Joke Collection Website - Joke collection - Jokes, the most classic jokes, I want the classic jokes from Lizige Joke Network

Jokes, the most classic jokes, I want the classic jokes from Lizige Joke Network

The following content comes from: Lizige Joke Network.

1: Four road idiots from Chengdu met accidentally, so they decided to talk about their respective road idiot histories.

A; Speaking of road crazy, you are definitely not as crazy as me. A month ago, I went to the park and couldn’t find my way home. In the end, I had to call 110 to take me home. Now I don’t even dare to go to the park casually!

B; What are you talking about? A week ago, I went out to walk my dog. I just took a few steps, but when I turned around, I couldn’t find my way home. In the end, the dog took me back. Home. I don’t dare to go out casually now!

C; You two are too childish. Just last night, I was hungry, so I went to the kitchen to find something to eat. After eating, I couldn't find my way back to the bedroom. Finally, It was my wife who saw that I hadn't come back for a long time, so she ran to the kitchen and took me back. It’s so good now that I don’t even dare to leave the bedroom!

Ding; Where is Chengdu? I was there?

2: In a Chinese university, one day, the teacher asked the following international students to describe their favorite things in the form of "I love..."

Chinese students; "Teacher , I love Chinese people. "

American student; "Teacher, I love Americans. "

British student; "Teacher, I love the British. "

When the Japanese students heard this, they thought, "They all love their countrymen, and I can't lag behind."

So he stood up and said, not to be outdone, "Teacher, I Love Japan, myself. ”

(The laugh is in the last sentence, mainly because I am using words to curse people, hehe, don’t blame me)

3: The office director answered the phone and said that he would ask someone to pick it up. The Spring Festival benefits. Who should go?

The director looked at Xiao Liu who was busy writing a work plan, then looked at Xiao Wang who was sitting aside, and said casually: "Xiao Liu is busy. (little hooligan), Xiaowangba (little tortoise). "

Everyone in the office laughed one after another after hearing this. Only the director didn't know what they were laughing at.

4: The man wrote a love letter to the woman, which read: " During the day, I am a cloud. I will follow you wherever you go. At night, I am the quiet moonlight, shining through your window and sleeping soundly with you."

After reading this, the woman said angrily: " Damn! Pervert! Even if you want to follow me, you still want to sleep with me. You even blatantly write this on a small piece of paper, trying to commit rape!

1: On the playground of the company, the eighth squad leader Recruits are being trained.

Eighth squad leader: "Comrades! Please rest. After three consecutive days of queue training, most of your comrades have performed very well, but there are a few comrades who still can't tell the difference between left and right!

Now I want you to answer two questions. 1. What hand do you use to wipe your butt in the toilet? "

All the soldiers in the class: "Right hand! ”

Eighth squad leader: “What hand is the hand you use to hold the bowl when you eat?” "

All the soldiers in the class: "Left hand! "

Eighth squad leader: "Okay! Everyone is here below. Listen to my command and turn left! "

After the sound of 'eight', that 'very few' comrade made the wrong turn again, which caused the whole class to laugh. The eighth squad leader got angry and asked him to step out and asked: "What is the left hand? What is the right hand! "

A very few comrades: "Report to the squad leader! The right hand for wiping buttocks, the left hand for carrying the rice bowl! ”

Class 8...

2: (1) My girlfriend asked me: If your mother and I fell into the river at the same time, who would you kill first?!

I said: Save my mother!

My girlfriend asked me angrily: You said you will always love me, forever and ever.

I asked you a question and you revealed your true colors?

I said: OK! Then I'll save you first!

My girlfriend became even more angry and said: What? Your mother worked hard to bring you up, do you have any conscience? ! ? ! ? You...

Me: Let's... learn to swim tomorrow! !

(2) Me: Hey, my mother is not at home today! !

Girlfriend: Then, shall I cook for you?

I said excitedly: Yes! sure!

My girlfriend said: Well, wait for a while, I will buy something, and I will go to your house to cook you a delicious meal later! !

After waiting for about an hour, my girlfriend showed up at my house with a bag of frozen dumplings, sweating profusely...

3: One day I took the high-speed train from Hangzhou to Shanghai. , it stopped halfway and didn’t move for dozens of minutes. At this time, the conductor came to our carriage to explain the reason.

Seeing this, a passenger deliberately asked why the train was not running yet.

Train explains that there is a problem with the train. When the passengers saw this, they were very worried and said, if you don't drive, what will happen if the car behind you catches up? All the passengers in the carriage were smiling! !

4: A man was mentally ill, so he came to the hospital for consultation with a psychiatrist.

Man: "Doctor! I'm in so much pain, please save me!"

Doctor: "Don't panic, my friend, what's your pain? Please tell me slowly." I’ll help you analyze the treatment.”

Man: “Every night recently, I dream of beauties such as Diao Chan, Yang Guifei, and Li Shishi, all of whom are neatly surrounding me. Acridine!"

Doctor: "Wow! It's the 21st century and you still have such a beautiful dream! What's wrong with this?"

Man: "What a blessing! You know, I dreamed that I was also a woman, and I was also their maid. It was just that the top was flat, but the bottom was bulging. They were all making fun of me. Me, you tell me whether I am miserable or not."

A certain woman walked into the bookstore. Asked the female clerk: "Do you have Ba Jin's "Autumn"?"

The clerk exclaimed: "Eight pounds of it? Are you kidding me? I have lived half my life and have never seen one of one pound. It's only eight pounds..."

2. "According to Mazi Sun from Sixth Street, his favorite TV series "Palace" is going to have a prequel. This time it will focus on the childhood of the palace brothers. Story."

"What's the name?" ""Youth Palace""

Later, they made a sequel, telling the story of the brothers' descendants, called "Womb." 》.

3. The leader and his wife visited the pig factory.

The farm director introduced: This well-bred boar mates twice a day.

My wife touched the leader: Look at me!

In the second circle, the farm director introduced: This boar can mate four times a day.

The wife glared at the leader: Look at me!

On the third lap, the farm manager said that this one can mate eight times a day.

The wife pinched the leader: Look at this person!

The leader asked the farm director: With the same sow every time? Answer: It’s a different sow every time.

The leader said: Look at this person!

4. A couple encountered a family financial crisis. In the end, they couldn't bear it anymore. The husband said to his wife that you should go to the nightclub at night and try to make some money.

Her husband dropped her off at a nightclub and picked her up at night.

"How much do you earn?" the husband asked.

The wife replied: "I earned 100 US dollars and 50 cents."

The husband said: "Anyone else gives 50 cents?"

The woman said : "They all gave me 50 cents!"

5. Male: Do you have any local specialties?

Female: Yes

Male: What?

Female: Tonic wine

Male: What to supplement

Female: Pour it into the noodles, and the noodles will stand up

6. Late at night, a drunk man walked to the door of a nightclub and suddenly fell down from upstairs. A disheveled man and woman fell down.

He staggered to the door and knocked on it. The drunk man pointed at the two people on the ground and said, "Your billboard fell down!"