Who can recommend some interesting and creative gifts? I would be very grateful.

1. What happened yesterday was my fault. Although the braised eggplant you made is a bit salty, it is delicious and flawless. I shouldn't accuse you of wasting salt. I am seeking perfection and blaming so much because I am hiding my jealousy. But you can add some water.

2. When you said you liked Lu Yi, I shouldn't have said so blindly that I liked Gigi Leung, which made you unable to talk to me for two days, which was extremely painful. Thinking about it carefully, my answer is indeed inappropriate, because your love interest is still limited to the mainland, but I rushed to Hong Kong and Taiwan. I still like Zhou Xun.

3. If you like watching Xiao Zhengge in Korean dramas, I shouldn’t obstruct it in every possible way, and I shouldn’t protest if you compare me with him, because Xiao Zhengge didn’t protest.

4. At the wedding on Saturday, I said I had a meeting and I didn’t know if I could go. You prepared two red envelopes, one for 100 and one for 200. But I didn’t go and you accidentally gave them away. Out thick. My dear, I shouldn't laugh at you. You've done a great job. If it were me, I might have given them both away together.

5. Last time you bought yellow croaker, I shouldn’t have sworn it and pretended to be a chef. As a result, you cheered when helping the cook, salivated when you smelled it, but dejected when you ate it. For your fragile psychology , which is unbearable.

6. You cut your hair short and asked me if it looked good. I said it looked good and you were very happy. When you asked for further confirmation, I said it was okay. When you asked me whether it was good, I answered that it was not as good as before. You are very sad. This is my fault. All future replies will be based on the first time.

7. You have met many excellent friends on the Internet. Letters are passed around and photos are flying. I shouldn’t use newspaper reports to hit you. But the photo of you in the white skirt really doesn't look good. The photo of you wearing a turtleneck is better, with me as a bodyguard next to you, it looks grand.

8. When you came back to visit your nephew and discussed who should wash the diapers, I really shouldn’t shirk responsibility and make you angry. But dear, this task is too far away. Let's discuss who is responsible for the birth. Who gave birth to them in their family?

9. When you accuse me of putting socks everywhere, I should not accuse you of putting books everywhere. After all, socks smell, but books smell good.

10. When you invited Cher to eat at McDonald's, I shouldn't have kicked her secretly under the table to make you furious. But she trampled on so many of my leather shoes, why didn't you care?

A collection of the most vicious jokes in the legend

1. A mother took a taxi to pick up her daughter from junior high school.

The mother and daughter were passing by a certain section of the road, and they saw alluring girls blocking the street.

They began to stand on the side of the road "doing business."

The adolescent daughter asked curiously:

Mom, what are those women doing standing on the side of the road? ”

In order not to affect her daughter’s young and innocent heart, the mother replied:

“Those women are waiting for their husbands.”

The talkative taxi driver was standing aside. He said, "It's so funny. Everyone knows those women are prostitutes."

My mother got angry and gave the driver a look.

The daughter then asked: "Mom, will that J girl have children?"

The mother said coldly: "Of course she will, otherwise who will drive the taxi!"

2. One day a lady went to buy meatballs.

Miss: Boss, I want the two little ones to take away!

Since business was good, after a while, the boss was afraid that he would make a mistake while busy, so before putting the pot on the pot, he asked:

Miss, are those two small ones?

The lady blushed and replied bitterly: Boss, your two pills are the small ones!

3. There is a woman who is very pink, but she is ugly, and she has no moral integrity..

Once, she was arranged to go on a blind date.

But the male protagonist hasn’t shown up yet... This woman was impatient to wait...

She started to curse... Wow Lele... How dare you make me wait for so long. .amp;%$amp;^$%#@!$!%.. He cursed a lot..

At this time, the male protagonist appeared.. He was a fat man..

This woman became even more angry when she saw it... so she cursed again... pointing at the male protagonist and saying... damn fat guy...%$^@#amp;..

The male protagonist finally got mad...

He slammed the table and said loudly...

He actually called me fat...Heng...at least I have lost weight...you, you, you...have you ever been beautiful...

4. One day, President Li accidentally fell into the ditch. Three children happened to be passing by.

President Lee said to them: "If you save me, I will give each of you a wish."

The first child said he wanted a bicycle.

The second child said he wanted a baseball glove.

The third child thought for a long time and said he wanted a wheelchair.

President Li felt that his hands and feet were very strange. Why do you need a wheelchair?

Ask the third child: "Why do you need a wheelchair?"

The third child said: "If my father knew about me I will break my legs if I save you."

5. Three people went to the breakfast shop to buy breakfast.

The first person said to the boss: "Boss, I want an omelette, but not the yolk."

The boss followed suit and fried an egg.

The second person also said to the boss: "Boss, I want an omelette, but not the egg white."

The boss also did it, but he was already a little impatient.

When it was the third person's turn, the boss asked him rudely, "What about you? What do you want from your eggs?"

The third person said timidly: "I... ....I don’t want eggshells...”

6. Buying underwear

One day a gentleman went to help his wife buy underwear, because he never helped his wife He had bought underwear before, so he didn’t know which size to buy!

After talking to the clerk for a long time, the clerk had no choice but to describe it as fruit!

Staff: Papaya? ! Sir: no! no!

Store clerk: Apple? ! Sir: No, no, no!

Staff: Lianwu? ! Sir: Smaller!

Staff: Eggs? ! The husband said happily: Yes! right! right!

When the clerk understood this and turned around to get the underwear, the clerk suddenly shouted: Miss, wait a minute! It's fried.

7. What a scolding

Xiao Du and Xiao Hao had a quarrel today...

Xiao Du said disdainfully: "Huh! Your mother did I should have just strangled you to death when I gave birth to you!"

Xiao Hao said with extremely contemptuous eyes: "Really? I think your father should just shoot you in! Where is the wall?"

Xiao Du: "?.?"

8. A 70-year-old mother drove three elderly people who were also mothers. The traffic policeman stopped him while he was driving slowly on the provincial highway and said: "Mom, if you drive so slowly, it will affect the traffic."

The driver's mother said: "That sign doesn't say 20 "?"

The traffic police said: "That's Highway 20!"

The driving mother said: "Oh! Oh! What highway is that, not the speed limit? Oh!"

The traffic policeman said: "That's right, doubt~? Why are the other three moms behind you looking so ugly!"

The mom driving the car replied: " We just drove over from Route 245!"

9. Wet dream...!

In the bookstore, Azhu's eyes suddenly lit up and she saw a book called "Dreams Lost on the Grassland"

Oh, that's incredible! It's amazing that the "wet dream" actually falls to the ground!

They quickly asked Ahua to take a look. Ahua also opened it excitedly and took a closer look. Only then did they suddenly find that the catalog said:

"Dream, left on the grassland." ”

Azhu was greatly disappointed and said unhappily: In the future I will publish a book called "The Moon Always Hangs in the Sky"

10. Caterpillar

Two caterpillars were crawling across the grass. The male caterpillar said to the female caterpillar: How about we go back home?

The female caterpillar said: Okay!

When the pair of caterpillars returned to the female caterpillar’s ??home, the male caterpillar discovered that the female caterpillar was wearing a wedding ring.

The male caterpillar said: I won’t do this kind of thing with a married female caterpillar.

The female caterpillar said: Don’t worry! My husband will not come back,

The male caterpillar said: "How can you be so sure!"

The female caterpillar said: He got up very early today and "went fishing"

11. When a person was passing by a house, a used condom suddenly flew down from the second floor window. , just fell on his head.

The man felt disgusted and annoyed, so he walked to the door of the house and knocked hard.

An old man opened it. He opened the door and asked him why he knocked so hard.

The man asked: "Who lives on the second floor? "

The old man replied: "What does this have to do with you? My daughter and her fiancé live up there. "

The man handed the condom to the old man and said, "Well, I just want to tell you that your grandson fell from the window! ”

Cheating in exams

1. During a political exam in high school, a boy in the last row spread his textbook on his lap and started writing furiously. Unexpectedly, the invigilator acted like a random horse

I walked around behind him quietly and touched his shoulder gently. He was shocked and said without changing his expression: I'm sorry, there are too many things in the table.

I couldn't put it down, so I had to let it stay. On the leg. Then he lowered his head and continued reading.

2. In junior high school, the female classmate next door threw the book on the ground and used her toes to copy.

Her eyesight and flexibility of her toes

3. The male teacher who was in charge of the exam saw the girl write on her thigh and told her to stand up, but he didn’t dare to call her. Turn up the skirt.

The girl got the first place in the exam.

5. I had a classmate who took the English exam in college. He bought a box of embroidery needles and gave them what the teacher said. The exam content mentioned above has been engraved on the desk in advance

(our desk is a shiny hard board). You can’t see it when you look at it directly, you can only look at it sideways

It can be seen that he carved all afternoon, blunted n needles, and finally his hands were numb, and then he threw a book to occupy a seat on the table

.

I think that desk will become one that junior brothers and sisters will grab in the future.

6. The most profitable time for me was when I didn’t prepare anything. I thought I was going to die, but I was already prepared to pay for the repair! Come to the examination room

Sit in a daze! As a result, the invigilator asked everyone to change seats, so I went to the new seat and sat down to take a look! Wahahaha

Ha! All the answers are copied on the table, and they are copied completely! Looking around, I found a brother staring at me with blazing eyes

! Hahahaha, I passed this course successfully! !

8. Someone slept during the exam and then woke up when the exam was about to end. He looked around and found that the student behind him had finished the paper and had not yet written it.

He took the name over and wrote his own name and handed it in...

9. In the past, my girlfriend's sister was an English major, but I was not. One time, I was taking a college English exam, and my sister was called in to invigilate the exam at short notice!

I almost fainted when I saw her recently~~~~ All my buddies glared at me, (I was flattened after taking the exam) My e-text was a mess

MM was taking the exam , I almost fainted when I saw my test paper. The person who came with mm to invigilate the exam was a middle-aged man in his 40s. I didn't recognize him. My mm made an excuse to chat with him and blocked his view. I copied it like crazy! mm even smiled sweetly at him, damn,

That uncle is taking advantage of me! (MM is a student in the Department of Foreign Languages) Unfortunately, I still can’t do it. mm came over to look at the test paper, glared at me fiercely, and quietly pointed at my answer sheet: Pig head, you chose the wrong one! 5 minutes later, I received a text message from mm.

It was all the answers! Happiness... As a result, because one person was blessed, all the boys in the class passed! Our e-text teacher praised our class so much!

From then on, I became the god of the even series~~~~

10. Once, we were taking a metalworking internship (make-up exam). During the exam, we copied like crazy. When we handed in the paper, the invigilator checked it for us, pointed out our mistakes, and made corrections on the spot. As a result, our lowest score was 85, but in the exam Each person must pay 30 yuan to the invigilator before taking the exam

(Euphemistically called: make-up exam fee).

11. The two classmates look very similar! The physics exam lasted for 65 minutes, and one person handed in the paper. Then, the person who handed in the paper at WC continued

to come in and take the exam!

12. When I was a sophomore, I sat in the next row with people from the physical education department during exams. Our classmates are all generous. They can copy our test papers as long as they don't affect us. There was a strong person who copied the test paper of one of our classmates from beginning to end. After the exam and handing in the paper, he very

asked our classmates mysteriously why the big question requires writing a lot of words first, then drawing a big box and a big cross, and then writing a paragraph

, is there any format requirement? Everyone fainted. It was our classmate who found out that we were wrong after answering for a long time. He crossed it out and wrote it again. The old man actually copied it all meticulously... 14. When I was a sophomore, the English test was divided into AB papers, all of which were multiple-choice questions. A brother finally got the answer in the last 10 minutes.

Suddenly he found that the answer was for Paper A, and his paper was for Paper B. It was too late to get answers. I lowered my head and thought for 1

minute and then started copying. After copying, I tore off the "b" in the corner of the answer sheet, wrote an "a" and handed it in. The score came out, 60 points... The whole class admired him.