boat capsized, I wouldn't be able to swim, and I couldn't live if I fell. Someone has to make a sacrifice and go down by himself. So he thought of a way.

The monkey said to everyone, "It's windy. If the ship is bad, it will sink. We must have someone go down. " In this way, none of us tell jokes. If a person doesn't laugh at this joke, he will be thrown into the river. "Everyone agreed. The monkey was the first to tell a very interesting joke, and everyone laughed from ear to ear except the pig. I can't help it. The monkey was thrown down. The second one was told by a lamb. Similarly, the jokes told by the lamb are also very interesting. But the pig still didn't laugh, and the lamb was thrown down. At this time, it's the kitten's turn. The kitten is worried. Is this little pig intentional? . Just as he thought. The little pig burst out laughing. Everyone is puzzled. Ask him what he's laughing at. The pig said, "That joke told by Brother Monkey is really funny. hahaha. . "

15

Pigs listen to jokes.

Once upon a time, a group of animals wanted to dive into the sea, but there were not enough people on board, so everyone suggested telling jokes. If someone tells a joke that can't make everyone laugh, they will throw it into the sea. The cow said it first. When Niu finished the joke, everyone laughed. Only one pig didn't laugh. There is no way. The cow had to be thrown into the sea. Then it's the sheep's turn to tell jokes. The joke told by the sheep is not funny at all. At this time, only pigs were laughing there, and everyone felt strange. When they asked the pig what was funny, the pig said, Haha, I finally understand why the joke told by the cow just now is so funny.