Why do you hate your own character?

I am introverted, withdrawn, sensitive, and extremely independent. When I talk to the opposite sex, I will blush from my face to my ears. I am afraid of communicating with others. When I speak on the spot, I often stand on stage for an hour without being able to say a word.

At that time, I was extremely envious of those people who could chat freely at any time, because they clearly knew what they liked and what they hated. That kind of innate confidence and happiness meant to me , like candy that can never be obtained, scratching the heart with hundreds of claws.

When I was in college, I had extremely low self-esteem. There was a time when I even thought that people like me didn’t deserve to be loved at all. So once, when a boy I liked very much confessed his love to me, I was at a loss and replied: "You must have the wrong number!" which the other party took as a rejection.

Later, I kept telling myself: If I don’t change, it will be over! I must work hard to become a person who adapts to society!

I started to learn to put on makeup and wear high heels. If I didn’t have my own ideas, I would echo other people’s ideas, please everyone around me, and force myself to talk endlessly.

Of course, this really helped me. After graduating from college, I relied on my false "talkativeness" to successfully enter a good company.

01 I misunderstood my personality

In the first few years, I lived quite well. I worked hard, was serious and responsible, had close friends, and always received praise from my superiors. I even thought for a time that I had cured my personality.

Unexpectedly, during an open competition, I failed. Reluctantly, I approached Big Boss Theory, hoping that with my hard work, even if I failed to get promoted, I could be given a position with a more promising future.

After BOSS met me, the first thing he asked me was a very familiar question: "What is your career plan?"

Looking at him, I was speechless. Word.

At that moment, I suddenly realized that I had been living under the thoughts of others, and I had never even thought about what I should strive for? What path do you want to take? Maybe I'm just unhappy and I'm just looking for recognition from others through a promotion.

A charge without a target will inevitably be like a headless fly, hitting walls everywhere.

Seeing that I remained silent, my boss sighed at me: "I think you are a very smart and thoughtful person, but why do you always agree with others? You see For the position you are running for this time, you didn’t even choose what you are good at. It gives me the feeling that you are not ready yet.”

Listening to his sharp words, all my pretense was shattered. One place. I told him: The reason for this is that I have low self-esteem. I don’t believe which of my ideas are right, and I’m not sure whether they can be recognized by others. I'm always trying to reinvent myself and make myself more popular.

He told me very seriously: "The greatest power a person has is to be himself. No one needs to be ashamed of who he is. Everyone has friends, careers and futures that suit them. You don’t have to turn yourself into someone else. In fact, what I really appreciate is the most authentic you.”

At that moment, I suddenly felt that I didn’t even know myself. When you accept yourself, how can you expect approval from others? Feeling inferior just because of your personality is probably the most ridiculous joke in the world.

02 Re-understand yourself

Change is of course not an easy thing. If a person maintains a belief for too long, it will be difficult to learn new behaviors.

It’s funny, from that time on, I always took tests like the Enneagram as entertainment and really started studying astrology, psychology, and Buddhism. That year, I read almost every mental model, video, and paid course I could find. My husband even joked that I was obsessed.

However, these opened a window for me.

I found that a person, like a company, also has its own core resources. These resources are composed of external knowledge and skills as well as internal personality, values, and driving forces. Internal factors often determine a person's boundaries.

Personality:

For example, I am a typical introvert. I prefer to get energy from being alone rather than socializing. And if I was asked to deal with people seven days a week, I would be very tired.

So I always think that it is my introversion itself that restricts my career development. Later I found out that I was wrong.