Blind date unspoken rule: don't have a girl with a younger brother.

Some time ago, my friend Xiaomi went on a blind date under the introduction of relatives. At first, she didn't expect much. She just wants to go through the motions and take care of it.

I didn't expect two people to chat happily after meeting. Boys' words and deeds are very decent, and they will take care of Xiaomi's feelings in many details. Xiaomi thinks that he met the right person this time, and the "Cycas" is finally going to blossom.

Full of joy and fantasy.

As a result, on the way to send Xiaomi home, the two chatted about Xiaomi's family situation. When he learned that Xiaomi had a younger brother in college, his attitude immediately cooled down.

Xiaomi didn't understand, only after asking the reason did he know that the blind date standard for boys is: don't be a girl with a younger brother.

"Why don't you have a younger brother and girl? Did my brother eat his rice or pull his cloth? Why do you treat me like this, because I have a younger brother? " Xiaomi asked me three questions.

I don't understand this either. It's not up to girls to decide whether they have a younger brother at home. Is it too arbitrary to give up just because you have a younger brother?

Later, when I talked to other friends about this topic, I realized that there is such a potential law in the blind date market: the only child is better than the two sisters and better than the younger sister.

So, why do girls with younger brothers fall to the lowest end of the contempt chain? I think there are two reasons.

In the family combination of many brothers and sisters, there is a phenomenon that the elder sister is more obedient and sensible. The education she received from childhood is: If you are the elder sister, you should let the younger brother go.

Even if you are one year older than your brother and born a few minutes earlier, you are still a sister, and you must give up your brother unconditionally. My younger brother grew up with the love of the whole family, afraid to give the stars to the moon, and developed a domineering character and did not make progress.

Boys who grow up in this environment will probably feel at ease when they reach adulthood and will always ask their sisters for it.

Of course, this is not the most terrible. The most terrible thing is that my sister has no bottom line to help my brother.

Voldemort is the most terrible.

There was such a news last year that Mr. Xu, who lives in Fujian, and Ms. Chen have been married for more than 20 years. Because his wife insisted on a loan to help his brother buy a house, they had a quarrel.

In this regard, the wife's statement is that her behavior is only to help her family and her brother, and her husband has no reason to stop it. In fact, my brother obviously has money in his hand, but he is habitually dependent on his parents and sister.

Such mindless help, no matter how rich the family conditions are, no matter how enlightened the husband may be, let alone a middle-income family.

As Ran Gaoming said in "Romance", it is a duty to help relatives. Once you become a demon, your proper limit will be very poor, and no one will accept a girl who helps your brother become a demon.

Recently, my colleague Jony J has been having a cold war with his wife. The reason why he was angry was that her mother-in-law went to Beijing to take care of her brother-in-law and basked in her children in a circle of friends every day. However, she didn't get any response to the house that her family bought for tens of thousands of dollars.

After he had no intention of complaining to his wife, she called him incompetent and even accused his parents of being wrong.

"My parents spent all their savings for my marriage. What am I ashamed of? But her parents earn hundreds of thousands of dollars in pension and store rent every year. Why not support our small family? How can there be such an unreasonable family under the sun? " Jony J was puzzled.

This incident involves another reason we mentioned. Boys will worry that girls with younger brothers will not only get financial support from their parents, but also get help in life. In the future, they will not only support their parents, but also get a little property.

In the adult world, we all seek advantages and avoid disadvantages.

If a boy meets an only child and a girl with a younger brother at marriageable age, he is likely to choose the former. Because choosing the only child means that you can get all the support from the other parents in economy and life, and you can also get all the property in the future.

With such a strong backing, the man can reduce a lot of pressure and don't have to worry about future mortgage, car loan and various expenses. Even in third-and fourth-tier cities, small counties and rural areas, with the help of the woman's parents, it is better than the living conditions created by two small families.

Blind date itself means that both men and women weigh the pros and cons under various conditions and make the best choice. If they can live an easy life, who doesn't?

The above two reasons are the main reasons for Xiaomi's refusal. I think there are actually some things behind the reasons that we ignore.

I once saw such a passage on Douban:

This is a complaint written by a child from a relatively wealthy family. Maybe some people will feel melodramatic and unreasonable when they see it, but only many dependent children know that many details are really impossible to study.

Compared with people in rural areas and other places, in fact, the author is lucky enough. Her grievances are only reflected in the details, while the grievances suffered by sisters in rural areas began from the day when their younger brothers and sisters were born, not in the details, but directly.

"The girl's film is someone else's home sooner or later. What's the use of reading so many books? "

"After we left, you have to feed your brother. It is your responsibility to get married, buy a house and buy a car. "

How chilling! It turns out that my sister exists to take care of my brother, and her efforts are to support my brother, even if he is married as an adult.

This traditional concept reflects the influence of patriarchy on our society. The more remote the area, the more obvious the patriarchy is. It will be passed down from generation to generation, and may decrease with the development of the times in the future, but it will never disappear.

No matter how good a girl is, she is still regarded as an "outsider". The matter of carrying on the family line must be completed by her son, who is the guarantee for her future pension.

Even some families will insist on having a son, and they will never give up until they have a son. They regard the "dowry" they get from marrying their daughters as a bride price for their sons, and warn them that they must help their sons unconditionally.

The most typical example is Fan in Ode to Joy. She works hard to make money outside and sends money home every month, just to make her parents' life better.

Unexpectedly, the parents gave all the money to their son and even asked her for it. Brother gets married, buys a house, gives birth to children, and everything is on Fan alone.

"A family is a person's destiny." She is desperate and has no hope for life. She knows that no matter how hard she tries, she can't change her parents' thoughts or her brother's nature.

From the woman's point of view, it is appropriate to help, and it is reasonable not to help. Whether to help or not depends on the individual's will and ability.

From the perspective of parents, squeezing their daughters and helping their sons under the guise of traditional ideas actually ruined the lives of the two children.

Some people may think that parents are not good to their daughters because of the influence of traditional ideas. Where are the girls? Clearly know that the desires of parents and brothers are a bottomless pit, why do you still stubbornly and wholeheartedly help?

Wu Zhihong once mentioned four morbid ways to maintain interpersonal relationships, namely power games, dependence games, pandering games and sexy games. Girls who are willing to pay unconditionally to their brothers belong to the third kind of morbid games-games that cater to them.

In girls' minds, they have been neglected for a long time, and parents will only notice if they make concessions or sacrifices for their younger brothers.

Therefore, in order to cater to their parents, get their attention and reflect their value in the family, girls will pay unconditionally and without a bottom line.

No matter how obvious and serious the parents' partiality is, girls always want to seek their parents' care for them, even a little.

Lolo, who unfortunately fell into the water some time ago, is a good example. In her Weibo, her mood is always high and low. When she is depressed, she will despair of the whole world. When she was in high school, she was only because her father gave her a box of winter dates.

This is a very sensitive girl. She never refuses her parents' requests again and again. She just wants their concern, even a greeting or a smile.

While we repeatedly emphasize that women help their brothers, we can actually reflect such a phenomenon from the side:

The advancement of women.

Imagine that in ancient times, a man would never refuse a girl with a younger brother. First of all, the woman has a younger brother at home, which means that the woman has a labor force and will not cause trouble to herself.

Secondly, in the society at that time, pay attention to the married husband and the water spilled by the married daughter. Once a woman is married, she rarely contacts her parents.

Just like Xiaomei, the protagonist in Yu Hua's new novel Wencheng, she married a child bride when she was young. Unable to withstand her brother's repeated entreaties, she took some money from the store to her brother privately and was driven away by her husband's family.

Yes, there is no room for manoeuvre, just drive her away. After being driven away, it means that she will bear the cold eyes of everyone and lift her head all her life.

In modern society, women have certain control and discourse power over the distribution of property at home, and many women can support themselves.

It is precisely because of this that women have the ability to take the initiative or be forced to help their younger brothers. If a woman can't even eat enough for herself, how can she spare the energy to help others?

So, is the appearance of "brother helper" a good thing? Of course not. It's up to the woman to decide whether to help or not. It is not forced by parents, nor is it morally kidnapped. It depends entirely on your own wishes.

Under the influence of the macro environment, more and more women have strengthened their sense of autonomy and gradually achieved economic independence and spiritual independence.

Even when watching TV, we all like to watch cool dramas of "big women" type, live independently of men, and be loyal to ourselves instead of being prosperous in Bai Lianhua.

All of the above can explain that the concept of "a girl with a younger brother = a demon who helps her younger brother" is wrong and should be corrected as follows:

A girl with a younger brother helps her younger brother.

Whether a girl is a brother's helper is because of herself on the one hand and her parents on the other. If her parents are open-minded and treat her brother and sister equally, then the girl will treat her brother rationally.

There is an answer that I agree with in Zhihu. How can a girl with a younger brother treat her younger brother so as not to be a helper?

There is a great answer: she treats her brother like a sister.

After all, our younger brother is a relative whose blood is thicker than water. We can't break up with our brother just because blind date is discriminated against.

At this point, I think I have a say. My brother and I are two years apart, so we grew up together. We have experienced and faced many things together. It can be said that apart from our parents, we know each other best in the world.

When I was a child, my parents would let me take care of my brother. I really needed to take care of him at that time. But now that I have no money, my mother will ask my brother to give me some money, or if he talks mean to me, my mother will definitely blame him.

I remember when we were in college, the south and the north were separated by Wan Li. Every time I get off the phone with my family, my dad always reminds me and asks how your brother is doing.

Therefore, the normal sister-brother relationship is largely facilitated by parents. When the balance of parents' love is tilted, there will be situations of "helping younger brother" and "sucking younger brother".

Back to our question itself, is it necessary for boys to treat girls with younger brothers directly in order to improve the efficiency of blind date?

I don't think so.

Max Weber once suggested that human rationality can be divided into two different types, one is called instrumental rationality and the other is called value rationality.

Let me give you a simple example to explain. When you are going to work, you may think that taking a taxi may be expensive and there will be traffic jams on the bus. Only the subway is the most economical. By comparing the cost and time, it is concluded that taking the subway is the best way to get to the company, which is instrumental rationality.

The so-called value rationality means that I am a little uncomfortable today and can't take time off. I really have no strength to squeeze the subway. Let's take a taxi! Considering subjective factors and combining with the actual situation, the way of thinking is value rationality.

We can see that if we set certain standards in advance, such as cost and time, we can get a solution to things, but if we are influenced by other subjective factors, there is no fixed standard answer.

Applied to blind date, the so-called standard is the rules and regulations set up to get rid of order as soon as possible, which is instrumental rationality, and comprehensive consideration of various factors is value rationality.

The fate between people is a wonderful thing. There is nothing wrong with recognizing yourself and setting standards, but you can't be a slave to standards and beat girls who don't meet them to death with a stick.

This rational way of thinking is also applicable to girls, boys from rural areas ≠ Phoenix men, boys with mothers ≠ Ma Baonan. We can't deny boys other advantages just because of one condition.

If you insist on your own standards all the time, there are two kinds of results in high probability, either you are forced to put down your own standards eventually or you are single for life.

Speaking of which, I think of a joke:

There are two conditions for a girl to propose marriage, not only handsome, but also a car. The answer given after computer search is chess.

She continued to enter the conditions for marriage, to have a beautiful house and a lot of money, and the computer search result was-bank.

Girls don't give up, continue to input: handsome, safe, and soon the answer given by the computer is-Altman.

Finally, the girl decided to try again for the last time. She is handsome and safe, with a house and a car. Unexpectedly, the answer given by the computer is that Altman is playing chess in the bank.

When we are limited by our own rules and regulations, we can only go to Altman who plays chess in the bank.