Three ways to be a 60-point mother calmly (continued from the first part)

Anxiety is the common mentality of this generation. There are social pressures from outside and family growth needs from inside. Facing the rapid iterative social reality, anxiety is subconsciously passed on to children!

But is this what mothers really need?

Whether it's our offline lectures or online case exchanges, most mothers mention their inner needs and hope that their children can grow up healthily and happily; Everyone hopes that they can participate in the growth of children more calmly and calmly.

We observed the following two kinds of people and summarized three ways to help mothers become more indifferent.

The first category: excellent women who balance work, life and children.

The second category: mothers who changed from anxiety to peace through case follow-up guidance.

Family background is a stick in life. The childhood experience and the cognition formed from it have a profound influence on our work life and family after adulthood.

Many cases show that adults who lose themselves, arrange children and ask for children after becoming parents have a period of neglect or control in their childhood.

Grace said that the child's grandmother was extremely strict with herself in those years, and she grew up almost under control. Kiri said that she has a happy family and her mother will arrange everything for him. Even when she was an adult, her mother helped her with her studies, work and marriage. She once tried to speak out against it, and was either suppressed or failed in her own actions.

Mary's childhood was different. She grew up with love and care. Her parents taught her how to behave. Now she and her children will call their grandparents regularly, and the children will chat with the elderly and tell jokes. She said her parents used to be like this.

Those stalks in childhood need healing. Try to reconcile with childhood, accept the imperfections of the past, and let go of the past before you have a chance to meet the future and face your children.

Parents' anxiety comes not only from inner anxiety, but also from the surrounding environment. Other people's children learn to dance, classmates win the first prize in the competition, and neighbors' children win the grand prize ... In comparison again and again, the restless mood is like high blood pressure.

If we stop to think about it, why on earth should we have children? What kind of people do we want to train our children to be? It is not difficult to find that what we expect may not completely match what we are doing. We expect the child to be happy, but we suppress his interest; We expect our children to make progress, but we say "why don't you make progress at all"; We expect our child to have good interpersonal skills, but we don't let him go to school or cram school. ...

Lu Buxuan, a Peking University graduate who sells pork, was once not optimistic, but after a few years, he successfully started a pork chain operation and controlled butcher marketing; When Abin, a friend around him, was 30 years old, he quit his job that was neither salty nor light, transformed himself into his favorite self-media and soon found his own value. Amei, who didn't go to college, successfully transformed into a speech trainer through self-study after work. ...

Parenting is not simply about whether you have achieved good results at present, but about the long-term and whether your children have paved the way for an independent personality, eternal motivation and positive attitude in the future. With the expansion of children's life circle, new problems and situations may be encountered at any time. Parents need to have a long-term concept of parenting and will not be anxious about ordinary things in front of them.

Adler, an individual psychologist, said that everyone will have inferiority complex and pursue Excellence. As long as we believe and give enough training, children are self-motivated and have the ability to handle their own affairs.

When Kiri began to try to let go of the child, she found that the child could go downstairs to make new friends and have fun. Online work children can also complete it step by step according to the teacher's rhythm; Most importantly, she began to have a long time of her own, to run, to read books, to learn financial management courses online, and is developing in a good direction step by step.

During the epidemic, almost all my two children arranged their own studies, and also took on some housework, such as washing dishes, sweeping the floor and collecting clothes. My sister sometimes helps me cook, so I have a long time to study psychology, attend the autumn leaves writing training camp and finish the articles in the day shift. ...

It seems easy to trust children and let them grow up by themselves, but it is actually very difficult. As Grace said before, although my daughter got the first place in the grade, I am worried that she is not motivated enough and that she is not active enough, so it is difficult to let go. This is the demons of parents and needs to be changed. Try to trust children, start with the simplest things and let them handle it themselves. You will find different children and win your own time and space.

Of course, there are many ways to win your calmness, such as seeking help from your relatives and giving up your life. The most important thing is your own cognitive changes. I remember in the book "A Change of Heart" that when we start to feel anxious about one thing, we might as well ask ourselves the following four questions:

Is it true?/You don't say.

Are you sure that's true?

How do you react when you hold this idea?

What kind of person would you be without that idea?

It can help us examine our hearts, dig out the truest thoughts in our hearts, and resolve the anxiety and hostility among them.

Might as well try, start from changing your beliefs and be a 60-point calm mother.