How to make everyone like listening to you?

It's not easy to make everyone like listening to you. Because everyone's habits and hobbies are different, you need to change the way you speak for different people.

Good at reading minds and talking.

First, let's take a look at the following passage:

Farewell words such as "Farewell" are the same, which are too vulgar in space. Try to design farewell words that can leave a deep impression on the other party.

"I wish you success and wait for good news!" Good wishes encourage each other.

"I'm lucky to meet you today, and I hope I can come and go often from now on!" Warm words can infect each other.

"Just mentioned that thing, I will do my best. I will give you an answer within a week. " To tell the truth, let the other person feel that you will do what you say and do things reliably.

The key to achieving the above four items is: love should be hot and words should be wonderful. Passion is enthusiasm, frankness, sincerity, no hypocrisy, no affectation, no boasting, no showing off; Good language means proper wording, polite speech and wonderful speech, avoiding endless talking about things that the other party is not interested in. Love is warm and beautiful, even if we meet by chance, we will feel at first sight.

As the saying goes, "Look at the dishes and eat according to your own situation", that is to say, you should be flexible and flexible, and you should not stick to the ready-made provisions and copy them mechanically. But I suggest "observing" people's conversations. Isn't this obviously advocating a sleek and cynical philosophy of life? Answer: No.

When I say "look at people and talk", it actually means the same thing as "look at vegetables and eat according to your own situation" It also means that the conversation should be flexible and varied from person to person.

We talk to people for the following purposes: to deepen understanding and develop mutual cooperation; Or entrust others to do things and ask for help; Or criticize others' mistakes and let them abandon the old and set up a new one; Or tell a story and let the other person know the truth ... but to achieve any of the above goals, you must first make the other person willing to listen to your conversation. And to do this, we must understand each other and be familiar with each other.

The differences between people are sometimes amazing. Unique personality, unique hobbies, unique living habits, unique knowledge structure, especially unique psychological situation, which together create a unique "this one". When we talk to people, we should try our best to understand all aspects of the person standing in front of you. Take personality as an example. If you are facing an open-minded, cheerful, enthusiastic and lively speaker, you can be more bold and frank in your conversation. Even if a word or two accidentally goes off, it doesn't matter. The other party will never care about you. But if the person standing in front of you is a thoughtful and introverted person, then you should be careful when you speak, choose your words carefully and never talk nonsense. Take the psychological situation as an example. Some people are still sleeping in the shadow of traditional culture and don't want to miss the past. He won't be interested if you tell him the methods and steps of reform. For these people, you should first wake them up from their deep sleep, open a psychological window through your conversation and let them breathe a little air of the times.

It is easy to understand that different people like to listen to different conversations. But the difficulty is, when talking to a stranger, how do you know what he likes and dislikes? This is about "observing" people talking-talking while "observing" and "observing" while talking. This "look" is observation: when talking with each other, you should be good at reading words while talking.

Looking at each other?

(1) Look at facial expressions

Diderot once said that a person's "every activity of the mind is manifested in his face and is clearly and obviously portrayed". Sometimes the other person agrees with you verbally, but his brow is unconsciously wrinkled, or his lips are suddenly closed and his mouth is curled down. These expressions are just expressions of inner unhappiness. Therefore, when he said yes, he actually didn't mean it, or out of emotion or power, so he had to say it.

(2) Look at the body expression

Almost every gesture and every movement is a special language, which is venting a person's inner world. The problem is that we should be able to understand these body expressions and their inner meanings. If the person you are talking to has his feet together and his arms crossed on his chest, it means that this person is hostile to you and he is defending himself; And when he not only crosses his arms, but also clenches his fist, it shows that he is not only defending himself, but also attacking you. For another example, if the speaker often opens his hands to you, it means that this person is sincere and frank, and he is not wary of you.

(3) Look at language expression

When talking with people, we should not only look at what he says, but also look at what he says. This is from the level, strength, speed, tone and other aspects to see his meaning. The other person's voice, listen to his implication. This is because the diversity of sounds not only shows a person's personality-acute people speak fast and loudly, but chronic people speak slowly and quietly-but also shows a person's mood and mental state. For example, when he is sad, he speaks slowly, quietly and with a gentle rhythm, while when he is excited, he speaks fast, loudly and with a strong rhythm.

The so-called "look at people and talk" mainly means "look" at the above three expressions. From these expression changes, we can guess each other's psychological condition at any time and see through each other's psychological needs, and then we can adjust the content and way of our conversation at any time to make it more suitable for each other's ideological clues. In this way, you can get the expected good effect when you speak.

Communication skills with strangers

When talking to strangers for the first time, because both sides are strangers and have no basis for mutual understanding, it is difficult to communicate without paying attention to the basic requirements of speaking.

When talking with strangers, gentleness, friendliness and politeness are the prerequisites. As long as we talk in a polite and friendly way, the two sides will communicate quickly.

If you visit a stranger, you should know something about him first. Ask the friends you all know.

Although conversations between strangers have different purposes and occasions, they should basically do the following:

(1) Pay attention to the wording when you speak.

Some people think there is no trick to talking to strangers, so they can say whatever they want. This understanding is actually not completely correct. Of course, speaking is not writing an article, and it is impossible to choose words carefully, but it is by no means how to say what you want. Especially in more important communication, how to speak every sentence well still needs some consideration.

(2) behave naturally and generously.

When talking with strangers, you should have a kind tone, appropriate words and generous attitude. In order to attract the listener's attention and make the speech look vivid and infectious, you can also add some gestures to the speech, but don't do excessive movements, let alone dance or point your finger at people. In addition, it should be noted that when you speak, you should not show flattering, obscene or humble expressions. If you try to please each other by despising yourself, L is tantamount to degrading your personality and subjectively trying to please each other. The result may be counterproductive, in exchange for the contempt of the other party. Only by talking in a supercilious manner can the two sides exchange their thoughts and feelings on an equal footing and gain the trust and respect of the other side.

(3) when you speak, you should recognize your identity.

Anyone who speaks on any occasion has his own specific identity. This identity is his "role status" at that time. For example, in your own home, you are the father of the child and the son of the old man. When you speak, you must first recognize who you are talking to in what capacity.

(4) When making requests to strangers, be sincere and treat others equally.

Because this is your request, the other party has no obligation to do as you say. Even if you invite someone to dinner, you should do the right thing: "Would you please have lunch with me?" You have no reason to act like a benefactor.

(5) improvise

Seize the opportunity to speak, insert into the conversation in time, and introduce yourself without losing the opportunity to let the other person fully understand himself. If strangers can understand your open-minded personality from your words, the two sides will be closer.

(6) Find the same topic between yourself and strangers.

In this way, we can find that * * * languages are interlinked, which leads to * * * playing the devil's advocate and narrows the distance between the two sides. If you show great interest in a stranger's hobbies, and show your hobbies through his hobbies, the conversation will go smoothly.

(7) If the stranger is worse than you, you can talk to him about something irrelevant to relax him, and then arouse his interest with a topic.

(8) Pay attention to the choice of topics when talking with strangers.

Try to avoid those controversial issues. When you choose a topic, you should pay attention to the other person's reaction. Once you find that the other person is indifferent or frowning, you should immediately adjust the topic. Only in this way can you ensure the smooth progress of the conversation.

Communication skills with the rich

A beggar preached to others everywhere, and a well-known rich man spoke to him. So others think it's very strange, because the rich man is very arrogant, and it's difficult for a rich man younger than him to talk to him. Everyone turned to beggars for advice.

The beggar told everyone that I went to the rich man's house to beg, just as the rich man was out. Before I could speak, the rich man pointed at me and said, "Get out!" "

This joke is a bit tragic, but it does have reality. For example, the rich are more sensitive to money.

His wealth is often the key to others' difficulty in talking with him. His wealth keeps you away from him-not only psychologically, but also in your lifestyle.

The conversation between him and you is limited, because you don't know him well, or even know him at all. Or you may think that there is no room for dialogue between you and him. Of course, you can achieve psychological balance in this way. If you can't talk, you can't talk. Anyway, I have nothing to lose. However, suppose you happen to meet a rich man, whether he is your boss or not, it is always uncomfortable for you to stand aside and be at a loss.

When you meet a rich man, you can try to make him talk. Was your previous job more interesting than it is now? Who was the hero who helped him succeed in his early years? Did the boss make him nervous? How did he make his first million dollars? If these questions make him uncomfortable, you are ready to jump to other questions. Don't stare at me, it will be very unpleasant. If he doesn't want to open the door of memory, you can ask him about his working hours, how he takes on such a great responsibility, what leisure activities he likes and how his office is decorated. Many rich people's office decoration is like a luxurious palace, which is worth mentioning. At the same time, remember, especially when the other person is a doctor, don't forget that he is also an ordinary person with flesh and blood, and you can also talk to him about his health problems.

If the richest person is a woman, no matter which way she takes, people's views on this rich woman are often unfair and even cruel. There are many rumors behind it, for example, her success depends on jungle tactics and ruthlessness. She is a cruel and predatory monster. Even women tend to be biased against rich women.

In social situations, don't ask all kinds of professionals for free. Even if you ask skillfully, it is also an offense. No matter how skilled you ask, you can't hide it from professionals. Men usually like to talk to lawyers about their opponents' problems in business situations, while women like to talk to doctors about their children and husbands in social situations. Just like when we meet an electrical appliance dealer, we ask one for free. The job of various professionals is to sell goods to their customers. We should only make suggestions to them during their working hours.

You might as well give some career advice to the rich and try to avoid it. If it is really necessary, you can express your opinion like this: "It's really nice to meet you this time. I have a little problem that has been bothering me for a long time, and I think you may be able to solve my confusion. I found that some companies export soy sauce, and it is difficult to open the bottle cap. I want to know why it is sealed so tightly? " What you express is the same point of view, but it is quite different. This expression shows your concern about the problem, and you don't name his products. Ask him to answer your confusion. You are a consumer and an amateur, and he is a very capable monopolist. He will be happy to answer your questions, because you are his listener, not a challenge.

When you talk to a banker, a shoe store owner or the mother of any child, you shouldn't be too blunt. Confession is understandable, but appropriate hints are worth learning.

Talking is not competition, not bickering. Businessmen put his time and money into his career and compete with other peers, which is the price they pay for development. Some of them are developed, and some are struggling to maintain. If they can meet someone who can exchange views with them without hostility, they will feel happy and gratified. If you can tell what he is proud of and what he thinks is valuable, then you may form a constructive friendship.

Communication skills with celebrities

Li Shen, the prime minister of the Tang Dynasty, was famous for his high position and power. When he went to Huainan, he never received a servant. Zhang Hu, a primary school student, is determined to break this rule. He first wrote a famous post, signed "Fishing for Aoke". Li Shen was very angry when he saw the famous post, so he made an exception and summoned him. In order to humiliate each other, Li Shen deliberately asked, "A scholar knows how to fish an aojiang, so what does he use as a fishing rod?"

Zhang Hu blurted out: "Use Changhong!"

Shen Li asked again, "What is the hook made of?"

Zhang Hu's atmosphere is flamboyant: "Use the new moon!"

Shen Li asked again, "What do you use as bait?"

Zhang Hu smiled and said, "With me as bait, it is certainly not difficult to catch Da Ao!" "

Hearing these words, he happily entertained the arrogant scholar, drinking and chatting heartily.

Obviously, Zhang Hu was convinced that the famous figure Li Shen used some language skills. He used a brazen and horrible method. It can be seen that ordinary people can also talk about speculation through appropriate language, and even form a deep friendship with celebrities. Generally speaking, we should pay attention to the following points:

Don't feel shy and timid when talking with celebrities. You can chat with any celebrity, as long as you really express your inner meaning. Some people just say flattery and empty words to celebrities, which can't make them happy. If you are sincere, tell him what you really think, and he will be deeply happy. You should use proper words and attitudes. You should treat him as a real person and ask him some questions that can express your feelings. Don't treat him like a superman. He is really like everyone else, but the enemy is tired and can't bear the harm. He may be weaker than you and as shy as you. Don't think that his character is really like his famous profession. The images he projected to the public, such as self-confidence, wisdom, kindness, funny or sexy, are often fabricated.

When you are dealing with two celebrities at the same time, don't just focus on one person you admire and ignore the other, which will make both of them uncomfortable. You should say that meeting two people is really exciting. If you want to continue chatting with them, then you must make sure that the topic is a point that both people can participate in. In other words, you must determine the way these three people speak. If you are unfamiliar with another famous person and can't remember anything about him after the introduction, you can't ignore him. You must be equal and show the same enthusiasm and friendliness.

Celebrities who don't like to talk, including comedians who look funny and easy to approach, have laughed to the limit on the stage, so they can't be humorous in real life. Writers, poets, painters, musicians, etc. People who engage in creative work, although not very talkative, often have extensive interests in politics and even religion. They may be inactive and uncomfortable in social situations, but they have their own ideas that can inspire people's thoughts. When you talk to them, you must be patient, don't get angry easily, don't be too eager, be gentle, calm and considerate, just like treating any sensitive person.

Celebrities often make more contributions than ordinary people, and they also have private hobbies. When you are going to visit a famous person, you can make some preparations for the conversation in advance. If he is a well-known celebrity, then you can ask the people concerned. For example, if he is invited to give a speech here, and you want to know him, you can ask for his information from the unit or individual who invited him, and they will not refuse your request for information.

Famous celebrities always live in a state of emotional instability. Their inner fears make them vulnerable and sensitive. The slightest negligence of others will irritate them, and they are also prone to arrogance. However, he definitely needs your respect. The less famous he is, the more he needs kindness and respect.

A faded celebrity, that is, an outdated celebrity, had better take circuitous tactics, that is, to understand his problems through a third party. Your opening remarks should not be like this: How did you spend these days? We haven't seen you in public for a long time. Where have you been? Are you tired of not appearing on the stage for so long? These words are tantamount to throwing cold water on him. Negative opening remarks should be avoided as much as possible, and he should not be allowed to express his true feelings in any case. If this goes on, it's all bullshit.

In most cases, don't stray too far from the topic of talking with celebrities, but don't talk about their privacy.

When we approach celebrities, the most important thing is not to ignore that they are human beings. We should treat them like ordinary people. They also have joy, sadness, shortcomings, hatred and panic, and they also have the same feelings as ordinary people. They are just like you, which is the most solid foundation for your contact with them.

Mention each other's sense of superiority

Recently, when reading the biography of American gum king Lee Gray, I found a story related to potential psychological manipulation.

This happened when Lee Gray was selling in a soap company. One day, Lee Gray came to the owner of a grocery store and said in a very excited tone, "I'm very sorry! But I think we must be predestined friends. I'm a new salesman. what can I do for you? Please give me some advice! ..... selling soap is my responsibility. You are an experienced person. How can I do it? "

Although the boss was angry at first, when he was moved by Li's superiority and self-esteem, he smiled and said, "Then I tell you, you'd better sell it cheaper." He talked with Li Hui for about two hours, and when he left, he promised to buy soap from Li Hui's company.

When a person's sense of superiority is touched, he will constantly want to get close to each other. Similarly, when the boss and his subordinates talk about something, they don't start by saying, "I want to talk to you." For example, "Only you can talk." These two sentences give men a completely different feeling. The boss seems to be under pressure. Will let subordinates build a defensive wall in their hearts and answer with a refusal attitude; On the contrary, the latter statement that "only you can ……" can break the other person's vigilance and make him take a positive attitude.

In addition, like some membership clubs, golf courses or hotel operators, when they want to recruit members, they always use the potential psychology of consumers to send a beautifully printed postcard or leaflet in the form of "mail advertisement", which not only has eye-catching patterns, but also attractive advertising words, such as "Only people with an annual income of more than 6.5438 million +0 million like you …" and "Only people like you".

Let language win your respect.

How people treat you in work and life depends on you. If you want others to respect you, you have to learn some good language expressions, such as:

(1) Express your attitude firmly.

Even in places where there may be some helplessness, you must talk to some waiters, salespeople and strangers without scruple, and answer blows with blows to those who are outrageous and unreasonable. You must overcome your timidity and habits for a period of time, stick to it, and you will find that things should be like this! As long as you succeed once from now on, you will certainly summon up courage. Attention, speak louder at this time! Of course-"a gentleman talks but doesn't do it", you just want to protect your due interests and have no enmity with them.

(2) Don't talk about luring others to bully you.

"I don't care", "You've decided", "I'm incapable" and so on. Such a "humble" excuse is like giving a green light to others to take advantage of your weakness. When the vegetable seller shows you the scale, if you tell him that you don't know anything about it, you are telling him "multi-buckle scale", which can happen anytime and anywhere-if you don't mind!

(3) Dare to say "no"

Simply showing your negative attitude will make people sit up and take notice of you immediately. In fact, people respect unequivocal rejection more than the attitude of hiding their true feelings and thoughts. At the same time, you will feel confident and return to your heart from this straightforward answer. An awkward and faltering attitude will only create opportunities or loopholes for others to "misunderstand" you.

(4) Never give in to those who are overbearing.

When you meet people who interrupt at will, argue irrationally, are picky, bored and nosy, you should bravely point out the irrationality of their behavior and face them with a straight face! Say "You just interrupted me", "Your fallacy doesn't work at all" and "According to your logic, the earth is not round" and so on. This strategy is a very effective way to tell others that you are disgusted with their unreasonable behavior. The more calm you are, the more outspoken you will be to those who test you, and the less time you will be in a weak position.

(5) Tell people that you have personal freedom

Don't listen to orders that aren't orders. You can do anything you want in your spare time. You don't have to help others with their big luggage on business trips, so let them walk leisurely ahead. Don't go out against your will, raise money for the wedding, buy things for others, etc. Do whatever you want, don't be afraid of cynicism. When you can't stand it, you can calmly say to him, "What's it to you?"

In life, for various reasons, some women are always used, bullied and even humiliated. However, they don't fight, never expect victory, and always play the role of resignation in the family.

Life has transformed you into a "weak" weak person, but through your efforts, you will definitely become a strong one.

Take action as much as possible to fight unreasonable people. For example, some people at home always evade their due responsibilities, and you often just complain a few words and do it yourself, so that you will be in a weak position at home for a long time. In ordinary families, housework generally has a division of labor. For example, taking out the garbage is your son's business, but he always forgets, so remind him that if he still forgets, you have to set a deadline for him. If he ignores it again, you can quietly put the garbage by his bed. This lesson will impress him deeply.

—— Quoted from the Practical Eloquence Encyclopedia of Yanbian People's Publishing House.