Girlfriend joke

1, two people have been in love for many years, but they have been unable to be together. One day, an earthquake happened and they finally got together. They are. Ceiling and floor.

2, holding his wife's hand, as if the left hand holding the right hand; Holding the young lady's hand seems to have returned to 1899; Holding the hand of a female classmate, I regret not doing it.

When we were young, we didn't guess. I sing and you dance. I can sing 200 songs and you can dance 200 dances, so people affectionately call me 200 songs and you 200 dances.

The most painful thing in the world is watching your fading back. I rushed to chase, but you ran forward without looking back. Hey, why don't you wait for me on such a hot day ... dear bus!

5. I lead the horse, you carry the burden, I walk in front, you look at the back, I eat fruit, you complain, I look at you helplessly and give you one, you laugh while eating, you say: monkey, this fruit is really delicious!

6. A cynical student wrote a famous saying on the blackboard of philosophy department: God is dead-Nietzsche. It wasn't long before someone followed: Nietzsche is dead-God.

7. There is a duck swimming in the Songhua River in the northeast, having a good time. I suddenly felt a stomachache and couldn't hold it. I accidentally laid an egg, and there was a preserved egg from then on.

8. Because of you, I believe in fate; Because of you, I believe in fate; Maybe all this is predestined by heaven, which brings us together in some way. I really want to say. What did I do in my last life?

9, your social status is high, everyone sees you bow; In fact, you are plain, all you have is money; There are no hobbies in your life. You count money in your spare time. If you don't call, you can't move. Happiness is to use you every day: money detector!

10, emancipate your mind and dress in fashion; Life should be harmonious and work should be comfortable; Husband should be strong and children should be beautiful; Be reserved when you go out and be loud when you go home.

1 1. The hypnotist Martin met boxing champion Ali. Martin did not change his true colors and provoked on the spot. Ali, the boxing champion, said, "I'll give you a punch and you'll be in a deep coma immediately."

12, you are really fashionable today. You can bring your swimming ring, and butterfly sleeve can make public and walk in the street to attract thousands of people to enjoy it. There are lazy sheep in the street. Why don't you go home and hide? Do you remember?

13, how many nights, you gently snuggled up to me, stroked my delicate place with your delicate little hand, and sucked my precious body fluids before you put it down. Alas! This damn mosquito!

14, the first day I met you, I was conquered by your eyes. At that time, I knew that I was already a prisoner of your life.

15, I miss you so much. I cut off the telephone line, burned my mobile phone card, emptied my wallet, and took all my sleeping pills. Alas! But I still want to see you.

16 one day, the boss of the cockroach family cried and said to his parents, why do people say that I am a pest? My younger brother said happily when he came back that others greeted me when they saw me. Hey, bug!

17, the leader shouted in the office today, who can remotely access my computer! Then there was silence in the office. A few seconds later, I heard: * * *, the mouse is upside down! Forgive my bohemian smile.

18, to tell you a news, I have decided who will contact me the most from today, and I will take him to a five-star hotel to watch others eat on the last Sunday of this month! Dude, remember to contact more!

19, both drivers fell in love with the female traffic police. A driver said: every time I cross the intersection, she turns the red light into a green light, so let me pass quickly! The other said, on the contrary, every time I passed by, she turned the green light into a red light and looked at me many times.

20. beer belly? It doesn't matter, show a big belly; Big thick legs? It doesn't matter, I'm not afraid of strong winds; Butterfly sleeve? It doesn't matter. Fat is cuter. Hot summer day? This is a big deal. Otakus and rotten women will move, or they will be moldy if they don't move.

2 1, the fate has dispersed, love is tonight; Don't seek wealth, just want to have; Countless days and nights, silently missing; The mountain stream finally returns to the sea; The dream lover will eventually be in his arms!

22. My female colleague said a truth this morning: I actually love a mature man who has experienced many vicissitudes, because I can have one myself because of a lovely boy.

23. There is no place to take the subway with my little daughter. I saw a MM, so I said to my daughter, Ask my sister, can I sit on your lap? The daughter asked the girl, Sister, can you let my father sit on your lap?

24. I have overcome my troubles. It doesn't love you at all. At the same time, I reprimanded my sorrow and told it not to flatter itself; Only happiness allows me to send you a sentence: it is willing to accompany you for a lifetime!

25. One day after school, a boy followed me all the way and pestered me. When I got home, I saw the man still standing not far from the door, so I volunteered to blow him away. My brother went out and shouted, I have no eyes, and I have a crush on my sister!

26. There will be a meteor shower tonight. It is said that it is a big pig, and there will be a big pig flying over the sky. Unfortunately, I want to sleep, so you will be fine. So many people watch you fly!

27. The ant is lying lazily in the soil, stretching out a leg, and a friend asks you why. Ant: Then the elephant came and tripped him.

28. Honey, why didn't you answer my phone? I'm not the SARS virus, and I'm wearing a 12 mask and talking into the microphone. I promise I will only kiss the mask, not you.

29. A beautiful woman seduced the bartender in a bar. The beautiful woman put her finger on the bartender's lips and let him suck. Finished, beauty: Please tell your manager that the toilet paper in the ladies' room is used up.

30. I hope you are happy; Wu wear the belly happy; Music covered with a quilt; A runny nose; Look in the mirror; Haha, happy to the sky; Drink water and be happy; I am happy to think of me; If you are unhappy, you will be happy; Happy forever!

3 1, bright, is sunshine; The red one is a lantern; Hot, hot pot; * * * spicy, it is spirits; Crisp, it's you ... You got electrocuted again. I told you not to read text messages!

Wait a minute, I have a big secret to tell you. Come on, what's the secret? A: I found that the venerable old headmaster took a shit and squatted like us!

33. Blow peach blossom red, willow green, blow away the accumulated fatigue in your heart, wake up frogs, blow back swallows, and blow away the happy mood. In spring, I wish you health and safety.

34. Your message is as insidious as a rose, and your words are as unfathomable as algebra. This is the danger of hiding a knife in your smile. This is a sign before you kill someone. So, you have a nickname-Mei Dai is unlucky.

35. I heard that your mobile phone doesn't have the short message function, so I sent this short message to try. If you receive it and confirm that it has SMS function and it is not sent by me, please reply to me: I do, it is yours!

36. Whether you miss me or not, my heart is with you and I will never leave you. Whether you follow me or not, my belief is firm. Come to me, or let me come to you. Pay the bill, I like it in my heart.

37. My daughter is eighteen. She is not an old woman selling melons and boasting. She is really as beautiful as flowers and jade, with a first-class figure, just like sinking fish and falling geese, picking flowers from the stone. She always cares, just want to have a good family!

Jack: Tom, you got two points in arithmetic. Now your father will give you a good meal, right? Tom: Help me clean up? On the contrary, I will go back and teach him a lesson! He did it all.

39. It is said that girls who fly all over Huang Tu are too nervous to lift their heads or blink when they meet the person they like. Is that you?

40. Over the years, thank you for your silent company. Cold weather gives me warmth, hot weather is not too wet and salty, and always accommodates me and tolerates my shortcomings. Although there are flaws, you still don't dislike me. I miss your smell! Old socks.

4 1, the Spring Festival travel rush peak train was very crowded, and a gentleman took advantage of the stop to put * * * outside the window to defecate. The inspector at the bottom of the car found it and shouted: the fat man with the cigar pulled his head back.

42. Husband, husband, always works for the public. How many glasses of wine have I drunk, and I want to go home and relax! At least do it at will, my wife will miss you in minutes!

43. A parrot was taught to speak: I can walk. Parrot: I can walk. A: I can talk. Parrot: I can talk. I can fly. Parrot: Don't be ridiculous.

44. To tell you a secret, please look at the back first, then at the left and then at the right. Ok, please don't look around with your mobile phone!

45. A woman pees outside the window and pees on a person's head. Pedestrians shouted "Scarface, you can't run away"! Women are busy putting on pants. Pedestrians are also called "I know you in a mask".

46, the heat is coming, and the heat is blessing the fire! In the first shot, the sun is busy covering the scarf; The second beat, cloudy and cool; The third shot, the sky is raining in Mao Mao. Can artificial rainfall work? Please report when you receive the refresh!

47. Love at first sight, goodbye infatuation. Take pains to win people's hearts all day. I took great pains to urge my heart. Don't you understand my heart!

48. A boy is chasing after him, but girls are not interested in boys. Because boys are persistent, girls loudly say to boys: What do you like about me? Can't I change it?

49. A little snake asked his father: Are we poisonous? Dad ignored it. After a while, it asked again: Are we poisonous? Dad is impatient: What happened to your child today? The little snake said, I accidentally bit my tongue.

A fool saw a pile of poop in front of him. He leaned over and smelled it, as if it were poop. He thought it was poop when he dug it, but it must be poop when he tasted it. The fool said happily, fortunately, I didn't step on it!

5 1. Now the society is too complicated. I have asked Ping An to be your bodyguard, health as a shield, good luck as an assistant, happiness as a partner, success as a backup and success as a striker. Don't worry!

52. Such ghost stories are staged in classrooms, canteens, libraries and study rooms of schools every day: a classmate points to an empty seat and says, There is someone here!

53. Women want to be young forever. A middle-aged woman went to the hospital to see a doctor. When the doctor asked her age, she said she was 20. Hearing this, the doctor wrote in his diagnosis: articulate, I have lost my memory.

54. Every time my girlfriend and I slam the door after quarreling, I will silently boil a pot of water, and then when the kettle breathes, I will point to the water and shout: Get out of here!

55. Give you a mirror that can make you get what you want! Looking in the mirror is a surprise. White teeth, big eyes and slender waist are fascinating. Look how beautiful you are. Why do you ask me? Because ... it's a mirror!

56. Lighting a fire is my burning thoughts and hopes for you. Your figure is my happy memory. Without your minutes, my heart is haggard. Don't get me wrong, just want to light a cigarette.

57. My colleague: You have so many pimples on your face that the tractor will roll over when you drive it! Me: If the pimples on my face are as few as the hair on your head, I will be satisfied!

58. Wolf cubs like to be vegetarian, and their parents are very upset. One day, I was very happy to see the wolf cubs chasing rabbits crazily. Finally, the wolf cub held the rabbit down and said savagely, Rabbit, hand over the carrot!

59. Dad hit me twice today, the first time because he saw my two-point report card, and the second time because the report card was from his childhood.

60. Women: We women have fashionable colors every year. The year before last was purple, last year was black and this year is blue. M: We also have popular colors? Woman: What? Man: Women.

6 1, different time, different place, different people, the same only you and me; Time is changing, space is changing, and the only constant is my infinite yearning for you!

62. Ants marry centipedes, and some people ask about the wedding night. Ant: I'm exhausted! Last night, I parted my legs, but I didn't; Spread your legs again, not yet! I was kicking all night!

63. Do you know the latest abbreviation of "envy, jealousy and hate"? I tell you: "Hum ~ cut ~ bah!" Pot friends, children's shoes, isn't this too vivid, too in place, too powerful?

64. Xiao Lv asked the old donkey: Why do we eat hay every day, while cows eat concentrated feed? The old donkey sighed, we can't compete with men. We eat by running errands, and others eat by breasts!

I can only describe your beauty as a vegetable. Face is melon seeds. The waist is willow leaves. Eyebrows are willow leaves. Eyes are longan. The mouth is cherry. Hands are lotus roots.

66. The son asked the difference between bravery and caution. Father said: I was brave not to tip the waiter after dinner in the hotel. What about caution? It is prudent to change hotels the next day.

67. You have the face of an angel, the figure of a devil, and even the posture of farting is so beautiful. But in public, can you control the rhythm?

I believe that our love will last forever with the moon as evidence. I won't leave you any more than the moon will leave the earth.

69, the weather is hot, in order to prevent heatstroke, please drill the soil, hair should be depilated, what do you think? Running? Ben, want to go bald, go bald. If you don't do anything and don't want to do anything, congratulations, you have already practiced the magic of "being calm and naturally indifferent".

70. Dear husband, remember: If the husband doesn't send flowers to his wife on Valentine's Day after marriage, the wife will put a handful of dishes in the vase at home.

7 1, the north and south sides of the volleyball court were in full swing, and a foreign audience shouted: Come on, South! Come on in the south! A fat girl refused to accept and shouted: Come on, woman! Come on, woman!

72. Song Jiang went to Guangzhou for a private visit and was puzzled to see an umbrella in Guangzhou. Why did you bring an umbrella? People in Guangzhou said that the Guangzhou Meteorological Observatory said it would rain in time today. Song Jiang lamented: awesome!

73. There are several kinds of rice noodles in the rice noodle shop, which are common in 4 yuan, but cross-bridge rice noodles are 10 yuan. Why? Answer: because you have to pay the bridge fee! Excuse me, what can't I wear in thunderstorm season? Answer: beret (thunder hat).

74. SMS is in an emergency, and greetings go straight to the bottom of my heart; Happiness is overwhelming, and you bathe in it; Good luck occupies the highland and sets the top spot for you; Happy, gentle and sweet, close to you; The bank is open for you. Take the money.

75. A Ju was bullied one day, crying and crying, and then drowned herself. Feifei did not drown. Why? Because Feifei can fly.

76. On this day, I made an appointment with my girlfriend to go to the movies. When I got on the bus, I thought I should call her and ask her to wait for me at home. I reached into my pocket and took it out. What a good remote control!

77. You slept with her today and want to sleep with her tomorrow. This is love. You slept with her today, and you will sleep with her tomorrow. This is marriage.

78. The cat came and the rat's nest was in a panic. Mom is busy assigning work: the boss blocks the door, the second child blocks the window, and when mom sees the third child, it's on fire! Shout loudly: Mouse, stop playing with your mobile phone. You are handsome and seduce cats!

79. A couple gave birth to a pig-faced son. Wife: I am as beautiful as a fairy, and you are handsome. Why do children grow up like this? Is it a monster? Husband: Alas, it's all genetic. I am a plastic pig!

80. If autumn passes, I love you in the snow! If the world disappears, I love you in heaven! If you leave, I love you with tears! If I leave, I love you in the distance!

8 1, I hope you look like a beautiful sheep, your figure is comparable to a boiling sheep, your ease is like a lazy sheep, your youth is like a slow-heating sheep, your career is developing rapidly, your mood is like Jonie, and your wisdom is more than pleasant goat. I am a grey wolf who always misses you!

82, big computer: monitor: I am so miserable! Being watched every day; Keyboard: I am even worse! Being beaten every day; Mouse: I'm miserable! Being touched every day! Compere: Are you as miserable as me? Being pressed in the belly button every day.

83. Whenever my sister sees someone who sells well at a low price, she will silently lower her head. It is not that I have quality, but that I am looking for bricks.